mandianna

My husband said the same thing when he was first visiting Scotland he seemed to think I knew everyone who talked to me lol Now he knows it is just being friendly. I walk around my neighbourhood several times a day with my dog and I meet some of my neighbours 1 will actually chat to me she is a wee old lady who just asks how I am the rest just grunt at me or do not even acknowlege me if I say hello. I find it so rude I also find the people can be really snobby about us as renters. Where we are it is all bought homes and we are the only renters and most of them turn our noses down on us.

lf1

I think a lot of us want to go home as we get older. I can't explain it, but maybe we just have more clarity around what is really important. There is a thread on here that you may find helpful. Over 40's Moving Back .........
I don't mean to suggest that you are over 40, but you might find some commonplace with the posters in that thread. I know I did after 30 years in Canada.

RChappo

I'm also in upstate NY (Rochester, NY) and also have that experience. I have days (if my wife is away or I'm home alone) when I will not have uttered a word to another human being (just the cats!) It can actually feel like I'm going insane sometimes if I'm in a particularly poor frame of mind. I'm just not used to living like that. At first I thought that maybe I was not making enough effort to get to know people but I've been here just over 10 years now and don't have a friend to my name - you would have thought I'd have at least fluked one by now!

So I love it that when I'm in the UK I can chat to somebody at the bus stop or train station...or there is the possibility that I could run into a friend unexpectedly and end up in the pub with them all afternoon. My wife thinks I'm some kind of celebrity in my little home town because of the number of people who will say hello or stop and chat when we're visiting. It's completely the opposite of being here in Rochester, NY!

Karrie72

I do feel for you...the the lack of a walking culture where everyone is stuck in their cars doesn't help. But I find even if I'm walking around Portland, everyone is busy, busy and no one stops to chat.
I was shocked when I went home for the first time in 5 years how a lady working in a newsagents went out of her way to explain in great detail the best way to get to a certain destination in London. She was so warm and genuine I was quite taken aback.

RChappo

I agree about the lack of walking or meeting spots here. It doesn't create many opportunities for proper interaction with your fellow humans, and it tends to breed a certain inbuilt paranoia in people. I find it all very sad actually. I thrive on the company of others whereas people here seem to want to isolate themselves.

There is a very odd attitude to friendship here also I find. When we got married shortly after I moved here 10 years ago there were close to 100 people at our wedding. We see hardly any of them these days except for the immediate family members.
Some weeks ago we did get together with a small group of my wife's old friends who still live in the same city as us (within a 15 minute drive). It was the first time we'd seen them in SEVEN years! I see my friends in England more often than that. The thing is, it took a herculean effort to get this meeting arranged. They'd not fallen out with each other, were all on good terms but it was still a feat of political maneuvering to get everyone in the same wine bar for an evening. In the days leading up to the meeting my wife was worried about it, thinking it wasn't a good idea, being very defensive and saying that "we all changed" and stuff. I actually laughed at how ridiculous it all was. It's just meeting up with people, having a few drinks and talking, but it got blown up out of all proportion! In the end of course it was a wonderful evening; everyone got on famously and made each other laugh. They all left agreeing they should see each other more often (I was thinking maybe the following week would be good)....but it's been over a month now and nobody has called or emailed anyone so it'll probably end up being years again.

Crikey… when I lived in England my friends would call all the time. The message would be "Pub? 10 minutes?" and that would be it!

feelbritish

That is my experience here, no real friendship and as you say some days (because I work at a home based business) I do not speak to another person except my other half who speaks to people all day in his job and then even he does not want to speak to me!

omaradam

Thanks If1 i am over 40 so i will try that thread.

cheeky_monkey

Actually i take that back about football..i dont miss West Ham throwing away a 2-1 lead at home with 15 mins to go for the umpteenth time this season

Perth

That's when having a dog is useful Actually, other than being with my OH, I sometimes prefer the dog's company

mandianna

I feel your pain I was just in tears the other day cause my husband was gone and I had absolutely no one to talk to. I phone my mum back home almost every day. Yes the attitude toward friendship is certainly odd. I met a few girls from my husbands work when i first got here they were all like lets get together and do stuff come over for coffee.....that was 6 years ago and they never got back to me. I know now when people say that they don't really mean it.

nuttyandfruity

Same here in Florida, everyone is so vague and full of fake sincerity, I get lots of 'let's get together' or 'let's hang out' only to result in nothing, same with my kids....I've given up now. I would like to throw a birthday party for my ten year old daughter in April but I am afraid nobody will show up! I have been to enough parties here with her to see that no-one bothers and when I ask her how many kids were invited to these parties she tells me the whole class was asked, only 2 or 3 turn up including her!! What the heck?

I asked a mum at softball who had moved from another State if it was a Florida thing and she basically said that you just can't trust anyone nowadays and there are so many weirdo's out there...I thought to myself "Hmmm, ok, I think you're one of them lady Paranoid much?" But sadly that's the way it is and the people here are generally like a closed book.

I would have to join a church or a cult to get any social interaction here. I told a woman I have been friendly with (she works at a hair salon I go to) that I may be moving back to Britain and she was gushing about how much she'll miss me and she loves me....Ummm, we have only socialised twice and I don't even really know you! I give up!

Perth

I know if may be hard to do, especially when your feelings have been hurt, but I find in most instances if you initiate contact, the other person is delighted to meet up with you. It's just that they rarely do it themselves. Don't know why this is

mandianna

LOL made me laugh I joined a church and found the people so rude and fake I must admit it was just that church though but it put me off I have visited other ones that have been nicer. I have had that too I have mentioned to a few people that I am going home and they tell me they will miss me and want to come and visit me!!! Let me get this straight you can't even meet me in your own town but want to fly half way around the world ( ok maybe not halfway) to see me!!

mandianna

I have tried many times I thought it was just me or the area where we are. But I met someone else from Scotland who was in the exact same boat he ended up going back home he could not take he isolation anymore.

happyglow

Dog wins almost every time