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Two months is enough, I want to go home

Two months is enough, I want to go home

Old Jun 15th 2006, 4:26 am
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Default Two months is enough, I want to go home

We arrived in Auckland 2 months ago yesterday. We managed to find a rental in our price bracket and we're living in furnished place until the container arrives next week. But I hate it here and want to go back to England. My partner seems to be settling fairly well in his job but I find it very hard to feel at home here, I miss my family, the dog we had to leave behind and even little things like a decent takeaway and proper heating. At the moment I feel like telling the shippers to put the container back on the ship and taking the next flight home .

Anyone else feel the same as me? how long does it take to settle and is 2 months long enough to know that you made a mistake?
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Old Jun 15th 2006, 4:38 am
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Default Re: Two months is enough, I want to go home

Originally Posted by cathyc
We arrived in Auckland 2 months ago yesterday. We managed to find a rental in our price bracket and we're living in furnished place until the container arrives next week. But I hate it here and want to go back to England. My partner seems to be settling fairly well in his job but I find it very hard to feel at home here, I miss my family, the dog we had to leave behind and even little things like a decent takeaway and proper heating. At the moment I feel like telling the shippers to put the container back on the ship and taking the next flight home .

Anyone else feel the same as me? how long does it take to settle and is 2 months long enough to know that you made a mistake?
Settling in takes time. How much time depends on the individual and their circumstances. And don't under-estimate the power of culture shock.

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Are you planning on working in NZ?

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Old Jun 15th 2006, 4:57 am
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Default Re: Two months is enough, I want to go home

I reckon you should just relax and wait at least 6 months before making a decision.

My parents got a massive shock when they first came to Oz but now six months later they are so happy here and they would never go back to England.

However, my sister moved to Auckland from Sydney with work and even after a year was still really unhappy.

Give it a shot for at least 6 months so you feel more settled and then see how you feel. Join some clubs and do some volunteering to make you feel more a part of a community and meet some new friends. It really helps.

Good luck

P.S. Is there anyway you can bring your dog over to join you? You must miss him/her a lot!
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Old Jun 15th 2006, 5:37 am
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Default Re: Two months is enough, I want to go home

Originally Posted by cathyc
We arrived in Auckland 2 months ago yesterday. We managed to find a rental in our price bracket and we're living in furnished place until the container arrives next week. But I hate it here and want to go back to England. My partner seems to be settling fairly well in his job but I find it very hard to feel at home here, I miss my family, the dog we had to leave behind and even little things like a decent takeaway and proper heating. At the moment I feel like telling the shippers to put the container back on the ship and taking the next flight home .

Anyone else feel the same as me? how long does it take to settle and is 2 months long enough to know that you made a mistake?
Cathy,
give it time, two months is too early, homesickness hit me after 3 months and i was so ready to pack up and go back, but ive stuck with it, we've been in Oz now for 1 year and 7 months and love it here, dont get me wrong, i still get pangs to go back, but its only because of my family that i still miss like crazy, We now have made our own friends here and have a social life again, it does take time to settle, everything seems so foreign and strange at first, but it does get easier, i feel for you, i really do, i remember that horrible crushing feeling of wanting to go back, but remember why you came out here, you may even need to look at a different city to live in if you are not comfortable in Auckland, Good luck, and i hope you feel better about things soon, stay strong

fee
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Old Jun 15th 2006, 8:24 am
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Default Re: Two months is enough, I want to go home

Originally Posted by cathyc
We arrived in Auckland 2 months ago yesterday. We managed to find a rental in our price bracket and we're living in furnished place until the container arrives next week. But I hate it here and want to go back to England. My partner seems to be settling fairly well in his job but I find it very hard to feel at home here, I miss my family, the dog we had to leave behind and even little things like a decent takeaway and proper heating. At the moment I feel like telling the shippers to put the container back on the ship and taking the next flight home .

Anyone else feel the same as me? how long does it take to settle and is 2 months long enough to know that you made a mistake?
I would give it longer. I felt just the same as you and constantly had an ache in my stomach and could not stop crying (which just wasn't like me). Things do get easier and things start to become familiar. Try and join some clubs or do some volunteer work as this will get you mixing with other people and I am sure you will soon feel better. Even now if I am having a bad day I take myself off down to the local town for a coffee just so that I am not in the house feeling sorry for myself.
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Old Jun 15th 2006, 9:33 am
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Default Re: Two months is enough, I want to go home

Perhaps they should try moving to OZ perhaps Queensland, she might still be homesick but atleast you would have nice sunny weather compared to grey freezing New Zealand.
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Old Jun 15th 2006, 11:29 am
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Default Re: Two months is enough, I want to go home

You could try doing a search for "homesick" - you'll find that your experience is not unusual, in fact far from it. You'll also find that in many cases, people come around after a few months and love it.

So, definitely don't give up yet, and don't go straight back or you may become a "Ping Pong Pom" - one of the many who go back to the Uk and immediately think "What have I done?" and go back!

Give it time (easy to say, harder to do), and don't look at it like a life sentence but a 6-month or 1-year holiday. Who knows, at the end of your "holiday" you may have changed your mind. And if not, remember that the UK will always let you back in.
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Old Jun 15th 2006, 11:29 am
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Smile Re: Two months is enough, I want to go home

Originally Posted by cathyc
We arrived in Auckland 2 months ago yesterday. We managed to find a rental in our price bracket and we're living in furnished place until the container arrives next week. But I hate it here and want to go back to England. My partner seems to be settling fairly well in his job but I find it very hard to feel at home here, I miss my family, the dog we had to leave behind and even little things like a decent takeaway and proper heating. At the moment I feel like telling the shippers to put the container back on the ship and taking the next flight home .

Anyone else feel the same as me? how long does it take to settle and is 2 months long enough to know that you made a mistake?
Hi CathyC,

It takes time to settle in. We have been in Auckland for almost 4 years now and it probably takes a good year to feel settled. Whereabouts are you?
It is a culture shock. I will never forget driving from the airport to the motel and thinking "what have we done?". You probably have not arrived at the best time of year and the rainfall these past 2 months has been much higher than usual.

We were thinking of coming back to the UK and I am always on this site looking at other opinions on what it is like to return. My children love living here and I can't fault the education they are getting. I think if we were closer to our families we would have gone back also. Have you been here before and what made you come to NZ?

Good Luck Mandy.
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Old Jun 15th 2006, 1:11 pm
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Default Re: Two months is enough, I want to go home

My homesickness kicked in at about 4 months. Culture shock is exactly what it is. I had days where I just sobbed all day. I started doing some voluntary work with Riding for the Disabled. I had set days to go which gave me a purpose again. I got a puppy and I got a job - only 10 hours a week, but it has made the world of difference to how I feel.

I am setting myself a target of 2 years and telling myself that I can go home if I want. The reality is that already I have some great friends here and a "life" that I would not want to disrupt by going back to UK. My job in UK has gone, my house has gone, and I didn't actually see my family that often, so really all I would be returning to is familiarity. I find that I am putting in so much more effort over here. I feel as if the world is my oyster !

Get out of the house and get talking to people. I even volunteered to walk dogs at the local animal sanctuary. Everyone talks to you if you are walking a dog ! A major thing is to create a new life for yourself rather than trying to re-create your old one.

Good luck - it does get easier...........
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Old Jun 15th 2006, 2:36 pm
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Default Re: Two months is enough, I want to go home

It hit me after about 3 months. I felt worse and worse and hit rock bottom after about 15 months. I had just returned from a week in the UK and sat crying all day. I didn't want to get out of bed in the mornings and face the day. At weekends when we were out as a family I would try to find stores that were open until 10/11pm so I didn't have to go back to our rental. Every time my husband or daughter spoke to me I would just burst into tears. They didn't know what to do as I am usually a strong person and never cry. I just couldn't see an end to the blackness. It would have been easy for my husband to get a transfer back to the UK but I didn't want to give in. One Friday evening I bought a bottle of St Johns Wort, took the max dose and the next morning I felt like my old self again. It was unbelievable, I took them for about 3 weeks and after that just odd times when the blues started to come back. Looking back I should have seeked medical help but I just couldn't admit to a stranger that I couldn't cope and my life was spinning out of my control. Over the next 6 months we decided to buy a house, which really helped me settle and then we got a dog. I had always had dogs in the UK and had left my 2 dobermans behind, which I think contributed to my depression. We have been here 10yrs now and I am pretty settled but will always be a Brit at heart. All in all it took me 2 yrs for things to settle down and fall into place. Good luck.
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Old Jun 15th 2006, 3:00 pm
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Default Re: Two months is enough, I want to go home

Give it some time. Your stuff hasn't even arrived yet. When you ahve your own things around you and can start making your own nest with some familiar things you might start to settle a bit more.

Are you working or planning to work? Keeping busy makes it easier.
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Old Jun 15th 2006, 11:36 pm
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Default Re: Two months is enough, I want to go home

Wow! thank you so much for all of your replies .

I'm not sure if this is homesickness or not, that's the problem. I've moved round a fair bit but have never felt this negative about a place. Yes it could be culture shock but I was expecting something a lot different.

We're living in Mairangi Bay which is in the north shore of Auckland. It's not at all like I'd thought it would be. It's very hilly for a start and a lot more built up.

We've got two young children and I don't have any intention of working until they are in school full time. I've started to visit some groups with them and have made some friends. But it's not the lack of friends really that is bothering me. It's the coldness and dampness, the awful cost of electricity, no heating, the standard of the rental houses, the bad driving, giving way to the right, the food.....I could go on.

But of all of it it;s the houses that have really depressed me. Honestly some of them wouldn't even be found in a dumpy holiday camp in Britain, how on earth could landlords have the cheek to rent them out in such a state? We looked at some where the plaster was so wet you could pick it off the walls, how can children live in a place like that? And no heating either, there's no way I'd have a portable gas fire because I'm scared stiff of the things so we have to rely on electric heaters and I'm dreading the next bill. But we have to keep the place warm because of the children, It's really hard sometimes.

When I think of our lovely house back in England I could cry but if I start I may never stop. It can't be just me, do other people feel the same?
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Old Jun 15th 2006, 11:53 pm
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Default Re: Two months is enough, I want to go home

Originally Posted by cathyc
Wow! thank you so much for all of your replies .

I'm not sure if this is homesickness or not, that's the problem. I've moved round a fair bit but have never felt this negative about a place. Yes it could be culture shock but I was expecting something a lot different.

We're living in Mairangi Bay which is in the north shore of Auckland. It's not at all like I'd thought it would be. It's very hilly for a start and a lot more built up.

We've got two young children and I don't have any intention of working until they are in school full time. I've started to visit some groups with them and have made some friends. But it's not the lack of friends really that is bothering me. It's the coldness and dampness, the awful cost of electricity, no heating, the standard of the rental houses, the bad driving, giving way to the right, the food.....I could go on.

But of all of it it;s the houses that have really depressed me. Honestly some of them wouldn't even be found in a dumpy holiday camp in Britain, how on earth could landlords have the cheek to rent them out in such a state? We looked at some where the plaster was so wet you could pick it off the walls, how can children live in a place like that? And no heating either, there's no way I'd have a portable gas fire because I'm scared stiff of the things so we have to rely on electric heaters and I'm dreading the next bill. But we have to keep the place warm because of the children, It's really hard sometimes.

When I think of our lovely house back in England I could cry but if I start I may never stop. It can't be just me, do other people feel the same?
I'm sorry you are finding it hard to adjust, I did too. Once I got a job in Washington DC it was sooo much better - life seemed to normalize Moving to Seattle a couple of weeks ago has made it all seem very strange again but I know that in a few months I will feel adjusted. It will get better honestly but if it doesn't, talking to your husband about how displaced might help. If he isn't able to understand how you feel and there is no one close by who you can talk to, there are lots of great people here to talk to about how you feel on the forum or in private. Take care and I hope you feel more settled soon
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Old Jun 16th 2006, 3:54 am
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Smile Re: Two months is enough, I want to go home

Originally Posted by cathyc
Wow! thank you so much for all of your replies .

I'm not sure if this is homesickness or not, that's the problem. I've moved round a fair bit but have never felt this negative about a place. Yes it could be culture shock but I was expecting something a lot different.

We're living in Mairangi Bay which is in the north shore of Auckland. It's not at all like I'd thought it would be. It's very hilly for a start and a lot more built up.

We've got two young children and I don't have any intention of working until they are in school full time. I've started to visit some groups with them and have made some friends. But it's not the lack of friends really that is bothering me. It's the coldness and dampness, the awful cost of electricity, no heating, the standard of the rental houses, the bad driving, giving way to the right, the food.....I could go on.

But of all of it it;s the houses that have really depressed me. Honestly some of them wouldn't even be found in a dumpy holiday camp in Britain, how on earth could landlords have the cheek to rent them out in such a state? We looked at some where the plaster was so wet you could pick it off the walls, how can children live in a place like that? And no heating either, there's no way I'd have a portable gas fire because I'm scared stiff of the things so we have to rely on electric heaters and I'm dreading the next bill. But we have to keep the place warm because of the children, It's really hard sometimes.

When I think of our lovely house back in England I could cry but if I start I may never stop. It can't be just me, do other people feel the same?

Hi Cathy,

Perhaps you could find another rental. We rented a house whilst building a new house, but decided on moving into a new rental. There must be plenty around on the North Shore (Albany etc..). It does make all the difference living in a new house ( alot drier and warmer)! Electricity is expensive, but you need to keep the children warm. Once October arrives you will probably not need it.

Driving in New Zealand my favourite topic. I have travelled quite alot but I have never seen such standards of BAD driving. When we first arrived it really got to me, but now I have mellowed and don't let things get to me quite so much (must be the result of having 4 children)!

If you allow yourself a year or two (change of seasons) perhaps you may grow to like it, if not you can always go back. I think New Zealand is a great place for children, but you need to be happy as well.
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Old Jun 16th 2006, 4:12 am
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Default Re: Two months is enough, I want to go home

Yes I felt the same as you!!!

I so agree with the things you have said about the houses, driving etc etc. We just tend to laugh those things off now.

I agree with Amanda.... I was shocked about the standard of driving here after UK. I think in UK everyone drive so much faster but here people are just plain ignorant. It annoyed me no end to start with but now I just do the same and dont give a [email protected] like the rest of them! Most cars here seem to be dented and scratched, I think I'm the only person in my road who washes their car..lol. If you try to back out of a parking space nobody ever gives way to let you out.... it doesnt bother me at all now... I just expect it.

I dont know what to say to you really as only you know how you feel. But you really have arrived at the worse possible time of year. The spring summer and autumn here goes on for ages, and you see so much more blue sky here. This damp wont last forever I promise!!

To save on electricity bills we unplugged all the oil filled radiators we had been advised to buy when we got here (dont listen to kiwis lol!) and we now have one of those portable gas bottle fire things and we bought the fire guard that fits round it off Trademe as we have a toddler. I just have the one oil filled switched on in Tiny Terrors room at nap and night time.

We did find a lovely rental and have been in it for almost a year now but yes some are really awful I agree. I found the lack of heating really hard last year but this winter Im not finding it so hard... I also have an inbuilt radiator in my tummy at the moment (9 weeks preggo) so maybe thats why I dont feel the cold so much!

I have PM'd you... I hope things get better for you soon. Try to get out and keep busy. Good luck with whatever you decide to do.

Sarah

oh.... edited to add that xpat19 from NZ forum has a beautiful dog that they are trying to find a good home for... any good for you?

Last edited by SarahB; Jun 16th 2006 at 4:15 am.
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