dunroving

I had some ideas of my own when I asked the question (i.e., I wasn't asking because I didn't understand at all, more to hear people's perspectives).

I can understand it when people are in an inter-national marriage - you live in the US because your spouse is from there and because they live there. If they die, your main reason for being there is gone. Analogous (but different) situation would be living in a place because "the job is there" -if you lose your job, or retire, the reason for being there is gone (I don't plan on staying here when I retire, for example).

I can also understand it if spouse A wants to live in the US and spouse B doesn't - if spouse A dies, the reason for spouse B living in the US is gone.

But when both parties say they'd go home if the other died, I find it a bit harder to understand, except maybe if you didn't have any/many friends or family in the US, then you'd be lonely and would go home to be back with your old friends and family.

Interesting topic, but still seems a bit of a morbid topic for a "dinner party" conversation.

roaringmouse

I'm in one of those marriages, and I think if we settle back in Australia that I would stay there if my spouse died. To me it would seem odd to uproot my life, even more so later in life, just due to that. Unless the MIL was still alive, then I might seriously consider it Yeah, that would be the "tagging along" thing that I mentioned. I find it really difficult to understand, unless they had only been in the new country for a short while so hadn't fully settled.

spouse of scouse

Why? Is there a particular setting that you think the topic of death should be confined to?

It's one of the few subjects that is relevant to every single person in the world - we're all going to drop off the perch eventually. Far from being 'morbid', it's realistic and healthy to talk about it.

dunroving

Not a dinner party, that's for sure. The economy, death, world poverty, crime, all things I don't want to discuss when I want to enjoy myself.

I'm perfectly happy (? maybe not the right word!) to discuss these topics, but if someone asked me at a dinner party what I'd do if my (insert name of favourite person) died, I'd probably suggest they lighten up and don't spoil the mood.

Stormer999

Being British we are too busy talking about the weather........

dunroving

FIFY.

Only three certainties in life - death, taxes and rain.

michali

I think so many couples cannot bear to talk about death as if it might hasten it! But it is important to discuss what each wants to happen. A close friend of ours died last year and in the months preceding his death, he wrote down all his "instructions", shredded papers he did not need etc. When he became very ill and subsequently died, there were no doubts as to what his wishes were. It made it so much easier for his wife and family.

Jerseygirl

If you do not see the point of the OP's question...then don't click on the thread. So far no one has agreed with you...but they have answered the OP and agree with her. Please do not take the thread off topic...open a new thread. Thanks.

Jerseygirl

I have moved The off topic posts into a new thread....

http://britishexpats.com/forum/showthread.php?t=830917

Pollyana

Its a bit like deciding in which country you want to be buried, or want your ashes to be scattered. I don't want my remains to spend their time in Queensland, I want them sent home to the Brecon Beacons to be with my
Dad's. But if its never talked about people will not know what personal wishes are involved.

dunroving

Interesting related question would be, "If you and your spouse got divorced, would you stay in the country?" I wonder for how many people the answer would be different than for the original question (the death one).

We have a lot of people on BE who moved overseas with spouses, or to marry spouses, and got divorced. IIRC, most of them didn't return to the UK at the time (except for those who divorced because the other spouse wouldn't leave the country, so the two things were wrapped up).

The whole issue of what you would do differently if you were suddenly widowed, divorced, etc. is an interesting one (except for my "death conversation during dinner" misgivings, of course ).

I suppose if you'd change anything major it maybe tells you something about your current life.

bigglesworth

I think we would both go back if the other died.

I because I am only here because my DW wanted a bit of an adventure after bringing up children and always doing the "safe" thing. I am just as happy anywhere, have lived and worked in quite a few different countries in my time, but simply love England.

She because she has NO linguistic ability. When we first tried Spain, she trotted out little bits of French. Now we are in France, all she can remember is the odd bit of Spanish. (I would suggest Italy, but think she might forget how to make lasagne)

There are a lot of people out here where only one half speaks the language, and if they pass on, the other is left absolutely stranded. European countries are VERY bureaucratic, (and I am not blind to the UKs move in that direction), so if you do not speak the language you can wind up in real trouble.

dunroving

Talking of death, the news from the Bahamas this morning reminded me why I left that country. I remember house invasions being a topic of conversation at many parties when I first moved there, quite disconcerting.

This could have been me or any one of my housemates on three separate occasions. Death certainly has the effect of helping you to focus on what is important in your life (including where you want to live - or don't, as the case may be).

BEVS

Yes.

ncoomber

Ha....well, I did just that many years ago. I first moved to the US with my first wife (another brit). She hated living in the US and after two years moved back home. I stayed in the US and have been here 27yrs. We got divorced. She got married again (to a brit) and they now live in Greece!! I married again many years later to a USC and now plan on moving back with her and our kids to the UK. Hope I've dun roving too - its all getting too complicated
Cheers
Nigel