What makes us different?
 

Hi all

I have been a member for a while now and have experienced life in Aus for two years and the UK for 41 years.

In 2005 I was desprate to leave the UK for a better life in Australia, now I want to go home to England.....I dont dislike living in Australia,but I dont want to live here any more and feel my roots are in England. For those of you who feel like this, why is this so?

Re: What makes us different?
 

For me, I moved to the US not for a better way of life as such, but to be with my hubby. He was born and raised here. Now, 4 and a half years later, I want to go back to the UK so badly. At first I thought it was just extreme homesickness, but now I know it isn't, for several reasons:

People here just don't get my humor. Brits are known for sarcasm and dry wit. If I say something sarcastic that would normally get a laugh out of someone that gets it, I just get looked at like I'm a real snob!

It's way too hot. Some days in S. Florida, it's almost impossible to breathe, and if you don't put up your sunshade up in the car, when you get back in, you'll suffer 3rd degree burns from the steering wheel! Also, if you're not worrying about a tornado popping up in a severe afternoon storm, you're worried about hurricanes and brush fires. (There was a fire just up the road from me yesterday and a lot of residents were evacuated. :( ) I know that you need to worry about weather everywhere in the world, but it shouldn't have to be a daily stresser! I've developed a very big phobia of bad weather since being here. Storms in England are nothing compared to the ones I've seen here.

The health system, but I won't even go into that. :sneaky:

Lack of vacation time, but again, I won't go into that. ;)

Most of all, missing important events in my family's life. Every week, it seems there's something going on, and I hate not being part of it.

In all, there are many reasons why I should go back, and not many to make me stay. I want to leave before I resent it here so much that I wouldn't want to come back ever, even for a holiday. I may be making a mistake and looking at the UK through rose-tinted glasses, but I have to follow my heart. The world won't end if I do decide to come back to the US permanently.

Re: What makes us different?
 

Could be any number of reasons. Missing family and friends is probably always the biggest big pull. I made friends in Aus, but as well as we got on, they couldn't replace the childhood friendships I still have, and my now closest friends who I've known for around 20 years. For me anyway, after that, there's other day-to-day living stuff that sounds trivial when you were in the UK and you thought it wouldn't matter, but now it does, like coming home from work, switching on the TV and thinking "This is rubbish. I don't identify with any of this." There'll be an advert for the Sydney Gerbils versus the Melbourne Morons vest-wearing egg-chasing punching match and you just don't get excited by it like everyone else seems to be. If you grew up on football in the UK, it just doesn't cut the mustard. Then you go to the pubs and think the ones in the UK are much better (mainly because they are), and they can't replace what you had before either. You get bored of beaches and BBQs and realise there just isn't enough there to keep you interested. Once you've driven to everywhere within a reasonable distance you realise you've seen it all and it feels isolated. And then there's the media who rarely miss the chance to have a dig at "poms", and make you feel about as welcome as a fart in a spacesuit. All this was from my perspective, but everyone who feels like you probably has a list of similar stuff. So to answer your question about feeling like your roots are in England, that's basically it. You're not Australian, and you don't feel part of the culture there. It feels like you don't really belong. And bingo, you're homesick.

There's also this "lifestyle" nonsense. I'm sounding like a stuck record here, but it's easy to look at TV images of people frolicing on beaches and sitting outside coffee bars with their shades on and thinking, "that looks great! What a lifestyle. I'm gonna get me some of that". But lifestyles not about that. It's about friends, not being homesick every day and being in an environment that keeps you interested in life. There's a reality of actually living and working in Aus which isn't explored by those "get a new life" TV programs, and one which you can't discoverer by going there for a few months backpacking or whatever. It's just not the same.

Besides, moving back is great. Do what I did and pick a nice area that you've always fancied, not to far from work/friends etc, and start again.
You also have the added bonus that you see things in a different light over here and feel a lot more positive. (I do anyway :thumbsup:).

Hope this is of some use. Good luck in whatever you do.:thumbup:

Re: What makes us different?
 

I think its because it took the move to make you realise what makes a place "home" to you.

Re: What makes us different?
 

95% of the people in this world that we live in thinks "a better life" = having more STUFF,then after they have reached their goals and got their money and a house full of stuff they realise that you can't talk to stuff or hold it in your arms and let it know how much you care for it.
People matter and everything else is just gravy.


this statement is true........your "happiness" will not be decided by what material possessions you accumulate rather the human relationships in which you participate.
ALL HUMANS want 1 thing and 1 thing ONLY.............happiness........ and you will find it in people

Re: What makes us different?
 

Karma worthy indeed :thumbup:

Re: What makes us different?
 

hello i am up now....and no one is home to help me with my hang over....i could just do with a britvic.........that last bit is very true isn't it.......nice words about happiness:thumbup:

Re: What makes us different?
 

Hello you :) I have no pitty for ya :p

Re: What makes us different?
 

actually i don't have a hang over as i didn't drink that much really....off to have eggs and bacon....it's nice and sunny and warm and i think i will go for walk on beach.....:thumbsup:

Re: What makes us different?
 

Have a good one then, I must get to bed in a mo :zzz: night.

Re: What makes us different?
 

I can only speak for my experiences in Perth.

We've now decided that we will not educate our kids at upper secondary level or at university here.

(I hasten to add that this is purely my opinion - not fact!) We feel that there are better education standards in the UK at upper secondary and better higher education - choice, quality and reputation. So we will most definitely NOT be here when our kids get to the age of 14.

Re: What makes us different?
 

i miss all my family in the uk....i miss having a cup of tea with my aunties and mum....and shopping with them.....sharing my life with them... but i can be happy without them too....i appreciate all the worldly possessions i have and i am thankful for my health and that i have food and clothes.. and a job etc....i also think it is important to "stop and smell the roses" and live today... everyday has a new thing to learn and a new memory to create.....and a feeling to feel. i watched a program on the telly the other day about an illusionist he said "to feel pain is to know you are alive"... perhaps that's why we have moved away... to feel the pain of it.....it's the old thing "you don't know what you have until it's gone" i went back to uk to be with my gran as she was the best person in the world and i spent 6 years with her before she died.....at her funeral my cousin who lived 3 hours drive from my nan and never went to see her.. said she felt guilty for not visiting more often....it was too late...if you feel strongly about a relationship... sometimes you have to make personal sacrifices to nourish those relationships...my children got to grow up with my gran around... they remember her.....no amount of material wealth can replace that for them or for me...i am so glad i went back....i came back to aus really for my husband... and then you get stuck.....i have now made a vow to see my family at least one a year... they come to visit me and i will not hesitate to go back to UK at anytime should i feel the need to... I always have the airfare...if that is the only financial goal to have then that is it...go home when ever you want.... living abroad isn't a competition of who can stick it out the longest.....i feel in my bones that i will go back to live there again....it's home really isn't it?:wub:

Re: What makes us different?
 

Sometimes you just can't lose the Englishness...so you have to go back to feel at peace.
I myself am starting to feel the pain of not living in the UK, but still want to be in OZ. I am as confused as many.

Re: What makes us different?
 

Just popped in,Good luck to all of you,I hope you all find what your looking for,nice words :)

Re: What makes us different?
 

Great post thanks for that.
I think i just miss my family and am tired of never really fitting in or finding friends who get me (except other expats!)

Re: What makes us different?
 

Some excellent posts here - not quite sure I can add anything else except to say that personally I feel that no matter how pretty, clean, or "nice" a place is, some people will always feel like they just don't belong there.

I had an overwhelming feeling that I didn't belong in Oz, I was always an outsider and didn't relate to many of the things there like humour, sports, ethics, customs. I just didn't feel at home there, even though I did quite like many parts of it.

I know that I belong in the UK. I love the way of life here, the humour, the people, the history and the freedom to walk my dogs in the countryside and being able to cross the road where I want to :D

Not too sure about the weather at the minute though :lol:

Re: What makes us different?
 

So very true............................:wub:

Re: What makes us different?
 

For me it was friends & family. I just could get to grips with the lack of friendships over here & as hard as i tried it just never happened & i spent time after time trying to make new ones.

It was also the way of life there. Too laid back for me!. I missed everything familiar to me like tescos, asdas, decent clothes shops, decent pubs & nightclubs!! The list is endless!

Its didnt help too that my marriage want great. Im now home & apart from missing hubs & realising he is actually a twat, im soooo glad to be back!!:D

Re: What makes us different?
 

HI D:)

Sounds daft but I think sometimes people like us think too much.

How many times have us on this forum seen people with v mundane jobs, or not a lot - but seeming so content and "happy with their lot" and thinking they wished they could be like that? Those people wont move to the other side of the world because they have that contentment, they aren't always looking for the next thing - and that can be an enviable thing sometimes.

Some personality types (and IMO, I reckon a lot of people here, me inc) found it/find it hard to just be content with what they've got. They have a "Is this it? Is this all that life is?" feeling and look further afield for a new life/challenge.

But when you do this, you do realise life's really the same wherever you go. Most people the world over are decent, a few are evil. You still pay bills and work will start to annoy you after a while.

If your a "content" personality type, that doesnt matter - you just get on with it, stay or go - it doesnt matter. But if your someone who thinks and analyses things all the time, you will notice more what can be bothersome and more that you miss. And I think the "deep thinkers" go back realising moving wasnt the way to be satisfied, so they need to go back and be with people who love them to make them feel whole again.

This isnt knocking any type of personality - just an observation that people who think the deepest/too much seem to find it the hardest.

Re: What makes us different?
 

yes you have summed up a lot of how I feel, I'm always striving for something better. Good post:)

Re: What makes us different?
 

there is one thing that and that is the sense of humour... it's what we all have and that is what makes us laugh and be happy... i get great comfort from my sense of humour... and when i hang out with my friends we just laugh all the time...it's like life is a comedy fest....that's what people miss the most... that's what happiness is isn't it?...

Re: What makes us different?
 

I think it is human nature to have the desire to aspire to a better life for ourselves and our children, and some of us naively believe all we have to do is move overseas to get it, whether it be Oz, US, Spain or anywhere else.

For me I thought I would find this 'better life' in Perth - safer, better weather, bigger house etc etc but once I was there I realised this 'better life' simply doesn't exist.

Rather than perpetually striving to find something 'better' maybe we should simply stop, stand still for a while, and enjoy the life we have now, see the positives of where we live and make the most of everyday and live life to the full.

When we got home to the UK I realised everything I was looking for by going to Oz, had always been right here on our doorsteps in good old Blighty, I just never took the time to stop and appreciate the wonderful life we already had, but having been to Perth and back I certainly do appreciate it now!

Re: What makes us different?
 

Yes true, but when you think too much, you dont realise it:) or beleive it
you want to be like that, but you cant always

Re: What makes us different?
 

Good post Eric.
Very succintly put. I agree.
I'm moving back to UK after time here, although I know I'll miss people & the climate....I just dont want to spend much more time in Oz.
Huge list of reasons why. Some big, some minor.
The whole beach culture is a huge part of oz life - yes they're nice but theres more to life than beaches. Yes its easy, but its not as interesting or stimulating.
Whole people thing, although I've made some lovely chums I'm going to miss loads, there defiantely a different humour here. I think the longer I stay, the less I really laugh. I miss normal, down to earth, non macho blokey men who view women as equals.
Whole isolation factor too of Oz - you do run out of places and I feel like I live in a very pleasant but groundhogville bubble and its not enough. Its boring. Looks brill from afar but reality is different.
I think having grown up with such a wealth of variety & experiences in UK, being constantly stimualted etc - its what makes me feel alive & being here I find I'm more just being, not buzzing, if that makes sense.
Chance to be - good post about being a contented type. My ex is like that, top man. Drop him in the middle of a field and he'd be happy. He is here & is staying.
Used to think I was like that b4 i moved, know different now :)

Re: What makes us different?
 

Great post as usual pommybird :thumbup:

Totally agree with everything you have said and just wished to goodness we had realised all of this before we sacrificed everything we'd ever worked for to find it out :cry_smile:

Re: What makes us different?
 

Good post. I agree

Re: What makes us different?
 

Ahh Louise - so sorry it worked out like it did for you but who knows one day, a long time from now, you maybe glad you did it?.........(well I only said maybe!!)

Anyway great news about your daughter passing her test and getting her new car (on the other thread) and also I've heard a rumour that it might actually stop p*ss*ng down with rain next week and we may, just may, see a glimmer of the yellow stuff so things are looking up!

Re: What makes us different?
 

What an interesting read - big thanks
Kate - I agree there is much less vacation time when you are working - you look back and realise just how lucky you were in the UK - plus you know exactly what the bank holidays were about! The humor here is pretty shit.... its such a child like humor, no dry wit, no intelligence to it ...

Eric - I agree totally, I cant count how many times I have switched off the TV here, in fact it is hardly on.. I am now an avid book reader, and cant count how many books I have read since being here. I agree...I, we... dont identify with it as a family... all this crap about footie... the media reporting is null and void...yes and I feel I dont belong, cant relate to it

Psb - you are dead right, material possesions mean fu**k all. Money is nothing in this game is it? Happiness is definately they key... we wont be rich when we get back, but hey who cares, like Eric has rightly said.... start again

SJSK - yes the education is shit here.... no doubt... what do they learn????Maps of Australia whey hey

Why - Yes you are right the pain of leaving is really hard.. it never really goes away does it.. and you wont allow yourself to go there cos its too hard so you soldier on... done that many times....

NuShooz - I never want to loose my Englishness, Im no snob, but I like my identity, so I agree and I am proud to be English.

Louise - I have never felt like I belonged here.....felt like I was a passing traveller, on the way to somewhere else.... The history is very short lived, mainly 19th century.... bit boring after a while

Megansmummy - I have left my two best mates in England who I miss dearly...you cant replace that, you cant replace the things you have talked about with them and the things they know about you..... never will, and I have good mates here, but its not like them...... I just cant wait to see them again...

Chrissy - I agree, I have always had to have a challenge in my life. Always wanted more or strived for more..This was the ultimate challenge for me... something on my tick list...... but I see that I have done it now.. and its time to go home

pommybird... yes I wanted better for my kids,,, but I dont think that it is better in Australia...

birdynumunm.... youve deffo summed it up big style, 'Theres more to life than beaches' .... I am sick and tired of beaches, surf, sun, ive overdone it... maybe thats it, what you cant have you want and when you have got it you dont want it ....

You really are an interesting and fab lot.....its so great to hear your stories... and to appreciate that you are all big achievers in the sense that you had the guts to do it, and the ability to say 'Its not for me' and get out... Good on you......I have spoken to lots of people here who tell me that they are unable to move back to the UK for all sorts of reasons..... listening to you guys ...there is no excuses really... why put yourself throught the misery of it all as psb says happiness is something you can not replace with money.

Re: What makes us different?
 

Good post Scooby.
There are so many sound people on this site arent there - be nice if we all lived nearby!

Re: What makes us different?
 

One day pommybird I know that I'll be glad we did it because it has made us stronger, made us see things differently and brought us so much closer as a family.

As other's have said here, life is more than material possessions - bloody good job too :lol:

Re: What makes us different?
 

One thing that bothered me for a long time was when my mum came over for my 30th birthday. She took me to Graceland (I think it was secretly for her, tee hee, but it was the best weekend of my life!) Knowing that she had to go back and leave me here was bad enough, but when she whipped out photos of my cousin's wedding, I felt like I'd been stabbed. This girl is the same age as me, we went to school together, went on vacation together, basically very close. As we grew up, some things about her had started to annoy me and we drifted apart a bit, but when I saw those pics and how beautiful and happy she looked, it was very hard to come to grips with the fact that I couldn't be there.

Material sh*t is exactly that when compared to one's family.