What do we do?

Old May 18th 2007, 7:49 pm
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Default Re: What do we do?

Originally Posted by sals
May be worth a trip home for those who want to return. Grass is not always greener. You can't tell. Some get back to UK and it's right and best decision they ever made. Some get back and it's wrong, worst decision they ever make and they want to return to Aus. If you're a citizen you can live where you want then!
Words of wisdom buddy, words of wisdom. imagine going through the whole process for nothing and having to live with the regrets...Anyone reading this post and thinking about packing up and coming back to the UK(why I don't know), should take this advice. Do yourself a favour and stick it out until Citizenship.


Regards


John
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Old May 18th 2007, 7:58 pm
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Default Re: What do we do?

Originally Posted by kt.2006
Hi,

I know how you feel as my husband and son love it here but my daughter and I have some very down days.

However, I would recommend that you get your citizenship as well.

I met an elderly couple who had lived in Australia years ago. They had never applied for citizenship and came back to the UK when their son was only 5 as they missed friends and family. They were very happy living back in the UK but years later when their son emigrated to Australia they wanted to move with him. This meant that they had to go through a very expensive and time consuming emigration process again. They said with hindsight they definitely should have got citizenship as you never know what the future might bring.
Great post, I havent logged on for a few days, hey presto come back and surrounded by like minded people. I had serious reservations about posting on this particualr thread as I got the feeling most were angry and hostile, trapped in two worlds. Changing countries is life changing, you can't buy that experience, what you think you had left behind, may not be all that it's cracked up to be, so do yourself a favour.....at the very least, stay and get your citizenship and empower yourself with choice, it will make it easier for you should you decide to return to your host country, and in some cases, some of you need that, I did...I needed to comeback, could'nt do this, I missed, that, compared this, wanted that...blah blah...its all relative - I was smart though, I stayed and got my citizenship.

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Old May 19th 2007, 10:52 pm
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Default Re: What do we do?

Originally Posted by chance to be
Sorry, as ever - no pearls of wisedom. Only to empathasise....
Been back 1yr now. Exactly the same boat as you. Husband and eldest wanted to stay. Me (wife) and youngest wanting to go home. It may put a huge strain on your relationship when you get back (or if you stay). All the saddness, anger, resentfulness one partner feels in one country can get transferred to guilt, regret in the other country so be care of a role reversal of feelings for a while. It does get better though. Now i would say OH is the more settled of the 2 of us!!!!! Not my thread, so I dont want to go on....but if you feel like more of a chat, please feel free to pm.
What an emotional rollercoaster! I do feel for you and hope you can find a win/win situation.
C
super post, definitely an emotional roolercoaster, at the moment it looks like the wife and kids are returning in August, before the new school term start. I’m staying till Nov, because of cat and dog (6 months quarantine is up, forward planning by wife to get there rabies jabs done)and also I can get for citizenship myself. Its D-Day decision today!
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Old May 20th 2007, 3:57 am
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Default Re: What do we do?

Originally Posted by Perth NOR
super post, definitely an emotional roolercoaster, at the moment it looks like the wife and kids are returning in August, before the new school term start. I’m staying till Nov, because of cat and dog (6 months quarantine is up, forward planning by wife to get there rabies jabs done)and also I can get for citizenship myself. Its D-Day decision today!
That sounds so sad - good luck for you and your family in whatever you decide to do.
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Old May 20th 2007, 4:04 pm
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Default Re: What do we do?

Originally Posted by Perth NOR
super post, definitely an emotional roolercoaster, at the moment it looks like the wife and kids are returning in August, before the new school term start. I’m staying till Nov, because of cat and dog (6 months quarantine is up, forward planning by wife to get there rabies jabs done)and also I can get for citizenship myself. Its D-Day decision today!
At least if you get C-Ship, it will make it easier for the whole family should you ever come back. I came back on my own first. This was good in lots of ways in hindsight. OH could come to terms with leaving and see/do things he wanted to without constraints of family. He could also miss us and see that unless we are a unit, we are nothing wherever we live. Good from my POV, because I was so worried about how he would settle on our return, that I could make it as smooth as pos by getting a rental, schools, networks etc that are always stressful to sort out but were in place before he got home, where he really needed space to adjust rather than more hassle!

You know somedays as the one who wanted to come back, I would look at my OH, so sad and feel so guilty, I could just of got straight back on a plane to Perth again - but we stuck it out and he is definatelty the more settled because we have an ok life here and He worries we could return and me ending up having the same feelings as before is just too much, understandibly!

So we have reached a conclusion now...
What I have learnt is when you are on the emotional rollercoaster, you need to stay put. Go home to your lovely wife, build up a good life in the UK and try to live for today in the UK.

Us expats waste so much time thinking of "the other place" to where we live.........

Then, one day, you and your wife will both be over the hurt and anger, and then you will be able to talk, I mean really talk about where you want to be long term. (objectively) But for now that doesnt matter. Enjoy for now.

Go back to the Uk and appreciate all the things you couldnt do in Perth, - cheap breaks abroad, family, friends etc etc. Then one day, when life doesnt seem so bad (maybe a little boring) you can then re-evaluate your future without that damned emotion and rawness getting in the way of your judgement. Think of it as a "year out" to give you and your wife chance to sort your heads out. A year to get your sanity back isnt long! It also doesnt shut any doors should a return at a later date be what you decide to be best.
Please try to see this as a chance to have a bit of normality and a time to consolidate.
Its not the end, though it might feel like it now. But i bet your wife will also be feeling as bad as you right now and have her regrets about returning so be gentle!
Sometimes the timings just wrong when you make a move. It clearly was for your wife. Next time, the timing might be better - or you may see what she sees about advantages in returning.

But for now. You are going back. Nothing need be forever. You need to regroup as a family and only then can you plan further ahead.
Please take care. I feel for the lot of you.

Chrissy x
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Old May 22nd 2007, 2:23 am
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Default Re: What do we do?

Originally Posted by chance to be
At least if you get C-Ship, it will make it easier for the whole family should you ever come back. I came back on my own first. This was good in lots of ways in hindsight. OH could come to terms with leaving and see/do things he wanted to without constraints of family. He could also miss us and see that unless we are a unit, we are nothing wherever we live. Good from my POV, because I was so worried about how he would settle on our return, that I could make it as smooth as pos by getting a rental, schools, networks etc that are always stressful to sort out but were in place before he got home, where he really needed space to adjust rather than more hassle!

You know somedays as the one who wanted to come back, I would look at my OH, so sad and feel so guilty, I could just of got straight back on a plane to Perth again - but we stuck it out and he is definatelty the more settled because we have an ok life here and He worries we could return and me ending up having the same feelings as before is just too much, understandibly!

So we have reached a conclusion now...
What I have learnt is when you are on the emotional rollercoaster, you need to stay put. Go home to your lovely wife, build up a good life in the UK and try to live for today in the UK.

Us expats waste so much time thinking of "the other place" to where we live.........

Then, one day, you and your wife will both be over the hurt and anger, and then you will be able to talk, I mean really talk about where you want to be long term. (objectively) But for now that doesnt matter. Enjoy for now.

Go back to the Uk and appreciate all the things you couldnt do in Perth, - cheap breaks abroad, family, friends etc etc. Then one day, when life doesnt seem so bad (maybe a little boring) you can then re-evaluate your future without that damned emotion and rawness getting in the way of your judgement. Think of it as a "year out" to give you and your wife chance to sort your heads out. A year to get your sanity back isnt long! It also doesnt shut any doors should a return at a later date be what you decide to be best.
Please try to see this as a chance to have a bit of normality and a time to consolidate.
Its not the end, though it might feel like it now. But i bet your wife will also be feeling as bad as you right now and have her regrets about returning so be gentle!
Sometimes the timings just wrong when you make a move. It clearly was for your wife. Next time, the timing might be better - or you may see what she sees about advantages in returning.

But for now. You are going back. Nothing need be forever. You need to regroup as a family and only then can you plan further ahead.
Please take care. I feel for the lot of you.

Chrissy x
Its so nice to hear from someone whose actually been here and gone home and gone through the same emotions/doubts etc that we are going through and probably will continue to go through for some time. Perhaps I was naive, but I never thought doing something like this could cause so much heartache. I would also advise anyone with teenagers thinking of emigrating to really think carefully because its not so easy to go back when you are risking ruining their education. My eldest daughter is gonna have to go straight into A levels without having done her GCSEs, which is gonna be hard going. Also if she wants to go on to uni after her A levels, she will need to take a gap year because otherwise she will not be eligible for home fees because we would not have been in the country 3 years before the start of the course (we are talking up to £21000 difference over a 3 year course, home fees are about £3000 a year and overseas fees are about £10000). We definately could not afford to send her if we had to pay overseas fees! I found out last week that the school don't have a place for my youngest daughter in September, so we will have to appeal and again there is no guarantee that this will be successful and she may have to go to another school where she will be the 'new girl' all over again!

If the kids were younger then I think we would all be staying for citizenship, but again staying until December would stuff up their education even more, this why I'm gonna go back with them in August so that they can start school in September.

My point being that its not just all the emotional stuff that you have to go through, its all the practicalities too. I think it takes a lot of courage to emigrate and even more to go back. I just hope we are all strong enough to see it through.
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Old May 22nd 2007, 3:00 am
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Default Re: What do we do?

Originally Posted by Perth NOR
Its so nice to hear from someone whose actually been here and gone home and gone through the same emotions/doubts etc that we are going through and probably will continue to go through for some time. Perhaps I was naive, but I never thought doing something like this could cause so much heartache. I would also advise anyone with teenagers thinking of emigrating to really think carefully because its not so easy to go back when you are risking ruining their education. My eldest daughter is gonna have to go straight into A levels without having done her GCSEs, which is gonna be hard going. Also if she wants to go on to uni after her A levels, she will need to take a gap year because otherwise she will not be eligible for home fees because we would not have been in the country 3 years before the start of the course (we are talking up to £21000 difference over a 3 year course, home fees are about £3000 a year and overseas fees are about £10000). We definately could not afford to send her if we had to pay overseas fees! I found out last week that the school don't have a place for my youngest daughter in September, so we will have to appeal and again there is no guarantee that this will be successful and she may have to go to another school where she will be the 'new girl' all over again!

If the kids were younger then I think we would all be staying for citizenship, but again staying until December would stuff up their education even more, this why I'm gonna go back with them in August so that they can start school in September.

My point being that its not just all the emotional stuff that you have to go through, its all the practicalities too. I think it takes a lot of courage to emigrate and even more to go back. I just hope we are all strong enough to see it through.
We have gone through lots of the same worries esp with the kids education. Our eldest is 14 and is due to start yr 10. He also can't get a place at the local high school and we have just put in our appeal papers but have to wait around 6wks before the appeal will be heard. If we are not successful i don't know what will happen as the schools we have been asked to consider are 2 bus rides away and have poor GCSE results. I think when the kids are older you have to make your decisions much quicker we considered staying a bit longer but knew that our sons education was at risk if we did and if we waited for him to finish yr 12 our other child would be in the same situation. I don't think there is a perfect time to change countries esp with teens.
Good luck with sorting your kids schooling I know it all seems stressful but I just keep thinking if we managed the big move to Perth knowing very few people its got to be easier going back with the support of family & friends.
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Old May 22nd 2007, 3:05 am
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Default Re: What do we do?

Originally Posted by lozza1
We have gone through lots of the same worries esp with the kids education. Our eldest is 14 and is due to start yr 10. He also can't get a place at the local high school and we have just put in our appeal papers but have to wait around 6wks before the appeal will be heard. If we are not successful i don't know what will happen as the schools we have been asked to consider are 2 bus rides away and have poor GCSE results. I think when the kids are older you have to make your decisions much quicker we considered staying a bit longer but knew that our sons education was at risk if we did and if we waited for him to finish yr 12 our other child would be in the same situation. I don't think there is a perfect time to change countries esp with teens.
Good luck with sorting your kids schooling I know it all seems stressful but I just keep thinking if we managed the big move to Perth knowing very few people its got to be easier going back with the support of family & friends.
hi ,is it possible to homeschool your son while you are waiting for a place at school to come up? maybe using the internet or the help of other homeshooling mums? just a thought, i know i wouldnt be confident enough to do it for that age group
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Old May 22nd 2007, 5:44 am
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Default Re: What do we do?

Originally Posted by englishrose
hi ,is it possible to homeschool your son while you are waiting for a place at school to come up? maybe using the internet or the help of other homeshooling mums? just a thought, i know i wouldnt be confident enough to do it for that age group
I have looked on net about home schooling but in the maths dept he's way ahead of me, we are just going to cross everything at the moment and if we are not successful we will cross that bridge when we come to it. As it is the only school in the area I hope my argument is strong enough to gain a place. I know others who have been successful so we can only hope we are too.
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Old May 22nd 2007, 9:20 am
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Default Re: What do we do?

Originally Posted by Perth NOR
Its so nice to hear from someone whose actually been here and gone home and gone through the same emotions/doubts etc that we are going through and probably will continue to go through for some time. Perhaps I was naive, but I never thought doing something like this could cause so much heartache. I would also advise anyone with teenagers thinking of emigrating to really think carefully because its not so easy to go back when you are risking ruining their education. My eldest daughter is gonna have to go straight into A levels without having done her GCSEs, which is gonna be hard going. Also if she wants to go on to uni after her A levels, she will need to take a gap year because otherwise she will not be eligible for home fees because we would not have been in the country 3 years before the start of the course (we are talking up to £21000 difference over a 3 year course, home fees are about £3000 a year and overseas fees are about £10000). We definately could not afford to send her if we had to pay overseas fees! I found out last week that the school don't have a place for my youngest daughter in September, so we will have to appeal and again there is no guarantee that this will be successful and she may have to go to another school where she will be the 'new girl' all over again!

If the kids were younger then I think we would all be staying for citizenship, but again staying until December would stuff up their education even more, this why I'm gonna go back with them in August so that they can start school in September.

My point being that its not just all the emotional stuff that you have to go through, its all the practicalities too. I think it takes a lot of courage to emigrate and even more to go back. I just hope we are all strong enough to see it through.
We have found ourselves in the very same situation with our son, who is currently in Yr 11 at school here. We are going back in July, and were very concerned about him going into 6th form and straight into 'A' levels, without the GCSE's behind him. He doesn't find academic work that easy, and we really were worried about how he'd cope with A Levels. However - and I hope this might be of interest to you with regard to your daughter - we have since found out that he can take GCSE's in 6th Form and also a B-Tech subject (which from what I understand, can give them the equivalent to an A Level). Thankfully, he is able to return to the same school that he was in before we left. Maybe you could look at this option for your daughter. Hope this helps.
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Old May 22nd 2007, 10:00 am
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Default Re: What do we do?

If it's the education that's a real problem, and your house has risen in value by as much as you say, have you not thought about moving to another area of Perth that has better schools, or thought of putting the kids into private education?
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Old May 23rd 2007, 3:43 am
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Default Re: What do we do?

Originally Posted by sunbather
If it's the education that's a real problem, and your house has risen in value by as much as you say, have you not thought about moving to another area of Perth that has better schools, or thought of putting the kids into private education?
House prices in areas with better schools will probably have risen even more.
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