mica painter

I know that this might sound crazy but I've never felt happy living in Italy for the past 2 years. I know that doesn't sound very long but I've given it a good try. This horrid year has just clarified it for me and I'm reading similar feelings on this forum. My husband is Italian and we recently moved to the most beautiful house in the countryside to run a bed and breakfast but I just feel so isolated. We've both struggled to make friends and the ones he does have here take advantage of his kindness and the one friend I'd made has moved back to the UK. Also even he gets frustrated with the bureaucracy here and how difficult things are to get done. I just keep longing to go back for the pubs, friends, food, the familiar. I was thinking that maybe more regular visits back might be enough but I just find myself bursting into tears at random lately and trying to think of ways to get back, even without him! what the?

A close friend planted a seed in my head the other day as she's been pondering moving to the Isle of Wight and said property is cheapish there and maybe we could find a place with lots of land to start up a glamping business. I mentioned it to my husband expecting him to get depressed at another conversation about moving back (he never liked the idea much) but he said it's a good idea and he isn't saying no to going back to the UK. He just doesn't want to end up working for someone else or living in a city again being a wage slave. He had a rough time when he lived in London which has tainted his views of the UK. Plus we'd need to be somewhere that isn't grey and gloomy a lot and I think the Isle of Wight might be a climate he could tolerate? I've only been there once and that was to a music festival so my memory of anything back then is hazy!

I've also been pondering that maybe because I'm shy and introverted that's played a part in how I feel about living here. I find the culture difficult to handle, I miss polite people with manners (although not sure what the mindset is on somewhere like the IOW?) and I'm not the type of person to just go out on my own and practice the language with strangers. I just feel so out of my comfort zone and not confident or happy here. But I feel so guilty saying that and know I'm going to get faced with judgement about how can I move back to the UK right now given how depressing it seems there. But isn't everywhere, politically at least? But also everytime i'd visit the UK my confidence would soar, it's like living in Italy has made me more resilient and appreciative of the little things that make me happy.

Every time I think about moving back I get filled with energy and motivation again. I just miss feeling like I fit in and being independent. I want to share the load and be able to go pay a bill or drive to the supermarket and buy the weekly shop on my own. I feel like a bored housewife everyday here. Even when we were living in a city here it felt worse, that feeling of being surrounded by people but not knowing anyone or being able to communicate well enough. Plus he hates the idea of moving closer to a city here so that compromise has gone.

I think if I can find a way back that would convince my husband he'd probably go. He's admitted that our current home isn't quite right for us as it's too big and exhausting for how much money we get in return. Even during a good year we wouldn't expect to be fully booked due to our location. We have been looking around our area for a smaller house to buy and to earn a modest income another way. The other thing is we aren't so desperate for income now as he receives a decent pension from the army and also rent from his property in Italy. So I was even thinking we could rent a place until we find our feet and decide on how to live. He loves being self employed and I do too as an artist. We love the idea of a glamping business as we love working and being outdoors, plus he's so good with people and has enjoyed that part of running a bnb here. I'm just not sure where to start with researching. I feel a pressure to get him to want to move back, but I do think he's the kind of person who would do it if it made me happy. I had worried that there was no point in even entertaining the thought because of Brexit fast approaching but I read that there's a grace period where he can come back with me without a visa until March 2022. I hope that's true.

Plus we don't have kids and don't want any so maybe somewhere quiet like the IOW would suit us? We've also become used to living somewhere quiet with not much going on but at least if I were closer to the UK I'd be able to catch a bus, ferry, train () to see friends and life!
I'd so appreciate any thoughts or just to hear that I'm not alone feeling this way. Thanks for reading.

Helen1964

Hi
I think you should definitely give the UK a go.
I have never been to the Isle of Wight so unfortunately cannot advise you on that.
But it sounds like you’re in a pretty good position financially so could you perhaps sell your current home, put your furniture in storage and spend a few months in Airbnb type accommodation in 3 or 4 different parts of the UK?
If you find a nice sunny-ish friendly spot please let me know. I’ll be hot on your heels.
Good luck!

mica painter

Thanks Helen. We're in an even better position than that as we are only renting and we can get out with a short notice period too. I think it's just the cost and stress of moving that puts us off and we have 3 pets so not sure how easy it'll be to rent anywhere. We've moved house 4 times in the last 3 years eek! Starting to feel like there's something wrong with me and why can't I be happy. It's also the feeling of failure too. But I guess those are all self limiting beliefs.
I will let you know if I find somewhere sunny! I grew up in Norfolk and it's dry there, my mum is able to grow a lot of tropical plants as it's really pleasant during summers.

Twitcher1958

We have friends who moved to the IoW a couple of years ago, after many times visiting friends there and they love it. They moved from north of London, and she was still commuting to London for a couple of weeks a month pre pandemic.
We visited last year and loved what we saw - they are in a fairly isolated location on the south of the island. I grew up in Pembrokeshire and have also lived in East Anglia, and there were definite similarities - same sort of roads, small towns, bustling in summer but quieter otherwise etc. From what you say, I think you would fit in well if you could find the right location to suit your needs.

mikelincs

Having known a few people who lived there, the only complaint I heard from them was the cost of going anywhere off the Isle, The ferry is quite expensive.

mica painter

Hi, thanks so much for your input. I grew up in East Anglia and miss those quieter places. I think it could be perfect, the problem I'm researching now is it might be difficult renting a place there with pets before we figure out what to do long term. At least my husband is almost on board with the idea too now, I caught him looking for properties and cars to buy there! It just sounds like the right balance that I'm missing living abroad, quiet retreat time mixed with socialising and getting out and about.

mica painter

It's good to now that that's really the only downside I'm coming across too! I know if you're a resident it can be cheaper but honestly if we live somewhere that gives us the quality of life we haven't found elsewhere then it's worth the cost imo. I'm struggling to find any other downsides, but then I guess you won't know until you live there.