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For those of you who have always known....

For those of you who have always known....

Old Dec 27th 2008, 5:27 am
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Default Re: For those of you who have always known....

Originally Posted by 4 me
...my OH and I have only been in Oz a short time, under 1 year. I have been 99% sure that since week 2 of us being here that actually, I don't want to live here and that actually I want to be where I have a history. It's not that I hate Australia because I don't I just don't "feel it" or fit in. BUT because I analyse everything to death I worry that I'll be going back too soon. SO my question is to those of you who felt like this and stayed because you thought the feeling was either homesickness or that it would just go away - if you could go back to that time would you leave then or stay for as long as you have hoping that things would improve?

I hope I've not complicated what seemed like a simple question in my head!!

I look forward to your replies.

4 ME.
I had that stomach sinking feeling after 4 weeks and 3.5 years on I still have it. Some people get over it some don't it's your call, do what you feel is best for you and your situation. Good luck
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Old Dec 27th 2008, 8:11 am
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Default Re: For those of you who have always known....

I have posted on a like topic on the update forum, and find myself trawling this site in order to justify how I feel. I knew also before I left that this was going to be an uphill struggle for me. I dont hate or dislike Australia - I can see that there are lots of great things about it. I definately think we are in a great spot (Illawarra), but it just leaves me feeling sick from the minute Iget up to the minute I go to bed. My situation is that my OH loves it, as does my 9 yr old (the others are too young) though I do think there is a degree of brain washing there. This has caused an unrepairable rift in our marriage, since I am desperately unhappy here after only 12 weeks. I know that lots of people have said that I need to give it 2 years - but does that mean that I have to feel like this for that length of time? My oh has said he will return after a year when he has had the chance to experience the travel from this end of the world and the lifestyle it offers. I have to say that this even, leaves me sinking even further down. I just feel that, once that year comes around, it will leave things even more complicated, the children will have settle in school and I just know that my Oh will turn around and say - look the kids are loving it, I love it, that is 4 out of 5. which is what is suggested now. Selfishly, I know that I am breaking up our family now, rather than live in despair for a year and then find that I have to stay with less choice. I am taking the chance that things will recover possibly on the return. I keep saying that since I am normally a happy person, me being in deep despair, not enjoying the children, short tempered with them, making them so very miserable is reason enough to leave???

I definately think that you need to look at your life before you emigrate, and if it is good -then dont go. the grass isnt always greener - it is exactly the same colour here.

Just for the measure - we have fantastic very well paid, very low working hours (and I mean about 15 hours a week each) shed full of time off - and this doesnt even make me happy knowing Ill go back to being unemployed, my oh will work full time for half of the pay.
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Old Dec 27th 2008, 10:43 am
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Default Re: For those of you who have always known....

Originally Posted by bobbins
I have posted on a like topic on the update forum, and find myself trawling this site in order to justify how I feel. I knew also before I left that this was going to be an uphill struggle for me. I dont hate or dislike Australia - I can see that there are lots of great things about it. I definately think we are in a great spot (Illawarra), but it just leaves me feeling sick from the minute Iget up to the minute I go to bed. My situation is that my OH loves it, as does my 9 yr old (the others are too young) though I do think there is a degree of brain washing there. This has caused an unrepairable rift in our marriage, since I am desperately unhappy here after only 12 weeks. I know that lots of people have said that I need to give it 2 years - but does that mean that I have to feel like this for that length of time? My oh has said he will return after a year when he has had the chance to experience the travel from this end of the world and the lifestyle it offers. I have to say that this even, leaves me sinking even further down. I just feel that, once that year comes around, it will leave things even more complicated, the children will have settle in school and I just know that my Oh will turn around and say - look the kids are loving it, I love it, that is 4 out of 5. which is what is suggested now. Selfishly, I know that I am breaking up our family now, rather than live in despair for a year and then find that I have to stay with less choice. I am taking the chance that things will recover possibly on the return. I keep saying that since I am normally a happy person, me being in deep despair, not enjoying the children, short tempered with them, making them so very miserable is reason enough to leave???

I definately think that you need to look at your life before you emigrate, and if it is good -then dont go. the grass isnt always greener - it is exactly the same colour here.

Just for the measure - we have fantastic very well paid, very low working hours (and I mean about 15 hours a week each) shed full of time off - and this doesnt even make me happy knowing Ill go back to being unemployed, my oh will work full time for half of the pay.
Karma given I know how that feels i felt the same got to the stage were i cried most days and just wanted to go and felt that my dh would say no. thankfully he didnt and we are going home soon and i have had a weight lifted off my shoulders im enjoying my self more. we to go home to no jobs and living with my parents for a while so not ideal but I still want to go home. I think when you know you know and dont live feeling this way you know you were all happy living in the UK or were ever so you can get that back good luck and I hope you find peace and not feel so bad
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Old Dec 27th 2008, 4:29 pm
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Default Re: For those of you who have always known....

Originally Posted by cricket1
I am surprised at how many people ping pong back and forth especially when they have the luxury of objectivity and hindsight. It's like they become 'lost souls with no resting place'.

For me, it's a case of going back to basics. I think this is the main lesson of the credit crunch. I have a list of plans and things I want to do and once I made the list I then had to come up with a way of achieving them.
We're going home to develop business foremost. As it takes 2 years to really get up and running anyway, I'm not too worried about a recession. The business is a long term plan and I'm not borrowing any money.
Then we're going to buy a building plot, live on site and build our home over the next few years. We've both always wanted to do this.

We're going back to the UK with the intention of putting our combined skills to good use. Bugger the politics, recession, doom and bloomers brigade and the news. I am 50 next week, I'm going home to have an adventure.
That gives me inspiration that I'm not alone
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Old Dec 27th 2008, 5:18 pm
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Default Re: For those of you who have always known....

I would give my eye teeth to go back to London, I love it there & feel at home, which I don't here.

Wendy x
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Old Dec 27th 2008, 5:47 pm
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Default Re: For those of you who have always known....

Originally Posted by Wendy Nesbeth
I would give my eye teeth to go back to London, I love it there & feel at home, which I don't here.

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There are not many people that ever feel at home in Torrevieja........So I doubt that you are alone.
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Old Dec 27th 2008, 7:38 pm
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Default Re: For those of you who have always known....

Originally Posted by bobbins
I have posted on a like topic on the update forum, and find myself trawling this site in order to justify how I feel. I knew also before I left that this was going to be an uphill struggle for me. I dont hate or dislike Australia - I can see that there are lots of great things about it. I definately think we are in a great spot (Illawarra), but it just leaves me feeling sick from the minute Iget up to the minute I go to bed.
I'm wondering if you can pinpoint details of what's making you so unhappy. I'm not saying you aren't -- clearly you are, but it seems more like a dark mist than anything specific. Again, that might be it, but why the dark mist? Figuring it out might help you be clear on exactly what you want in the long term and how to get to it. I've said before, and it might be crazy, but I can imagine that simply moving from the northern to the southern hemisphere or vice-versa might be physically upsetting for some people.

Had you moved any distance before you moved to Australia, or lived in the same area always? If so, it could just be that uprooting is traumatic for you. Fair enough. You'll know not to do that again!

Are you missing particular people? Places? Activities?

Ignore the questions if you don't think them helpful.

Bev
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Old Dec 27th 2008, 10:47 pm
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Default Re: For those of you who have always known....

It's very difficult for anyone to say how long to give it here. I knew too after a few weeks that I wanted to go back but stayed here because we had gone through so much to get here, visa's, selling business and home all that expense and didn't want to look silly returning after so little time.

My OH got settled but not 100% and my children settled in to schools although the youngest (now 9) has always missed England. You just get stuck in to a routine and the days and the years go by.

We have been lucky enough to go back to the UK 4 out of the 5 years that we have been here and had my parents over twice.

We all decided together last year that we had had enough here. My OH has a good well paid job here, we own a nice home in a nice area (well sold it back in June to finish our months here in a rental), no money worries, children doing well at school etc but it doesn't feel like home and we miss the UK.

My eldest daughter (17) has just done her finals at school and we felt it was the right time to make a move. Our two girls are getting quite bored here and know there is much more to see and do in the UK and Europe and can't wait to get back. Our Son (9) also very excited as he misses his Nanny and Grandad etc and also loves the things he saw and did in the UK.

So after 5 years we are finally heading back on 7th Jan and all so happy.

I can't say to you when to go but stay positive, enjoy things here but talk about it along the way with your OH. Your children I know you said are settled but they are only young. Don't leave it until they are teenages and starting to really settle at school, have boyfriends/ girlfriends etc as that when it becomes difficult to make that move back. I know of people in that situation.

Time does fly and I can't believe we ended up being here 5 years.
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Old Dec 29th 2008, 7:56 am
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Default Re: For those of you who have always known....

Unfortunately, I can beat that.

I lived in Oz for ~12 years. Raising a family and running a business meant that the ever-present gut feel that Oz wasn't for us took a long time to action. But, eventually, we woke up and left.

We have had to return for a couple of weeks and can't wait to leave. It really is as parochial and boring as we remember...in fact, worse. It has its own peculiar brand of complacent, suburban smugness, with a Mad Max undercurrent.

A bit like the America mid-west, but without the philosophical banter. I guess if you're coming from a war zone, Oz has its attractions.

One thing I've learnt to do is trust gut feel - I wish I had 15 years ago....
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Old Dec 29th 2008, 8:07 am
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Default Re: For those of you who have always known....

Originally Posted by MikeStanton
Unfortunately, I can beat that.

I lived in Oz for ~12 years. Raising a family and running a business meant that the ever-present gut feel that Oz wasn't for us took a long time to action. But, eventually, we woke up and left.

We have had to return for a couple of weeks and can't wait to leave. It really is as parochial and boring as we remember...in fact, worse. It has its own peculiar brand of complacent, suburban smugness, with a Mad Max undercurrent.

A bit like the America mid-west, but without the philosophical banter. I guess if you're coming from a war zone, Oz has its attractions.

One thing I've learnt to do is trust gut feel - I wish I had 15 years ago....


Can I ask where you are living now just out of interest? Funny you mention Mad Max, I often think to myself I can see where the inspiration for the film came from.
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Old Dec 29th 2008, 4:22 pm
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Default Re: For those of you who have always known....

Originally Posted by cricket1
Can I ask where you are living now just out of interest? Funny you mention Mad Max, I often think to myself I can see where the inspiration for the film came from.
Lets face it, most of Aus is a barren desert wasteland making it a fairly obvious location in which to shoot a post apocolyptic movie.
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Old Dec 29th 2008, 4:42 pm
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Default Re: For those of you who have always known....

Originally Posted by MikeStanton
Unfortunately, I can beat that.

I lived in Oz for ~12 years. Raising a family and running a business meant that the ever-present gut feel that Oz wasn't for us took a long time to action. But, eventually, we woke up and left.

We have had to return for a couple of weeks and can't wait to leave. It really is as parochial and boring as we remember...in fact, worse. It has its own peculiar brand of complacent, suburban smugness, with a Mad Max undercurrent.

A bit like the America mid-west, but without the philosophical banter. I guess if you're coming from a war zone, Oz has its attractions.

One thing I've learnt to do is trust gut feel - I wish I had 15 years ago....
Do they have philosophical banter in the American mid-west? Or are we talking say Mormon banter here?
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Old Dec 29th 2008, 10:26 pm
  #58  
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Default Re: For those of you who have always known....

Originally Posted by Jules Europe
Lets face it, most of Aus is a barren desert wasteland making it a fairly obvious location in which to shoot a post apocolyptic movie.
Mad Max was filmed near Geelong at Little River
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Old Dec 31st 2008, 8:06 pm
  #59  
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Default Re: For those of you who have always known....

I definitely think that you need to look at your life before you emigrate, and if it is good -then dont go. the grass isnt always greener - it is exactly the same colour here.


This statement is so true. Although we would have always wondered what if in hindsight we should never have gone because we had a good life. We certainly suffered from the grass is greener syndrome, when in actual fact it certainly isn't its more scorched earth!!

I reacted to my gut feeling and we came back after 6 months and we have never looked back. To me migrating to Oz was like a bereavement. I went through all the trauma of OH loving it etc, but he realised that I was never ever going to settle in Oz and reluctantly came home. Life is good again and in some ways it is as if we never left apart from we are a little older and a lot wiser.

If you have ever read any of Pommijeans posts you will see she has lived in Oz for forty years and hated every minute of it but has never been able to return until now, I am sure she wishes she had gone with her gut instinct and got out sooner.

Put it down to experience, have no regrets and live your life because you only get one and you shouldn't waste one minute of it somewhere you don't want to be.

Susan
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Old Dec 31st 2008, 11:17 pm
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Default Re: For those of you who have always known....

I can't imagine living somewhere for forty years wanting to come home. We leave Oz in 6 days after 5 years here and I thought that was a long time!

I think people do get stuck in to a routine in a place and find in the end for various reasons that they can't go back.


I have an Aunt who moved to South Africa when she was in her early 20's but has always wanted to come back to the Uk. She's now 64 so I doubt she will do now.

I can't wait to feel at home in the UK again.
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