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Think long and hard, and then think again!

Think long and hard, and then think again!

Old Nov 9th 2010, 7:35 pm
  #31  
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Default Re: Think long and hard, and then think again!

Originally Posted by zednought View Post
I'm sorry I can't let you get away with nonsense like this: most psychology is quackery. It certainly isn't a science. Whilst it's worthwhile consulting other peoples' opinions and experiences each one of us should make our decision to live in this country or that country based on our own self-conscious examination.
- and your basis for this assertion is what, exactly? I'd agree, except I'd substitute "generalisation" in place of "psychology".
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Old Nov 9th 2010, 9:11 pm
  #32  
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Default Re: Think long and hard, and then think again!

Originally Posted by quoll View Post
Not biased in the least - they arent moving to UK they are contemplating a move to Australia so why talk about why they left UK in the first place - not everyone leaves UK because they dont like it BTW.

I agree though - those decisions made after short term experiences are the most likely to result in pingponging no matter which direction (if you read my post, that is just what I said!).

Unfortunately for the OP they dont have PR - they were on a temporary visa and so they cant just come and go at will. It would certainly be cheaper for them to suss out a new area in UK before deciding to try Aus again if they are just after a bit of adventure.
It was totally biased, and very clearly so. Just re-read it if unsure.
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Old Nov 9th 2010, 9:14 pm
  #33  
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Default Re: Think long and hard, and then think again!

Originally Posted by dontheturner View Post
Oh! I thought I said older or MaturePersons, (and I never said No One) -Fact is, like myself.-- I and others, who I know are living here, speak very little Thai language.- and those that do, cannot put the correct intonation on it. Do note also, that some Thai words, can have two different meanings, dependant upon how they are pronounced. Like wise, I know four or five Thais, who teach English, and when they ring me, I cannot understand them either. Sorry, Seneca, but that is a fact - and I think I am old enough to know and be aware! Don
Hi Don

I am aware of the tonal intricacies of many Asian languages, including Chinese which I was taught at school, wherein many words have four meanings depending on tone: falling, rising, falling/rising, and flat. I know someone learning Thai because he has many friends there and he is doing OK, whether he achievs fluency - who knows?

All the best, Seneca
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Old Nov 9th 2010, 9:56 pm
  #34  
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Default Re: Think long and hard, and then think again!

To the OP, I hope you don't mind me being direct but you asked for advice and I do want to help. I think the first mistake was leaving Australia before you had given it a chance, and now you're about to compound that mistake by doing it again.

I have moved countries 3 times now and every time I had a period of being very unsettled and just wanting to run away. But it passed after about a year.

If you decide to go back to Australia again, I think you have to tell yourself that you will not budge again until at least 2 years have gone by. But I also think that if you explore other options in the UK, you might find you don't need to go.

Just give one or the other a chance. Feeling unhappy is a natural part of the upheaval of international moves.
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Old Nov 9th 2010, 9:58 pm
  #35  
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Default Re: Think long and hard, and then think again!

Originally Posted by sallysimmons View Post
To the OP, I hope you don't mind me being direct but you asked for advice and I do want to help. I think the first mistake was leaving Australia before you had given it a chance, and now you're about to compound that mistake by doing it again.

I have moved countries 3 times now and every time I had a period of being very unsettled and just wanting to run away. But it passed after about a year.

If you decide to go back to Australia again, I think you have to tell yourself that you will not budge again until at least 2 years have gone by. But I also think that if you explore other options in the UK, you might find you don't need to go.

Just give one or the other a chance. Feeling unhappy is a natural part of the upheaval of international moves.
+1. I also have tried to impart this advice. One must give it time before a rational and objective decision can be made - however unhappy. This is the important point! You have to go through the unhappiness or you are doomed to ping-pong for ever!!! The problem we have is people who think they're being helpful by saying "just do whatever makes you happy" and other relatively useless platitudes - but this is not helpful at all: sometimes you need the unhappy to get the happy.
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Old Nov 9th 2010, 10:04 pm
  #36  
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Default Re: Think long and hard, and then think again!

Originally Posted by dunroving View Post
- and your basis for this assertion is what, exactly?
Many years' of study.

The ground rules for psychology are pretty sound, e.g. cognition, clinical psychology et al. However, once you get beyond the basics most of it gets a little flaky to say the least. By the time Maslow and Freud arrive on the scene genuine demonstrable scientific evidence has (in my opinion) been left well behind. If it were possible to predict human behaviour that well we'd be living in a utopia where no crimes could be committed. The fundamental problem with psychology is that in the human psyche there are just too many independent variables for us to resolve. Thus, when we consider all the reasons a person may choose to leave his normal country of residence and attempt to integrate into another (foreign) society and all the reasons this may succeed or fail it is just not possible to offer any scientific basis for advising someone whether they will be successful in their endeavors. And what you certainly cannot do is say, "you need to stay for (n) months to be sure".

Everyone must follow their own impulses and logic at the end of the day.
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Old Nov 9th 2010, 10:13 pm
  #37  
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Default Re: Think long and hard, and then think again!

Originally Posted by zednought View Post
Many years' of study.

The ground rules for psychology are pretty sound, e.g. cognition, clinical psychology et al. However, once you get beyond the basics most of it gets a little flaky to say the least. By the time Maslow and Freud arrive on the scene genuine demonstrable scientific evidence has (in my opinion) been left well behind. If it were possible to predict human behaviour that well we'd be living in a utopia where no crimes could be committed. The fundamental problem with psychology is that in the human psyche there are just too many independent variables for us to resolve. Thus, when we consider all the reasons a person may choose to leave his normal country of residence and attempt to integrate into another (foreign) society and all the reasons this may succeed or fail it is just not possible to offer any scientific basis for advising someone whether they will be successful in their endeavors. And what you certainly cannot do is say, "you need to stay for (n) months to be sure".

Everyone must follow their own impulses and logic at the end of the day.
I don't think they must, I think they can.
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Old Nov 9th 2010, 10:29 pm
  #38  
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Default Re: Think long and hard, and then think again!

Problem is that logic and impulses are not necessarily going to pull you in the same direction. The logical thing to do is decide in advance to give it a year (or whatever), but when its really rough after 6 months those impulses are going to say "screw that" in some cases.

Many times you cant follow both logic and impulses, its got to be one or the other
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Old Nov 9th 2010, 10:39 pm
  #39  
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Default Re: Think long and hard, and then think again!

Originally Posted by iaink View Post
Problem is that logic and impulses are not necessarily going to pull you in the same direction. The logical thing to do is decide in advance to give it a year (or whatever), but when its really rough after 6 months those impulses are going to say "screw that" in some cases.

Many times you cant follow both logic and impulses, its got to be one or the other
But people fight impulses all the time - this is what we are socialised to do from the very youngest age. It's perfectly logical for me to steal anything I please, for example, if I know I can get away with it, because this will make me wealthier and stronger, but thanks to socialisation this impulse is repressed and instead the ethical framework instilled in me as an infant and through life ensures I do not steal, and instead seek to cooperate with other people.

In some people this impulse was not successfully repressed, and their socialisation was not successful. I know someone who has no qualms at all about defrauding HMRC and other government agencies. His unethical behaviour has bought him a nice big house in the country, two cars and an apartment London.

He has a lack of ethics, and does not understand the point of honesty and cooperation, because either he was not properly socialised or his impulses have over-ridden his socialisation.

We must fight impulses all the time - they rarely lead to good things, as my friend will no doubt discover when he gets caught.
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Old Nov 10th 2010, 1:23 am
  #40  
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Default Re: Think long and hard, and then think again!

Originally Posted by Seneca21 View Post
+1. I also have tried to impart this advice. One must give it time before a rational and objective decision can be made - however unhappy. This is the important point! You have to go through the unhappiness or you are doomed to ping-pong for ever!!! The problem we have is people who think they're being helpful by saying "just do whatever makes you happy" and other relatively useless platitudes - but this is not helpful at all: sometimes you need the unhappy to get the happy.
Sounds a bit like marriage to me - (tongue in cheek comment!) - have a good argument, so you can make love later? Funny Eh? Merry Christmas Seneca! Don

Last edited by dontheturner; Nov 10th 2010 at 1:26 am. Reason: add
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Old Nov 10th 2010, 2:31 am
  #41  
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Default Re: Think long and hard, and then think again!

Originally Posted by iaink View Post
Many times you cant follow both logic and impulses, its got to be one or the other
I would say follow neither logic nor impulse in these situations. Follow common sense instead.

When we go into strange situations, fear is a natural reaction. Our impulse when we face fear is to run. But when we are not in physical danger, the impulse is misleading.

Meantime logic would say 'Think rationally about which is the better place to live based on specific criteria and then choose based on logic.' But life can't be boiled down to criteria. It's more emotional than that.

On the other hand, common sense just says don't make any decisions while you're in the fear stage. Wait, enjoy the experience, live your life, let things calm down and once you're no longer acting on impulse or relying on logical analysis, you will know what to do.
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Old Nov 10th 2010, 10:31 am
  #42  
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Default Re: Think long and hard, and then think again!

Originally Posted by sallysimmons View Post
I have moved countries 3 times now and every time I had a period of being very unsettled and just wanting to run away. But it passed after about a year.

.
I had a similar experience. The first few weeks are the honeymoon period (if you are lucky) then you start to notice everything your new country doesn't have that your old country did. It took me about a year to start appreciating some of the things the new country had and probably 3 years before I stopped having periods of homesickness. I'm about to go through the process again in the opposite direction (after 24 years in my adoptive country) and know that I will be have to be patient and go through the same process of adapting.
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Old Nov 10th 2010, 10:48 am
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Default Re: Think long and hard, and then think again!

Originally Posted by sallysimmons View Post
To the OP, I hope you don't mind me being direct but you asked for advice and I do want to help. I think the first mistake was leaving Australia before you had given it a chance, and now you're about to compound that mistake by doing it again.
Sally, I didn't ask for advice, I was merely outlining my situation in case it possibly helped anybody else who was thinking of returning to the UK.
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Old Nov 10th 2010, 10:50 am
  #44  
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Default Re: Think long and hard, and then think again!

Originally Posted by brits1 View Post
Sorry to hear about your story...not sure why you would post that on here though...a bit like me posting My Story on people migrating to Aus...I just so would not do that...for quite a few reasons.....I have found in my life I made some decisions way too quickly...and some have taken way too long...but once again thats my story....good luck with whatever you have decided to do....for me and my family we are thrilled to be back here...but that did not take overnight to happen either...did not take much longer though....lol
Strangely enough because this section of the site is entiled "Moving Back to the UK". This is what we did and I was merely offering my thoughts/opinions.
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Old Nov 11th 2010, 9:06 am
  #45  
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Default Re: Think long and hard, and then think again!

Originally Posted by iaink View Post
Cos its a story about moving back to the UK Not everyone who comes back lives happily ever after. Its all food for thought.



Never mind what all the psychologists who study these things for a living have to say eh, we wouldnt want science and research and that kind of nonsense to interfere with anyones personal opinions.
LOL, yes but they are moving back to Aus.....not back to the U.K....and as you said....this is the Moving back to the U.K...I for one know life is not always "Happy ever after" but you have to work with what life deals you at the time...if your not happy then you have to find a way that will make you happy/happier....not easy I know...but whats the alternative....
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