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Think long and hard, and then think again!

Think long and hard, and then think again!

Old Nov 8th 2010, 2:20 pm
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Default Think long and hard, and then think again!

I have been on this site a few times in the past, usually asking for advice etc. This time I thought I would share my experience and feelings, who knows they might help somebody in a similar position.

My wife and I moved to Brisbane in November 2009 on a 457 Visa. We really struggled the first few months down to being away from "home" at Christmas, having no furniture in our house, having a car that broke down. My wife was also struggling to make friends and find work.

A few months in we were both so down that we found ourselves finding fault in everything Australian - the price of food, bag checks, the driving standards, television, radio, basically anything. Anyway around May/June we decided that our hearts were still in the UK and decided to come back and booked the flights.

The funny thing was that not long after we made this decision we began to feel at home in Australia. We had made friends, my wife was working a lot. However we put this down to the fact that we knew in our minds that we were heading home and convinced ourselves that we had made the right decision. Friends suggested that we go back to the UK for a holiday to see if was what we really wanted to do. We decided against this as we felt we needed to keep as much of our savings intact as possible. Big mistake!!!

We have been back a couple of months now and know that we have made a big mistake coming back here. So much so that I am now applying for jobs back in Brisbane.

My advice to anybody who is torn about what to do is think very long and very hard about what you are doing. Remember what made you emigrate in the first place. Try to be a little forgiving over the faults of your new home until reality has truly settled in. If you are able to do it come home fr a holiday before committing to returning. Remember that in your absence friends and family will probably have moved on with their own lives.

Anyway that's my story, all the best people.

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Old Nov 8th 2010, 2:30 pm
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Default Re: Think long and hard, and then think again!

Thanks for this honest and useful contribution.

It takes TIME to adjust. I never really looked back after coming to Oz but as you point out, in low moments, you pick on anything that isn't quite right.

To anyone else who hasn't settled in quickly, you are not alone. Give it time.

Bit by bit, my niggles fall into insignificance. I breathe the fresh, take in the view and remember how lucky I am to be here.
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Old Nov 8th 2010, 7:32 pm
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Default Re: Think long and hard, and then think again!

Originally Posted by alistairboyle View Post
Thanks for this honest and useful contribution.

It takes TIME to adjust. I never really looked back after coming to Oz but as you point out, in low moments, you pick on anything that isn't quite right.

To anyone else who hasn't settled in quickly, you are not alone. Give it time.

Bit by bit, my niggles fall into insignificance. I breathe the fresh, take in the view and remember how lucky I am to be here.
after 21 yrs of living away, I feel exactly like that about being back in the UK.
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Old Nov 8th 2010, 8:02 pm
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Default Re: Think long and hard, and then think again!

I think we've given it enough time, we've been here since 84 with a year back in UK in 91/92 and still I'm ready to move home, same as I was 10 years ago or 15 years ago.
Some people know the minute they get to another country it isn't for them, some give it time and some don't. Maybe you should give UK some time like the time you feel that the ex-pats should give to OZ. Move to another area first it's cheaper than another move to OZ and you never know, maybe it's the area you don't like not the country.
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Old Nov 8th 2010, 8:34 pm
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Default Re: Think long and hard, and then think again!

There is clearly a world of difference between less than a year abroad and many years abroad.

It seems to me the OP is a classic example of somoene making a decision while in the middle of the typical "culture shock" phase. The initial novelty of the move was gone but the familiarity of it being home and starting to build relationships and friendships with people about them had not really begun yet.

I really think everyone should give it at least a year, preferably two, before making any plans to come back.

For once I disagree with Mummy, they know what they dont like about the UK, they have had years there and only left for a brief period. I dont think reverse culture shock really applies unless you were away long enough to actually settle somewhere else before returning. If you have been out of the UK for several years though its certainly a consideration. Having said that I do think a lot of people who consider emigrating would probably be just as happy with a move within the UK, and its certainly cheaper and less hassle to do.

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Old Nov 8th 2010, 8:38 pm
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Default Re: Think long and hard, and then think again!

I agree with Mummy - making a life changing decision after a couple of months back in UK is almost as bad as decision following the original shock of landing in Australia. All the things that rankled in Australia are still going to be there - perhaps try another part of UK first. However, it does seem that the quicker one makes the decision to leave after migrating, the more likely one is to ping pong (and some people continue to ping and pong) as the grass in your imagination is never quite as green as the stuff you are walking on.
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Old Nov 8th 2010, 9:17 pm
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Default Re: Think long and hard, and then think again!

Originally Posted by alistairboyle View Post
Thanks for this honest and useful contribution.

It takes TIME to adjust. I never really looked back after coming to Oz but as you point out, in low moments, you pick on anything that isn't quite right.

To anyone else who hasn't settled in quickly, you are not alone. Give it time.

Bit by bit, my niggles fall into insignificance. I breathe the fresh, take in the view and remember how lucky I am to be here.
+1. Moving to a foreign country and giving it a few weeks to work out is not a smart thing to do. I think one needs probably more like two years to make a realistic and informed decision about it all.
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Old Nov 8th 2010, 9:19 pm
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Default Re: Think long and hard, and then think again!

Originally Posted by quoll View Post
I agree with Mummy - making a life changing decision after a couple of months back in UK is almost as bad as decision following the original shock of landing in Australia. All the things that rankled in Australia are still going to be there - perhaps try another part of UK first. However, it does seem that the quicker one makes the decision to leave after migrating, the more likely one is to ping pong (and some people continue to ping and pong) as the grass in your imagination is never quite as green as the stuff you are walking on.
This is very biased, sorry. To make this fair ine would need to write that all the things that caused them to leave the UK in the first place would still be there, and that making a life-changing decision after just a few weeks in Australia is a bad decision. Let's be objective about it if we're giving advice and not let our own feelings on Australia/UK bleed into it.
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Old Nov 8th 2010, 9:32 pm
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Default Re: Think long and hard, and then think again!

Originally Posted by Seneca21 View Post
This is very biased, sorry. To make this fair ine would need to write that all the things that caused them to leave the UK in the first place would still be there, and that making a life-changing decision after just a few weeks in Australia is a bad decision. Let's be objective about it if we're giving advice and not let our own feelings on Australia/UK bleed into it.
For us never having left the UK cause we didn't like it, it just happened that way, makes me feel I'm really not biased. I have had a good life abroad, but I also had a good like in UK. For us it's time to go home.
I think before moving to another country and spending thousands just to ship your stuff, it would be smart to see if it isn't the whole of UK they want away from and maybe it's just a life in another part less crowded or more exciting (depending where you are from) It's a lot cheaper to get that figured out before you haul lock stock and barrel back to the other end of the world.
I'd have given a similar answer in reverse had he come on here and said we've been in OZ a few weeks and had enough. You went that far to move there, give it go, get out of holiday mode first, don't buy any property just in case you do move, and get to know the country a bit before you move back. Then you can say you gave it a good go and it's not what you want after all.
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Old Nov 8th 2010, 9:37 pm
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Default Re: Think long and hard, and then think again!

Originally Posted by Mummy in the foothills View Post
For us never having left the UK cause we didn't like it, it just happened that way, makes me feel I'm really not biased. I have had a good life abroad, but I also had a good like in UK. For us it's time to go home.
I think before moving to another country and spending thousands just to ship your stuff, it would be smart to see if it isn't the whole of UK they want away from and maybe it's just a life in another part less crowded or more exciting (depending where you are from) It's a lot cheaper to get that figured out before you haul lock stock and barrel back to the other end of the world.
I'd have given a similar answer in reverse had he come on here and said we've been in OZ a few weeks and had enough. You went that far to move there, give it go, get out of holiday mode first, don't buy any property just in case you do move, and get to know the country a bit before you move back. Then you can say you gave it a good go and it's not what you want after all.
I agree about giving everywhere a fair go. Moving to another country for a few years and moving back is fine - one has had a great experience and nothing has been lost except meaningless and replaceable pennies. Moving to a country for a few weeks and shipping everything back again leads one to think that perhaps the original move was not a serious venture, and could place one in the dreaded ping-pong category.
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Old Nov 8th 2010, 9:46 pm
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Default Re: Think long and hard, and then think again!

Originally Posted by Seneca21 View Post
Moving to a country for a few weeks and shipping everything back again leads one to think that perhaps the original move was not a serious venture, and could place one in the dreaded ping-pong category.
None of us has walked a mile in their shoes, we have no idea what they went through, so really its just pointless speculation after the fact, which isnt helpful at all. Lets try and stay focused on being positive and looking forwards rather than backwards.
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Old Nov 8th 2010, 9:52 pm
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Default Re: Think long and hard, and then think again!

Originally Posted by iaink View Post
None of us has walked a mile in their shoes, we have no idea what they went through, so really its just pointless speculation after the fact, which isnt helpful at all. Lets try and stay focused on being positive and looking forwards rather than backwards.
It is fair to say that notwithstanding a major problem, which they do not allude to, living in a country for a few weeks is not going to allow for proper judgement when deciding to go home. They might come back on thread and give more details, but given the information we have, it is totally fair to say what I said. It is imply not enough time to make a rational decision.

Furthmore, it is of the utmost relevance that this point is made lest the OP make exactly the same mistake again, either in not giving themselves enough time to settle into the UK, or in ping-ponging back to Australia for a few weeks and repeating the cycle. The absolute crux of this matter is why such a short period of time was allowed before returning to the UK.

This is logical and objective approach to this issue.
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Old Nov 8th 2010, 9:53 pm
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Default Re: Think long and hard, and then think again!

It was several months, not a couple of weeks as far as I could figure out....
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Old Nov 8th 2010, 9:56 pm
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Default Re: Think long and hard, and then think again!

Originally Posted by iaink View Post
It was several months, not a couple of weeks as far as I could figure out....
I never said a couple of weeks. I said a few weeks. I have just checked their backposts and it looks like it was eight months, and this I consider to be insufficent time. It is still only 32 weeks. My view is that you could really get to know a country in maybe 18 mohths or two years.
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Old Nov 8th 2010, 10:04 pm
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Default Re: Think long and hard, and then think again!

Originally Posted by Seneca21 View Post
I never said a couple of weeks. I said a few weeks. I have just checked their backposts and it looks like it was eight months, and this I consider to be insufficent time. It is still only 32 weeks. My view is that you could really get to know a country in maybe 18 mohths or two years.
I dont know why you are arguing, we are basically saying the same thing. 18 or 24 months would be nice, but certainly more than 6 months which is the point psychologists seem to think homesickness and culture shock are most likely to be messing with your ability to make a rational decision. Neither of us can have much of understanding of why they chose to return the UK at that point based on the posted info, there could be a lot of other stuff going on that we dont know. I just seems unfair to me to speculate about that and be dismissive of their problems, its too late to do anything about that now anyway.

Ping ponging back to Oz after two months in the UK doesnt bother me so much, they have obviously lived in the UK for many years and had their reasons to leave in the first place, those probably havent changed a great deal in 8 months.

It wouldnt do them any harm to examine UK options if they havent already (for all we know maybe they have tried other places), but having seen life in both places recently, they are probably reasonably well placed to make an informed decision, and perhaps there are residency requirement to be met to keep their Australian status (I dont know the rules, but if its anything like Canada you cant leave for too long without having to start from scratch again).

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