zargof

If you don't value our experience why come here asking for advice on what to do?

BE is not the place to come looking for sympathy.

NSBlake

There have been a few posts about this recently - I think things can turn quite nasty quickly in this forum (usually by the same individuals) which is why I don't post much.

I think sometimes people forget that the "posters" don't always have someone to talk to about stuff as they have left their good friends at home and just need someone to perhaps listen - think we should have a section called "only supportive posts allowed", but people would shout re Censorship!

zargof

Calling another poster a "pathetic piece of sh*t" in your second post doesn't really endear yourself to the regulars around here.

le10

I'm sorry.

I probably have been too defensive and at the same time offensive.

I'm just very stressed at the moment and I was looking for someone to lean on.

Wrong place for that, I apologise.

I'm sure all of your advice is well intentioned.

Hope to restart my relationship with this board.

Paul

lansbury

If that is the attitude none of us can help as all our experiences are different.

You said you didn't want an easy life, well that is something American will help with. It isn't easy here there is no safety net, takes a lot of getting used to, but the rewards are more. The rewards might not be of monetary value, it depends on how you look at things. I've been here five years and got elected to our city council last year. The pay is piss poor but the experience is the reward and one I could not have got in the UK. I was driving back home today and just looking around thought this place is just so full of trees, green, reds and colors everywhere. Again to me that is a reward I didn't get in the part of the UK I lived in.

Only you can decide if that easy life you had in the UK was really what you want, and the rest is bravado, or do you want to find something different. I've lived in England, Zimbabwe and Oregon. I had a great time in each because I made the best of what they had to offer, but I learned one thing life is very similar wherever you are. Sometimes it's good, sometimes bad and sometimes it kicks you in the teeth.

NSBlake

That's what I'm talking about, the first reply to the OP was not helpful - people need to be more chilled and understanding......loads of people are posting "but, we have had your experience". If they had, then I think they would be more sympathetic and know not to write things that are going to wind people (OP) up.

tigerbaywarrior

Post versus troll.

Oh wait.......

avanutria

*offers hand of friendship*

Hey Paul. We really have all been there - most of us, at least. The particulars may vary but we've all had to make those decisions of leaving the known vs. taking a chance for our families, and the second guessing that comes along with it. Culture shock is real, even between English-speaking western cultures, and it can have real effects on people. I like to relate my story of bursting into tears in Sainsburys (when I was a newly minted UK resident of about 4 or 5 months) because I couldn't find "normal" flavoured potato crisps.

Given the restrictions of distance and unfamiliarity, is there anything that we can do to help relieve your stress? If there is, we'd like to help.

le10

That's very kind.

No..there's nothing needed.

I wrote the post when I hadn't yet spoken to my Mum and I was feeling terribly guilty etc.

Got to toughen up and stand by my convictions.

I knew this would be tough, so I just got to make it work.

I guess we didn't anticipate so many challenges so early on that's all.

p.s. I'm actually quite a nice guy (I think! )

avanutria

That's the spirit. Things will work out - they always do, though often in a way other than what we'd planned. How's your mum holding up?

N1cky

The early months are always tough, hopefully the challenges become mild incoveniences after a year or so, if they don't maybe that's when you know you should go back.

Hope your Mum is ok too, being away from family (especially when they are ill) is so hard.

scrubbedexpat097

Guilt is a major part of life for a lot of expats mate, it goes with the territory along with the self-doubt, worry, home-sickness and the "oh, shit..what have I done"problems.

First, try not to worry about the things you can't change like the weather, the trees etc..

Secondly, you have to make the decision yourself, listening to other peoples experiences may help but no two journeys are the same. It is hard, a lot of us had had tough times and hard decisions.

Good luck......and stay clear of bad weather

caleyjag

I didn't mean to sound so harsh either.

My own mum told me she had cancer the day before I moved out here for the first time. It was pretty brutal. In my case she wouldn't let me not go as she had seen me work so hard to get out here.


First things first, I agree with the poster above who said that you should go spend time with your mum. That is the one thing in your situation that is irreversible. But going back to address that in the short term doesn't need to alter your ambitions in the longer term.


Getting established in the US can be difficult, and that's what I meant by sorting the 'men from the boys'. It can be easy to give up and go home to what you know, but in the long term would you be happy with that? Would you be happy going back to the UK knowing that you didn't give it your best shot?

Sometimes circumstances conspire against you, and we can at least be grateful that we have the UK and its safety net to go back to - something Americans don't have. We're very lucky.

But I think if you can stick at it and make it work out here - the sense of adventure and achievement of making it happen in a foreign land is worth it.

Tarkak9

Same can be said with regards to respect around here. There are those here who don't give respect yet demand it from others; esp from 'newbies'.

Sympathy, perhaps not... empathy, yeah, would assume you'd get it from BE.

Sally Redux

I thought it was an excellent point about the American Dream though. We often see people who are mad keen to come here without any clear logical reason apart form a dream that life will be better. Then comes the reality check, which OP is experiencing. Leaving one's own culture and family behind is not to be lightly undertaken.