What have we done?

Old Sep 19th 2008, 10:10 pm
  #16  
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Default Re: What have we done?

Thanks for all the support, especially at a time when I can't speak to family about this, it would be too unsettling for them, and probably get their hopes up.

We had a long chat last night and both had a good cry but we feel more positive for now. Instead of thinking that the rest of our lives will be here, we are just trying to take it one step at a time and will aim for after Xmas to see how we feel and how the finances are doing. (Financially we may still choose the UK)

Sam
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Old Sep 19th 2008, 10:43 pm
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Default Re: What have we done?

Originally Posted by Sammy T
I can't believe we are thinking like this but after less than 3 months in Oz, we are talking about returning to the UK.

We spent so long and so much money on getting here I feel pathetic and a complete failure that we are now considering returning.

The kids appear to have settled well here (aged 10 and 12) and really don't like the idea of going back, we have no house to go back to and I'm not sure we would even return to the same area so would have to start up somewhere new again, probably nearer family though.

If we go back and spend even more money on the process and lose out again on the exchange rate as it has now improved in the Oz direction, we will have a smaller house and a bigger mortgage than we had originally, what if we still don't like it?

I don't really know what I want, other than a magic wand to turn back the clock. My OH went to work crying this morning because he is so miserable (and he's not one for showing his emotions much), he says he has felt like this for weeks and its just getting worse.

What a mess, we are young (ish), in good health, have 2 lovely children but beacuse we were greedy and thought we could have a better life, we are now desperately unhappy.
Hey there,

Firstly take a deep breath. Look around you and you see that you have your OH and 2 lovely children. That is a great great start.

There are lots of people in the same boat as you, that have tried something new and it didn't work out and to be honest that's just a part of living life.

If you aren't happy where you are and you both feel that you would be better even a little in the UK, then go! You're children are still young enough to adjust and not really have an impact on their education.

Talk to your other half and come up with a plan, whatever it is, to get an understanding on what you both want and how to get there.

If you decide to go back, spend a little time to enjoy the country your in and then go back to the UK and everyone here will be wishing you well but a little jealous too.

Don't think of it as a failure, think of it as something that you have done to make you appreciate and enjoy the UK more.

Now I'm off home to give a hug to my lovely wife and sending a cyber hug to you and all the others on the board.

Don't bottle this up, keep talking with your OH and the board whenever you need to, there are a lot of amazing wonderful people on the board!
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Old Sep 19th 2008, 11:19 pm
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Default Re: What have we done?

Originally Posted by Sammy T
Thanks for all the support, especially at a time when I can't speak to family about this, it would be too unsettling for them, and probably get their hopes up.

We had a long chat last night and both had a good cry but we feel more positive for now. Instead of thinking that the rest of our lives will be here, we are just trying to take it one step at a time and will aim for after Xmas to see how we feel and how the finances are doing. (Financially we may still choose the UK)

Sam
Look at it this this way at least if u do return home u had a go and wont be forever wondering what it was like. Take no notice of people back home and their opinions half of them dont know what its like to set up abroad. I too have experienced moving abroad and its not easy,good part of life travelling makes u look at things differently thats for sure. Dont get too upset about it all theres always home. Take care.
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Old Sep 20th 2008, 12:32 pm
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Default Re: What have we done?

Sam

There is nothing wrong with you for it not to have worked out for you here. At least you have tried it.

I am in kind of a similar way, but I have come to this point after three years. I am almost embarrassed to go back - I told everyone back home about my fancy job, the huge house I constructed and how great my life is and now I am going through everyday wishing I was back home. Despite my great job and boss, I feel heavy everyday. I am thinking of going home within the next year and I don't care what anyone thinks when I go back. I will probably get a house in the UK that fits into my family room here!

The only reason I moved here was to have a 'better quality of life' which at the time meant a big house, new car and less work hours. I have lived in other countries too and thought that there is always somewhere better than England. I didn't realise how much I needed the beauty and history of England and London, the proximity to Europe, the ability to just go to the US for holidays/shopping and off course friends and family - not to mention the ability to save money (that was the bigger shock I think - no savings AT ALL).

I used up ALL my savings in the house. I am just going to cut my losses and get outta here. Australia is simply just not my cup of tea. I can't stand sport, the sun or heat and the coarseness of the ozzies (it drives me bananas sometimes). Its not to say that Australia is not a great place to live - it is. Its just not for me. Its taken two years to realise it and a further year to admit it out loud. At least you know quicker and you are giving yourselves a timeline.

There is no point remaining miserable for too long.

Good luck to you.

Alex
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Old Sep 20th 2008, 2:52 pm
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Default Re: What have we done?

Originally Posted by alexleeson
Sam

There is nothing wrong with you for it not to have worked out for you here. At least you have tried it.

I am in kind of a similar way, but I have come to this point after three years. I am almost embarrassed to go back - I told everyone back home about my fancy job, the huge house I constructed and how great my life is and now I am going through everyday wishing I was back home. Despite my great job and boss, I feel heavy everyday. I am thinking of going home within the next year and I don't care what anyone thinks when I go back. I will probably get a house in the UK that fits into my family room here!

The only reason I moved here was to have a 'better quality of life' which at the time meant a big house, new car and less work hours. I have lived in other countries too and thought that there is always somewhere better than England. I didn't realise how much I needed the beauty and history of England and London, the proximity to Europe, the ability to just go to the US for holidays/shopping and off course friends and family - not to mention the ability to save money (that was the bigger shock I think - no savings AT ALL).

I used up ALL my savings in the house. I am just going to cut my losses and get outta here. Australia is simply just not my cup of tea. I can't stand sport, the sun or heat and the coarseness of the ozzies (it drives me bananas sometimes). Its not to say that Australia is not a great place to live - it is. Its just not for me. Its taken two years to realise it and a further year to admit it out loud. At least you know quicker and you are giving yourselves a timeline.

There is no point remaining miserable for too long.

Good luck to you.

Alex
My relation was or should i say is the same. Been in N.Z. for over 40 yrs one miserable bitch if ever there was one. Sent shedload of photos beach,house,beach blah,blah,zzzzz. Anyway when i finally got over there what a shock to find how deep down and unhappy she really was. To say she was false was an understatement. Sadly we dont talk anymore but i wouldnt swap her life for all the money in China. Travel is a great thing to do makes you see life from another point. Like Alex said you have to be appearing to be living it up and no looking back. I tell you now if you live like that for the next whatever years imagine the misery stuff that i would sooner go home and live in a cave.........happy
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Old Sep 20th 2008, 4:44 pm
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Default Re: What have we done?

I really feel for all of you that want to move back but at least you have all given it a try and have experienced a different country. We want to make a move to Spain, dunno whether it will work and Spain is much more closer and easier to get to and from the UK that what you folks have done. At least you won't get to old age and wonder what would have happened if you had have moved. You did it, it din't work, you came back and carried on
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Old Sep 20th 2008, 8:02 pm
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Default Re: What have we done?

Originally Posted by alexleeson
Sam

There is nothing wrong with you for it not to have worked out for you here. At least you have tried it.

I am in kind of a similar way, but I have come to this point after three years. I am almost embarrassed to go back - I told everyone back home about my fancy job, the huge house I constructed and how great my life is and now I am going through everyday wishing I was back home.

Alex
I think you can explain yourself in a way that people will understand. You've realized that "Stuff" isn't what life's about and you you've come to value other things.

That's not to say one place is better than another. It's different for all of us. But for sure it's not Stuff. We can probably all list a bunch of places we wouldn't live, even with a great job bringing in lots of money and a fancy house. We don't live in a bubble (though some may live in a gated community) so everything and everyone around us matters.

Bev
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Old Sep 20th 2008, 8:49 pm
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Default Re: What have we done?

Sam, what you are going through is very common, I too knew very quickly that Australia was not the place for me. It took us three years to get our visas (but I had wanted to go for probably 15 years before we applied) we had visited twice before we moved there, but living there was just not right. It cost us probably about £25,000 in all, money we could not afford but we have never for one minute regretted our decision to go or our decision to come back. We stayed 6 months and for me that was long enough. Coming back so soon has actually meant that in some ways we have slotted back into our lives but in a better way. Hubby ended going back to work for his previous employer but in a much better paid job (this would not have hapened had we not gone), we moved into a house nearer my elderly parents and I was able to spend more time with my father who sadly passed away last year and life just seems to be normal again.

I now look at my life and feel very contented, had we not gone we would have always wondered. I see my time in Oz as a huge learning curve and I think we sometimes get lost in things that we would like to do in life and forget what is actually important to us.

We have been back now in the UK 5 1/2 years life has never been better. All I miss of Oz are our very dear friends that we made out there, cherry ripes and rocky road. The last two, our friends send to us for birthdays and christmas

Hang in there Sam, I am sure that if you decide to return your family will welcome you home with open arms, we had absolutely nobody question why we came back, in fact my mum when I rang and told her we were coming back said "thank God" She is 86 now and in sheltered accommodation and I am so glad that I am here for her, I don't know how I would have coped with it had I still been on the other side of the world.

Susan
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Old Sep 20th 2008, 10:26 pm
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Default Re: What have we done?

Some very wise comments, thank you.

Especially regarding having at least tried a new life in a new country, we will always be able to look back knowing we gave it a go.

It is reassuring to know we are not alone in feeling like this, it is obviously not unusual regardless of which country you go to.

Am feeling more positive about giving Oz a bit longer, trying to see more of the places we wanted to, and being open minded about "when and if" we return to the UK. I do not feel that Oz will be for us long term but that we can still enjoy ourselves here for now.

The money side of things is difficult to come to terms with as we have spent a lot getting here, lost on the exchange rate, took a large drop in house price in order to sell in the UK at a bad time etc BUT we have a nice rental, we can still put food (and wine!) on the table so it's not all bad!

I wish those returning to the UK all the very best and hope they find what they are looking for.

Sam
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Old Sep 21st 2008, 6:30 pm
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Default Re: What have we done?

We were the same, lasted exactly 89 days, then came back to UK. We had second thoughts when we were processing our app, but put it down to nervousness..... should have listened to our feelings more.

This is the first time i have viewed this site since returning last October, and it still makes me sad to think of the time, effort and money we spent to follow the dream that we had for so many years. But we were still right to follow it....

Our children have resettled back here, and we both have jobs again, and an extremely high mortgage, but i have my sanity....which i was slowly losing, and the unhappiness was making me so ill, that we had an honest heart to heart chat, and although my OH wanted to stay, we had always said, we go as a family, we come back as a family, and he was true to his word... we came back even though he was loving it all.

Good luck with whatever you decide
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Old Sep 21st 2008, 6:40 pm
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Default Re: What have we done?

Originally Posted by goingozwards2007
We were the same, lasted exactly 89 days, then came back to UK. We had second thoughts when we were processing our app, but put it down to nervousness..... should have listened to our feelings more.

This is the first time i have viewed this site since returning last October, and it still makes me sad to think of the time, effort and money we spent to follow the dream that we had for so many years. But we were still right to follow it....

Our children have resettled back here, and we both have jobs again, and an extremely high mortgage, but i have my sanity....which i was slowly losing, and the unhappiness was making me so ill, that we had an honest heart to heart chat, and although my OH wanted to stay, we had always said, we go as a family, we come back as a family, and he was true to his word... we came back even though he was loving it all.

Good luck with whatever you decide
Brisbane seems to be the in place at least u tried. Otherwise it would have been what if. I knew people in N.Z.that were and probably still are unbelieveably miserable but are too proud too admit it. Quite a few split up too which is what u dont want over there what with kids as well.
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Old Sep 21st 2008, 9:29 pm
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Default Re: What have we done?

You've had the balls to have a go! That's what you've done!
Don't feel bad. If you decide to come home, so bloody what? What an adventure and a great experience that you'll learn loads from.
Don't worry too much about the money. Property prices are falling here, go into rented if you come home, then buy when it hits rock bottom, which it no doubt will.
Who knows what the future will hold? Things tend to happen for a reason. I went on a working holiday for a year, then got PR & lasted 6 months. That was 11 years ago. For me it was the right thing to do at that time. I have never regretted coming back. A lot of family things have happened, includng my Dad passing away, which I know I wouldn't have coped with had I been in Oz.
Recently, however, I have thought about returning, I'd have to reapply for PR though. So, maybe getting citizenship would have been a good idea?
Just remember how brave you've been AND if it doesn't kill you, it'll only make you stronger!
All the best in whatever you decide
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Old Sep 22nd 2008, 1:36 am
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Default Re: What have we done?

Originally Posted by goingozwards2007
We were the same, lasted exactly 89 days, then came back to UK. We had second thoughts when we were processing our app, but put it down to nervousness..... should have listened to our feelings more.

This is the first time i have viewed this site since returning last October, and it still makes me sad to think of the time, effort and money we spent to follow the dream that we had for so many years. But we were still right to follow it....

Our children have resettled back here, and we both have jobs again, and an extremely high mortgage, but i have my sanity....which i was slowly losing, and the unhappiness was making me so ill, that we had an honest heart to heart chat, and although my OH wanted to stay, we had always said, we go as a family, we come back as a family, and he was true to his word... we came back even though he was loving it all.

Good luck with whatever you decide

Good to hear you have settled back in to life in the UK, it obviously was the right thing for you.
I do feel very bitter at the money we have spent (and will spend if we return) but if we hadn't ever done it, we would have always wondered "what if"
Things are very hard at the moment, I'm putting on a brave face, and trying not to think about this being forever. In the meantime, we had a good weekend (mostly!), we have plans to see Sydney and other places closer to home.

Thank you for sharing your experiences.

Sam
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Old Sep 22nd 2008, 1:39 am
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Default Re: What have we done?

Originally Posted by poppie
You've had the balls to have a go! That's what you've done!
Don't feel bad. If you decide to come home, so bloody what? What an adventure and a great experience that you'll learn loads from.
Don't worry too much about the money. Property prices are falling here, go into rented if you come home, then buy when it hits rock bottom, which it no doubt will.
Who knows what the future will hold? Things tend to happen for a reason. I went on a working holiday for a year, then got PR & lasted 6 months. That was 11 years ago. For me it was the right thing to do at that time. I have never regretted coming back. A lot of family things have happened, includng my Dad passing away, which I know I wouldn't have coped with had I been in Oz.
Recently, however, I have thought about returning, I'd have to reapply for PR though. So, maybe getting citizenship would have been a good idea?
Just remember how brave you've been AND if it doesn't kill you, it'll only make you stronger!
All the best in whatever you decide
Thank you for your positive message and I'm sure we will have learnt a lot about ourselves as well as another culture in this process.

You're right, things often happen for a reason, we'll have to see what we decide in the future.

Sam
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Old Sep 22nd 2008, 3:45 am
  #30  
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Default Re: What have we done?

Originally Posted by Sammy T
Hi

We have considered that but its not Tasmania that we dislike, far from it, its just this feeling of not belonging and therefore wanting to go back to the UK where we do feel we belong (or we did, 3 months ago)

We did have many doubts during the visa process but always brushed them to one side as normal anxieties and they were probably were.

We may stay or may not, at the moment it is too "easy" to assume all would be ok if we return to the UK. I'm sure it would not be easy at all

Sam
Hi Sam sorry to see things are still hard do you notice some days are worse than others, thats what i found any way

I knew straight away it wasnt right I spent my second night here up all night crying nothing wrong with Australia just not home .my DH and friends here said wait till you have the baby I have she is a month old and its still so hard and it just doesnt feel right, I miss my family so much (I lived beside my mam and dad with my nana and aunites living in the houses around me )

I agree Sam for me a moving to another area will just not work for us Australia is brilliant just not were i want to live at all

we sold every thing before coming over and being here nearly 3 months with out our visa we have gone through our savings so have no money to take home now so now after talking with my DH we are giving it till christmas then if I still feel the same we are going to make a plan for going home as we will have to save like mad so we wil be able to rent a house and support our selfs for the fist two months at least as another problem for us no jobs in Ireland for trade persons well few and far between

I have to say I am glad we tried I have had moments were I think we were mad and I think at the end of the day we can say we tried it didnt work so back home you go LOL you have nothing to prove to any one by staying here years and feeling like this

Hope your both feeling better and enjoy the time you have here
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