michali

Home invasions here are definitely on the increase. The case you quote is particularly alarming. In spite of a rise in crime, I still feel relatively safe! But these incidents, along with death of close friends, do indeed make you consider your options.

dunroving

Personal safety was one of my two main reasons for leaving there, with 4 personal major experiences occurring in my last year there.

The US probably has a higher rate of deaths from crime than the Bahamas, but I always felt a lot safer in the US.

Sorry, this is slightly OT, except for the mortality theme - I didn't leave because a spouse died, I left because I thought I might end up dead or seriously hurt!

michali

The whole issue of the surviving spouse returning to the UK has been really been on my mind since the end of last year, as the issue pertains to a non EU spouse. My friend's husband died in October and because of the "new" rules, she can no longer be sponsored by her children and it is a real concern. At present she is well and can travel back and forth and to Canada but in the long term, she may not be well enough to do so. We often just live in the present (not a bad principle really!) and do not think long term but in instances like this, we really should think way ahead! Laws change!

Melly

Great thread. Very thought provoking as I approach the half century mark!!

norfolkbroad

My husband died back in 2000. I always said I would leave USA if that happened. However, I had an aging Golden Retriever who would not have survived the flight back so decided to remain here until she went to the great dog kennel in the sky. Three years on I met my present SO so am still here. I'm still playing with the idea of returning. My son, DIL and grandchildren are on the other side of the country and I honestly believe I would see them more often if I returned to Britain.

However, the older I get the more I dread the thought of going through upheaval. Maybe one of these days I'll get back my adventurous spirit (like when I was 19 I flew to Germany into the unknown with one suitcase and stayed there for 20 years).

I've been reading on this forum about expats my age going back and feel a great deal of admiration for them. Having not lived in Britain for more than 40 years, I've no idea if I'd enjoy it now although the idea is very appealing.

bourbon-biscuit

No, I'm thinking for most people it's a given that life would be less perfect if their spouse died!

not really - it might just be that the life choices you make as a couple for two of you (almost always involving compromise on both sides) might be different to the ones you would make alone. It also might tell you that in your current set up most your emotional support comes from one person who you could not imagine your set up being sustainable without.

dunroving

- I'd say that what you describe in your second paragraph comes under the description "... tells you something about your current life". That's exactly the sort of thing I meant - it raises your awareness.

SultanOfSwing

It's not even a consideration for me. I have two children. If my wife died I'd stay here, find some way to be able to continue paying the mortgage with only one earner and try to get on with things. That last thing they would need if their mother snuffed it would be m eforcing them to move 3,500 miles across the world because I can't hack it. That would be beyond selfish.

Plus, I have a life here anyway. Even now, when we idly talk about possibly living in the UK for a while I feel it might be harder to leave here than I used to think.

Interesting, it is, but my answer is the same, I'd stay here.

Again, I'm not 'just here because my wife is American' anymore. I have as much of a life here as I did in the UK now, albeit arranged a bit differently. Plus, and I have thought about this, I won't lie it is reasonably likely, in the event my wife and I are just done with each other, I can't think how it would be living so far away from my children.

WEBlue

Yeah, you'd think, wouldn't you? However, it could all depend upon the couple concerned....

bourbon-biscuit

I read your statement "tells you something about your current life" that you thought if ppl would change their lives significantly after the death of a spouse then it implies there's something they should be doing about the disparity between their 'current' life and what they would do if partner died now. Sorry if I misunderstood you.

moggi1964

I think it is a GREAT topic for a dinner party. Nothing like really interesting and thought provoking questions, interlaced with alcohol, to really get a conversation buzzing

feelbritish

I agree, throw in a good topic and sit back and enjoy the show!