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What lenghts would you go to, to persuade a teenager to return to the UK with you?

What lenghts would you go to, to persuade a teenager to return to the UK with you?

Old Aug 23rd 2007, 6:38 am
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Default What lenghts would you go to, to persuade a teenager to return to the UK with you?

In a nut shell looking at returning but teenager 17 does not want to come back, any ideas

N
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Old Aug 23rd 2007, 8:23 am
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Default Re: What lenghts would you go to, to persuade a teenager to return to the UK with you

That is a difficult one. Some have problems getting teenagers to come in the first place. When we first came and I was really unsettled my 17 almost 18 year old said if we went back then she wanted to stay. My only thought on it was that it was me who brought her in the first place and uprooted her (although she did want to come so we had no dramas) so would it be unfair to make her go back with us too when she loved it here. Fortunately we stayed anyway so never had to make that difficult decision and we are so settled now that we would never go back so it all worked out.
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Old Aug 23rd 2007, 8:24 am
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Default Re: What lenghts would you go to, to persuade a teenager to return to the UK with you

Originally Posted by Little Ms Naughty
In a nut shell looking at returning but teenager 17 does not want to come back, any ideas

N
Have you any family out there who she could stay with ?
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Old Aug 23rd 2007, 8:50 am
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Default Re: What lenghts would you go to, to persuade a teenager to return to the UK with you

I feel for you!!! my 17 year doesnt want to come back either, we are having a nightmare with her!!! she wants to stay and go to Uni, shes thrown everything at us making me feel so guilty, firstly for bringing her and now for going back to UK.

We are trying to maybe get her a place to stay here, she needs to share with someone, but its soo expensive, I have tried everything and everyone says just let her get on with it, we sold the house etc amd only have 8 weeks left. Shes soo stubborn, what can you do?? Cant live her life for her, but its bitter sweet when they dont want to do anything, and shes says Im selfish bringing her here 3 years ago at a crucial age and now taking her back!!! God kids make you feel terrilbe at times.

Well, we have backed off now, letting her make plans to stay, I gotta get in touch with Centrelink and she reckons someone she knows has a room for her...I have tried the "what if you have an accident" "what if you run out of money" all of that and its like hitting a brick wall,,,, so new tactics...

Say "Ok you can stay BUT you have to sort out centrelinks, get a place, get a job, sort out with Uni etc" and say fine ok ....see what happens...

Good luck, cos its breaking me in two all of this!!!!!

Where are you based? we are NOR if you wanna get together and if she/he deffo wants to stay maybe they can meet up and sort summin out!!!??

Kath
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Old Aug 23rd 2007, 12:41 pm
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Default Re: What lenghts would you go to, to persuade a teenager to return to the UK with you

Children are not here to live up to your expectations.

Every generation has a responsibility to piss off their Parents.

18, should be able to cope quite well, either away at school or working and sharing a flat.

A lump of coal without a little pressure would never become a Diamond.

What you went through , made you what you are.

My Son had barely turned 21 when he left for china, 10
years later still there, but cheap Long Distance and Web Cam, we tough base more than when he was away at University.

My Son in the city, every couple of weeks, if we call him.

18, our dad's had a rifle and were fighting the huns, our Mothers(or Grand mothers) were diving for cover from Nazi bombs and sleeping in the underground with a couple of kids.
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Old Aug 23rd 2007, 1:00 pm
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Default Re: What lenghts would you go to, to persuade a teenager to return to the UK with you

Originally Posted by Little Ms Naughty
In a nut shell looking at returning but teenager 17 does not want to come back, any ideas

N
17? I'd moved away to uni by then. She'll be fine. Leave her to it - you'll only be a phone call away.
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Old Aug 23rd 2007, 1:11 pm
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Default Re: What lenghts would you go to, to persuade a teenager to return to the UK with you

Originally Posted by Ozzidoc
17? I'd moved away to uni by then. She'll be fine. Leave her to it - you'll only be a phone call away.
I left home and moved away at 16 myself, moved back briefly at 17 as my workplace closed down and then I left home again at 18 and was self sufficient.

It got to a stage in my life where I wanted to live by my rules and not my Mums.
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Old Aug 23rd 2007, 1:14 pm
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Default Re: What lenghts would you go to, to persuade a teenager to return to the UK with you

17 yrs old is as near as damn it 18 years old. 18 years old = adult. Adults make their own decisions and no other adult can tell them what they can or can't do.

I'd say forcing a 17 year old to do what he/she doesn't want to do is a recipe for trouble.
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Old Aug 23rd 2007, 1:20 pm
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Default Re: What lenghts would you go to, to persuade a teenager to return to the UK with you

Originally Posted by dunroving
17 yrs old is as near as damn it 18 years old. 18 years old = adult. Adults make their own decisions and no other adult can tell them what they can or can't do.

I'd say forcing a 17 year old to do what he/she doesn't want to do is a recipe for trouble.
Its true, I dont think you can force a 17 year old if their mind is really made up.

Dont know about the legal aspects though.
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Old Aug 23rd 2007, 1:37 pm
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Default Re: What lenghts would you go to, to persuade a teenager to return to the UK with you

I think you guy's have a responsibility here.......it was you that up rooted your kids and dragged them to the other side of the world ......now they've settled and you haven't, you want to up root the poor buggers again....If theyre sure they want to stay', i think the least you can do to be fair is help them try and do that.......!

may be your thinking of your selfs too much.....::

all the best plumb

ps don't mean to be rude......just my opinion....
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Old Aug 23rd 2007, 2:42 pm
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Default Re: What lenghts would you go to, to persuade a teenager to return to the UK with you

Originally Posted by Little Ms Naughty
In a nut shell looking at returning but teenager 17 does not want to come back, any ideas

N
Apart from promising them the Earth to go home with you (if you're comfortable with it and able to do so) along the lines of better house rules, allowance, car, horse etc (), I think one has to respect their preference and instead, help them to stay.

At the end of the day we only want our children to be happy and safe. Yes living apart at opposite sides of the world is far from ideal, BUT an estranged child would be much much worse. And the separation may only be temporary.

In fact, if you are very understanding about the situation, you may even find they change their mind.

Good luck. My eldest is only 7, but I know 17 is only just around the corner. Very scary.
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Old Aug 23rd 2007, 6:00 pm
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Default Re: What lenghts would you go to, to persuade a teenager to return to the UK with you

Originally Posted by Little Ms Naughty
In a nut shell looking at returning but teenager 17 does not want to come back, any ideas

N
I feel for you, as this is what I don't want to happen with my now 9, 4 year old...

Can you explain to her why you want to move back? and why you don't want to leave her alone in a country by herself?...she may just think otherwise, as right now my mum is in the UK on holiday and it is sooooo weird being in Canada and having just my hubby/kids and no other family...Maybe she will feel the same way and prove to herself there is no other place than w/family, no matter where that may be, and, there are always good opportunities to be found...she just needs her own time. not yours perhaps.

Keep us posted....everyone says to us "do the move while they are young"!!
I don't know your whole story and how old your children were, but I feel for you, just the same.
xoxo
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Old Aug 23rd 2007, 7:14 pm
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Default Re: What lenghts would you go to, to persuade a teenager to return to the UK with you

Originally Posted by Little Ms Naughty
In a nut shell looking at returning but teenager 17 does not want to come back, any ideas

N
I wouldn't.
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Old Aug 23rd 2007, 7:31 pm
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Default Re: What lenghts would you go to, to persuade a teenager to return to the UK with you

Kids need advice and support ...lay down the law about moving back with you and you could lose them...I let my son leave home at 16...he did well for the most part..you could say becoming a father at 17 was a bad thing...but I've never seen a baby as a problem...

It was easier for me because my son was just in the next town...not a different country...but I know he is back home today because he trusts the facts we give him about how hard it would be on your own...because he's now lived it...
He did try to say that he did not have to live by my few rules when he came back...but this is after all my house...if he wants to live by his own rules he has to get a new place of his own...

There is no easy answer...you can't live for your kids....and they can't expect you to change your lifes plans for them....
I have no idea what I would do in your shoes...maybe stay around for a few months until she finds her feet....let her live on her own while you are still in the country....this is a hard one....good luck...
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Old Aug 23rd 2007, 8:45 pm
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Default Re: What lenghts would you go to, to persuade a teenager to return to the UK with you

Originally Posted by Little Ms Naughty
In a nut shell looking at returning but teenager 17 does not want to come back, any ideas

N
make your plans and tell her to get on with it if she does not want to come.
At the moment she is a big girl now and you know NOTHING but that should change with time
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