URGENT help required for pregnant daughter wanting to return to UK
#31
Re: URGENT help required for pregnant daughter wanting to return to UK
Hoping you can find a way for your daughter and family, you are in SUCH a hard place right now.
Take Care
Barb
#32
Banned
Joined: May 2008
Location: Lagrange 2
Posts: 1,507
Re: URGENT help required for pregnant daughter wanting to return to UK
Dizzy, there really is good advice here for her problem and it is best encapsulated in the posts by Trixie. Get her straigt back to the UK and into care of Social services - without him. You may have to go with her because she may, because of her age, be too young to travel alone (sorry - oxymoron not intended). You can hang around in the background but don't complicate the matter by getting involved. We have seen in the UK press before cases of abandonment which would not be the case if she surrenders herself.
I think that the idea of giving her to your friend for a couple of days gives Social Services the best excuse in the world to withdraw any offers of assistance and the friend will get no end of hasssle from someone who is a criminal - that's not fair now is it.
I wish you, her and the baby well.
I think that the idea of giving her to your friend for a couple of days gives Social Services the best excuse in the world to withdraw any offers of assistance and the friend will get no end of hasssle from someone who is a criminal - that's not fair now is it.
I wish you, her and the baby well.
#33
Re: URGENT help required for pregnant daughter wanting to return to UK
Dizzy, there really is good advice here for her problem and it is best encapsulated in the posts by Trixie. Get her straigt back to the UK and into care of Social services - without him. You may have to go with her because she may, because of her age, be too young to travel alone (sorry - oxymoron not intended). You can hang around in the background but don't complicate the matter by getting involved. We have seen in the UK press before cases of abandonment which would not be the case if she surrenders herself.
I think that the idea of giving her to your friend for a couple of days gives Social Services the best excuse in the world to withdraw any offers of assistance and the friend will get no end of hasssle from someone who is a criminal - that's not fair now is it.
I wish you, her and the baby well.
I think that the idea of giving her to your friend for a couple of days gives Social Services the best excuse in the world to withdraw any offers of assistance and the friend will get no end of hasssle from someone who is a criminal - that's not fair now is it.
I wish you, her and the baby well.
#34
Banned
Joined: May 2008
Location: Lagrange 2
Posts: 1,507
Re: URGENT help required for pregnant daughter wanting to return to UK
I fully agree with your strategy of just throwing her at the social srvices and to that end she must be on her own. And the bf should just be left out of it entirely. My kids go backwards and forwards to the UK quite often and the airlines do accept them on their own. However, arranging unaccompanied travel for them is a formality which is a very real hassle and you have to give all sorts of phone numbers and contact details at both ends. One of us just goes with them for the flight now to save the hassle. So Dzzy ought to check this.
#35
Niamh,Paul + 4 :)
Joined: Jul 2007
Location: sunshine coast, now back home in Ireland :)
Posts: 1,861
Re: URGENT help required for pregnant daughter wanting to return to UK
You are right, if only there was a magic camera that could show her a couple of years down the line. She is being turned into his mother, an opressed overworked slave while the husband just drinks and beats her. She is blind to it all, first love etc, I half hope that if they do go to england, he wont hack it and bugger off. If they stay here, i know he will go back to dealing and stealing as he is not employable. For a once bright girl, she is being bloody stupid, and i am powerless
I know what its like to be some were with no family support and pregnant and I had a very supportive husband. it was the hardest time of my life I missed my mother and sisters so much. but I was in a good place I had a nice home, security but no family around me. if he is a little iffy and not such a nice guy then she wont even have that. I see a lot of heart ake and I bet you are sick with worry.
May be I'm missing something but why cant she stay were she is at least on till she has the baby. she needs support if she wants to go to college may moving to another town if he wants to get away from trouble.
I'm probably not helping I'm sorry, I really hope you get the answers and it all works out.
#36
Re: URGENT help required for pregnant daughter wanting to return to UK
What a dilemma you're in. It sounds like you're daughter isn't going to go anywhere without the boyfriend but he is no good for her.
I don't know how strict this country is about admitting folk with criminal records - you'd have to look it up. In an ideal world, your daughter could come back here and they would refuse to let the boyfriend in.
Good luck sorting everything out - it sounds like you need it.
I don't know how strict this country is about admitting folk with criminal records - you'd have to look it up. In an ideal world, your daughter could come back here and they would refuse to let the boyfriend in.
Good luck sorting everything out - it sounds like you need it.
#37
Forum Regular
Joined: Mar 2005
Posts: 31
Re: URGENT help required for pregnant daughter wanting to return to UK
What a pickle! I'm a mother of 4 teen girls myself - so I know what impossible situations they can sometimes put us in!
I haven't been following the forum from the beginning so excuse me if I get some of the facts wrong. My thoughts are though, this bf, by insisting that he has to come to UK with her, and her insisting that she can't leave without him - are you sure that he isn't just piggy-backing on your daughters rights to live in UK with abundant benefits? I've only ever visited Portugal, but from what I understand the government there is not so benevolent in that dept. If he's messed things up for himself in Portugal - maybe this is how he feels he can move on, by using your daughter.
My feeling is you might have to be cruel - to be kind. Tell your daughter yes, I will help you, but your bf comes here on his own. Finds his own place to stay and gets a job. When he has enough you can move in with him. This will give the bf time to prove himself since setting up in a new country is alot of hard work. It will show what he's really after. If he means business and it is 'true love', he'll do anything. If not - well good riddance to bad rubbish. You would not want someone like that in your daughter's or grandchild's life anyways.
Being a latin, if he's worth his salt he'll respect you and your stipulations. I've seen latin men worship their mothers. He should give you that much respect.
I haven't been following the forum from the beginning so excuse me if I get some of the facts wrong. My thoughts are though, this bf, by insisting that he has to come to UK with her, and her insisting that she can't leave without him - are you sure that he isn't just piggy-backing on your daughters rights to live in UK with abundant benefits? I've only ever visited Portugal, but from what I understand the government there is not so benevolent in that dept. If he's messed things up for himself in Portugal - maybe this is how he feels he can move on, by using your daughter.
My feeling is you might have to be cruel - to be kind. Tell your daughter yes, I will help you, but your bf comes here on his own. Finds his own place to stay and gets a job. When he has enough you can move in with him. This will give the bf time to prove himself since setting up in a new country is alot of hard work. It will show what he's really after. If he means business and it is 'true love', he'll do anything. If not - well good riddance to bad rubbish. You would not want someone like that in your daughter's or grandchild's life anyways.
Being a latin, if he's worth his salt he'll respect you and your stipulations. I've seen latin men worship their mothers. He should give you that much respect.
#38
Banned
Joined: Apr 2009
Location: SW Ontario
Posts: 19,879
Re: URGENT help required for pregnant daughter wanting to return to UK
I realise the OP hasn't posted in a while but found a couple of links that may be of use.
http://www.getconnected.org.uk/chari...FZVj2godhAr0kQ is an advice centre for young people.
http://www.getconnected.org.uk/ has email and phone links for advice
Rights to live and work in EEA countries http://www.bia.homeoffice.gov.uk/euc...sponsibilites/ Portugal is a member, so if her boyfriend is a Portugese Citizen he can live and work in the UK.
Your daughter should be aware that, whilst she is a British Citizen and has the right to live in the UK, she is not a British Resident. This could make a huge difference when it comes to emergency housing.
http://england.shelter.org.uk/get_ad...rgency_checker
Question 1
Are you a UK citizen who normally lives here?
First the council will check your nationality and where you normally live, to work out whether you are eligible for assistance. It's possible for some of the people you live with to be eligible and others not.
Yes
No
Result - You may not be eligible for assistance
If the council believes you are not eligible for assistance, it doesn't have a duty to house you. The decision may also affect your rights to financial help, such as housing benefit.
People from abroad
Some people from abroad are eligible for assistance but many are not, including most asylum seekers and people from certain European countries. Your rights may vary depending on your immigration status, whether you are 'habitually resident' in the UK and whether you are classed as a 'worker'. You should get specialist immigration advice before you contact the council.
UK citizens
If you are a UK citizen and have been living abroad, you will probably become eligible for assistance once you are classed as 'habitually resident'. This usually takes three to six months so, if the council decides that you are not eligible right now, you can try reapplying later on.
What are my rights?
The council should explain in writing why it thinks you're not eligible for assistance. Get advice to check whether the reasons it gives you are legally correct. If they are not, you may be able to challenge the decision. Remember: this assessment is only a guide, and it's worth discussing your personal circumstances with an adviser.
You might also want to look at how much money she "could" get, if she qualifies. http://www.dsdni.gov.uk/index/ssa/be...efit_rates.htm
I hope you can manage to persuade her to remain where you live rather than trying to go to the UK and possibly having her child taken into care as she may not be able to take provide for it.
Please keep us posted as to how things are going
Our thoughts are with you.
Edit: I just found the criteria for claiming benefit - it appears you must be habitually resident in the UK.
http://www.dsdni.gov.uk/dmser_vol2amdtpkg6_net.pdf
links to various manuals regarding ascertaining benefit entitlement. http://www.dsdni.gov.uk/search-resul...=dsd-test&sm=0
http://www.dwp.gov.uk/docs/ch0703.pdf
Briefing notes: http://209.85.229.132/search?q=cache...&ct=clnk&gl=fr
http://www.getconnected.org.uk/chari...FZVj2godhAr0kQ is an advice centre for young people.
http://www.getconnected.org.uk/ has email and phone links for advice
Rights to live and work in EEA countries http://www.bia.homeoffice.gov.uk/euc...sponsibilites/ Portugal is a member, so if her boyfriend is a Portugese Citizen he can live and work in the UK.
Your daughter should be aware that, whilst she is a British Citizen and has the right to live in the UK, she is not a British Resident. This could make a huge difference when it comes to emergency housing.
http://england.shelter.org.uk/get_ad...rgency_checker
Question 1
Are you a UK citizen who normally lives here?
First the council will check your nationality and where you normally live, to work out whether you are eligible for assistance. It's possible for some of the people you live with to be eligible and others not.
Yes
No
Result - You may not be eligible for assistance
If the council believes you are not eligible for assistance, it doesn't have a duty to house you. The decision may also affect your rights to financial help, such as housing benefit.
People from abroad
Some people from abroad are eligible for assistance but many are not, including most asylum seekers and people from certain European countries. Your rights may vary depending on your immigration status, whether you are 'habitually resident' in the UK and whether you are classed as a 'worker'. You should get specialist immigration advice before you contact the council.
UK citizens
If you are a UK citizen and have been living abroad, you will probably become eligible for assistance once you are classed as 'habitually resident'. This usually takes three to six months so, if the council decides that you are not eligible right now, you can try reapplying later on.
What are my rights?
The council should explain in writing why it thinks you're not eligible for assistance. Get advice to check whether the reasons it gives you are legally correct. If they are not, you may be able to challenge the decision. Remember: this assessment is only a guide, and it's worth discussing your personal circumstances with an adviser.
You might also want to look at how much money she "could" get, if she qualifies. http://www.dsdni.gov.uk/index/ssa/be...efit_rates.htm
I hope you can manage to persuade her to remain where you live rather than trying to go to the UK and possibly having her child taken into care as she may not be able to take provide for it.
Please keep us posted as to how things are going
Our thoughts are with you.
Edit: I just found the criteria for claiming benefit - it appears you must be habitually resident in the UK.
http://www.dsdni.gov.uk/dmser_vol2amdtpkg6_net.pdf
links to various manuals regarding ascertaining benefit entitlement. http://www.dsdni.gov.uk/search-resul...=dsd-test&sm=0
http://www.dwp.gov.uk/docs/ch0703.pdf
Briefing notes: http://209.85.229.132/search?q=cache...&ct=clnk&gl=fr
Last edited by Siouxie; Feb 22nd 2010 at 4:23 pm.