cricket1again

We're weeks off going back home to England now and I am reflecting on everything that's happened. Just briefly, for those who don't know, I gave up everything to move to Oz in support of my Australian husband 5 years ago. He left me, took all the money then began legal proceedings to get 70% of our joint assets. It was a total nightmare. The whole thing has pulled my family apart and I could not afford to get back home with only half of my original assets (I eventually got 50%).
So i made a plan. I used all my skills in renovating a house in a good area (just finished) and I created a business using my skills as a designer to create an income for when I return home (at 50, it would be hard getting a job). It's taken 2 years of sticking it out here but now within weeks, I should be home with new husband who has supported and helped me achieve my aims.

First thing I am hoping for is to heal my family. What my ex husband did hurt us all so badly that even the judge said he was an embarrassment to Australia. I have one son here in Australia who now realises that i really am about to leave to go home and he's in denial and I have a daughter in the UK who has not yet forgiven me for not returning to support her in her problems sooner.
I know when i get home, my daughter is going to be angry with me but probably once she melts and calms down, there will be a lot of tears. I am hoping my son will follow and once we all get down to talking, I believe we can heal together and get closure on what has been a terrible situation for my family.
We were all tricked and taken for a ride by a selfish individual.

The thing is, and I've been thinking about this a lot, I know when we do get back home, we will be asked about life abroad in Australia and if we recommend it. I have some very definite opinions of Australia that are probably best left unsaid.

What do you say in the pub though when people ask? Do you tell the truth and put people off thinking about giving everything up to move here or do you say nothing and let them find out for themselves?

Tr1boy

To the those that are really interested in what you thought of it, tell the truth. If you're talking about the 'why did you come back here, you must be mad' folks, then my standard response will be 'how long did you live there?' and when they say 'I haven't', just say, 'get back to me when you have'.

Order another pint of real beer, then have a conversation with someone that doesn't read the Daily HateMail.

Chi_town

Cricket1,
Thats a tough situation you went through, but you seem to have overcome it wondefully! You deserve a lot of credit for turning your life around (including finding a new husband!) So I wish you al the very best.

In terms of what to say, well, even when I go back on holiday I tend not to bad-mouth the U.S too much. I tell people it is different, some of the things I like, a couple of things I dislike. But I do not rant and rave about it, I am fairly measured. Because I am sure if you think of it, even though on a personal level you got a raw deal, I am sure there are things you liked about Oz (?) So I would not go into details about your personal circumstances, but would focus on the good points.bad points of the country in general.

About your daughter, I am sure she will come around. You presumably could not be there for her as you had big problems of your own. But you know children (of all ages) seem to still have a bit of a selfish streak that parents should rush to their aide. And sometimes that's just not possible. I am sure she will come to terms with that and be glad to have you back in the UK.

Do you have flights booked now? Are you getting really excited?

All the best,
Susie.

Scout

Tell them what I tell them when they ask me why in the world an American is living in the UK. Tell them that Australia is not always what they see in the movies. It's hot, it's got huge bugs and other creepy crawly things, there's not much culture, etc....

I love to especially talk to younger people who like to harp about what a dump the UK is. I tell them that in America, they have people living under highway overpasses because there is no social safety net. I tell them that in the States if you want Health Insurance only sometimes will the company you work for pay for it and even then you are expected to pay thousands out of pocket for it....and if you lose your job you lose your health insurance and have to pay even more.

I tell them to look around them and appreciate what they have here. The hills and valleys of Wales in my eyes are beautiful. The people are friendly. The beer is good.....and they need to open their eyes to their own country's history and culture more.

Now if I could get some decent hot wings over here to go with the beer I would think I had died and gone to heaven.

kevin747

Just tell them the truth.

brits1

Good luck Cricket...my friends and family have been great....about our plans to return to the U.K...that is apart from my Dad (least said the better)..I would just say...."appreciate things more when you've been away" and "don't believe everything you read in the press" as Scout says seeing films, t.v etc about certain countries is great...but not real life.....

All the best and time heals most things...I am sure you and your daughter will be shopping and going out toghether doing the girlie things Mums and Daughters do very soon.....

take care and enjoy our beautiful land........

cricket1again

I was thinking more along the lines of do you warn people or do you just say nothing?

Granted my own experience here has been a long drawn out nightmare and no, I can think of few positive experiences and this isn't like me. It's been my drive, optimism and sheer determination to get home that's kept me going. I've had two good friends and I've met my husband but this has all been tarnished with difficult dramas so when i try and conjure up a happy memory, there aren't any. Simple. I'm not blaming Australia or anyone in particular. When my ex husband didn't get his 70%, he turned into a vile person and almost destroyed every part of my life. I really need to leave and get closure so i can move on.

I only began thinking recently when a young family in the UK asked me for my opinion on moving to Australia. To them the UK sucks and they think Oz has it all. It was then it struck me that when you give an opinion or advice, a certain amount of responsibilty comes with it. I would hate to put a person off what could be the best thing for them but then not point out the pressures placed on a family when moving countries especially when it's so vastly different and things can go so wrong. They are a young couple in their 30's with two children ages 3 and 5. I just think blimey, what's the best thing to do. Maybe I should just say i'm not the best person to ask.
My problem is that i always have to do the right thing so my conscience always gets in the way of objectivity sometimes.

dickchap

I felt quite emotional reading your post. What a nightmare you have had. You should feel proud that you come though it all and managed to turn your life around and support yourself. Your daughter should be proud of you. I'm sure that there is going to be tears on both parts. A mother and daughter bond is like no other and given time I'm sure it will work its self out. I'm sure that your son will do what he feels is right. Good luck with your new life in the UK. Please let us know how it all goes.

When we return to the Uk and people ask us what we thought of Australia I am just going to say that "It's a great place for a holiday but for us Uk has more heart and sole"

Good luck.

Nikki

cricket1again

Thanks BTW, for everyone's input and good wishes. Much appreciated.

Fleaflyfloflum

You can do no more than tell your own truth. Having been back twice recently, I decided thats all i can do. My daughters neighbour had been considering a move to NZ and asked me all about it. I just told him my story, but I also made it quite clear that it was MY story and it doesnt mean it would be his.

cricket1again

Next dilemma. How would you deal with this one?

My son's girlfriend (she's Australian) and her mother are trying very hard to get him up the aisle this year. The wedding shopping and plans have already started.

The mother is pushing both kids together and always has. Based on my experience, I'd like to sit both kids down and without bursting their dream, I want to ask them not to rush into marriage without considering the consequences of marrying when they both come from different countries. The reason being, they MUST be totally sure it's what they both want because at some point in the future, one of them has to make massive sacrifices when they decide which country to live in and at least one family is going to feel left out and hurt.
If they have children and the marriage ends, the children can't be taken out of the country, etc, etc, etc.

So how would you deal with this? I know my son isn't thinking clearly at the moment while the mother and girlfriend are pushing him along a blind alley so i feel i should take them to one side and be the wet blanket but at the same time just make them aware of what could lay ahead further down the track.

theyoungs

Hello Cricket, this is quite a difficult question because what you say is so true that, yes, a certain amount of responsibility comes with offering an opinion.

All I know is that when you are starting on the whole migration journey, whether going to your chosen country or returning home, once your head is in that mindset of "going" it is pretty hard to see the negatives in the place of choice.

I know that when we started on the journey to Oz, we couldn't see a lot wrong with the place. The sun shone, the beaches, relaxed lifestyle, everybody is friendly and has a smile on their face, the beauty of the place........and the list goes on and on. Now even though you know there are negatives (they exist everywhere) you don't really accept them, instead you tell yourself "oh, that won't happen to us" or "oh, that happened to them because x,y,z I'll make sure that won't happen to us".!!!!!!!!

This is just human nature and we all do it in order to "prepare and protect" ourselves for what is possibly going to happen.

I think you have to ask them whether they want you to tell them what they want to hear or whether you tell them what they don't want to hear....if that makes sense

We all lead very different lives and what is desired by one is resented by another.

It's a toughie but I agree with Kevin, just tell them the truth and then it is up to them what they choose to do with that information.

To be forewarned is to be forearmed and after reading all the advice that you have given out on this site, I would listen to you

With respect to your children I'm pretty certain that with time, everything will slot back into place and you will be able to rekindle that relationship which has been buried. Don't put too much pressure on yourself or each other and let nature run its course.

This time is for you and your OH, this is something that you both want to do and not feel that you have to do.

All the very best Cricket, have a safe journey and please let us know how you are getting on.

Chelle xx

brits1

Good advice from Fleaty, when asked (only when asked though) I explain our reasons for going home.....our neice in the U.K along with her fiance have decided to (after a few snow boarding holidays there) after their wedding in 2010 to go and live in Canada....personally we think they are mad ie....fantastic close family (22 of them have just booked to go to Rhodes this June) even more fantastic jobs which they both love and are also paid VERY well...(lucky things) they are early 20's and just love their holidays in Canada every Jan. for the last 4 years....they asked us our reasons why we are returning home......missing, parents,grandparents, sisters, brothers etc...our boys missing their counsins etc (lots of others reasons but did not go into that) and they had an answer to all of the above, everyone can fly out, not far, mums can stay for a while with them if and when they havechildren so they can bond..they can fly back often as it's not far etc...my husband said they live in la la land...but if you can do that and be happy well......good luck to them....I said try it....if they don't enjoy it what an experience....personally though....they are mad as hatters...lol

cricket1again

I think what'd I probably opt for is a balanced approach. I'd ask the person asking me for my opinion if they are prepared to hear both the positives and the negatives. If they say yes, then yep, the truth is the best policy.

I don't think anyone is prepared for the shock factor of how such a massive life change can change everyone involved at core level.

quoll

Nah I'd just tell them that Australia has elected a Blairwannabee PM and see how they feel then

As for your son and his pressures - poor lad, he probably does need to be "talked to" but chances are he wont listen anyway. I'd be encouraging him to put things on hold and have a bit more experience of life, travelling etc before he gets tied down with steel hawsers. He will need to be very careful as well, some women are fairly unscrupulous about contriving circumstances to entrap!