Jerseygirl

Therapy!?! How very American.

sir_eccles

I know. In all honesty though, sometimes it helps just to have someone to talk to who will listen and let you know that you aren't alone.

zargof

I'm wondering what reward are you expecting? Something vague such as a "better life" doesn't work here. You need something more concrete and you need to think about how you'll achieve it. Just because you've come to America doesn't guarantee everything will be better and you will get your reward.

I'm not going to give you advice about whether to stay or go, other than to say, what is important to you? Is it family, money, work, places, people, animals or whatever else. The things that are most important are the things that should guide you decision.

KrisL1

I had issues when I first moved here back in March 2005. Although they were different to what you are going through and experiencing, I believe you should stick it out. I thought about going back to England not long after moving here missing my family & friends was the biggest issue I had to deal with. My line of work was starting to diminish and it was becoming so much harder to get work and had to travel longer distances that I would actually like to from my home. Being over here on the East Coast yes the weather can be at times depressing but you get through it and eventually get used to it as being a way of life and adding to the chores with shoveling snow during winter raking up leaves in the autumn, but in some ways it was not too much dissimilar than being in England although we get far less snow and fallen leaves in the garden.
As for the custom issue that you had unfortunately you were in the select few that got unwanted attention and I dont disagree that it was a nightmare. My stuff was sent the last week of February 2005 and did not arrive until nearly midway through July. I understand that there is a waiting period for the shipment to enter the US with travel but when it got here it stood in customs for 6 weeks before delivery at my home. I can sincerely understand your frustrations.
The food and clothes are actually not that bad and you can always find either online or at your local grocery shop the items you and your family enjoy. There is plenty of info on BE where people share their findings.

Ultimately as I mentioned previous in the reply to your situation I would stick it out you will be rewarded. Believe that you and your dear family can and will make a comeback, don't let go of the dreams you had they are precious to hold onto.


I am sorry to hear of your mother's diagnosis. I shall pray she has complete recovery and all sickness removed from her body.

ian-mstm

This seems to be the crux of your entire situation... unrealistic expectations!

Ian

Bob

No one can answer that for you.

Either your mother is important to you and you want to go back and help her and face the costs involved, or you don't and you stick it out over here.

Might sound harsh, but that's it basically, anything else is fluff and sugar coating.

What you're suffering from now is home sickness, it comes, it goes, it affects people in different ways.

Englishman43

x 2 .

Read a little about Monsanto, watch "Food Inc" - the food here is beyond crap unless you buy certified US grown organic stuff - as opposed to the "organic" stuff bought in from Mexico & China...

le10

Well thank you for your replies.

I really appreciate them.

It's funny how you can separate the people on this forum into those that have something to say, and those that think they have something to say..

The responses along the lines of "bad planning", "separates the men from the boys", "unrealistic expectations" are those that think they have something to say, but, never actually say anything of value.

To all the others, thank you.

Bob

Food can be organic, but not certified...that's just a $12K a year certificate, so plenty of small, local farmers which are organic can't afford the certificate and don't bother.

Also, being certified organic doesn't necessarily make the food better quality, just that the crap used on the fruit/veg is natural as opposed to man made.

Organic is still generally better, especially regarding meats and dairy, and usually is for fruit/veg, but isn't always for the fruit/veg.

Bob

They do have a point and it is of value, just not much use to you as it's now all hindsight, but for anyone else who might be in a similar boat in the future, who might actually bother search out and read the forum, could help them out.

Though what are the chances of that happening

Getting back to issues. Sod the house, unless you've signed and bought it, anything can be pulled out of. Sure there might be some penalties but if it's a shitter, surely the penalties will be smaller than the hassle.

Plus, really goes to show how valuable renting for the first year really is, which again doesn't help you all that much right now.

But, as you are a rent to buy and haven't bought right now, the landlord is still responsible for upkeep, safety and maintenance of the place, so get them to sort it out or to get quotes on repair costs and get it deducted from the sale price. And next time, get the place surveyed properly, by someone independent of the property/sale pipeline.

Oh, and possibly consider suing the realtor, unless all the crap such as the water was mentioned when you looked into the place because, well does depend on the state, but they could well be responsible for disclosing certain issues such as the water and roof to you...so you could use that to get out of the buy, but probably something you'd want to consult a lawyer about, or read up what your state has about full disclosure.

avanutria

Interestingly, many of the new members here also fall into two categories: Those who ask questions and consider all of the replies, and those who get upset when someone tells them something that they don't wish to hear.

I honestly do wish you the best in your future decisions. But as you have decided that my thoughts are of no value, I won't be attempting to assist you further.

N1cky

That's not stictly true though, for the first 6 months out here I was really down, looking back probably bordering on being depressed. Mainly due to bad planning. We had planned only to have 1 car until we were both working, consequently I spent 5 hours a day sat in LA traffic running hubby/kid to work/school. Bad Planning, if we had done things different we would have all been a lot happier.

Also, most people who say you had 'unrealistic expectations' can say this because they have been through it. I imagined what my life would be like out here, and actually it's more or less the same as it was in England apart from it's sunny in my bit of the world.

You're asking a question only you and your family can answer, how can a bunch of strangers tell you if you should stay or go?

Also, something else to consider with your run of bad luck, are you here on work visas? if so is it sensible to buy a house?

le10

Hi,

I don't mind anyone suggesting something could have been done differently etc. However, I don't value one sentence responses. To me that smacks of either ignorance or arrogance.

There are many inputs and variables that feed into the decisions we make when we move over here. All of them are unique and all of them fall within a particular context.

I left out most of mine because, quite honestly, it would be tedious to justify every decision that has been taken.

I believe I made good sound decisions based upon realistic expectations. However, just because something is planned it doesn't mean it is easy, or without pain.

I also believe that you cannot experience something until you do it.

So, planning had nothing to do with this.

It's the unplanned stuff, that could not have been foreseen, that has caused the greatest cumulative stress.

zargof

That's the thing. You're talking to a bunch of people that have done it and do have the experience.

le10

You haven't had my experience...only your own.

I thought this forum might be about support rather than judgement.