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Think long and hard, and then think again!

Think long and hard, and then think again!

Old Nov 8th 2010, 11:14 pm
  #16  
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Default Re: Think long and hard, and then think again!

I moved because I thought the grass would be greener and not because I hated eveythying about the UK. I had the oportunity to move to OZ quickly on a permanent visa and life is about living and trying new thinngs. Its good to take yourself out of your comfort zone once and a while. I didnt need 1 or 2 years to know if it was for me. Everyone is different. I have changed jobs a few times and you know pretty soon if its for you. I didnt need 2 years doing a job I didnt like. My decision was also an emotional one as I realised I was selfish taking my kids away from a life they were content with and watching how unhappy they were. It just so happened I hated my job as welll.
I agree with previous posts you need to move else where within the UK first before moving overseas.
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Old Nov 8th 2010, 11:18 pm
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Default Re: Think long and hard, and then think again!

Originally Posted by iaink View Post
(I dont know the rules, but if its anything like Canada you cant leave for too long without having to start from scratch again).
It depends what their visa status in Australia is. If they are PR then I think they can be away from Australia for quite a significant time and still return. As someone who has spent his whole life (including childhood) living in different countries my advice would be give it a good amount of time before you move along, or you're going to get addicted to flitting about. Also, while not relevant in this case, always learn the local language to a reasonable standard before going as well - it's notonly highly disrespectful not to, but also your new life will stand a much greater chance of succeeding.

But people rarely listen to advice, good, bad or otherwise.
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Old Nov 8th 2010, 11:21 pm
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Default Re: Think long and hard, and then think again!

Originally Posted by garyp View Post
I moved because I thought the grass would be greener and not because I hated eveythying about the UK. I had the oportunity to move to OZ quickly on a permanent visa and life is about living and trying new thinngs. Its good to take yourself out of your comfort zone once and a while. I didnt need 1 or 2 years to know if it was for me. Everyone is different. I have changed jobs a few times and you know pretty soon if its for you. I didnt need 2 years doing a job I didnt like. My decision was also an emotional one as I realised I was selfish taking my kids away from a life they were content with and watching how unhappy they were. It just so happened I hated my job as welll.
I agree with previous posts you need to move else where within the UK first before moving overseas.
I agree strongly about your comment on the different power of push and pull factors, but I disagree with your analogy about work. Living in a foreign country is not the same thing as starting in a new office somewhere, IMO. You can get away from your office environment every day, but in a new country you are immersed 24/7. It takes much more commitment to move to a foreign country and demands much more effort to make it work.
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Old Nov 9th 2010, 12:04 am
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Default Re: Think long and hard, and then think again!

...everyone's different. If you know it's not for you, it's not for you. IMO as long as ample thought has been put into it and an effort has been made to give it a go aside from typical home-sickness then there's no reason why someone shouldnt simply go home...or go back to their emigrated country.

Find where is comfortable and make it stick - sure, as long as its not screwing up the kids lives, who is to say whats right or wrong? Lifeis what you make it no matter where you are in the world and it really only comes down to what you want from it.

Want warm climate? Want that more than say a familiar culture? Then go. Missing Sunday afternoon pub dinners with your mates in front of the football on the telly? Need that more than a warm climate? And so on...
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Old Nov 9th 2010, 3:07 am
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Default Re: Think long and hard, and then think again!

Originally Posted by Seneca21 View Post
It depends what their visa status in Australia is. Also, while not relevant in this case, always learn the local language to a reasonable standard before going as well - it's notonly highly disrespectful not to, but also your new life will stand a much greater chance of succeeding.
But people rarely listen to advice, good, bad or otherwise.
What you have typed, cannot possibly be applied to myself, or perhaps to a good many others on here ---. You see, I was 76 when I came to Thailand, and I am now 80, and we are to return to UK in February, and I would seriously wonder, if any older or mature person, could even begin to understand, or comprehend, the idiosyncrasy of the average Thai person, in any real way, shape or form, and certainly not pronounce their words, so that they can know what you are saying to them. - Please do not generalise Don
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Old Nov 9th 2010, 3:12 am
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Default Re: Think long and hard, and then think again!

Originally Posted by dontheturner View Post
What you have typed, cannot possibly be applied to myself, or perhaps to a good many others on here ---. You see, I was 76 when I came to Thailand, and I am now 80, and we are to return to UK in February, and I would seriously wonder, if any older or mature person, could even begin to understand, or comprehend, the idiosyncrasy of the average Thai person, in any real way, shape or form, and certainly not pronounce their words, so that they can know what you are saying to them. - Please do not generalise Don
Surely you generalise when you claim Westerners cannot "understand" Thais and that no one can learn to speak their language.
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Old Nov 9th 2010, 5:26 am
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Default Re: Think long and hard, and then think again!

I dont think its very polite to claim people rarely listen to advice. Did it occur to you Seneca that maybe people like to have their options listed in order to help them make a decision on their own? I know I certainly wouldnt make a decision based on advice. Thats a naive notion. Advice may give me food for thought, sure, but simply because you have travelled a lot, doesnt really give you the right to discern what is and isnt disrespectful of a traveller nor does it really give you any foundation for deciding what is an acceptble timeframe in which to give a chance to any given situation. All situations are different.

Your "logical and objective" approach doesnt allow for human nature nor instinct, nor homesickness, nor anything really that is not measurable...I have been in Mexico with my partner for 2 years now and I decided after 6 months I wanted to come home, my spanish is terrible and I havent had time nor the money to learn properly. We barely survive on our salaries and we work 12 hour days 5 and 6 days a week. Am i being disrespectful to the Mexicans? Nope, thats ludicrous. Could I have learned beforehand? Nope, the recession struck and our situation was somewhat rushed. Have i not given Mexico a fair crack? Yup, of course. Im coming home to the UK in 2011 fingers crossed and I will never feel I didnt give my new situation a proper chance. I came, I saw and I decided i didnt WANT to fit in. I didnt want to adapt. I dont want to stay.

Everyones situation is different...and advice is only borne of personal experience, which is to say everyones is different and your advice may be no more applicble than mine or Dons.

My advice to anyone who isnt happy? If you arent happy, change something. Done.
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Old Nov 9th 2010, 8:55 am
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Default Re: Think long and hard, and then think again!

Originally Posted by Seneca21 View Post
This is very biased, sorry. To make this fair ine would need to write that all the things that caused them to leave the UK in the first place would still be there, and that making a life-changing decision after just a few weeks in Australia is a bad decision. Let's be objective about it if we're giving advice and not let our own feelings on Australia/UK bleed into it.
Not biased in the least - they arent moving to UK they are contemplating a move to Australia so why talk about why they left UK in the first place - not everyone leaves UK because they dont like it BTW.

I agree though - those decisions made after short term experiences are the most likely to result in pingponging no matter which direction (if you read my post, that is just what I said!).

Unfortunately for the OP they dont have PR - they were on a temporary visa and so they cant just come and go at will. It would certainly be cheaper for them to suss out a new area in UK before deciding to try Aus again if they are just after a bit of adventure.
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Old Nov 9th 2010, 9:59 am
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Default Re: Think long and hard, and then think again!

Originally Posted by Seneca21 View Post
Surely you generalise when you claim Westerners cannot "understand" Thais and that no one can learn to speak their language.
Oh! I thought I said older or MaturePersons, (and I never said No One) -Fact is, like myself.-- I and others, who I know are living here, speak very little Thai language.- and those that do, cannot put the correct intonation on it. Do note also, that some Thai words, can have two different meanings, dependant upon how they are pronounced. Like wise, I know four or five Thais, who teach English, and when they ring me, I cannot understand them either. Sorry, Seneca, but that is a fact - and I think I am old enough to know and be aware! Don

Last edited by dontheturner; Nov 9th 2010 at 10:09 am. Reason: E&OE
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Old Nov 9th 2010, 1:59 pm
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Default Re: Think long and hard, and then think again!

Originally Posted by Couture View Post
I dont think its very polite to claim people rarely listen to advice.
May not be polite, but its true. What many people want here is validation that they choose to do the right thing, or a shoulder to cry on, or just someone who understands what they are going through.
My advice to anyone who isnt happy? If you arent happy, change something. Done.
Terrible advice if they are not happy in the first six months. Anyone emmigrating really should look up all about culture shock and homesickness before they go, so they they can recognise it and make a concious decision before the fact not to do anything rash while its a possibility that those factors are influencing them. Of course there are some people who know right away they made a mistake and would have been OK to jump straight on a plane back, but for each one of them there are more who are just adjusting badly and need more time to get truly comfortable and happy in their new lives, and who would eventually regret it if they didnt stick it out a while longer. I really think the benefit of waiting at least a year far outweighs the downside for those who really dont adjust and would have been better off to return earlier.

If you arent happy and have been there a year then change something, but if you have only been there six months, stick it out a while longer, get out in your chosen community and see what changes over time. If it still sucks consider what it is that isnt working for you, and consider moving elsewhere in that country as well as returning to the UK.

Last edited by iaink; Nov 9th 2010 at 2:02 pm.
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Old Nov 9th 2010, 5:09 pm
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Default Re: Think long and hard, and then think again!

Originally Posted by chrissystevo View Post
I have been on this site a few times in the past, usually asking for advice etc. This time I thought I would share my experience and feelings, who knows they might help somebody in a similar position.

My wife and I moved to Brisbane in November 2009 on a 457 Visa. We really struggled the first few months down to being away from "home" at Christmas, having no furniture in our house, having a car that broke down. My wife was also struggling to make friends and find work.

A few months in we were both so down that we found ourselves finding fault in everything Australian - the price of food, bag checks, the driving standards, television, radio, basically anything. Anyway around May/June we decided that our hearts were still in the UK and decided to come back and booked the flights.

The funny thing was that not long after we made this decision we began to feel at home in Australia. We had made friends, my wife was working a lot. However we put this down to the fact that we knew in our minds that we were heading home and convinced ourselves that we had made the right decision. Friends suggested that we go back to the UK for a holiday to see if was what we really wanted to do. We decided against this as we felt we needed to keep as much of our savings intact as possible. Big mistake!!!

We have been back a couple of months now and know that we have made a big mistake coming back here. So much so that I am now applying for jobs back in Brisbane.

My advice to anybody who is torn about what to do is think very long and very hard about what you are doing. Remember what made you emigrate in the first place. Try to be a little forgiving over the faults of your new home until reality has truly settled in. If you are able to do it come home fr a holiday before committing to returning. Remember that in your absence friends and family will probably have moved on with their own lives.

Anyway that's my story, all the best people.
Sorry to hear about your story...not sure why you would post that on here though...a bit like me posting My Story on people migrating to Aus...I just so would not do that...for quite a few reasons.....I have found in my life I made some decisions way too quickly...and some have taken way too long...but once again thats my story....good luck with whatever you have decided to do....for me and my family we are thrilled to be back here...but that did not take overnight to happen either...did not take much longer though....lol
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Old Nov 9th 2010, 5:20 pm
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Default Re: Think long and hard, and then think again!

Originally Posted by Seneca21 View Post
I agree about giving everywhere a fair go. Moving to another country for a few years and moving back is fine - one has had a great experience and nothing has been lost except meaningless and replaceable pennies. Moving to a country for a few weeks and shipping everything back again leads one to think that perhaps the original move was not a serious venture, and could place one in the dreaded ping-pong category.
Personally I think if someone knows within days or weeks (and I have met a few who made a decision within such a short time frame and which in the end was the right one for them)...some people for whatever reasons...attention,stress,work,friends....don't settle and whatever reasons they want to say for it did not work for them are their reasons..I certainly have no problems with whichever country someone wants to live in..I just dont understand why anyone would post something like that on this site....was it .."did not work for us....won't work for you" and that makes them feel better to me thats sad....would I or anyone who has migrated start a thread on the sites for migrants wanting to move abroad and write a "dont go to Aus...etc....its.....blar blar blar..." not if your half a decent person you would not....
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Old Nov 9th 2010, 5:35 pm
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Default Re: Think long and hard, and then think again!

Originally Posted by brits1 View Post
Sorry to hear about your story...not sure why you would post that on here though..
Cos its a story about moving back to the UK Not everyone who comes back lives happily ever after. Its all food for thought.

Originally Posted by brits1 View Post
Personally I think if someone knows within days or weeks
Never mind what all the psychologists who study these things for a living have to say eh, we wouldnt want science and research and that kind of nonsense to interfere with anyones personal opinions.
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Old Nov 9th 2010, 7:10 pm
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Default Re: Think long and hard, and then think again!

Originally Posted by iaink View Post
Never mind what all the psychologists who study these things for a living have to say eh, we wouldnt want science and research and that kind of nonsense to interfere with anyones personal opinions.
I'm sorry I can't let you get away with nonsense like this: most psychology is quackery. It certainly isn't a science. Whilst it's worthwhile consulting other peoples' opinions and experiences each one of us should make our decision to live in this country or that country based on our own self-conscious examination.
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Old Nov 9th 2010, 7:33 pm
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Default Re: Think long and hard, and then think again!

Originally Posted by zednought View Post
I'm sorry I can't let you get away with nonsense like this: most psychology is quackery. It certainly isn't a science.
Sure, and the world is flat too.

Psychology is very much a science, often based on double blind trials and studies and statistical analysis, much the same way a lot of medical research is done. Huge resources, both public and private, are spent on understanding and trying to influence peoples decision making processes. I used to think the same as you, but then I actually talked to some research psychologists to try and understand what it is they actually do, and its very much driven by scientific method. Are you confusing psychology with psychoanalysis...sort of like astronomy and astrology?


Its all very well talking about making a "self-conscious examination", but the whole point of culture shock if you bother to look into it is that when its got you there is no chance of making a rational self-conscious decision in that state, although given your choices boil down to "stay" or "go" you have some chance of choosing right through luck alone I suppose. Really though its as well to make the decision in advance to wait X months before doing anything hasty, regardless of whether it the right or wrong decision that you put off making for a few months. 6 months here or there in this process really isnt going to be make or break.

Last edited by iaink; Nov 9th 2010 at 7:56 pm.
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