Woods.usa

Hi all! My husband, three kids, and I live in South Carolina at present. I'm a US citizen, dual national, while hubby is here on a Greencard but isn't averse to becoming a citizen. See, we lived in the UK when we were first married, then moved to the States back in 2005 because we thought we'd have a better shot at a decent life here in the States. London was getting too expensive, I missed my family, etc. Unfortunately, after moving back to my home state, we had to relocate nearly five hours away from my family and our support system because of hubby's job.

I've been happy here, until the last few years. The cost of living has crept up, the constant political drama and crime have, too. Our oldest daughter was diagnosed with high functioning autism a few years ago. Along with this, she suffers from pretty terrible depression and anxiety. She's in a non-traditional school setting and has four more years of school, then we're pretty much on our own where any sort of autism-related services are concerned. I know our medical costs will be higher then, too, and hubby and I aren't getting any younger.

I've been thinking very seriously about us moving back to the UK to live near his family. Yes, I would miss my family again, but we only see them a couple of times a year as it is. And I don't even care if we're not super close to the hubby's fam--a little distance never hurt us so far, lol! I just think the idea of having a safety net in the NHS, a safer place for the kids to grow up and live, and a more relaxed way of life would be good for us. I'm 42, hubby is 47, so we're still youngish. And we're not in the best spot financially here, but we're not as bad as some. If we saved for four years (diligently, aggressively), and sell our house in the States, I think we could afford to rent or even buy in an area near my in-laws (they live in Clacton-on-Sea). I just wish I knew if this was the right decision for us or if I'm just pining for a life that I've invented in my head.

Hubby could get a decent job, I'm sure. He works for a plastics manufacturing plant here doing Mechatronics and electrical/mechanical maintenance. He's good at his job, but he gets passed over for promotions because it's a real old boys' club. And I don't work at the moment, apart from freelance writing and self-publishing, because the cost of childcare and my daughter's unpredictable needs have made it too difficult to find something suitable. (Our youngest is 7, our oldest is in college but he doesn't drive so I take him. I miss public transportation, lol!)

Strangely enough, my husband is not sold on the idea at all. He thinks if we just keep plodding away here, we'll have a firm footing for our future. I'm more skeptical--I doubt Social Security will even be around for us to access by the time we retire. Of course, things could change in the next four years, but I'm not banking on things getting that much better. In fact, I think they'll get worse before they get better. I'm sick of worrying about guns and school shootings and shootings at shopping centers. I'm tired of paying thousands for health insurance and then paying thousands more to cover the copays and deductibles. I miss being able to get on a train and go anywhere I wanted. I miss a lot of things about the UK, but I'm just still worried that I'm making a mistake in even considering moving the family back at this point in the game. Has anyone else been in this situation? Any advice?

shokwaverider

My only concern would be the crappy UK Weather. We are not far from you in NE FLA.

Woods.usa

Yeah, funnily enough, the weather in the UK bothered my British husband more than it bothered me, lol! I mean, rain sucks, but the heat here in the summers (SC) can be brutal. I know the UK had some pretty hot weather this summer, too. I'd probably want to look at options for keeping cool if that becomes the norm during the summer, I guess.

mica painter

I can't offer much advice as I'm int he same boat with deciding whether to go back. But I now actually miss the weather, it's too hot where we are in italy. The South/East of England has the best weather and where I grew up in Norfolk it was pretty sunny. I would definitely avoid London now though as one of the reasons we left was because the crime had gotten worse and lots of stabbings. I just felt anxious the whole time plus how busy it was. I would go somewhere quiet and green but with good access to trains.
If this is inappropriate I will delete but wondered if you've heard of The Nemechek Protocol for your daughters autism? He's had amazing improvements with autism and digestive issues. He's got lots of videos on You Tube about it. It's basically taking certain omega oils and inulin to boost gut bacteria which has been linked to autism. There's also a helpful support group on Facebook. Just thought I'd mention it.

Have you looked at other areas in the States that would give you a better quality of life?

Woods.usa

[QUOTE=mica painter;12719439}
Have you looked at other areas in the States that would give you a better quality of life?[/QUOTE]


Not really. I lived in the UK the first time for nine years, but I was young. Married at 20, never been out of the house on my own before I moved halfway around the world to be with my husband. It was stressful, and I was young and missing home so much. But coming back here hasn't been like I thought it would be. I hardly ever see my US family and we haven't had a vacation since we lived in the UK fifteen years ago. All my husband does is work so we can pay our bills and work some more. I'd love for my kids to have the kind of life that their cousins in the UK have--being able to experience the history and culture, being able to travel, and not worrying about practicing active shooter drills in elementary school.

I honestly think that I am in a better place to appreciate the UK now. I often regret leaving, but we felt like we could give our kids a better life than a one bedroom flat in London if we moved back here. It just hasn't been the great experience I'd hoped it would be.

cyrian

@OP
As you said in #1, you are seeking a life that you have invented in your head.
Post #1 lists many different issues that are a problem for you which puts you in a very complex situation.
If you read some of the country forum on BE, you will find that people are seeking to leave the UK for several of the reasons that you mention.
The UK isn't perfect - no country is.
We have rising costs of living also and increased violence (predominantly in certain areas) and waiting times and treatment in the NHS is becoming more difficult.
Your eldest is in college; your middle child suffers from autism; depression and anxiety and your youngest is currently 7.
Would you leave them in the USA or bring them to the UK?
Are your kids UK citizens or do you need to finance their entry into the UK?
Would your OH get a job - possibly or possibly not.
On the plus side, the $/£ exchange rate would give you more money in the UK.
Don't rush into a decision - you could be exchanging your current issues with an entirely different set of problems.
Good luck with what you decide.

Nand

Woods.usa

They'd all come with us. My oldest would be finished with college, training in a field that seems to have a decent number of jobs (and more coming) in the UK and the States, so I think he'd be good wherever he eventually decides to settle. My daughter on the spectrum is the main one I worry about--though I suspect that she'd settle into a new country just fine if she is allowed to have pets as she is mad about animals, lol! A lot of her depression is, I'm sure, intensified by just being a teenager. She'd be 18 by the time we'd be looking to move, most likely. The youngest would be more like 11 by then, so she'd probably find it pretty exciting, to be honest. The waiting times are bearable, but a little worrying just for the mental health aspect. I believe one of my husband's aunt's works to help people find autism resources, so that might be useful to us.

My husband's current employer owns a company in the UK. If he could make a direct transfer, we'd probably jump at the chance. So far, I've seen similar jobs to his advertised for decent rates in the area we are tentatively considering. He's the main breadwinner, but I work from home (self-employed) and could always pick up a job outside the home, too. It might be a little bit of a struggle for the first year or two while we re-establish ourselves again, but it's not like we would be going in blindly. Still, I've never been one to make decisions quickly or lightly, so I'll worry about my choices right up until the day we decide.

Living where we do in America (a small town in South Carolina), we're not exactly in a crime-ridden area. But we've seen changes in the ten plus years we've lived here. And the current political vibe is distressing. I'm not sure I want my kids growing up in a place where guns are so prevalent, yet healthcare costs can literally bankrupt you. I know the UK isn't perfect, but it feels like it is just a little more stable than things are here. Of course, after Brexit things might change--we'd have to keep that in mind, too. I know we can't predict what job sectors will be affected by that, but my husband feels that his type of job (mechatronics, mechanical and robotic maintenance) will be in demand for a while in many different places.

Woods.usa

We were living in London in 2005 when the bombings in London happened. My husband was working for the BBC then and one went off very close to where he was. My family in the States were freaked out, we were pretty anxious, too. We definitely don't want to live in London again, for various reasons, but we'd like to be somewhere that a car could keep us independent while still having optional access to things like the rail system. Hubby has been back a couple of times since we left in 2005, but I haven't. Most of my husband's family have never even met your youngest. And we're not set on living right next door to his family--we've pretty much been on our own most of the time here in the States since my mom lives nearly five hours drive away. But I know that I'll miss her and my sisters. I'm hoping that we can get back here more often than we could get over to the UK, but I'm not banking on it. Thank goodness for the internet and telephones, I guess.

We've been in America for fourteen years, so I'm sure loads has changed. My in-laws keep us up to date about the worst of it, lol! My MIL hates the wait times at her local GP and the changes she's seen in the NHS, but in my opinion, the NHS on its worst day is still better than the US healthcare system on its best, at least as far as financial responsibility on the patient's part is concerned. I have laughingly tried to get my mother to emigrate to the UK and work in a doctor's surgery (she's a medical assistant and part-time office manager of a doctor's office over here)--she's politely declined every time, lol!

Last night my husband said that if he could find a guaranteed job that paid well enough, he'd seriously consider it. Three or four years ago, I used to think I'd never want to move back, but lately, I've been literally dreaming of it. My gut tells me that it feels like the right thing to do, but I wish I could be one hundred percent certain before I take the leap.

cyrian

There is no comparison in the level of violence between the UK and the USA other than in newspaper (and D. Trump) headlines.
You are correct in saying gang knife stabbings because most of the violence in the UK is gang or drugs related.
London is the worst area in the UK but predominantly in areas of deprivation (applies also to the USA).
London had 135 homicides in 2018 - 15 per 100,000 population.
The UK figures are 726 - 11 per 100,000.
Alabama had 1124 in 2017 (US Gov figures) - 22.9 per 100,000
There are areas in the UK with much lower figures than London.
There are areas in the USA with much lower figures than Alabama.
You just make sure you choose an appropriate area to live.

@ tumbleweedly
If your OH has a job lined up before he moves then that would make a world of difference and much less stress for you all.
You can research availability of work; housing costs etc; schooling and local crime online.

robtuck

I do think you need to be careful about the way you might view the UK as a potential home, based on something you once knew. As someone who has only recently, three years, done the trip the other way from what you are considering, I am loving the change. BUT, you mention the one reasons we'd probably jump back to the UK if it ever became an issue - health. Regardless of any negative news stories about wait times, busy ER's etc., the safety that the NHS provides is amazing - it's one of two things about the USA that I still cannot fully get my head around, why they are so against it (I know the reasons, I just can;t properly comprehend them with my experience).

Our daughter, sounds of similar age, was close to be diagnosed as Autistic - they decided not to place her on the Spectrum because they believed it was such a close call and that labeling her may create more issues (she also suffers from Anxiety). Having seen the approach to this over here - I'd probably be wavering with your view on moving to the UK, as it is certainly seen and handled in a very different way I believe. We now know how to cope with our daughter and she has been given ways of handling her thought processes that has seen her have really positive changes in her life, and that came from months of visits to NHS funded care in the UK. I think the school system is also better prepared, although probably is not so much of a concern for you. If waiting lists for hip replacements is really a big issue you of course have BUPA.

Guns vs. Knives - I completely understand the thought process, and would back up the data above - whatever The Sun or Daily Mail may present, it's not some out of control threat to everyday life in the UK, especially outside of very isolated areas and situations. That said, while the Gun issue here needs resolving, it's also a relatively low risk when you consider it against other ones. I think this reason may not be the best one to go to the UK over - because the press coverage of the knife crime would soon make it feel like you just traded one for the other anyway. I say that as someone firmly against guns in the hands of the general populous.

Your husband would clearly have to move jobs when returning to the UK, and you say it is because of his job you live where you do. Are there other locations that would give you more of the things you want in the USA? SC, in general, is probably not going to offer you many of the things you liked from London! Maybe a suburb closer to a larger, more cosmopolitan City.

Woods.usa

I can't think of anywhere in the US that would feel any 'better' to us. Large cities like NYC might feel more like home, but we don't want to live in a big city again. My husband has always wanted a place in the countryside of the UK, but he's practical about not wanting a huge commute, so he knows we'd have to settle for a smaller, more suburban setting.

I'm not sure if living in the States has made me more neurotic about the crime, or whether it's actually significantly worse than when I was younger. It's probably a bit of both, I suppose.

I do miss the little things about life in the UK, like being able to walk to the shops, grab a bus to get to the pub, or just take a train across the country for a day out. I miss the architecture and the history. I miss the variety of cultures that make up the country, if that makes sense. I suspect that I'd have a better idea of what I want to do if we made a trip over for a holiday. My son is the only one of my kids that's been back and he loves it. He wants to move back even if we don't, and he's spent more of his life here in the US, too.

christmasoompa

The two don't exclude each other. We live in a farmhouse in a rural part of Berkshire, most days don't see another living soul, but it's 26 minutes to central London on a fast train.

shokwaverider

For us the main issue with the UK would be the weather as stated earlier. We are so used to the Florida weather and all the sunshine, being walking distance to the beach helps too. All services and medical are within 3 - 5 miles although one does need a car, we live in a small tourist town. The Heat does not bother us really. Being English from Birth, there is something telling me we should return. I am happy swapping the beach for a nice green country field and livestock view. We do not want to be in London or the suburbs (Where I grew up). We do not need to work as we are retired. We would like a nice village, walking distance from a decent pub with a train station relatively nearby. Even if London is up to 2 hours away that would be OK. If fact that is what I miss, the ability to get on a train and basically be anywhere in or under half a day.
BUT the weather, not sure I can take 4 - 6 months of overcast drizzle. We will miss the heat but that that is easy to get used to providing it is not too cold for too long. Bottom line we are not sure what area would give us the best of both worlds. We would not like to spend more than $500k - 600k on a home with a nice view, not on an estate with neighbors less that 4' away on either side. The above post sounds idyllic, as long as the station is relatively close and one can get groceries without a hike to the nearest market town.

Moses2013

If you are already worried about weather, you will always end up miserable. If you are looking for the best of both worlds and have that amount of money to spend, why not look at cheaper parts of the country and use the rest of the money to buy a holiday home for the winter months.