What do we do?

Old May 13th 2007, 1:29 am
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Default What do we do?

We have been here in Perth 18months, me, wife and 2 teenagers 13 & 16. Me and the 16 yr old love it here…the wife and 13 yr old want to go home…We are settled with our own house, nice cars and are enjoying life here. We have a couple of good friends, but the 13yr old is lonely and seems to cry must of the time. The wife is homesick and cries now and again, but is scared of what the UK will hold for us if we go back. Has any one been in this predicament and if so what advice can you offer. Has anyone gone back and regretted it….
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Old May 13th 2007, 1:59 am
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Default Re: What do we do?

hi,all i can say is that we too are heading back to the uk ,from canada,for financial and health reasons.
our kids are happy here,but they are equally happy to be going back ," as long as we are all together" my 10 yr old tells me.
i always said that if my hubby was miserable id go back.
its actually been a joint decision,borne out of necessity.
the reason im posting is that i was also worried about returning,all the horror stories of yobs,violence etc.
im quite sure now that the world is violent wherever you go,as people are the same basically.
where are you from in the uk? would you go back to the same place?
we will be hopefully about an hr or so from where we lived.and that hrs difference is a world apart.
it must be hard when your child isnt happy,have you done all the usual things of getting her into clubs/mtg other kids etc?
maybe seeing her mum cry makes her feel so sad?
i know if mine are upset i could cry for them,but thats a vicious circle !
i dont really know what to suggest,all i wanted to say was,dont be afraid of returning,just choose where you live wisely.
it is daunting tho,i agree,im still hoping we get nice neighbours,good schools,decent friends for the kids .
i think we should all start our own community together !
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Old May 13th 2007, 3:25 am
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Default Re: What do we do?

Originally Posted by Perth NOR
We have been here in Perth 18months, me, wife and 2 teenagers 13 & 16. Me and the 16 yr old love it here…the wife and 13 yr old want to go home…We are settled with our own house, nice cars and are enjoying life here. We have a couple of good friends, but the 13yr old is lonely and seems to cry must of the time. The wife is homesick and cries now and again, but is scared of what the UK will hold for us if we go back. Has any one been in this predicament and if so what advice can you offer. Has anyone gone back and regretted it….

What are you scared of about the UK, do you really believe what you read in the papers?. A lot of it is sensationalist rubbish. British people love to be negative and moan.

Go back home!!. Your priority is your wife, as for your 16 year old, tough luck!! If he loves Australia that much he can go back when he is 18.

I have been in your predicament and left the UK (that I love) to go to Canada (which I hate) because my wife was homesick for Canada.

I hope this helps

Jonathan
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Old May 13th 2007, 3:34 am
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Default Re: What do we do?

Originally Posted by Perth NOR
We have been here in Perth 18months, me, wife and 2 teenagers 13 & 16. Me and the 16 yr old love it here…the wife and 13 yr old want to go home…We are settled with our own house, nice cars and are enjoying life here. We have a couple of good friends, but the 13yr old is lonely and seems to cry must of the time. The wife is homesick and cries now and again, but is scared of what the UK will hold for us if we go back. Has any one been in this predicament and if so what advice can you offer. Has anyone gone back and regretted it….
At the risk of sounding like a broken record, can you hold on until you get citizenship? That would mean that your 16 year old would then be able to move back here at any point in the future, and thus might make going home for a while more palatable
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Old May 13th 2007, 3:48 am
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Default Re: What do we do?

Originally Posted by Pollyana
At the risk of sounding like a broken record, can you hold on until you get citizenship? That would mean that your 16 year old would then be able to move back here at any point in the future, and thus might make going home for a while more palatable
That’s seems to be the right thing to do, but time is running out. 6 months before we can apply, 3-4 months to go through the citizenship ceremony system. There education needs to be sorted ASAP. Again, there is no easy solutions. We feel trapped at times with one/two of us is going to be unhappy with the outcome of whatever we decide.
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Old May 13th 2007, 3:51 am
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Default Re: What do we do?

Originally Posted by Perth NOR
That’s seems to be the right thing to do, but time is running out. 6 months before we can apply, 3-4 months to go through the citizenship ceremony system. There education needs to be sorted ASAP. Again, there is no easy solutions. We feel trapped at times with one/two of us is going to be unhappy with the outcome of whatever we decide.
If the 13-year-old is a girl, she is probably going through puberty, and is hormonal. Most girls that age have crying spells no matter where they live. I would give it a while before you do anything drastic.
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Old May 13th 2007, 3:55 am
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Default Re: What do we do?

Originally Posted by jonfrank123
What are you scared of about the UK, do you really believe what you read in the papers?. A lot of it is sensationalist rubbish. British people love to be negative and moan.

Go back home!!. Your priority is your wife, as for your 16 year old, tough luck!! If he loves Australia that much he can go back when he is 18.

I have been in your predicament and left the UK (that I love) to go to Canada (which I hate) because my wife was homesick for Canada.

I hope this helps

Jonathan
Thanks Jonathan

Scared about going back into the rat race of the U.K...finding a job, the shitty weather, overcrowded roads, tiny houses, etc etc.. some of the reasons why we left in the first place. I do love the U.k., we were from the South West which was a lovely part of the Uk. BUT I still wouldn’t like to move back there.
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Old May 13th 2007, 3:55 am
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Default Re: What do we do?

Originally Posted by Perth NOR
We have been here in Perth 18months, me, wife and 2 teenagers 13 & 16. Me and the 16 yr old love it here…the wife and 13 yr old want to go home…We are settled with our own house, nice cars and are enjoying life here. We have a couple of good friends, but the 13yr old is lonely and seems to cry must of the time. The wife is homesick and cries now and again, but is scared of what the UK will hold for us if we go back. Has any one been in this predicament and if so what advice can you offer. Has anyone gone back and regretted it….
I sympathise with you and the situation you are in. Speaking from first hand experience as an unhappy child immigrant, albeit many years ago now, when I read your post my immediate reaction was "go back to the UK now". Like your family, my father and older sister settled easily into life in NZ. My mother and I never really have. Going back just wasn't an option for my parents (mainly financial, also loss of face on my father's part) but Mum and I never stopped hoping that we would. If my current circumstances were different now, I'd return tomorrow. I haven't ruled it out in the future.

I truly hope that you can sort out something for your family that makes everyone happy.
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Old May 13th 2007, 4:16 am
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Default Re: What do we do?

Originally Posted by Perth NOR
Thanks Jonathan

Scared about going back into the rat race of the U.K...finding a job, the shitty weather, overcrowded roads, tiny houses, etc etc.. some of the reasons why we left in the first place. I do love the U.k., we were from the South West which was a lovely part of the Uk. BUT I still wouldn’t like to move back there.
depends where you live .
does a big house make you happy? nice to have ,but not a necessity to make you happy.
do you have to work in a city? if not ,you can live in parts of the uk where it isnt so overcrowded.I understand from your profile you're an electrician,why not head north, surely the property is alot cheaper than the SW?
the weather has been great i believe....global warming could be a good thing for the uk !

at the end of the day,if you're wife isnt happy,neither will you be in the long run !
hope you get sorted out soon,its horrible when you dont know what to do for the best
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Old May 13th 2007, 4:45 am
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Default Re: What do we do?

Originally Posted by Perth NOR
Thanks Jonathan

Scared about going back into the rat race of the U.K...finding a job, the shitty weather, overcrowded roads, tiny houses, etc etc.. some of the reasons why we left in the first place. I do love the U.k., we were from the South West which was a lovely part of the Uk. BUT I still wouldn’t like to move back there.
There is a thread on the Aussie forum similar to yours, about the hubby loves it, but the wife wants to go home.

Basically the replies there were simple, should it matter where you live as long as your kids and wife are happy!!! Big house and sunshine isn't everything.
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Old May 13th 2007, 4:48 am
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Default Re: What do we do?

Originally Posted by Pollyana
At the risk of sounding like a broken record, can you hold on until you get citizenship? That would mean that your 16 year old would then be able to move back here at any point in the future, and thus might make going home for a while more palatable
best option ,i reckon
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Old May 13th 2007, 4:52 am
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Default Re: What do we do?

Originally Posted by paulrachel
There is a thread on the Aussie forum similar to yours, about the hubby loves it, but the wife wants to go home.

Basically the replies there were simple, should it matter where you live as long as your kids and wife are happy!!! Big house and sunshine isn't everything.
To me they are nothing. The size of your house, how many cars you have, the weather, beaches etc.etc. mean nothing if they don't bring you inner peace and contentment.
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Old May 13th 2007, 4:55 am
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Default Re: What do we do?

Hi, although we don't have children, I can empathise with your dilemma. We're currently very unhappily stuck in Canada, and waiting to return 'Home'.
I also readily appreciate the tedium of indecision, insofar as trying to make the perceived 'right' decision (if that makes sense)!
However, I have to agree with Pollyana, insofar as obtaining Citizenship. Truely, if it's only a matter of 9 months, by obtaining your citizenship you are not only keeping your options open, but you are also 'enabling' your children to return should they wish to have an adventure in the future.
I hear so many times that people emigrate to give their children 'better' opportunities. Maybe by keeping the 'door' open for them, you will have at least gained something concrete from the experience and cost.
Only you as a family can make that decision, in leiu of all the variables of your individual circumstances.
So, I guess it's back to hedging your bets, and compromising short term goals with long term objectives, and again only you as a family can make that decision. Citizenship just gives you the edge.
Best Regards.
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Old May 13th 2007, 5:17 am
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Default Re: What do we do?

Originally Posted by Sunshine Girl
However, I have to agree with Pollyana, insofar as obtaining Citizenship. Truely, if it's only a matter of 9 months, by obtaining your citizenship you are not only keeping your options open, but you are also 'enabling' your children to return should they wish to have an adventure in the future.
I would agree with both this poster and Pollyana. Unfortunately our culture is one that encourages instant gratification - I find it hard to see why 9 months more or less is an issue when set against fundamental life choices.

Usual issue with citizenship in Australia is that you can only make plans to leave after being sworn in as a citizen, not before. But that should not be a big deal - put the issue out of your minds for now and don't even think about it until 9-12 months down the line.
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Old May 13th 2007, 5:56 am
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Default Re: What do we do?

Originally Posted by Perth NOR
We have been here in Perth 18months, me, wife and 2 teenagers 13 & 16. Me and the 16 yr old love it here…the wife and 13 yr old want to go home…We are settled with our own house, nice cars and are enjoying life here. We have a couple of good friends, but the 13yr old is lonely and seems to cry must of the time. The wife is homesick and cries now and again, but is scared of what the UK will hold for us if we go back. Has any one been in this predicament and if so what advice can you offer. Has anyone gone back and regretted it….
Briefly, we don't regret returning, it is great.We too in Sw and there are jobs and houses and low crime. Yes we still have to get to the beach early as it is busy, roads are still small, etc,but there are many more positives here than negatives. It can be done. If you can emigrate you will find returning easier perhaps. You will probably hanker for what you had there, but I don't think your wife and daughter will, they will just be happy and be able to live again.Crying most of the time indicates depression and needs addressing. We addressed my Oz depression my removing the cause!It worked. Come back. Be a happy family, not a statistic.Good luck.
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