want to go home

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Mar 17th 2009, 12:13 pm

#16

storms

Forum Regular

Joined: Feb 2006

Location: Perth

Posts: 255

Re: want to go home

Just want to say, all the best, and thinking of you, I know a very close friend who went through the same situation, and it is so hard and draining, that I can only offer {{hugs and support}}

Bj

Mar 17th 2009, 8:14 pm

#17

Sandra1

Just Joined

Joined: Feb 2009

Posts: 22

Re: want to go home

Quote:

Originally Posted by pumaking

Hi i'm new to all this so please bear with me.

I have been in australia 3 months and for 2 months its been pretty bad. I feel like I want to go back and be with my friends and my small family who I trust and love.

My marriage was struggling before we arrived and to be honest for a few years before that since my husband had a one nighter with a friend of mine, I thought coming here would be a positive move to get us back on track but who was I kidding.

I guess it was a bit like thinking a baby would bring us closer to together (luckily we didnt do that)

I feel my life is disappearing before my eyes, I am 40 and need to make a change now before we go on like this for another few years, I dont feel I can bring this back. I guess I am scared to make the decision and move back lots of emotions running through my head I dont want people thinking the worse of me and me admitting my marriage has failed is something i'm not looking forward to.

I really hope people who feel their marriage is struggling before they arrive dont think that moving abroad is going to mend their marriage the chances are it wont.

thanks for listening to me ramble I had to get it off my chest

Sorry to hear your plight. I know that before I make any big, life changing decisions, it's best to make them when not in an emotional turmoil. I have found that decisions made during sadness and anxiety is possibly a decision based on trying to move away from the pain. If I may be so bold, I would suggest that if you decide to end your marriage, you might want to stay for a while and stabilize your emotions and get back on your feet and then make the decision whether you want to move back. Hope this helps. It comes from a place of "been there and done that".

Mar 19th 2009, 12:43 am

#18

exvj

Banned

Joined: Aug 2007

Location: the dry part of Washington State

Posts: 1,333

Re: want to go home

Quote:

Originally Posted by pumaking

My son is 40 in January and is doing his nut - 'life is gone'

I am finished

Its too late etc etc etc

Just make sure that isnt clouding your judgement, and you arent projecting that anxiety onto your life as a whole. Most people have semi breakdowns and do silly things as that birthday approaches

A lot of spouses have cheating spouses - they just don't know about it thats all... So dont imagine that yours is a baddy and everyone else's is a goody

Life sure isnt perfect and we sometimes mess up a 'not quite good enough' life and turn it into a horrible life, by trying for a perfect life

Wait til 3 months after your birthday and reassess

Mar 20th 2009, 3:26 pm

#19

TheDreamer

Forum Regular

Joined: Feb 2009

Posts: 94

Re: want to go home

Quote:

Originally Posted by exvj

A lot of spouses have cheating spouses - they just don't know about it thats all... So dont imagine that yours is a baddy and everyone else's is a goody

That's one of the most true statements I've heard. I've had one myself and when I found out about her I simply kicked her out but the pain is still there after many years. I do not believe in forgiving cheating spouses because they will cheat again. Just let them go, you'll be better off w/o them. If you have no kids you've lost nothing at all. Try not to feel sorry for yourself as that will stop your brain functioning properly!