Tired, sad and homesick...
Aug 23rd 2009, 4:16 am
#16
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Joined: Dec 2005
Posts: 88,017
Re: Tired, sad and homesick...
Hi
I guess I am the lady referred to in the US forum who posted a similar story! Take a look in the 'Trailer Park' US forum, my post is called 'Looking for Support'
and a few people hae replied to me so maybe their replies might encourage you too?
As you can see from my post there, I can't give you any great solutions, I am working through it myself, but I CAN tell you you're not alone, and there ARE people who know how it feels. I find it so hard to explain to anyone who HASN'T experienced it, I was surprised myself how painful it has been, and that it still is now after being here a few years. So do post here anytime you need to, it helps me just to know someone gets it.
Going back to England to visit last time I did DID make me more homesick, but it also did help - knowing that I can go back if I want to for visits keeps me going. I am currently unemployed but when we have our finances together I hope that I can manage a once a year trip - I am going in two weeks time, and its only the second time home in 5 years.
I also hope one day to do a trip with just the girls - a couple of friends here really want to go, and I have my friends in England, who have kind of got to know these American friends through Facebook - so thats a dream for one year, hitting England with the girls!
Through sorting my head out writing on here, it has also occurred to me that I could do a trip where, even if my husband can't get so long off work, I could stay longer and have some real time there (this trip is sadly only 11 days!) Westay at my parents so it wouldn't cost any more.
Anyway, like I say, no great advice, but just wanted to say don't be alone, I know we're onlyin your computer...lol....but we get it.
Ruth x
I guess I am the lady referred to in the US forum who posted a similar story! Take a look in the 'Trailer Park' US forum, my post is called 'Looking for Support'
and a few people hae replied to me so maybe their replies might encourage you too?
As you can see from my post there, I can't give you any great solutions, I am working through it myself, but I CAN tell you you're not alone, and there ARE people who know how it feels. I find it so hard to explain to anyone who HASN'T experienced it, I was surprised myself how painful it has been, and that it still is now after being here a few years. So do post here anytime you need to, it helps me just to know someone gets it.
Going back to England to visit last time I did DID make me more homesick, but it also did help - knowing that I can go back if I want to for visits keeps me going. I am currently unemployed but when we have our finances together I hope that I can manage a once a year trip - I am going in two weeks time, and its only the second time home in 5 years.
I also hope one day to do a trip with just the girls - a couple of friends here really want to go, and I have my friends in England, who have kind of got to know these American friends through Facebook - so thats a dream for one year, hitting England with the girls!
Through sorting my head out writing on here, it has also occurred to me that I could do a trip where, even if my husband can't get so long off work, I could stay longer and have some real time there (this trip is sadly only 11 days!) Westay at my parents so it wouldn't cost any more.
Anyway, like I say, no great advice, but just wanted to say don't be alone, I know we're onlyin your computer...lol....but we get it.
Ruth x
To eggysbrain and ETD...please log on to BE and let rip...there are many of us who have/who are going through the same as you.
Last edited by Jerseygirl; Aug 23rd 2009 at 4:33 am.
Aug 23rd 2009, 4:17 am
#17
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Joined: Jul 2008
Location: My happy place
Posts: 3,043
Re: Tired, sad and homesick...
I have a very very demanding job which I do have to immerse myself in, but at the same time have had to deal with a desire to go home and balancing my wife's study and location needs. Just because a man is busy does not negate him from thinking or dwelling on things that are outside his immediate sphere of necessary attention. In fact it makes it much worse, as there is far less time to reach any meaningful solution.
And what you are describing above isn't selfish in the context of the OP's situation, it's more like one of distracted ignorance. A selfish act is to knowingly acknowledge that one half of the relationship is not happy and make a conscience decision not to do anything about it. And that is not a trait that is exclusive to either gender.
Aug 23rd 2009, 4:22 am
#18
half a century
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Location: Sarf Lundun to East Van :)
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Aug 23rd 2009, 4:34 am
#19
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Joined: Dec 2005
Posts: 88,017
Re: Tired, sad and homesick...
I have a very very demanding job which I do have to immerse myself in, but at the same time have had to deal with a desire to go home and balancing my wife's study and location needs. Just because a man is busy does not negate him from thinking or dwelling on things that are outside his immediate sphere of necessary attention. In fact it makes it much worse, as there is far less time to reach any meaningful solution.
And what you are describing above isn't selfish in the context of the OP's situation, it's more like one of distracted ignorance. A selfish act is to knowingly acknowledge that one half of the relationship is not happy and make a conscience decision not to do anything about it. And that is not a trait that is exclusive to either gender.
And what you are describing above isn't selfish in the context of the OP's situation, it's more like one of distracted ignorance. A selfish act is to knowingly acknowledge that one half of the relationship is not happy and make a conscience decision not to do anything about it. And that is not a trait that is exclusive to either gender.
Aug 23rd 2009, 5:40 am
#21
Just Joined
Joined: Aug 2009
Location: Edmonton
Posts: 1
Re: Tired, sad and homesick...
I'm sorry to hear that you are tired, sad and homesick.... I've been there, bought the t-shirt, shoes and matching handbag. Got divorced last year and thought that maybe I should header back. Life alone raising a child, no family etc is shit at times. Went home for a visit, thought this was a solution. but, after 3 days I realised it wasn't the place I remembered and that I had also changed. I neither belong here or there, kinda a nomad. My mum said, when I left in 2000:
"Never look back, there is no path back. You must always look forward."
I cried hysterically at the time, but it was true. At least, true for me............
Our journey in life is never easy, especially as an expat but I hope you find the support that you need. He won't understand your pain, not unless he leaves his home country for another. You do need to really look at why you are yearning for home. It might not be home, it could be a whole host of other reasons.
Take care and a hug hug, XXX
"Never look back, there is no path back. You must always look forward."
I cried hysterically at the time, but it was true. At least, true for me............
Our journey in life is never easy, especially as an expat but I hope you find the support that you need. He won't understand your pain, not unless he leaves his home country for another. You do need to really look at why you are yearning for home. It might not be home, it could be a whole host of other reasons.
Take care and a hug hug, XXX
Aug 23rd 2009, 12:40 pm
#22
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Joined: Jul 2008
Location: South Australia
Posts: 503
Re: Tired, sad and homesick...
There is plenty of support on this forum and lots of great advice from people who know exactly what you are going through.
I have lived in Australia for 14 years and suffered with homesickness for much of that time, with an underlying feeling of knowing that I emigrated more to please my husband than myself.
This I think has contributed in part to the breakdown of my marriage as my husband selfishly buried his head in the sand for the most part and would not entertain the idea of coming back to the UK even for 12 months.
I am currently on a 3 month trip in the UK to see if I would like to come back on a more permanent basis - without my husband (our marriage is now over).
The best advice I can give is to never lose sight of what you want out of life and keep the lines of discussion open with your other half - it's your life too and you deserve to be happy.
Good Luck!
I have lived in Australia for 14 years and suffered with homesickness for much of that time, with an underlying feeling of knowing that I emigrated more to please my husband than myself.
This I think has contributed in part to the breakdown of my marriage as my husband selfishly buried his head in the sand for the most part and would not entertain the idea of coming back to the UK even for 12 months.
I am currently on a 3 month trip in the UK to see if I would like to come back on a more permanent basis - without my husband (our marriage is now over).
The best advice I can give is to never lose sight of what you want out of life and keep the lines of discussion open with your other half - it's your life too and you deserve to be happy.
Good Luck!
Aug 23rd 2009, 1:30 pm
#23
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Joined: Aug 2004
Location: Castle Hill, Sydney (previously Brum)
Posts: 1,095
Re: Tired, sad and homesick...
...and how's it going Merseygirl. I think in your last post you weren't too keen on the old UK (or rather, the new one!).
There is plenty of support on this forum and lots of great advice from people who know exactly what you are going through.
I have lived in Australia for 14 years and suffered with homesickness for much of that time, with an underlying feeling of knowing that I emigrated more to please my husband than myself.
This I think has contributed in part to the breakdown of my marriage as my husband selfishly buried his head in the sand for the most part and would not entertain the idea of coming back to the UK even for 12 months.
I am currently on a 3 month trip in the UK to see if I would like to come back on a more permanent basis - without my husband (our marriage is now over).
The best advice I can give is to never lose sight of what you want out of life and keep the lines of discussion open with your other half - it's your life too and you deserve to be happy.
Good Luck!
I have lived in Australia for 14 years and suffered with homesickness for much of that time, with an underlying feeling of knowing that I emigrated more to please my husband than myself.
This I think has contributed in part to the breakdown of my marriage as my husband selfishly buried his head in the sand for the most part and would not entertain the idea of coming back to the UK even for 12 months.
I am currently on a 3 month trip in the UK to see if I would like to come back on a more permanent basis - without my husband (our marriage is now over).
The best advice I can give is to never lose sight of what you want out of life and keep the lines of discussion open with your other half - it's your life too and you deserve to be happy.
Good Luck!
Aug 23rd 2009, 3:08 pm
#24
Forum Regular
Thread Starter
Joined: May 2004
Location: my house
Posts: 275
Re: Tired, sad and homesick...
thanks to all you guys who responded, seeing so many responses when I logged on this morning really made me feel a lot better
My husband is a really great person, and he gets frustrated also about the whole situation, because he doesnt know what he can say or do to make me feel better..with the economy the way it is, we couldnt afford to make the move right now even if we both agreed on it, so I know right now its not practical...its just that I want it so much and I get so frustrated!!
I am going home at Xmas for a week or so so maybe that will help me feel a little better, and my brother just installed Skype so I'm going to give that a try later.
Anyway, thanks everyone
My husband is a really great person, and he gets frustrated also about the whole situation, because he doesnt know what he can say or do to make me feel better..with the economy the way it is, we couldnt afford to make the move right now even if we both agreed on it, so I know right now its not practical...its just that I want it so much and I get so frustrated!!
I am going home at Xmas for a week or so so maybe that will help me feel a little better, and my brother just installed Skype so I'm going to give that a try later.
Anyway, thanks everyone
Aug 24th 2009, 3:57 am
#25
Joined: Mar 2009
Location: Google Town
Posts: 7,532
Re: Tired, sad and homesick...
I go through bouts of homesickness, this weekend for the first time in a few months though. My hubby is away for the weekend, with a friend who is here from the UK which is what has brought it on I think.
I was chatting with a friend in the UK that is going through a hard time and she said 'at least I have good friends around me', glad we were only emailing so she couldn't see my tears, I'd love to be able to make that comment again.
Luckily for me my husband isn't against going back, but now's not the right time for us, at least I have that thought to cling on to when I get really fed up.
Just wanted to wish you luck, and let you know there was another sorry case out here
I was chatting with a friend in the UK that is going through a hard time and she said 'at least I have good friends around me', glad we were only emailing so she couldn't see my tears, I'd love to be able to make that comment again.
Luckily for me my husband isn't against going back, but now's not the right time for us, at least I have that thought to cling on to when I get really fed up.
Just wanted to wish you luck, and let you know there was another sorry case out here
Aug 24th 2009, 5:12 am
#26
The Kwisatz Haderach
Joined: Aug 2008
Location: North Wales
Posts: 8,080
Re: Tired, sad and homesick...
I go through bouts of homesickness, this weekend for the first time in a few months though. My hubby is away for the weekend, with a friend who is here from the UK which is what has brought it on I think.
I was chatting with a friend in the UK that is going through a hard time and she said 'at least I have good friends around me', glad we were only emailing so she couldn't see my tears, I'd love to be able to make that comment again.
Luckily for me my husband isn't against going back, but now's not the right time for us, at least I have that thought to cling on to when I get really fed up.
Just wanted to wish you luck, and let you know there was another sorry case out here
I was chatting with a friend in the UK that is going through a hard time and she said 'at least I have good friends around me', glad we were only emailing so she couldn't see my tears, I'd love to be able to make that comment again.
Luckily for me my husband isn't against going back, but now's not the right time for us, at least I have that thought to cling on to when I get really fed up.
Just wanted to wish you luck, and let you know there was another sorry case out here
I had a homesick cry this morning, then snapped at Dh so he hid till he went off to work
I'm so mean.But some days it can be overwhelming, it's good to know I'm not alone.
Aug 24th 2009, 9:01 pm
#27
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Joined: Jul 2008
Location: South Australia
Posts: 503
Re: Tired, sad and homesick...
1.I would love to live in a market town next to the beautiful British countryside but with good transport links.
2. I could not live in Merseyside again - I would find it depressing as a place to live.
3. Ideally, I would still like to live in the North West to be close to friends and family but I would be quite choosy about where I live.
On the whole I still feel I could live quite happily in the UK.
Guess I am getting fussy in my middle age years!
Aug 24th 2009, 9:10 pm
#28
slanderer of the innocent
Joined: Dec 2008
Location: Vancouver, BC
Posts: 6,695
Aug 24th 2009, 9:10 pm
#29
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Joined: Dec 2005
Posts: 88,017
Re: Tired, sad and homesick...
Well, I have been back for 2 months now and have made the following conclusions:
1.I would love to live in a market town next to the beautiful British countryside but with good transport links.
2. I could not live in Merseyside again - I would find it depressing as a place to live.
3. Ideally, I would still like to live in the North West to be close to friends and family but I would be quite choosy about where I live.
On the whole I still feel I could live quite happily in the UK.
Guess I am getting fussy in my middle age years!
1.I would love to live in a market town next to the beautiful British countryside but with good transport links.
2. I could not live in Merseyside again - I would find it depressing as a place to live.
3. Ideally, I would still like to live in the North West to be close to friends and family but I would be quite choosy about where I live.
On the whole I still feel I could live quite happily in the UK.
Guess I am getting fussy in my middle age years!
