For those requiring urgent assistance
Jan 23rd 2009, 11:09 pm
#31
Banned
Joined: Jul 2008
Posts: 1,769
Re: For those requiring urgent assistance
I avoided this post because I didn't want to drag up old memories but I'm getting ready to fly back to the UK so I thought I would offer some practical solutions based on my experience of being left and standed here in Australia after I gave up everything in the UK to support my Australian now ex husband in a move here. That was 5 years ago. It's taken me 2 years to get straight and afford to go back home after creating a business and income to back to. I'm at this stage now and can perhaps offer some critical practical advice.
Just bear in mind that it only relates to Australian law and that my comments are for both women and men in the same situation.
1. If you are planning to leave your country and move with your partner, leave a bank account operating and leave a small amount of funds behind.
2. Make sure that all assets including funds are in joint names before leaving the country.
3. If you arrive and suspect that problems are starting, and that on talking with your OH, they can't be resolved, go and get free, no obligation legal advice. You do not need to tell anyone but's worth finding out what your rights are at the outset.
4. Research and find a good lawyer, there are some crap ones here, so look for a lawyer that specialises in family law.
5. The law surrounding seperation and divorce comes under family law. Australian law is similar to UK law although there are differences. Basically in Australia it's no blame divorce so it doesn't matter how bad you've been treated or how disgusting your OH has been, it doesn't make a difference to entitlement during settlement.
The division of assets is based on contributions versus future need. This means who has earned the most or had the most assets in the beginning versus the future needs of each partner. Then there are children to consider. Generally if children stay with the mother, they have the greatest future needs and therefore are likely to receive a higher percentage of the assets.
If there are no children, it's best if you can work out a fair agreement between yourselves or through mediation.
6. Avoid going to court and legal dealings at all costs. My ex husband was wrongly told by his lawyer that he would get 70%. Because he believed this, he was greedy and took me to court for 12 months. He lost and we both got approx 50% spilt each but not before lawyers had taken $32,000 of my funds and 50% of his. I was lucky, I had a good, ethical lawyer who tried to save costs. My ex had a lawyer who drove up costs. In the end, I did most of my own legal work to save costs but anyone can write a letter when you're arguing petty matters. It's not rocket science. Save your lawyer for the serious stuff.
7. When choosing a lawyer, go to the big guys. If they have a large, impressive office, it suggests they are successful and winning cases. Pick a city law firm not a backwater small town firm. I picked a city firm, my ex chose a local, small firm. We won.
8. Be fair. Ask for only what you know is fair. Judges do not like greedy people and you will lose if you are asking for something that is not rightfully yours. Even if your lawyer tells you could get 70%, don't do it unless you have children and need the money. We all have to start again so the results are likely to be that you will only receive a fair share. Be as fair as possible but don't sell yourself short. Strive to get a fair outcome.
9. If your lawyer suggests mediation, accept it. If you're married to a complete bastard hellbent on taking you to court and he refuses to settle just so he can stay in control of your life, there's not much you can but dont back down and give in. Go to mediation and be prepared to go to court. It goes in your favour if the judge can see you've tried to resolve things through the correct channels. If it can be proved that the case has been dragged to court by vexacious means, you could win on costs.
10. A common practice here in australia is the mis use of DVO's (domestic violence order). I never hit my husband but he made a false allegation and on the advice of his lawyer, took out a DVO. He did this because he regretted leaving the marital home. By taking out a DVO, his intention was to return to the home, call the police and have me removed for being in breach of the DVO by being within 100 metres of him (yes this really does happen).
Immediately seek your own DVO because one cancels the other out. My lawyer told me to do this as soon as she knew my ex had taken a DVO out against me. I had never even heard of this until i moved to Australia. Apparantly it's what lawyers advise their clients to do to gain certain kinds of control over their partners.
11. My ex then had me arrested by making the false allegation that I'd assaulted him. He did this on Christmas eve after he moved back into the house with the intention of causing a problem. The police took me away in front of my children and put me in a police cell at midnight on christmas eve. My ex husband had planned to try and get me out of the house and out of the country.
On 9am on Boxing day. I was served with a police DVO. I'm a size 8 and weigh approx 58 kilos. My ex husband is over 6 feet and weighs 115 kilos. The police knew he was lying but they served me the warrant anyway. this lasts 2 years and is a lot different from an ordinary court DVO.
If I breached this, I would be arrested and go to prison. This was what my ex husband was hoping for. At the next court hearing, I was told by his lawyer that if i didn't agree to accept a much lower amount than i was being offered, he would move back into the house.
My lawyer told me that this would be the worst news because he he moved back in, I would be in breach of the police DVO and be facing a prison sentence.
I put my things into my car and got ready to leave the house at a monents notice.
12. If you find yourself in a DVO situation, tell the police, lawyers, supporting groups everything that you're up against. Keep a diary of incidents, threats, telephone calls and take photos. Make a note of dates and NEVER agree to meet your ex in private, it will be more than likely a trap. Always take a third party.
13. If you're in a similar situation, your safety must come first so put everything you would need in your car, including spare money, telephone numbers, diary, everything, just in case you have to get out quick.
14. If you are facing this kind of situation alone, tell people what's happening. Let someone know where you are and ask them to ring you if they haven't heard from you for a couple of days.
15. Don't be frightened of court or legal proceedings if thngs start heading this way. Family courts are not hostile places. They are sensitive to the emotions involved and they try to be fair. Ask for help and accept all offers of assistance and support that's offered through the various groups attached to family courts.
16. If you own nothing, you will almost certainly be entitled to Centrelink benefits and legal aid. If you do own assets, even if you can't access them, you will not be entitled to anything.
17. Find out as much as possible before you seperate and put money away or start looking for a job especially if you know you won't be entitled to anything because you have assets.
18. If you are planning to return to the UK, don't go back to nothing unless you have family willing to help you start again. Plan going back, start saving and researching. Don't ditch everything and head back on a plane to nothing except hardship.
19. If you're under extreme emotional pressure and being blackmailed, don't give in, Go and talk to someone who will be on your side and will help you find the right people to assist you. Help is there but it's not always obvious, you have to ask.
20. If you're not sleeping or feeling ill with stress, ask your GP to give you something to help you cope. It all helps.
21. Remember as you go through the most difficult time of your life, it will end. You will survive it and one day, you will be well skilled in helping others survive their drama.
Just bear in mind that it only relates to Australian law and that my comments are for both women and men in the same situation.
1. If you are planning to leave your country and move with your partner, leave a bank account operating and leave a small amount of funds behind.
2. Make sure that all assets including funds are in joint names before leaving the country.
3. If you arrive and suspect that problems are starting, and that on talking with your OH, they can't be resolved, go and get free, no obligation legal advice. You do not need to tell anyone but's worth finding out what your rights are at the outset.
4. Research and find a good lawyer, there are some crap ones here, so look for a lawyer that specialises in family law.
5. The law surrounding seperation and divorce comes under family law. Australian law is similar to UK law although there are differences. Basically in Australia it's no blame divorce so it doesn't matter how bad you've been treated or how disgusting your OH has been, it doesn't make a difference to entitlement during settlement.
The division of assets is based on contributions versus future need. This means who has earned the most or had the most assets in the beginning versus the future needs of each partner. Then there are children to consider. Generally if children stay with the mother, they have the greatest future needs and therefore are likely to receive a higher percentage of the assets.
If there are no children, it's best if you can work out a fair agreement between yourselves or through mediation.
6. Avoid going to court and legal dealings at all costs. My ex husband was wrongly told by his lawyer that he would get 70%. Because he believed this, he was greedy and took me to court for 12 months. He lost and we both got approx 50% spilt each but not before lawyers had taken $32,000 of my funds and 50% of his. I was lucky, I had a good, ethical lawyer who tried to save costs. My ex had a lawyer who drove up costs. In the end, I did most of my own legal work to save costs but anyone can write a letter when you're arguing petty matters. It's not rocket science. Save your lawyer for the serious stuff.
7. When choosing a lawyer, go to the big guys. If they have a large, impressive office, it suggests they are successful and winning cases. Pick a city law firm not a backwater small town firm. I picked a city firm, my ex chose a local, small firm. We won.
8. Be fair. Ask for only what you know is fair. Judges do not like greedy people and you will lose if you are asking for something that is not rightfully yours. Even if your lawyer tells you could get 70%, don't do it unless you have children and need the money. We all have to start again so the results are likely to be that you will only receive a fair share. Be as fair as possible but don't sell yourself short. Strive to get a fair outcome.
9. If your lawyer suggests mediation, accept it. If you're married to a complete bastard hellbent on taking you to court and he refuses to settle just so he can stay in control of your life, there's not much you can but dont back down and give in. Go to mediation and be prepared to go to court. It goes in your favour if the judge can see you've tried to resolve things through the correct channels. If it can be proved that the case has been dragged to court by vexacious means, you could win on costs.
10. A common practice here in australia is the mis use of DVO's (domestic violence order). I never hit my husband but he made a false allegation and on the advice of his lawyer, took out a DVO. He did this because he regretted leaving the marital home. By taking out a DVO, his intention was to return to the home, call the police and have me removed for being in breach of the DVO by being within 100 metres of him (yes this really does happen).
Immediately seek your own DVO because one cancels the other out. My lawyer told me to do this as soon as she knew my ex had taken a DVO out against me. I had never even heard of this until i moved to Australia. Apparantly it's what lawyers advise their clients to do to gain certain kinds of control over their partners.
11. My ex then had me arrested by making the false allegation that I'd assaulted him. He did this on Christmas eve after he moved back into the house with the intention of causing a problem. The police took me away in front of my children and put me in a police cell at midnight on christmas eve. My ex husband had planned to try and get me out of the house and out of the country.
On 9am on Boxing day. I was served with a police DVO. I'm a size 8 and weigh approx 58 kilos. My ex husband is over 6 feet and weighs 115 kilos. The police knew he was lying but they served me the warrant anyway. this lasts 2 years and is a lot different from an ordinary court DVO.
If I breached this, I would be arrested and go to prison. This was what my ex husband was hoping for. At the next court hearing, I was told by his lawyer that if i didn't agree to accept a much lower amount than i was being offered, he would move back into the house.
My lawyer told me that this would be the worst news because he he moved back in, I would be in breach of the police DVO and be facing a prison sentence.
I put my things into my car and got ready to leave the house at a monents notice.
12. If you find yourself in a DVO situation, tell the police, lawyers, supporting groups everything that you're up against. Keep a diary of incidents, threats, telephone calls and take photos. Make a note of dates and NEVER agree to meet your ex in private, it will be more than likely a trap. Always take a third party.
13. If you're in a similar situation, your safety must come first so put everything you would need in your car, including spare money, telephone numbers, diary, everything, just in case you have to get out quick.
14. If you are facing this kind of situation alone, tell people what's happening. Let someone know where you are and ask them to ring you if they haven't heard from you for a couple of days.
15. Don't be frightened of court or legal proceedings if thngs start heading this way. Family courts are not hostile places. They are sensitive to the emotions involved and they try to be fair. Ask for help and accept all offers of assistance and support that's offered through the various groups attached to family courts.
16. If you own nothing, you will almost certainly be entitled to Centrelink benefits and legal aid. If you do own assets, even if you can't access them, you will not be entitled to anything.
17. Find out as much as possible before you seperate and put money away or start looking for a job especially if you know you won't be entitled to anything because you have assets.
18. If you are planning to return to the UK, don't go back to nothing unless you have family willing to help you start again. Plan going back, start saving and researching. Don't ditch everything and head back on a plane to nothing except hardship.
19. If you're under extreme emotional pressure and being blackmailed, don't give in, Go and talk to someone who will be on your side and will help you find the right people to assist you. Help is there but it's not always obvious, you have to ask.
20. If you're not sleeping or feeling ill with stress, ask your GP to give you something to help you cope. It all helps.
21. Remember as you go through the most difficult time of your life, it will end. You will survive it and one day, you will be well skilled in helping others survive their drama.
Jan 24th 2009, 1:02 am
#32
Thread Starter
Joined: Sep 2005
Posts: 23,400
Re: For those requiring urgent assistance
One day Beth, I hope you write a book about your life, you are truly inspirational.
You had the answers to your situation within you all along, it was just a matter of unlocking them.
Jan 24th 2009, 5:07 pm
#33
I don't give a damn
Joined: Apr 2007
Location: In the arms of my family. Heaven...
Posts: 4,980
Re: For those requiring urgent assistance
[QUOTE=OrkneytoPortugal;7204895]
Thanks!
I have had a very brief chat with PP about it. I reckon us girls could do some really good work if we put our minds to it. You are officially Portugals representative
I have hubbys 50th birthday celebrations today along with rellies coming over from NZ so a bit tied up the next couple of days, but will talk about it a bit more next week.
Anyone else from various countries fancy chipping in?
Fab work PP!!
I was thinking of setting something up in the UK for British women stranded abroad, but in reality it would be a while before I could focus on it as we would need to settle ourselves first.
I reckon there are thousands of women in various countries across the globe trapped like this. Especially with all the internet dating sites and unscrupulous men luring these women away with false promises.
This is a brilliant idea. Perhaps as a first step we could try and raise a contact for each country on this forum - I would certainly be prepared to be a contact in Portugal (not so far from the UK I know, but destitution and desperation can strike in any country).
Perhaps all these useful links that people have posted could be collated by the moderators and left up permanently in this section of the forum?
I am starting to realise (as a newcomer) what a powerful tool a forum like this can be for promoting resourcefulness and giving moral support.
I was thinking of setting something up in the UK for British women stranded abroad, but in reality it would be a while before I could focus on it as we would need to settle ourselves first.
I reckon there are thousands of women in various countries across the globe trapped like this. Especially with all the internet dating sites and unscrupulous men luring these women away with false promises.
This is a brilliant idea. Perhaps as a first step we could try and raise a contact for each country on this forum - I would certainly be prepared to be a contact in Portugal (not so far from the UK I know, but destitution and desperation can strike in any country).
Perhaps all these useful links that people have posted could be collated by the moderators and left up permanently in this section of the forum?
I am starting to realise (as a newcomer) what a powerful tool a forum like this can be for promoting resourcefulness and giving moral support.
I have had a very brief chat with PP about it. I reckon us girls could do some really good work if we put our minds to it. You are officially Portugals representative
I have hubbys 50th birthday celebrations today along with rellies coming over from NZ so a bit tied up the next couple of days, but will talk about it a bit more next week.
Anyone else from various countries fancy chipping in?
Jan 24th 2009, 11:18 pm
#34
Thread Starter
Joined: Sep 2005
Posts: 23,400
Re: For those requiring urgent assistance
[QUOTE=Fleaflyfloflum;7208507]
Thanks!
I have had a very brief chat with PP about it. I reckon us girls could do some really good work if we put our minds to it. You are officially Portugals representative
I have hubbys 50th birthday celebrations today along with rellies coming over from NZ so a bit tied up the next couple of days, but will talk about it a bit more next week.
Anyone else from various countries fancy chipping in?
Ill work out what links/contacts I can find in Australia, we could probably do with as many people helping as possible.
Thanks!
I have had a very brief chat with PP about it. I reckon us girls could do some really good work if we put our minds to it. You are officially Portugals representative
I have hubbys 50th birthday celebrations today along with rellies coming over from NZ so a bit tied up the next couple of days, but will talk about it a bit more next week.
Anyone else from various countries fancy chipping in?
Jan 25th 2009, 5:59 am
#35
Forum Regular
Joined: Oct 2007
Location: Cobena
Posts: 48
Re: For those requiring urgent assistance
Please count me in. I will be heading back to Uk on 31st and will be in Lancashire.
I have told Beth where i will be and will do anything I can to help her. I have been so moved by the way people on this forum who have given Beth support and helped her to find the strength she needed.
There must be lots of ladies out there who find themselves in an awful situation like this and need help. I think it's a wonderful idea to set something up to help where ever we can
I have told Beth where i will be and will do anything I can to help her. I have been so moved by the way people on this forum who have given Beth support and helped her to find the strength she needed.
There must be lots of ladies out there who find themselves in an awful situation like this and need help. I think it's a wonderful idea to set something up to help where ever we can
Jan 25th 2009, 1:52 pm
#36
Thread Starter
Joined: Sep 2005
Posts: 23,400
Re: For those requiring urgent assistance
I was thinking today that support can come in many forms:
1. lift to/from the airport
2. Assisting contact with the embassy
3. Assisting with contact with any organisation, many women may find this contact limited
4. Assisting with booking of accommodation, sourcing out accommdation.
5. Helping out with form filling, - benefit applications can be a nightmare to navigate.
6. Helping find contacts for jobs, helping write resumes.
7. Food parcels for someone who perhaps has landed in the UK with next to nothing.
8. Just being a friend - my god it must be isolating and lonely to be in this position, I cant imagine how awful it must be.
9. Keeping any spare toys/clothes/bedding for anyone that might find use for it.
1. lift to/from the airport
2. Assisting contact with the embassy
3. Assisting with contact with any organisation, many women may find this contact limited
4. Assisting with booking of accommodation, sourcing out accommdation.
5. Helping out with form filling, - benefit applications can be a nightmare to navigate.
6. Helping find contacts for jobs, helping write resumes.
7. Food parcels for someone who perhaps has landed in the UK with next to nothing.
8. Just being a friend - my god it must be isolating and lonely to be in this position, I cant imagine how awful it must be.
9. Keeping any spare toys/clothes/bedding for anyone that might find use for it.
Jan 25th 2009, 7:27 pm
#37
Banned
Joined: Jul 2008
Posts: 1,769
Re: For those requiring urgent assistance
I was thinking today that support can come in many forms:
1. lift to/from the airport
2. Assisting contact with the embassy
3. Assisting with contact with any organisation, many women may find this contact limited
4. Assisting with booking of accommodation, sourcing out accommdation.
5. Helping out with form filling, - benefit applications can be a nightmare to navigate.
6. Helping find contacts for jobs, helping write resumes.
7. Food parcels for someone who perhaps has landed in the UK with next to nothing.
8. Just being a friend - my god it must be isolating and lonely to be in this position, I cant imagine how awful it must be.
9. Keeping any spare toys/clothes/bedding for anyone that might find use for it.
1. lift to/from the airport
2. Assisting contact with the embassy
3. Assisting with contact with any organisation, many women may find this contact limited
4. Assisting with booking of accommodation, sourcing out accommdation.
5. Helping out with form filling, - benefit applications can be a nightmare to navigate.
6. Helping find contacts for jobs, helping write resumes.
7. Food parcels for someone who perhaps has landed in the UK with next to nothing.
8. Just being a friend - my god it must be isolating and lonely to be in this position, I cant imagine how awful it must be.
9. Keeping any spare toys/clothes/bedding for anyone that might find use for it.
She could operate from home, all she needs is a telephone and maybe to be registered as a volunteer co ordinator.
All it takes is a web site, a small amount of funding for hosting, a common aim or objective to help people stranded in a foreign countries, then the names and contact numbers of volunteers of people willing to assist.
You would need to set boundaries such as explaining to the volunteers not to get involved in situations where they are likely to be put at risk, such as a situation involving a weapon or domestic violence, this is a police issue, but with some thought, planning and training, it would be easy to put a programme together and have contacts and volunteers in each country.
Jan 25th 2009, 8:26 pm
#38
Cynically amused.
Joined: Oct 2002
Location: BC
Posts: 3,648
Re: For those requiring urgent assistance
Just to be absolutely clear, this post has nothing whatsoever to do with Beth. I wish her all the best and a safe journey home. 
That said, there are men who may require assistance too, and these calls for assistance can be more frequent than most imagine. There are, very sadly, some who make false claims of domestic violence and destroy men/families just to be vindictive, or to get attention. There are cases where very convincing stories are acted upon, and perpetuated, by well meaning volunteers, to the detriment of the innocent. In most cases, appropriate training identifies the less than honest, but it is a skill that takes a while to hone. The handful of you who know my personal circumstances, will know that I post this with a great deal of thought. I am not usually the first to jump and and say anything in defence of men, but I think this has to be said. I worked with abused women for years, so I do have direct experience of this attention seeking phenomenon, not just an opinion. Sometimes all is not quite as it seems, and sometimes men are not always the villains. If these very useful networks are mindful of this, they can only be an asset to anyone genuinely in need of assistance.
That said, there are men who may require assistance too, and these calls for assistance can be more frequent than most imagine. There are, very sadly, some who make false claims of domestic violence and destroy men/families just to be vindictive, or to get attention. There are cases where very convincing stories are acted upon, and perpetuated, by well meaning volunteers, to the detriment of the innocent. In most cases, appropriate training identifies the less than honest, but it is a skill that takes a while to hone. The handful of you who know my personal circumstances, will know that I post this with a great deal of thought. I am not usually the first to jump and and say anything in defence of men, but I think this has to be said. I worked with abused women for years, so I do have direct experience of this attention seeking phenomenon, not just an opinion. Sometimes all is not quite as it seems, and sometimes men are not always the villains. If these very useful networks are mindful of this, they can only be an asset to anyone genuinely in need of assistance.
Jan 25th 2009, 8:38 pm
#39
Banned
Joined: Jul 2008
Posts: 1,769
Re: For those requiring urgent assistance
Just to be absolutely clear, this post has nothing whatsoever to do with Beth. I wish her all the best and a safe journey home.
That said, there are men who may require assistance too, and these calls for assistance can be more frequent than most imagine. There are, very sadly, some who make false claims of domestic violence and destroy men/families just to be vindictive, or to get attention. There are cases where very convincing stories are acted upon, and perpetuated, by well meaning volunteers, to the detriment of the innocent. In most cases, appropriate training identifies the less than honest, but it is a skill that takes a while to hone. The handful of you who know my personal circumstances, will know that I post this with a great deal of thought. I am not usually the first to jump and and say anything in defence of men, but I think this has to be said. I worked with abused women for years, so I do have direct experience of this attention seeking phenomenon, not just an opinion. Sometimes all is not quite as it seems, and sometimes men are not always the villains. If these very useful networks are mindful of this, they can only be an asset to anyone genuinely in need of assistance.
That said, there are men who may require assistance too, and these calls for assistance can be more frequent than most imagine. There are, very sadly, some who make false claims of domestic violence and destroy men/families just to be vindictive, or to get attention. There are cases where very convincing stories are acted upon, and perpetuated, by well meaning volunteers, to the detriment of the innocent. In most cases, appropriate training identifies the less than honest, but it is a skill that takes a while to hone. The handful of you who know my personal circumstances, will know that I post this with a great deal of thought. I am not usually the first to jump and and say anything in defence of men, but I think this has to be said. I worked with abused women for years, so I do have direct experience of this attention seeking phenomenon, not just an opinion. Sometimes all is not quite as it seems, and sometimes men are not always the villains. If these very useful networks are mindful of this, they can only be an asset to anyone genuinely in need of assistance.
Jan 26th 2009, 6:40 pm
#40
Lost in BE Cyberspace
Joined: Oct 2008
Location: near Colmenar, Prov de Malaga
Posts: 5,174
Re: For those requiring urgent assistance
[QUOTE=Fleaflyfloflum;7208507][QUOTE=OrkneytoPortugal;7204895]
Thanks!
I have had a very brief chat with PP about it. I reckon us girls could do some really good work if we put our minds to it. You are officially Portugals representative
I have hubbys 50th birthday celebrations today along with rellies coming over from NZ so a bit tied up the next couple of days, but will talk about it a bit more next week.
Anyone else from various countries fancy chipping in?[/QUOTE]
Realistically my lack of good Spanish & poor knowledge of bureaucracy etc make me a poor candidate but I'm a dab hand with a coffee & taxi service so for what I'm worth count me in.... would prefer playing second fiddle to someone more experienced!!
Did anyone come up with a Social Services contact N Yorks way? I've a neighbour who maybe could come up with some names if still needed. Good luck Beth, don't know you but you've got lots of support
Thanks!
I have had a very brief chat with PP about it. I reckon us girls could do some really good work if we put our minds to it. You are officially Portugals representative
I have hubbys 50th birthday celebrations today along with rellies coming over from NZ so a bit tied up the next couple of days, but will talk about it a bit more next week.
Anyone else from various countries fancy chipping in?[/QUOTE]
Realistically my lack of good Spanish & poor knowledge of bureaucracy etc make me a poor candidate but I'm a dab hand with a coffee & taxi service so for what I'm worth count me in.... would prefer playing second fiddle to someone more experienced!!
Did anyone come up with a Social Services contact N Yorks way? I've a neighbour who maybe could come up with some names if still needed. Good luck Beth, don't know you but you've got lots of support
Jan 28th 2009, 5:53 am
#41
Forum Regular
Joined: Jan 2009
Posts: 39
Re: For those requiring urgent assistance
Firstly, thank you to everyone for your warm wishes and comments.....as most of you know i leave in 2days
I have been extremely busy prioritising/finalising as much as possible in a very limited time. I dont think i could have done what i have without the moral support from everyone at BE...from the bottom of my heart....thank you!! Before i leave i just wanted to add a few comments of my own and offer support for anyone who may be experiencing a similar situation of DV whilst in another country.
For those that don't know it was only 10 days ago that i finally decided that i was leaving (with or without possessions) My main worry was my health and gathering enough money to pay for my flight. I'd lost count of how many times i had said to myself 'Where there's a will theres way' I had the will (so i thought) but finding a way seemed practically impossible!!
For those that dont know i recently had major spinal surgery with a failed fusion that unfortunately has left me permanently disabled. The first thing i had to realistically consider with great thought how would i physically cope completely by myself and even scarier where was i going to go?
It has not been easy...the best things in life never are, but i absolutely 100% knew that no matter how tough this would be, or how scared i felt (admittedly terrified) it could not be any worse than the unbearable situation i was already in! Losing my mobility was something i could not control....taking control of my life was something i could!!!
I hope i can offer (just from my own experience) hope, help, and support to anyone who believes (as i did)
when there is no way out (there is)
when there is no where to go(there is)
when there is no one to help (there is) but they cant help if they dont know) my biggest mistake!
but most of all....DONT GIVE UP!!! Where theres a will there really is a way!!
I apologise this is brief i will be home in 2 days once i'm settled and affairs are sorted i will be back to post updates of my progress along with all the help and support i can possibly give!!
Until then....take care everyone and once again....THANK YOU!!!
Best wishes
Beth
I have been extremely busy prioritising/finalising as much as possible in a very limited time. I dont think i could have done what i have without the moral support from everyone at BE...from the bottom of my heart....thank you!! Before i leave i just wanted to add a few comments of my own and offer support for anyone who may be experiencing a similar situation of DV whilst in another country.
For those that don't know it was only 10 days ago that i finally decided that i was leaving (with or without possessions) My main worry was my health and gathering enough money to pay for my flight. I'd lost count of how many times i had said to myself 'Where there's a will theres way' I had the will (so i thought) but finding a way seemed practically impossible!!
For those that dont know i recently had major spinal surgery with a failed fusion that unfortunately has left me permanently disabled. The first thing i had to realistically consider with great thought how would i physically cope completely by myself and even scarier where was i going to go?
It has not been easy...the best things in life never are, but i absolutely 100% knew that no matter how tough this would be, or how scared i felt (admittedly terrified) it could not be any worse than the unbearable situation i was already in! Losing my mobility was something i could not control....taking control of my life was something i could!!!
I hope i can offer (just from my own experience) hope, help, and support to anyone who believes (as i did)
when there is no way out (there is)
when there is no where to go(there is)
when there is no one to help (there is) but they cant help if they dont know) my biggest mistake!
but most of all....DONT GIVE UP!!! Where theres a will there really is a way!!
I apologise this is brief i will be home in 2 days
once i'm settled and affairs are sorted i will be back to post updates of my progress along with all the help and support i can possibly give!!Until then....take care everyone and once again....THANK YOU!!!
Best wishes
Beth
Jan 28th 2009, 6:00 am
#42
Thread Starter
Joined: Sep 2005
Posts: 23,400
Re: For those requiring urgent assistance
Firstly, thank you to everyone for your warm wishes and comments.....as most of you know i leave in 2days
I have been extremely busy prioritising/finalising as much as possible in a very limited time. I dont think i could have done what i have without the moral support from everyone at BE...from the bottom of my heart....thank you!! Before i leave i just wanted to add a few comments of my own and offer support for anyone who may be experiencing a similar situation of DV whilst in another country.
For those that don't know it was only 10 days ago that i finally decided that i was leaving (with or without possessions) My main worry was my health and gathering enough money to pay for my flight. I'd lost count of how many times i had said to myself 'Where there's a will theres way' I had the will (so i thought) but finding a way seemed practically impossible!!
For those that dont know i recently had major spinal surgery with a failed fusion that unfortunately has left me permanently disabled. The first thing i had to realistically consider with great thought how would i physically cope completely by myself and even scarier where was i going to go?
It has not been easy...the best things in life never are, but i absolutely 100% knew that no matter how tough this would be, or how scared i felt (admittedly terrified) it could not be any worse than the unbearable situation i was already in! Losing my mobility was something i could not control....taking control of my life was something i could!!!
I hope i can offer (just from my own experience) hope, help, and support to anyone who believes (as i did)
when there is no way out (there is)
when there is no where to go(there is)
when there is no one to help (there is) but they cant help if they dont know) my biggest mistake!
but most of all....DONT GIVE UP!!! Where theres a will there really is a way!!
I apologise this is brief i will be home in 2 days once i'm settled and affairs are sorted i will be back to post updates of my progress along with all the help and support i can possibly give!!
Until then....take care everyone and once again....THANK YOU!!!
Best wishes
Beth
I have been extremely busy prioritising/finalising as much as possible in a very limited time. I dont think i could have done what i have without the moral support from everyone at BE...from the bottom of my heart....thank you!! Before i leave i just wanted to add a few comments of my own and offer support for anyone who may be experiencing a similar situation of DV whilst in another country.
For those that don't know it was only 10 days ago that i finally decided that i was leaving (with or without possessions) My main worry was my health and gathering enough money to pay for my flight. I'd lost count of how many times i had said to myself 'Where there's a will theres way' I had the will (so i thought) but finding a way seemed practically impossible!!
For those that dont know i recently had major spinal surgery with a failed fusion that unfortunately has left me permanently disabled. The first thing i had to realistically consider with great thought how would i physically cope completely by myself and even scarier where was i going to go?
It has not been easy...the best things in life never are, but i absolutely 100% knew that no matter how tough this would be, or how scared i felt (admittedly terrified) it could not be any worse than the unbearable situation i was already in! Losing my mobility was something i could not control....taking control of my life was something i could!!!
I hope i can offer (just from my own experience) hope, help, and support to anyone who believes (as i did)
when there is no way out (there is)
when there is no where to go(there is)
when there is no one to help (there is) but they cant help if they dont know) my biggest mistake!
but most of all....DONT GIVE UP!!! Where theres a will there really is a way!!
I apologise this is brief i will be home in 2 days
once i'm settled and affairs are sorted i will be back to post updates of my progress along with all the help and support i can possibly give!!Until then....take care everyone and once again....THANK YOU!!!
Best wishes
Beth
Jan 28th 2009, 8:06 am
#43
Lost in BE Cyberspace
Joined: Oct 2008
Location: near Colmenar, Prov de Malaga
Posts: 5,174
Re: For those requiring urgent assistance
I wish you all the very best possible - even if it's not easy, your attitude is an inspiration to anyone struggling to decide if,what.where,when,how.....
(((hugs))) even if I don't know you!!!!
(((hugs))) even if I don't know you!!!!
Jan 28th 2009, 2:27 pm
#44
BE Forum Addict
Joined: Sep 2007
Location: Southwestern Illinois, USA
Posts: 1,902
Re: For those requiring urgent assistance
Beth, what a strong inspirational woman you are. You go girl
Jan 28th 2009, 10:20 pm
#45
Thread Starter
Joined: Sep 2005
Posts: 23,400
Re: For those requiring urgent assistance