Poppy girl

I thought the same thing when I saw the reply!!

Hey if you can't make fun of yourself as the saying goes!!

Tarkak9

We all have a tale to tell here, especially about emigrating to the US. For some, it has been an harder transition; and for others, its been easier to be able to move here because of resources, circumstances and the convenience of not needing to go through the visa process. Often enough, especially after time, it is hard to place oneself in another person's shoes. Even if you do, no guarantee they fit.

I myself arrived here with 2 suitcases and that was it. No permanent place to stay, no car, I knew noone, no familiar belongings from the UK, just the clothes in the cases and a bit of dosh to get me settled. I do admit though that being a dually makes it slightly easier but its your mindset which counts.

I think everyone will agree that the 1st year is the toughest. Certainly was for me. The sense of loneliness, no common ground, second guessing yourself etc etc etc. Suddenly everything compiles on top of one another and its all one giant snowball. Its very easy for depression, despair, anxiety and guilt to creep in and subsequently get the best of us - "quicksand". During the first few months, there wasn't a day which went by where I thought of hopping on a plane back to Heathrow but I asked myself, what would I be returning to?!? - All the things which made me want to leave in the first place!

No matter the size of the mountain, it can be overcome by one step at a time. But even Sir Edmund Hillary didn't climb Everest alone! The secret is attaining support - both from within and from others. Overall, we have to adapt to every situation and make best informed decisions from the information presented to us.

There is nothing wrong with having dreams, ambitions and expectations when arriving here - its what gives us drive, passion and inspiration; even if they are underestimated; nothing which a change of direction and realization can't correct to put us back on track! We are wiser when we have an open mind to try something else inorder to push forward. Einstein said - Insanity is doing the same thing over and over again and expecting different results. There isn't a magic wand, but its more practical from learning from other peoples' failures and also from their success. (And that is where the likes of BE can come in handy). Seek out those whom you want to be with because you can't please everyone out there!

... (they) have "Misguided dreams", "False expectations" blah, blah. Yeah, so what?!? We're human ffs - doesn't automatically make us dumb people and we certainly are not somesort of villain or enemy because of it (One might not like how someone says or asks something but simply take the high road than add fuel to a fire). Besides, it all makes the experience more interesting for ourselves! Like its said, bad decisions make for good stories! Every place has its own challenges but we are fortunate that today better prepares us for tomorrow - we are here, now, because of yesterday.

The one thing I miss with my dad... before confronting a problem, we would have a cup of tea.

I went for some sesame chicken the other day and I usually don't bother with those fortune cookies that they give after your meal, but I decided to crack it open anyway. The piece of paper inside said - "Sometimes in life, you just have to play hardball."

Hiro11

In case it wasn't clear, that was a joke. Things were getting a bit too lovey-dovey in here.

Anyway, you all suck.

That was also a joke.

ukintexas

I have come into this thread a little late, seeing as there are so many comments! I can't recall all the points of the OP, but wanted at least to share my expeirence with them so that they can pull from it what they want:

I had realistic and planned expectations of my move to Houston
It still sucked for the first six months and made me feel like I'd lost my mind
Sticking it out was difficult, but ultimately worth it for the experience I have had, regardless of whether we stay longer, or return to the UK.
Have no idea how I would have coped with the news of a loved one's cancer diagnosis in the middle of feeling unsure of the future during the initial arrival period - probably would have made me return - in fact anything would have in the first six months!

My father was diagnosed with alzheimer's two years ago now and that has tugged on my heartstrings ever since. It's not as cut and dried as one poster on here said about whether your parent(s) mean enough to you or not. Life is never that simple. Also, a good point made by another poster about his parent wanting him to still make the move even though she was poorly - your mum may also have that thought process.

Bottom line is that the first period of arrival and settlement is hard - there's lots of things to wind you up, things that are unfamiliar and bloody annoying at times BUT that does pass, and it does all get better.

I'm sorry you had a hard time with some posters on here. I am in the group that does think this is the exact place to come for some sympathy when times as an expat get hard. We have ALL had those times I'm sure in some way or another, and perhaps we've all sounded a little "off" in our posts. If any group of individuals should understand, it should be us!

Good luck with your decision and ongoing settlement. I hope you do not feel as though you cannot continue to use this board for your ongoing journey.

scrubbedexpat097

That was very lovely dear

One thing I am grateful for is that I'm kind of glad there was no expat forum when we came here in 1989...I probably would have gone back Mind you even if there had have been we were so poor we would never have afforded a PC let alone the connection...

ottotheboar

To me this thread touches on one very important point which is if you move to the US or anywhere a long way from the UK in your forties this will put your parents in their sixties on average and their health can become a serious issue especially if they have no one in the UK to help care for them.

ukintexas

Yeah, you're right there ottotheboar. However, I was only 32 when I moved here! My dad is just that much older - he's 87 now - but although this sounds dreadful, I just hadn't factored that in when we moved. I guess amongst all the other stuff we were thinking of/organizing, it just didn't come to the forefront of my mind. Seems such an obvious consideration now, but not sure what that would have meant in terms of changing the course of our decision - as he was fine and healthy at the time of our move. Contingency planning is probably what I would have done more of. It's likely I wouldn't have sold our UK property if I'd have been given the chance of a "do over" as it would have made any return (forced or otherwise) a hell of a lot easier to manage. Hindsight, eh?!

Karrie72

I have also noticed a tendency for some to be a tad harsh on this site. I tend to veer with the 'be supportive we've all been there' sentiment. I cringe when I read some of the responses to newbies and I think we're all here for one reason; to find support and common ground with fellow Brits while undergoing major homesickness, visa questions, general need for chat etc. I say let's not pick on people who are struggling, we have all experienced this and thanks to the mods who have undying patience in steering many people with the same questions in the right direction.

TimFountain

So true, I lost my mum in 2005 and only have my dad left in the UK. He is nearly 80 and failing fast and every conversation with him these days is about what he will do when he winds up in hospital and there's no one to be with him....

keaki80

Couldn't agree more!
I was amazed to read that BE is not a place to come for sympathy! I have been using it as a crutch on and off for quite a while and for the most part, have been cheered by the support I have received.
There are many crabby people out there who unfortunately do use the anonymity of the internet to be unpleasant and I found that from my years of chatting on Yahoo, yet it always comes as a shock.
I do not understand being chastised for posting something someone may have posted a week ago, or a couple of days ago and see some people reacting impatiently, "this comes up almost every week.." - you can almost hear the sigh!
Yet, so what? If it crops up regularly, then it is obviously something that is suffered by many.

The poster has had a lot on his plate and it seemed like it all came at once. For me, when I married my American husband he had cancer, no sooner did he recover from that, (he was still on chemotherapy) he needed heart surgery, while recovering from that his mother died. This all happened in the six months after we married and I was unable to go home because my papers weren't through. I felt miserable and isolated and lonely. I didn't use this site then, just made loads of calls back home and tried to muddle through as best as I could - the British stiff upper lip and all that. But had I posted, moaning about how lonely and miserable I was, I would have hoped - and have been pretty sure I would have got a lot of support.

I notice the unfriendly posters and I feel sorry for them.
To the majority of others, - and they are the majority - I say thank you, this IS the place to come for sympathy.

And to the original poster, I'd say hang in there. This country has a lot to offer if you are prepared to stick it out and give it time. That being said, you now have an incredible harsh winter to go through! You should move to the PNW, it's beautiful here! GOOD LUCK!

Bob

Thing is, someone just looking a few posts down probably without even searching might actually find their question answered...there's also a good load of info posted in the wiki.

Asking people to reanswer something day in is just poor form.

Sure, they don't have to say anything, but there also isn't anything wrong in pointing out that the answer is easy to find.

It's different when someone is looking for support or to vent, there's nothing wrong with that...but asking a question and not even bothering to read the first page of the forum is equally as rude and if no one bothered to answer, or everyone wanted fluffy flowers around here, this place would be dead. The fact people do help out and contribute shows they still care enough to bother, especially for the most part, no one gets a thank you in return.

keaki80

For the most part, do you really feel people not thank posters? I don't spend every day on here, nor do I come in every week, but the posts I have read have always had thank you's back from the original poster - and fortunately not thanking is something I personally can't be accused of.

Bob

For the most part, yup. People come, they ask, get their info and are never seen of again. The huge number of members v active users is a give away on that one.

Seal2012

The regular posters need to realize that some people don't know what a wiki is let alone know how to navigate a message board and search for information that they are possibly confused about? They find the forum and just go ahead with their question- and hope to get some help. It's good to show someone where to find the info- but sometimes there are 3 or more people that tell them the same thing- and then the thread at times ends up off topic with people griping because "someone else didn't read the wiki" etc.

materialcontroller

That's very true. I'd also add that while it's nice to receive thanks from people for help you provide, none of us should be getting upset when thanks isn't forthcoming - especially from total strangers on the internet. We all have a choice whether or not to participate here. But if we do it ought to be for the satisfaction of volunteering and helping others, not for the thanks and recognition.