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Thanks for all the karma.......only just seen it.

Thanks for all the karma.......only just seen it.

Old Jan 19th 2009, 4:16 pm
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Default Thanks for all the karma.......only just seen it.

I forgot to look in my profile until now otherwise I would have already said thankyou. I'm sorry it's a bit late, i wasn't ignoring anyone. Thankyou.

I am packing. A bit earlier than anticipated but we are heading back to the UK at last. Funny how you can stay in a place deliberating over what to do then something happens and it's a timely signal not to waste a minute more of your life living in a place or time where you clearly don't want to be.
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Old Jan 19th 2009, 4:43 pm
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Default Re: Thanks for all the karma.......only just seen it.

Just a note to wish you lots of luck Cricket

Can I ask when you are going?

It would be lovely to hear how you get on when you get back to Old Blighty. I know you have some plans in place and I wish you all the best.

I know that you have offered lots of support and advice on this forum, please keep in touch.

Take care

Chelle xx
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Old Jan 19th 2009, 5:05 pm
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Default Re: Thanks for all the karma.......only just seen it.

I am hoping around April but it could be sooner. Fingers crossed. Yes, i will keep you posted on how things go. Thanks for your good wishes.
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Old Jan 19th 2009, 5:23 pm
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Default Re: Thanks for all the karma.......only just seen it.

Good luck, Cricket! I didnt think you would be packing already, that's great!
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Old Jan 19th 2009, 5:43 pm
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Default Re: Thanks for all the karma.......only just seen it.

That's come round quickly - best of luck with the move back.
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Old Jan 19th 2009, 5:47 pm
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Default Re: Thanks for all the karma.......only just seen it.

Originally Posted by quoll
Good luck, Cricket! I didnt think you would be packing already, that's great!
Thanks Quoll. Something happened. Without repeating my whole sorry story, just briefly I came to Australia supporting my Australian ex husband who then left me stranded here, emptied the bank account then started a lengthy legal battle trying to get 70% of our assets. As if that weren't enough, he tried all kinds of other often very cruel tricks such as recruiting an equally devious neighbour to try and scare me into giving in plus he had me arrested on false charges and thrown into a police cell on Christmas eve hoping to get me deported, tried to make my children believe I needed mentally assessing so they would sign over power of attorney so he could control the finances etc, etc.
When all this failed (I never gave in), he savaged my credibility and reputation in the eyes of my two children. I've never seen so much anger, jealousy and fury emerge in a person when they don't get what they want. He lost the legal fight, we got 50-50 but it took a year of me sleeping on a floor in an empty house, in my car (for my own safety sometimes) and generally trying to live off tins of soup because i had no money.

Anyway, his rage continued (amazing how a controlling manipulator can reverse into very convincing victim role) and he has successfully alienated my children. My friends didn't believe him thankfully. I've rebuilt my life, remarried and have also reinvented my career having worked 7 days a week for 2 years to get back on track and afford to go home.

It was my 50th birthday on the 4th January and I really hoped my children would make an effort. They didn't. They are as unforgiving and hard as ever because when he realised his mistake, I wouldn't have my ex husband back so they feel sorry for him believe it or not even though he did what he did.
Anyway, time moves us all on and my birthday was the turning point.
I've had my house valued today and the renovations we've done have been very worthwhile. The government have dropped the stamp duty and are giving $14,000 in first home buyer grants but only till June so we're going to sell. The market for our price range is still going strong so it's a case of making hay while the sun shines.
There is no point keeping it, I know I will never return to Australia once I've left.
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Old Jan 19th 2009, 6:12 pm
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Default Re: Thanks for all the karma.......only just seen it.

Originally Posted by cricket1
Thanks Quoll. Something happened. Without repeating my whole sorry story, just briefly I came to Australia supporting my Australian ex husband who then left me stranded here, emptied the bank account then started a lengthy legal battle trying to get 70% of our assets. As if that weren't enough, he tried all kinds of other often very cruel tricks such as recruiting an equally devious neighbour to try and scare me into giving in plus he had me arrested on false charges and thrown into a police cell on Christmas eve hoping to get me deported, tried to make my children believe I needed mentally assessing so they would sign over power of attorney so he could control the finances etc, etc.
When all this failed (I never gave in), he savaged my credibility and reputation in the eyes of my two children. I've never seen so much anger, jealousy and fury emerge in a person when they don't get what they want. He lost the legal fight, we got 50-50 but it took a year of me sleeping on a floor in an empty house, in my car (for my own safety sometimes) and generally trying to live off tins of soup because i had no money.

Anyway, his rage continued (amazing how a controlling manipulator can reverse into very convincing victim role) and he has successfully alienated my children. My friends didn't believe him thankfully. I've rebuilt my life, remarried and have also reinvented my career having worked 7 days a week for 2 years to get back on track and afford to go home.

It was my 50th birthday on the 4th January and I really hoped my children would make an effort. They didn't. They are as unforgiving and hard as ever because when he realised his mistake, I wouldn't have my ex husband back so they feel sorry for him believe it or not even though he did what he did.
Anyway, time moves us all on and my birthday was the turning point.
I've had my house valued today and the renovations we've done have been very worthwhile. The government have dropped the stamp duty and are giving $14,000 in first home buyer grants but only till June so we're going to sell. The market for our price range is still going strong so it's a case of making hay while the sun shines.
There is no point keeping it, I know I will never return to Australia once I've left.
Hi.

I really feel for you. It must be hard to see your own children behave that way. Just out of curiosity, how old are your children?
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Old Jan 19th 2009, 6:28 pm
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Default Re: Thanks for all the karma.......only just seen it.

Originally Posted by DunRoaminTheUK
Hi.

I really feel for you. It must be hard to see your own children behave that way. Just out of curiosity, how old are your children?
They are 27 and 24, going on 5 and 6. Actually, I've learned a lot about myself and how I've created part of their attitude. And no, that's not me beating myself up. It's been a valuable insight and growing up time.
I grew up watching my mum being beaten by my father and I vowed that I'd never be like her. In those days, women really did have no escape from the situation, neither did the kids. It was an upbringing of anger, rage and fear.

Despite being very successful in career and friendships (I've had my friends for years), I have realised that somewhat ironically, probably subconsciously, I've recreated my mother in the sense that I've pandered to my children putting them first all the time. I've tiptoed around them trying to keep them happy and I have without realising it, allowed them to walk all over me.
They don't speak to me because they don't like who I've become. They can't click their fingers or throw tantrums anymore to get a reaction. I desperately tried to keep home from not becoming a war zone by not upsetting them or making them angry. In doing so, I have created two young adults who have learned how to control me by withdrawing all warmth, love and support just like my dad did.
I've really had to work hard at not giving into them because i saw my mother in myself.
It's hard, I love them but I don't want them back until they can respect and treat me properly.

Of course I now realise that I sacrificed myself when I gave up everything to move to Australia. Just like my mum, I was trying to keep my husband happy.

You can learn a lot from adversity if you can face exploring your own demons. After this, you really can then start living life for you. I didn't blame my children, I don't like the situation and I was confused for a long time but eventually I began looking back at myself and i can see how i have recreated a pattern of me pandering and them taking advantage.
I hope in time, with love and forgiveness on all sides, they will think differently but for now, I'm happy just being me and looking to the future.
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Old Jan 19th 2009, 6:35 pm
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Default Re: Thanks for all the karma.......only just seen it.

Originally Posted by cricket1
They are 27 and 24, going on 5 and 6. Actually, I've learned a lot about myself and how I've created part of their attitude. And no, that's not me beating myself up. It's been a valuable insight and growing up time.
I grew up watching my mum being beaten by my father and I vowed that I'd never be like her. In those days, women really did have no escape from the situation, neither did the kids. It was an upbringing of anger, rage and fear.

Despite being very successful in career and friendships (I've had my friends for years), I have realised that somewhat ironically, probably subconsciously, I've recreated my mother in the sense that I've pandered to my children putting them first all the time. I've tiptoed around them trying to keep them happy and I have without realising it, allowed them to walk all over me.
They don't speak to me because they don't like who I've become. They can't click their fingers or throw tantrums anymore to get a reaction. I desperately tried to keep home from not becoming a war zone by not upsetting them or making them angry. In doing so, I have created two young adults who have learned how to control me by withdrawing all warmth, love and support just like my dad did.
I've really had to work hard at not giving into them because i saw my mother in myself.
It's hard, I love them but I don't want them back until they can respect and treat me properly.

Of course I now realise that I sacrificed myself when I gave up everything to move to Australia. Just like my mum, I was trying to keep my husband happy.

You can learn a lot from adversity if you can face exploring your own demons. After this, you really can then start living life for you. I didn't blame my children, I don't like the situation and I was confused for a long time but eventually I began looking back at myself and i can see how i have recreated a pattern of me pandering and them taking advantage.
I hope in time, with love and forgiveness on all sides, they will think differently but for now, I'm happy just being me and looking to the future.
I think you're being a lot stronger than I ever would be in the same situation. You've definitely got a very fine clarity in your perspective onto the situation and I wish you all the best in finding what you are ultimately looking/aiming for.
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Old Jan 19th 2009, 7:11 pm
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Default Re: Thanks for all the karma.......only just seen it.

Originally Posted by DunRoaminTheUK
I think you're being a lot stronger than I ever would be in the same situation. You've definitely got a very fine clarity in your perspective onto the situation and I wish you all the best in finding what you are ultimately looking/aiming for.
And I know you won't/don't allow yourself to care too much if at all about the negatives people have said on this and other forums...... it's a bummer that it's so easy for folk to misunderstand people's meanings, intentions, etc., in this virtual world. Seeing a face, understanding tone of voice, filling out with descriptions, make such a difference face to face. I for one think you speak a lot of sense & I'm sure I 'm not the only one who's doing some heart & soul searching as a result.
You have had one hell of a journey, good luck with the rest of it & I sincerely hope you keep in touch.
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Old Jan 19th 2009, 10:01 pm
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Wink Re: Thanks for all the karma.......only just seen it.

Thanks for the good wishes. I often say never mind about me, Jesus had it 10 times worse. But yes, it sure has been tough. I'll be glad to get home and make a fresh start.
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Old Jan 20th 2009, 4:40 am
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Default Re: Thanks for all the karma.......only just seen it.

Originally Posted by cricket1
Thanks for the good wishes. I often say never mind about me, Jesus had it 10 times worse. But yes, it sure has been tough. I'll be glad to get home and make a fresh start.
Hi Cricket

Just wanted to add my best wishes and hope its all smooth sailing from here on in
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