Are we right to be upfront....
 

with our boys? They are 10 and 11 and we have always included them in our decision making. Well obviously not always but in the past few years we have asked their opinion on various family type decisions like vacations etc. Simple stuff, but now we have our big decision to stay in US or go back to Ireland. We have been frank with the boys and told them we are trying to make the right decision for us all and asked them what they think. Luckily for us they are still quite laid back about staying or gong. Although I think when it comes to the day to leave they will be sad. Well we all will really as I don't think you can spend 5 years somewhere and NOT miss some things and people etc.

Anyway now I am starting to worry (about everything really!) but specifically whether OH and I should be a bit less open with the boys until we have reached the final decision. Are we confusing them or stressing them I wonder with our constant talk of staying to going? I know there is a happy medium, and I don't think we have hit it. I want to prepare them, but maybe we are laboring the point. I would be very curious as to how some of you returnees and potential returnees handled this with your children.

Thanks,
Susie.

Re: Are we right to be upfront....
 

Seems like telling them you are thinking of maybe moving could put a lot of strees on them unnecessarily.
With huge decisions, (new baby, job, house, school district whatever) Dh and I decide what we want to do, and what is going to be best in the long run, then discuss whats going to happen, what can happen etc etc.
I love talking to my lads about things, but if they helped make the decisions, I'd be a single Mom living in UK (Ds didn't want to move with Dh), then Ds would have picked having a puppy over a brother, then they both would have sent poor Dd packing as soon as she arrived.
Both would have had Dh and I moving back and forth to UK at this point.

Re: Are we right to be upfront....
 

Thats funny about the puppy versus the new sibling! My boys have not faced that dilemma they are only 14 months apart in age. And we never had any more after that, not even a puppy!

I think your method is wise. For the next few weeks I think I will put a cap on talking about anything to do with the move until the boys are out of earshot.

Thanks for your input,
Susie.

Re: Are we right to be upfront....
 

I can relate to what you are saying and I agree with Mummy in the foothils. Our son was our only child for years and we always included him in our decision making and most the time that was fine although I do think this caused him to grow up a bit quick but with some decisions, major decisions we tend to figure out the best solution ourselves and then put it to him in the most simple and sensible way possible, giving our reasons for our decision and we are usually careful about the timing too... i.e. not when he is too tired to process or just got in or about to go out. Most the time he only has to look at my face and he know's something is coming anyway LOL