Think long and hard, and then think again!
Nov 11th 2010, 8:15 am
#46
BE Forum Addict
Joined: May 2007
Location: England
Posts: 4,211
Re: Think long and hard, and then think again!
I still find it strange though to start a post...with Think..etc...because most of us do not make the decision to move anyway on a whim...we thought long...hard...and long..and hard...again about our move to Aus....then many,many years later we finally made the decision to return home....would I start a thread like that thinking most people needed to think long and hard..heck no...why...well some people can do it on a whim...some need encouragement and help....some needs years to get the courage etc...loads of reasons...and for whatever my reasons well I would not want to scare someone off either moving overseas or returning home....and the big one is why...well they are my experiences...I might put someone off doing either of these things....if someone wants to do it..AND if I am asked.....then I encourage them all the way....my mistakes are mine..and I learn from them...well most of the time..lol...
Nov 11th 2010, 10:50 am
#47
Just Joined
Joined: Jul 2010
Location: Scotland
Posts: 18
Re: Think long and hard, and then think again!
I totally agree with you..
Nov 11th 2010, 12:07 pm
#48
Just hanging around
Joined: May 2008
Location: Back in England
Posts: 1,447
Re: Think long and hard, and then think again!
Oversimplifying like crazy, but I'm not aware of any science that says taking time is always better. It does seem to be true that people should avoid hasty changes in times of trauma, such as after being bereaved or divorced, but that's different.
If someone's moved to the other side of the world at great expense, after planning and dreaming for years, few are able to immediately reverse it, so of course people take time to try to make it work.
It's practical, but it's not exactly logical -- in fact rather like telling someone who hates opera to keep listening to it until it sounds better. I haven't seen many stories here of people who say they loved it for a while then suddenly realized they didn't.
Bev
Nov 11th 2010, 1:08 pm
#49
Forum Regular
Thread Starter
Joined: Aug 2009
Posts: 111
Re: Think long and hard, and then think again!
When I began this thread I clearly pointed out that it was my experience and I was posting it purely on the off chance that me sharing my experiences may help other people in a similar position to me.
What really annoys me is the amount of people who reply to threads, not just this one, saying that they wouldn't start a similar thread. Fine if you don't want to share your experiences you don't have to, but similarly why waster your time telling people that you don't want to. Read the original post and if you want to add something constructive to it, do so, if not, don't.
What really annoys me is the amount of people who reply to threads, not just this one, saying that they wouldn't start a similar thread. Fine if you don't want to share your experiences you don't have to, but similarly why waster your time telling people that you don't want to. Read the original post and if you want to add something constructive to it, do so, if not, don't.
Nov 11th 2010, 5:39 pm
#50
Lost in BE Cyberspace
Joined: Sep 2007
Location: Canberra
Posts: 8,378
Re: Think long and hard, and then think again!
As I understand it, the science which was popularized in the book Blink, says that we make most important decisions in the blink of an eye, and that those instant decisions are as good or better than the ones we come to after careful thought, study, analysis etc.
Oversimplifying like crazy, but I'm not aware of any science that says taking time is always better. It does seem to be true that people should avoid hasty changes in times of trauma, such as after being bereaved or divorced, but that's different.
If someone's moved to the other side of the world at great expense, after planning and dreaming for years, few are able to immediately reverse it, so of course people take time to try to make it work.
It's practical, but it's not exactly logical -- in fact rather like telling someone who hates opera to keep listening to it until it sounds better. I haven't seen many stories here of people who say they loved it for a while then suddenly realized they didn't.
Bev
Oversimplifying like crazy, but I'm not aware of any science that says taking time is always better. It does seem to be true that people should avoid hasty changes in times of trauma, such as after being bereaved or divorced, but that's different.
If someone's moved to the other side of the world at great expense, after planning and dreaming for years, few are able to immediately reverse it, so of course people take time to try to make it work.
It's practical, but it's not exactly logical -- in fact rather like telling someone who hates opera to keep listening to it until it sounds better. I haven't seen many stories here of people who say they loved it for a while then suddenly realized they didn't.
Bev
I tend to think that what happens to some people is that the cognitive dissonance sets in and they respond by being uber enthused about something that they are really not feeling that enthused about but the feeling of cognitive dissonance is so uncomfortable that they try and work out ways to reduce the dissonance - hence the over the top enthusiasm for the new country. After a while I believe there is a sort of desensitization and people actually get used to a whole lot of stuff that once bugged them and for some then the gloss wears off entirely and they realize that they have been conned for a good long time, by which time they may be beyond the point of no return and they are stuck.
I certainly enjoyed the first 10 years or so that I lived in Australia - it was an adventure - but I always knew, right from the get go that I didnt want to spend the rest of my life there. I have always felt like I dont "belong" despite having a good work and social life and to all intents and purposes "settling in" well.
In general I do believe in instant decision making (firm believer in love at first sight) but I see so many times on this and other boards that people who make the decision quickly are often not that confident in their decision and still harbour the residual "the grass must have been greener, we just didnt see it" feelings hence the ping ponging (and ping pong pinging etc) so that eventually it has the potential to become a habit leading to an inability to settle anywhere (the curse of the expat)
Nov 11th 2010, 7:22 pm
#51
Moderαtor Emeritus
Joined: Sep 2003
Location: Upstate South Carolina
Posts: 30,768
Re: Think long and hard, and then think again!
The whole point I am failing to make is that everyone who emigrates should take the time to research culture shock and homesickness and its effects on decision making just as much as they research climate or the job market in there new chosen location, or trivial things like access to Marmite and decent English cheese...
Clearly many (most?) of the people commenting on this thread havent done that. If they had they would appreciate that it can have a large (but often temporary) effect on your decision making processes without you knowing it.
Clearly many (most?) of the people commenting on this thread havent done that. If they had they would appreciate that it can have a large (but often temporary) effect on your decision making processes without you knowing it.
Nov 11th 2010, 7:28 pm
#52
Ping-ponger
Joined: Jul 2002
Location: Dreich Alba
Posts: 12,005
Re: Think long and hard, and then think again!
When I began this thread I clearly pointed out that it was my experience and I was posting it purely on the off chance that me sharing my experiences may help other people in a similar position to me.
What really annoys me is the amount of people who reply to threads, not just this one, saying that they wouldn't start a similar thread. Fine if you don't want to share your experiences you don't have to, but similarly why waster your time telling people that you don't want to. Read the original post and if you want to add something constructive to it, do so, if not, don't.
What really annoys me is the amount of people who reply to threads, not just this one, saying that they wouldn't start a similar thread. Fine if you don't want to share your experiences you don't have to, but similarly why waster your time telling people that you don't want to. Read the original post and if you want to add something constructive to it, do so, if not, don't.
Nov 11th 2010, 9:02 pm
#53
BE Forum Addict
Joined: Jun 2010
Posts: 1,048
Re: Think long and hard, and then think again!
Why force yourself into that mental framework just because people like some kind of continuity in their lives. The most sensible position to take is "I know/hope I will live in many different places during the course of my life."
Trying to make oneself all cosy by saying "When I get to X I will be happy for ever" is just being dishonest with oneself.
Nov 11th 2010, 9:27 pm
#54
The Kwisatz Haderach
Joined: Aug 2008
Location: North Wales
Posts: 8,080
Re: Think long and hard, and then think again!
All the ones I know who have lived in the same area forever (including older relatives) are happy, they are secure in what they want/wanted and feel good. I wouldn't call them ignorant, they travel to other countries for holidays and enjoy them, but don't have any desire to go live there.
Nov 11th 2010, 9:30 pm
#55
BE Forum Addict
Joined: Jun 2010
Posts: 1,048
Re: Think long and hard, and then think again!
All the ones I know who have lived in the same area forever (including older relatives) are happy, they are secure in what they want/wanted and feel good. I wouldn't call them ignorant, they travel to other countries for holidays and enjoy them, but don't have any desire to go live there.
Nov 11th 2010, 9:40 pm
#56
The Kwisatz Haderach
Joined: Aug 2008
Location: North Wales
Posts: 8,080
Re: Think long and hard, and then think again!
I do some know some who are pleasant, of course, including family, and conversely there are some truly dreadful ignoramuses who move around the world and yet never seem to leave the small town behind them. So perhaps I generalise a little, but my experience of small town people, fifty generations in the same four square miles, etc., is bad bad bad.
I went to school with a few of those families 
Here we call them rednecks, In Wales we just figured they had interbred and they weren't enough forks in the family tree. Or as Dh says, not enough chlorine in that family gene pool.
Nov 11th 2010, 10:00 pm
#57
BE Forum Addict
Joined: Jun 2010
Posts: 1,048
Re: Think long and hard, and then think again!
I'll remember that one!
Nov 12th 2010, 4:01 am
#58
Not actually a squirrel
Joined: Apr 2010
Location: England
Posts: 3,446
Re: Think long and hard, and then think again!
Thanks for this honest and useful contribution. 
It takes TIME to adjust. I never really looked back after coming to Oz but as you point out, in low moments, you pick on anything that isn't quite right.
To anyone else who hasn't settled in quickly, you are not alone. Give it time.
Bit by bit, my niggles fall into insignificance. I breathe the fresh, take in the view and remember how lucky I am to be here.
It takes TIME to adjust. I never really looked back after coming to Oz but as you point out, in low moments, you pick on anything that isn't quite right.
To anyone else who hasn't settled in quickly, you are not alone. Give it time.
Bit by bit, my niggles fall into insignificance. I breathe the fresh, take in the view and remember how lucky I am to be here.
Nov 12th 2010, 7:14 am
#59
BE Forum Addict
Joined: Aug 2009
Location: Back home now in my home town in England U.K. after 36 years in U.S. now retired and loving it,
Posts: 3,208
Re: Think long and hard, and then think again!
I have been on this site a few times in the past, usually asking for advice etc. This time I thought I would share my experience and feelings, who knows they might help somebody in a similar position.
My wife and I moved to Brisbane in November 2009 on a 457 Visa. We really struggled the first few months down to being away from "home" at Christmas, having no furniture in our house, having a car that broke down. My wife was also struggling to make friends and find work.
A few months in we were both so down that we found ourselves finding fault in everything Australian - the price of food, bag checks, the driving standards, television, radio, basically anything. Anyway around May/June we decided that our hearts were still in the UK and decided to come back and booked the flights.
The funny thing was that not long after we made this decision we began to feel at home in Australia. We had made friends, my wife was working a lot. However we put this down to the fact that we knew in our minds that we were heading home and convinced ourselves that we had made the right decision. Friends suggested that we go back to the UK for a holiday to see if was what we really wanted to do. We decided against this as we felt we needed to keep as much of our savings intact as possible. Big mistake!!!
We have been back a couple of months now and know that we have made a big mistake coming back here. So much so that I am now applying for jobs back in Brisbane.
My advice to anybody who is torn about what to do is think very long and very hard about what you are doing. Remember what made you emigrate in the first place. Try to be a little forgiving over the faults of your new home until reality has truly settled in. If you are able to do it come home fr a holiday before committing to returning. Remember that in your absence friends and family will probably have moved on with their own lives.
Anyway that's my story, all the best people.
My wife and I moved to Brisbane in November 2009 on a 457 Visa. We really struggled the first few months down to being away from "home" at Christmas, having no furniture in our house, having a car that broke down. My wife was also struggling to make friends and find work.
A few months in we were both so down that we found ourselves finding fault in everything Australian - the price of food, bag checks, the driving standards, television, radio, basically anything. Anyway around May/June we decided that our hearts were still in the UK and decided to come back and booked the flights.
The funny thing was that not long after we made this decision we began to feel at home in Australia. We had made friends, my wife was working a lot. However we put this down to the fact that we knew in our minds that we were heading home and convinced ourselves that we had made the right decision. Friends suggested that we go back to the UK for a holiday to see if was what we really wanted to do. We decided against this as we felt we needed to keep as much of our savings intact as possible. Big mistake!!!
We have been back a couple of months now and know that we have made a big mistake coming back here. So much so that I am now applying for jobs back in Brisbane.
My advice to anybody who is torn about what to do is think very long and very hard about what you are doing. Remember what made you emigrate in the first place. Try to be a little forgiving over the faults of your new home until reality has truly settled in. If you are able to do it come home fr a holiday before committing to returning. Remember that in your absence friends and family will probably have moved on with their own lives.
Anyway that's my story, all the best people.
Sorry it didn't work out for you in Oz but you just didn't give it enough time,
I emigrated to Australia way back in 1965 --- I was 19 then, I was there for 4 years and I quickly got into the way of life there, but of course its a lot different now 45 years into the future, but I ended up returning to UK, then 5 years later I suddenly found myself in USA, been here for 36 years, now Im 65 and going back home to UK in less then 3 weeks from now, Im going back for good, and am going to live out the rest of my days there,
The thing that I thought was very interesting was right at the end of your post, you said (that in your absence friends and family would have probably moved on with there own lives) well yes of course that would be true after maybe 5 years or 10 or 20 or in my case 36 years, ---- but not the little one year that you were away, thats just like going up the road for a loaf of bread and got a little lost on the way back
Take care,
Rodney.
Nov 12th 2010, 12:20 pm
#60
Just hanging around
Joined: May 2008
Location: Back in England
Posts: 1,447
Re: Think long and hard, and then think again!
All the ones I know who have lived in the same area forever (including older relatives) are happy, they are secure in what they want/wanted and feel good. I wouldn't call them ignorant, they travel to other countries for holidays and enjoy them, but don't have any desire to go live there.
Seneca, I did find your assertion odd. Moving, even a few miles, isn't an indication of wisdom or lack of it, and moving farther certainly doesn't make anyone better, wiser, or anything. Being a rolling stone can make some people detatched and indifferent to the communities in which they live. Not all, of course.
IMO, it's depth of connection to wherever we live that matters. Not something I'm always good at.
A person who lives in a neighbourhood all their life, interacting, participating, giving and keeping the story of it in their mind and heart is living a very rich life.
Bev
