Update:Back 15 months.
 

Not sure if many people remember me, I haven't posted a lot. Left Melbourne a year ago with my OH and our 2 children after 4.5 years and returned to the UK.

We settled in Harrogate. Or at least I settled and our children. Unfortunately the whole ping pomming has cost me my marriage. My OH returned to Melbourne in May. We were meant to follow him out. But I just can't do it. Obviously there is more to our story than where to live, and it speaks volumes about our relationship. But my 2 children and me are happy to be in England. I have found a job, I am working full time & have an hours commute. It's not easy as of course I have the children all of the time and have little family support.

But weirdly, even though this year has undoubtedly been the most difficult in my life, with no end in sight (OH still wants me to go back to Aus) I still have no regrets. I enjoyed our time in Australia but England feels so right. I am enjoying my new job and I appreciate what England has to offer. I live in a pretty area and my commute to work is spectacular through the Yorkshire Dales. We went to the local bonfire last night and it was lovely. I'm finding the schools here are vastly superior to those in Melbourne and the COL is cheaper. I find my new work mates are friendly and have a cracking sense of humour. I have discovered a cooler climate with very definite seasons suits me very well.

Even though my heart aches horribly at the end of my 16 year relationship, I know deep down I am doing the right thing.

Thought I would just update, though I'm not sure mine is a particularly positive story and I seldom visit British Expats these days. All the very best to those of you making the move overseas, or thinking of coming back. Like I say, I have no regrets about going to Australia, and no regrets about leaving.

Re: Update:Back 15 months.
 

Hi toodlepip,

So sorry to read about you and your OH, but ultimately you need to do what's right for you and it sounds like being "home" in the UK is where you want to be. :heart:

Re: Update:Back 15 months.
 

Toodlepip, I remember your writings.. I am sorry to hear about marriage but in your heart you already know what is best and sounds like England is working out well for you. I just want to wish you well.

Re: Update:Back 15 months.
 

Toodlepip, I greatly admire your courage in doing what you feel is right. I haven't yet been to your area, but from what I have seen via TV etc, I can understand why you love being where you are. There are so many things in the UK that make my heart sing, so I can understand why you want to be here. I wish you and your family all the very best for the future.:)

Re: Update:Back 15 months.
 

Hi toodlepip, I am in the same area as you and can vouch for how lovely it is. I'm sorry to hear about your marriage, but glad you're settled and sure of your choice.

Re: Update:Back 15 months.
 

Oh wow, Toodlepip, I remember your angst at the possibility of a return and I am so sorry to hear that it has spelled the end of your marriage but I hope things continue to look up for you and, you never know, someone else may decide that the people in his life are more important than the place he lives it in (or not, as the case may be). You certainly live in a lovely part of the country and it is great that your kids have settled so well!

Re: Update:Back 15 months.
 

I am sorry to hear about your marriage break up and am glad to hear that you are happy in the UK.

However, the responses here highlight one thing I cannot stand about this site. Whenever a woman writes about her husband 'putting his foot down' or 'refusing to budge' it's met with the usual derision about how he should be putting his wife and family first etc.

When the wife does it then the responses are fully supportive about tearing a family apart. I don't get it:confused:

As the OP pointed out, there is more going on in the relationship (there usually is) and I'm not singling her situation out. It's just a trend I've noticed on here that I don't like.

Re: Update:Back 15 months.
 

I'm a bit confused by your reply? Perhaps because I haven't "put my foot down" or "refused to budge" is why I've had supportive replies. In fact I have tried very very hard to save my marriage and have offered up several compromises. My husband refuses to budge and will only a consider a future for our family in Australia, he won't even consider staying in the UK for a few years until our children finish school. It is important to point out that in our situation it's relevant that neither of my children want to return to Australa. They are 12 and 9 and it seems very unfair to put them through all that upheaval just because their dad refuses to like England. In my opinion it is him that has torn our family apart and I think he has behaved incredibly selfishly. It hurts that he has put Australia ahead of his family.

I don't use Britishexpats enough to have noticed the trend you mention. Are you thinking sexism, I'm trying to see my post as if it was a man writing about a wife leaving him and the children for a life in Oz but I think he would get even more sympathetic responses, as a mum I couldn't imagine leaving my children.

Quite a long winded way of saying I haven't taken your comments personally as I can see you didn't mean them that way but I am not sure what you are getting at.

Re: Update:Back 15 months.
 

Thank you all for your replies :) At times it feels like a long hard road I am travelling but I am hoping the future looks brighter.

Re: Update:Back 15 months.
 

That's good, as that was not my intention:)

What I am getting is that a lot of the time I read posts on threads that are fully supportive of a woman making decisions regarding their own destiny but it does not seem to be reciprocated when a man does it.

The bit that confuses me in your OP is that you say your husband returned to Oz and you were meant to follow. So he went there with the understanding that you were going to follow and now you've changed your mind? 9I don't blame you btw, I don't want to return either but my wife does eventually and as those long timers on here will attest, I have a pretty good record of putting my wife first:D)

As a father I couldn't imagine leaving my children either, but unfortunately that decision was made for me when I came home and found kids, wife, car, money, furniture all gone. Still don't know why (wish I'd shagged my secretary then at least I'd have a reason:lol:).

Anyway, it's a trend I've noticed.

Re: Update:Back 15 months.
 

Yes I see what you mean now, and that is certainly the way my husband sees it yes I had agreed to go back but I never wanted to and he knew that the kids and me wanted to stay here. H pretty much bullied me into agreeing to return and refused to entertain the idea of staying here. I thought at the time it was better to keep the family together but now we've done nearly 6 months without him I can see that's actually not the case. And of course there are
other issues here, I know us returning to Australia to be with him will certainly not work long term as in many ways the whole UK vs Australia isn't really the issue here, it's just an added complication.

Your wife is very lucky that you put her first, I hope she appreciates it! and I am sorry to hear you lost your children.

Re: Update:Back 15 months.
 

That doesn't sound great at all, I wish you the very best of British:)

I guess we'll find out if my wife appreciates it tomorrow, we're off to the bike shop:lol::thumbup:

Re: Update:Back 15 months.
 

Well done you. Not easy for you to do. Stay where you and your children feel safe and happy. Not easy being a separated parent, but you sound like you are on top of it.

Re: Update:Back 15 months.
 

She mentioned that all 3 of them want to stay here and one wants to leave so it would be odd if we singled out the 3 of them for criticism over the one (not that anyone has criticized the husband).

I guarantee that we would have all been sympathetic to you in regards to your ex-wife leaving with the kids and the possessions. That's awful. Glad you're in a good relationship now :)

Re: Update:Back 15 months.
 

This is a difficult situation. In my experience both people involved in a separation or divorce feel that they are in the right and the UK vs Aus thing sounds like a bit of an excuse. So now comes the difficult part, the divorce and custody of the children. In all but the most exceptional circumstances your husband should be a part of your childrens' lives so negotiating that across 12k miles will be difficult.