British Expats

British Expats (https://britishexpats.com/forum/)
-   Moving back or to the UK (https://britishexpats.com/forum/moving-back-uk-61/)
-   -   Why am I so afraid? (https://britishexpats.com/forum/moving-back-uk-61/why-am-i-so-afraid-857682/)

Moses2013 May 6th 2015 10:41 pm

Re: Why am I so afraid?
 

Originally Posted by not2old (Post 11639366)
so you realy do want to settle down?

Simple then, you have 6-12 months to 'see if' you can get Canadian PR, which gives you the option to live in Canada or anywhere in the EU - if not, you need the back up plan.

Back up plan is move back to the UK, spend 12 months finding the almost perfect location, jobs that pay the bills, along come the kids & now you have become like most rest of the 'family unit' of adults. You will raise the kids, take a few holidays, grow old & wonder 'why couldn't we have had a different life' - 'what would or could we have done more of'?

By 2016, you'll have had a 4-5 year run at exploring the world - but do you really want to settle down at 30?

Well, you don't have to have the kids:nod:

kryt0n May 6th 2015 10:42 pm

Re: Why am I so afraid?
 

Originally Posted by not2old (Post 11639366)
so you really do want to settle down?

I don't know what I want and I am afraid of making the wrong choice.

not2old May 6th 2015 10:49 pm

Re: Why am I so afraid?
 

Originally Posted by kryt0n (Post 11639370)
I don't know what I want and I am afraid of making the wrong choice.

you made a decision to take a 2 year youth visa in Canada, then onto NZ & I believe that you are at the end of the visa (has run its course) adventure, which basically means returning to home base.

You don't have to return to the UK, you can go to any of the EU countries - that right now from what you've posted are your only options. You will need money or jobs to survive..... simple

As for making the decision & being afraid of it - well you dont have a choice do you when the NZ visa runs out & if the Canada PR doesn't come through?

What is your back up plan, you cant stay in NZ, you can come back to Canada for 6 mths on a visitor visa & not work, in fact go almost anywhere for 6 mths & visit.

BEVS May 6th 2015 10:53 pm

Re: Why am I so afraid?
 

Originally Posted by kryt0n (Post 11639363)
My life has been nothing but visas, paper work, consultants and psychiatrists for over a year now.

Why?

and also

How?

kryt0n May 6th 2015 11:01 pm

Re: Why am I so afraid?
 
Trying to get visas for Canada, visas for nz, now pr paperwork and the stress has lead me to depression.

I'm not sure this thread is helping me as much as it was before. I just wanted somewhere to voice a fear. Thank you for listening.

not2old May 6th 2015 11:05 pm

Re: Why am I so afraid?
 
Since you've received quite a few comments & suggestions, maybe its time for you to answer your own questions posted in your OP?

specific, point by point as follows?


Originally Posted by kryt0n (Post 11638139)

1. Now, why am I so afraid of moving back to the UK? I grew up in Lincolnshire and then moved to Bristol. My boyfriend grew up in Cornwall and it's likely if/when we go back we will end up living in that area.


2. Anywho, why does the idea of moving back to the UK fill me with such dread?


not2old May 6th 2015 11:11 pm

Re: Why am I so afraid?
 

Originally Posted by kryt0n (Post 11639402)
Trying to get visas for Canada, visas for nz, now pr paperwork and the stress has lead me to depression.

I'm not sure this thread is helping me as much as it was before. I just wanted somewhere to voice a fear. Thank you for listening.

I don't know what you expected - was it that you just wanted us to listen or give you the quick easy answer, which is not possible because we are not you & don't understand your personal circumstances or life issues?

As for getting depressed having to apply for visas & doing paperwork - I suppose it can be stressful, then again everyone that goes down that road or moving family across the world emigrating has issues also - most deal with them.

Yours seems simple - the visa runs out & if not renewed, then its back to the UK or another EU country

Good luck to you

Moses2013 May 6th 2015 11:21 pm

Re: Why am I so afraid?
 

Originally Posted by kryt0n (Post 11639402)
Trying to get visas for Canada, visas for nz, now pr paperwork and the stress has lead me to depression.

I'm not sure this thread is helping me as much as it was before. I just wanted somewhere to voice a fear. Thank you for listening.

Life can be so easy with first world problems and if paperwork stresses you, don't do it. You can never have everything in life and it's all about compromise and making the best out of what you have. Even if Canada doesn't work out, you're still better off than a billion other people on this planet.

Tr1boy May 7th 2015 12:02 am

Re: Why am I so afraid?
 

Originally Posted by kryt0n (Post 11639370)
I don't know what I want and I am afraid of making the wrong choice.

You can look at it two ways. Either paint yourself in a corner live a life of 'wrong choices' or roll the dice and see where they land. You will never know what the right choice is if you are constantly afraid of making the wrong one.

I'm 50, lived in 5 countries ( mostly Oz) currently in the UK and we have definitely stayed here a year too long for our situation. I also have a 16mth old baby, so my carefully laid out semi retirement plans are out of the window.

We will return to Oz and I will probably die there. Wrong choice? No way, just the choice that's most appropriate for now. You are too young to have dilemmas like this weigh you down.

There are no wrong choices, except for that Renault Scenic I bought, that was a POS and the very definition of a wrong choice, but apart from that:lol:

holly_1948 May 7th 2015 2:53 am

Re: Why am I so afraid?
 

Originally Posted by kryt0n (Post 11639363)
And that is where I'm loosing the will to carry on. My life has been nothing but visas, paper work, consultants and psychiatrists for over a year now. ...

Sorry to be blunt, and not what you want to hear, but I suspect psychiatry is the problem. Psychiatrists and especially psychoactive pharmaceuticals will screw up anyone's life if you give them half a chance to.

vikingsail May 7th 2015 6:50 am

Re: Why am I so afraid?
 

Originally Posted by Tr1boy (Post 11639439)
You can look at it two ways. Either paint yourself in a corner live a life of 'wrong choices' or roll the dice and see where they land. You will never know what the right choice is if you are constantly afraid of making the wrong one.

I'm 50, lived in 5 countries ( mostly Oz) currently in the UK and we have definitely stayed here a year too long for our situation. I also have a 16mth old baby, so my carefully laid out semi retirement plans are out of the window.

We will return to Oz and I will probably die there. Wrong choice? No way, just the choice that's most appropriate for now. You are too young to have dilemmas like this weigh you down.

There are no wrong choices, except for that Renault Scenic I bought, that was a POS and the very definition of a wrong choice, but apart from that:lol:

Nicely put TBoy I concur. Cars by definition can be the wrong choice. My Toyota login is POS which is quite funny when they ever ask me to recite it!

MarylandNed May 7th 2015 7:26 am

Re: Why am I so afraid?
 

Originally Posted by kryt0n (Post 11639370)
I don't know what I want and I am afraid of making the wrong choice.

Save your fear for when someone tells you that you have a serious medical condition. Until then, there shouldn't be any fear in your life. You have so much going for you. You're young and healthy and are travelling the world.

We (me, wife & kids) moved back to the UK after 7 years in Canada. We had 2 great years in the UK before deciding that we wanted to move on again. So a move back to the UK doesn't have to be your final move.

BEVS May 7th 2015 10:15 am

Re: Why am I so afraid?
 

Originally Posted by kryt0n (Post 11639402)
Trying to get visas for Canada, visas for nz, now pr paperwork and the stress has lead me to depression.

I'm not sure this thread is helping me as much as it was before. I just wanted somewhere to voice a fear. Thank you for listening.

We're all trying to support really. It's natural for us to want to offer suggestions & to ask questions.

TBH. I'm not sure you should be thinking of any move at all if your depression is so severe you are under a psychiatrist. I'm being serious here. My husband suffers periodically from the Black Dog & good decision making doesn't happen when that is on him. He takes regular meds but has never needed to be referred to a psychiatrist.
Has your epilepsy been adversely affected by the depression then?

What is your current visa status in New Zealand please ? Are you not able to stay for a while longer until you feel a little better in yourself ?
As you are able to access the health system I assume you have been on a visa other than a WHV.

Y'know . The UK and Canada can wait. Your health is the most important thing here. Take care of you first .

kryt0n May 7th 2015 11:46 am

Re: Why am I so afraid?
 
Thank you - I do very much appreciate the help.

We currently have until January 2016 in NZ. We could extend this another 11 months but we can only work for 12 months in total so it won't really be worth it. We could always come back on a 30-35 visa and look at staying permenantly.
I've just lost the fight really.

My epilepsy hasn't really been an issue. The stress, unsurity, misinformation and general worry about anything Canada visa related has caused me a bit of damage but as of yet no medication is needed.

My fear is that applying for Canadian residency the worst that will happen is a 5 year ban for misrepresentation. I'm 99% sure we haven't done anything wrong. No documents faked or anything like that. But a tick in the wrong box or something vaguely worded is a big deal to these people. The next 6 months of visa processing will decide at least the next 5 years of our life and this does worry me. I'm not a big fan of failing or getting into trouble.

Its gone too far now to pull it back and yes, we are young and in good health but that doesn't change the fact that we want to spend our lives somewhere we want to live. We want to live in Canada. But if it doesn't happen I am worried what life awaits me back in the UK. An office job is much easier to stomach with mountain views instead of an industrial estate.

apskinner May 8th 2015 4:41 am

Re: Why am I so afraid?
 
MaryLandNed

Can you tell me what prompted the move from the UK again after you returned from the UK ?

I ask because after 8 yrs in Canada we head back to the KU this summer and one oft he concerns for me is getting wondering feet again after a short while.

We're primarily moving back because my wife wants to be closer to family.


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