struggling to make a decision
 

I went through a period last year of being really homesick and wanting to return to the UK from the states. I somehow got through that period but now not even a year later I am having the same feelings again. I have been in Boston for 17 years, came out right after Uni so never really experienced adult life in the UK. I have spent the past 10 years waiting for my greencard to be approved but still im waiting thanks to the INS being complete morons and not understanding their own process. I have a well paying job but I hate it and hate the field I am in but I cant change because of my INS status. I have a few friends but have never really found people in the US to be as welcoming to foreigners, I'm single, have a condo and a dog, oh and I'm about to turn 40. I really think I want to go back home but its so hard to decide. I have family in the UK and could stay with them for a while but the house is small so it wouldnt work for long. I'd be going back to no job, living with my parents, no significant savings, basically starting from scratch. I really dont feel happy in the US anymore but dont know if I will be happy in the UK. I have friends I have reconnected with on facebook so hopefully would be able to reconnect with some of them, but its been so long since I've seen any of them who knows if we will have anything in common. I keep imagining how happy I will make my mum if I go home and that makes it harder for me to want to stay. I really am just all over the place right now and I know I'm the only one that can make the decision. Guess I just needed to post this to vent about how I am feeling to people that may understand.
Thanks for listening and if anyone has any words of wisdom I'm all ears:D

Re: struggling to make a decision
 

I dunno about wisdom but you won't know if you never try. The worst regrets are usually about things we didn't do, rather than those we did.

Would it make it easier to just decide what you want for the next, say, 5 years? The rest of your life is (hopefully!) too long to set in stone, just take it a chunk at a time.

Re: struggling to make a decision
 

Having no dependents, apart form your dog!, makes it easier to take risks. Sometimes in life you have to do that and it either works out or you move on to something else. Your age is good too to make a move. Old enough to have had experience, but not too old to get a job in the UK. My husband and I went back to the UK after an absence of nearly thirty years. It did not work out for us as he could not get work but we enjoyed the two years we were there. I have no regrets at having tried it. You might be surprised with how you reconnect to your friends. I get together with my school friends from fifty years ago when i go back to the UK on holiday and we get on so well! Once you decide whether or not to go, I think you will feel better. It is indecision which is stressful

Re: struggling to make a decision
 

At 40 yrs old and with no savings, the answer (IMO) has to be what job are you going to do? If you want to change careers do you have ideas for possible career changes in the US? Does your experience lend its self to a career in the UK? You can't be sure you'll be happier if you return to the UK, but if you don't have a job, or a good plan on how you're going to get one, I'd say your highly likely to be less happy, not more.

Re: struggling to make a decision
 

a ten year wait to get your greencard seems an awfully long time even for the INS!

Whether you'd be happier in UK is a big question though. It's likely you've become more Americanized than you think, especially as you were so young when you arrived here.
Have you visited the UK many times in the last 17 years or not? If so, how did you like it and did you feel like you were returning back home when you left England to come back to USA?

If you have the type of skills that employers would fight over to get you then no doubt you'd find a job soon, but to leave and go back to nothing is a big step.

One more thing to mention, both of our children lived all their childhood in USA until they went to Uni back in UK (they're now in their early 20's)
They embraced England as though they'd never left the place and now my daughter especially never wants to live in USA ever again. I thought that they were more American than English once they'd finished school here but it seems that you can take them out of the UK but you cant get the UK out of them :)

Re: struggling to make a decision
 

The only thing I can suggest is to get your American citizenship before you decide to leave. You never know...You may decide that the UK isn't for you after all and it would be a shame if you had abandoned your PR status in the US and couldn't go back if you wanted to.

Other than that, I would say follow your heart. Can you take a year's sabbatical from work and try living in the UK?

Re: struggling to make a decision
 

I came over to the USA at the age of 23 after I had worked for two years as a teacher in the UK. I hated the USA - still don't want to be here. At first I thought it was me. Five years passed - still felt the same way. Approached 40 - like you - the feeling was worse. My mother STILL said it was "just me". No, it wasn't. I am now 60 and nothing has changed. Well, yes it has. My finances are not as good as they were then so a move back will be a bit more difficult but not impossible. Also, I have no family left in the UK so that makes it difficult, too. I also settled all those years for a career I didn't want. Teaching was in my blood and it was a pure joke over here. It wasn't possible to make much money at it either. I went into business and landed a fabulous job - very well paid. Stayed there for 16 years but still teaching would have been my first choice. When I saw the teachers here in the USA, I wanted to grab them by the scruff of the neck and dump them in the shower, get haircuts and teach them a little about dressing nicely (not all, but many) ;)

If I were you, I'd run over there - but before I go I'd make sure I had a career that I enjoyed so I could find a job over there. I think if I were in your shoes, I would carve out a plan. Do some research on new careers, settle on one that interests you and one that is in demand in the UK. Then, go to school in the evening and study. Have perhaps a 2-3 year plan so that at the end of that period, you have the ability to get a good job in the UK and perhaps a little savings by then, too.

Most of all, don't ignore how you feel, whether you return tomorrow or after you find that new career.

Re: struggling to make a decision
 

Hi Gabriel,

you are the only one who can know what it is best for yourself. Sometimes it is hard to admit to ourselves what we really want because we are afraid about the consequences of our decisions.
Anyway you will never know whether your decision, and an eventual change/s, will bring better results than your actual situation if you don't try it. Nevertheless through your words one thing seems to be very clear: you are not happy now. So don't be afraid to change... but be sure to choose what you really want...

Good luck!

Re: struggling to make a decision
 

Thanks for all your responses. I have been a manager for 15 years so I have many transferable skills that can be used in a wide range of career fields. I have also been doing some certification courses to get some more specialized training to add to my CV. If I leave the US now then I will not have the choice to come back which makes the decision hard. When I first left the UK to go to the US I knew that I could go back but this time I wont have that option. I have gone back at least once a year since I have been over in the US but it's different to go back as a visitor than to live there. I cant get a sabatical from work and its not practical due to financial situation and my dog and condo. I would have enough money to get back and could cash in my retirement fund to have some cash to live on for a while when I get back. Citizenship is a long way off given that I havent gotten my greencard yet so not sure I can wait that long, also I feel that my life is on hold right now and I'm not sure I can put it on hold for another 5-6 years.

Re: struggling to make a decision
 

Hi, there are many of us in the same situation, so you aren't alone.

I only came over to the US in 2002 because I married a wonderful man, and I loved living near Seattle. But once my husband passed away I realized the only reason I had loved being in the US, was because of HIM, so I found myself feeling like a fish out of water and not wanting to be here. I'm a permanent resident too, and when I return to the UK at the beginning of April I will be burning my bridges as well, because once I've been out of the country for 12 months I won't be able to return as a permanent resident.

I know at 49 it's going to be hard, but not impossible. Even people I talk to here say 'go for it'. In a way its somewhat easier to have no ties here to think about but you have to decide what's right for you.

I agree that it would be a good idea to be able to go back for a while to check out the situation and see if you would be able to settle back there.

I know I've not been much help ! :( But take some time, do research on the job situation in the UK in your field, talk to family over there and if necessary stay in the US for another year so you can work and save up a nest egg to keep you going for a while once you get back. During that time your circumstances could change.

Re: struggling to make a decision
 

I really feel for you, you're so obviously depressed and I would advise you to see a Doctor for some medical help with that in the first instance.
I just want to wish you well, I would be tempted to get your green card before you leave though - just to keep your options open.

Re: struggling to make a decision
 

Lubmeboys thank you for your concern but I am not depressed!!!! Just trying to make a huge life decision thats all. You can be unhappy without being depressed!!!!!!!

Re: struggling to make a decision
 

OOh - beg your pardon, I must have completely miss read the meaning of your post!:zzz:

Re: struggling to make a decision
 

My main concern would be for you to sort out your green card, I cannot believe how long it's taking the authorities to give you one. Can you get a lawyer to help you speed the process up?

Whilst you are waiting for your green card you could start saving, look for jobs in the UK, see what the cost rent a condo over in the UK will be and start making a plan. This way you have something to look forward to. It sounds like you need to do it to give yourself peace of mind and if you don't like the UK (you might not have realized how much you have changed) you will have the option of coming back.

When you make a decision try to make it as low risk as possible. Could you rent out your condo? Store your car, if you have one, with a friend etc. I would go for it but get yourself a plan. Give yourself a goal, maybe one year. It's amazing what happens when you really what something so badly.
Good luck.:)

Re: struggling to make a decision
 

I have had a lawyer working on my green card but it is simply the INS that keep messing things up and delaying the process. Even if I wait for the green card and I move I still wouldnt have a right to come back to the US because I wouldnt meet the residency requirements and I would be surrendering my status.

Re: struggling to make a decision
 

Once you get your green card you just can't be out of the country for 12 months or more because you will be considered as having abandoned your residency, so you could go to the UK for a few months and see how you feel once you are there.
I once left for 11 months because I had to go back to Australia when I found my Mums Cancer had returned. I stayed by her side until she passed and when I flew back I didn't have any problems getting back. But maybe I was just lucky I don't know.

Re: struggling to make a decision
 

I would think 11 months would give you enough time to work out whether or not you want to stay in the UK for the long haul.

Another thought, can you got back after 11 months to the US stay for holiday and then return to the UK for another 11 months?

Re: struggling to make a decision
 

But she says she doesn't have the card yet.............

The OP hasn't really said how she arrived in the US or what her legal status is now. But if she's in overstay, and she leaves the US now, she's got a bar from returning. Either a three year bar or ten year, depending on ........... well several things.

If this is her situation, then she just needs to be sure she wants to leave.

*Adding that I just re-read the OP's posts and see she has traveled in the past - so - I'm really confused as to her US status!*

Re: struggling to make a decision
 

OP, I feel for you. Tough one.

Personally? If a country treated me in such a cavalier way as america treats its legal immigrants, I'd be telling them to stuff it :thumbdown:

Re: struggling to make a decision
 

I'm not sure the UK is being a whole lot nicer to its legal immigrants either, at the moment..............:p

Re: struggling to make a decision
 

A UK passport opens a world of other options though ;)

Re: struggling to make a decision
 

Yep, that it does.

Re: struggling to make a decision
 

I am in somewhat of the same position as the OP and am returning to England in April of this year to visit family and sort out if returning is a part of my equation any longer. Some of the posters have mentioned checking out career fields in UK and seeing what is in demand. I have been doing some Google-ing and not having much luck in determining what is going on..... Any rec's on where I can find that information? I feel it could help both myself and the OP - so as not to hijack their post :o!

Re: struggling to make a decision
 

There's a "finding a job in the UK" thread that was started recently:

http://britishexpats.com/forum/showthread.php?t=789380

Re: struggling to make a decision
 

Thanks Windsong! I did find it after posting last.....Just wasn't quick enough to get back over and post. I am lost in research mode and one things to seems to another! :eek:

Re: struggling to make a decision
 

Once you have a Green Card you can leave the US to live overseas for 1 to 2 years by applying for a 'Re-Entry Permit'. There are some Canadian expats here in Switzerland - friends of ours who work with my spouse - who have Green Cards and they did it. In fact, they are on a 3 year posting so had to go on a visit back to the States to re-file for a second Re-Entry permit.

You still have to file your US taxes though....

http://www.uscis.gov/portal/site/usc...00082ca60aRCRD

However....do bear in mind that if you hold a GC for 8 years or more or become a US citizen you must file a tax return with the IRS for the rest of your life...:ohmy:

Re: struggling to make a decision
 

I was under the impression from what I was told by the IRS that once I am no longer a 'resident' of the US, then provided all my current taxes are up to date, then I no longer need to file a tax return in the US. So if you leave the US permanently and become resident of another country, you are no longer liable to lodge a US tax return. At least that's what the IRS told me.

Re: struggling to make a decision
 

Not if you are a US citizen.
Green card holders pay an exit tax or something.

Re: struggling to make a decision
 

Ok, now I am officially going to cry !!!!!!!!:cry_smile: I'm trying to find something online that will explain this 'exit tax' more completely to me, but can't find anything that seems to be dated AFTER 2009. So at this stage I don't know if I am liable for the exit tax because I don't have 600,000 in financial assets or something to that effect.

But this is definitely something I want to look into, because as a permanent resident of the US I want to make sure that when I leave in April, the US government can't come chasing after me and make me liable for tax in the US based on earnings in the UK.

Is anyone more familiar with the exit tax? Anybody that is about to leave or has already left the US and contacted the IRS about this??? Someone who is a permanent resident and not a US citizen, because I think the rules are slightly different for citizens than they are for permanent residents.