Splitting time between two countries
 

Does anyone have experience of living half and half in two countries? We seem to flip flop back and forth between Canada and the UK. We are currently in Canada (for the past 3 years) but now we are retired we can’t find anywhere that feels like home. Houses in the GTA are wildly overpriced, as is food and daily living. We know we would have a better living standard back in the UK and would enjoy the lifestyle, however… Our two adult children live here and I don’t want to live apart from them permanently. Added to the mix is that we have cats so it makes it difficult to travel back and forth. Ideally, we would split our time between the two countries. Is anyone else in this situation, or can offer any advice or insight? It feels like we are going round in circles.

Re: Splitting time between two countries
 

Moose, I think you're over-thinking the issue. In my experience, "home" is where the body is, not the mind. By now, you and your spouse ought to have enough cash in the bank to splash out on a couple of air-fares once or twice a year. And it's an easy enough routine to slip into. Also, in this age of free endless phone conversations and videos via WhatsApp, the limiting of actual physical hugs is easy to cope with. For many years my wife and I kept up with our son and his children on a weekly basis. The grandchildren lived - and still do live - in Norway, while our son lived in different places around the world. We lived in the Caribbean, and he worked in several nations, over the years. We are a very close family.

Re: Splitting time between two countries
 

Thank you. I agree that we are overthinking. We seem to be wrestling with the decision constantly, and in the meantime time is slipping away. Thank you for your thoughts; I really appreciate it.

Re: Splitting time between two countries
 

I agree.

We faced the same choice in 2016 and decided to move from the USA to the UK leaving our 2 children in Texas and California. Long visits back to the USA were much more affordable because the cost of living is so much lower here in Yorkshire than where we living in the USA. We immediately reconnected big time with our siblings and their families plus our old friends and have made many more friends since moving back.

Re: Splitting time between two countries
 

Thank you for your reply. We are lucky because we have dual citizenship, and we are also lucky because we have different opportunities, but that in itself can present problems. My heart lies here whereas my husband’s lies in the UK. If there weren’t pets involved, it would be an easy and exciting situation of roughly half and half in each place; the best of both worlds.

Re: Splitting time between two countries
 

Our daughter retires in a couple of weeks (SHOCK!) and her partner is Australian-American, working on Australian-American-British, and he can work his job from anywhere in the world. They have been living close by us in England since the end of 2022 but from October this year they plan on splitting their time 50/50 between England and Australia so I guess that means 2 more houses for us to keep an eye on over the winter. No children or pets for them to worry about, just their houses while they are away. He has owned an apartment in Adelaide for years that his sister keeps an eye on, so they have that side of things covered. He will buy a car that he will leave with his sister, our daughter has a car here (EV) that we will have to keep an eye on. (Take it "walkies" once a week and keep it charged up as needed)

Re: Splitting time between two countries
 

Actually that’s a really good idea about the car and having a small place here. It makes it much easier, practically and psychologically, to come over when we want.

Re: Splitting time between two countries
 

Not always though, in some cases its where the Heart is.
My body was in Australia for 19 years. It was never somewhere I would describe as Home.

Re: Splitting time between two countries
 

That’s part of the challenge. Our hearts are in different countries!

Re: Splitting time between two countries
 

For sure.

Fortunately my wife and I have always had our hearts in Yorkshire even though neither of us is from here but is where we were happiest and where both our children were born. (We met and went to university in Yorkshire and then lived here for 6 years between ‘79 and ‘85)

Re: Splitting time between two countries
 

Ummm... Well... No disrespect intended, Moose, but couldn't that be classified as bad management? Every one of us on this thread - every member of BE, really - ought to be living where his heart is. That's what life is about really, isn't it?

My first job after leaving school - aged 17 - kept me away from where I wanted to be. Sigh... at that age I didn't know any better! It took me a year and a half of hitching home (80 miles away) every weekend, to get my body to where my heart was. I never made the same mistake again. Ever since that switch (I'm 85 now) I've made a point of living in places where my heart and mind were, and working with jobs I enjoyed. Maybe I've just been lucky, but in general we make our own luck, don't we? Six months ago I was persuaded to move in with my son and his wife in a new country, away from my Caribbean home of forty-odd years. (Ecuador, of all off-the-map places!) And so far, so good; what else can I tell you?

Re: Splitting time between two countries
 

You are probably right. Bad management to have the pets as they definitely limit travel. Luckily they do bring a lot of joy though!

Re: Splitting time between two countries
 

Yes, you're probably right about that too, Moose! I'm not a "pets man" - except for cats, and they're more bullies than pets! Anyway, I wish you well in your search for a fair compromise. Take care. GB

Re: Splitting time between two countries
 

My cats and I thank you for your good wishes! :)

Re: Splitting time between two countries
 

This is where we are. We’ve been together 50+ years, met in Israel, lived in England, then US, then England, then US. We have two adult children, firmly settled in the US with US partners. My wife is a New Yorker born and bred, I’m a Londoner. Our hearts are in those respective countries. We have homes in both countries, the intention being that I’d spend several months in England each year. The pandemic played havoc with this … closely followed by another, inexorable problem. Old age. Health problems and worries about long transatlantic flights as the body gradually rebels.

Re: Splitting time between two countries
 

It sounds like we are in a similar position; at some point a decision has to be made as to which country will be the only one. The pandemic was a brutal time for everyone, especially as many people had close family in different countries and it was impossible to see them. It feels very surreal looking back on it now. I wish you the very best and hope you can continue to travel for some time to come.

Re: Splitting time between two countries
 

I can really relate to this—we’re not fully retired yet, but my partner and I have been dividing time between Portugal and the UK for the past few years. It's amazing in theory, but the logistics can be tricky. Like you, we’ve got pets (two dogs in our case), and that alone turns any trip into a full-blown operation.

The emotional pull is the hardest part though—our family’s mostly in the UK, but the lifestyle abroad is just so much more relaxed (and affordable). We’ve tried doing longer stretches in each place—like 6 months and 6 months—to avoid constant hopping, but we still haven’t quite nailed the balance either.

One thing that helped was renting out our UK place and keeping a smaller flat there as a base. That way, we felt less like we were "leaving" but more like we had options.

Would love to hear how others are handling the back-and-forth too—especially with pets in the mix. Anyone figured out a good rhythm?

Re: Splitting time between two countries
 

Although splitting time between Portugal and the UK will be far easier. At least with dogs you can take them in your car, drive and see it as a bit of a holiday on the way and are mobile wherever you are.
Flying long distance is a lot harder, especially if you have to leave pets behind or bring cats on a plane. Not only that, but I know a lot of people who have less desire to travel by plane the older they get.
I am the same and hate flying now, used to have no problem but the thought of being at an airport is more stressful than a working week. Everyone is different of course, we also have cats (all seniors between 8 & 16) and even if we could we would never move as long as we have them.

Re: Splitting time between two countries
 

I have literally split my time 50/50 between the US and UK for the last 2 years, staying for months each time. My daughter and granddaughter are in the US, siblings and mother in the UK. It was manageable but I feel it has made it more difficult to feel settled in the UK. I have now decided that the UK is my primary home and I will visit the US 1-2x/year vs. trying to spend large chunks of time there.

Re: Splitting time between two countries
 

This is my issue. Also, every person’s transatlantic trip is different; at this end, I have a sixty mile drive to the tiny airport, then a hour-and-half flight in a nine seater plane (no toilet of course) stopover in Boston, probably one of the most stressful airports in the US, then landing at LHR or LGW, both involving long train journeys to Norwich. The actual flight is not too bad, Jet Blue in particular being very pleasant.

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That certainly is an adventure with a 9 seater plane and no toilet. I'd have to avoid drinking too much coffee before that flight:lol:.

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Exactly. Basically, on travel days I do a long-term dehydration routine. I’ve taken that flight dozens of times, never remotely had a problem. It’s just that it’s extra anxiety which I don’t need!

It is an experience - you’re looking over the pilot’s shoulder, so landing is interesting. You can see clearly in all directions during the flight, so that’s interesting too. One time, during the winter, zero visibility, I was watching the altimeter over the pilot’s shoulder, coming in to land at Lake Clear. 350 metres .. the plane stopped. What? Then I realised she’d actually landed; I was waiting for the altitude to be 0, but remembered Lake Clear is actually up in the mountains!

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A further complication as we all age is of course health. If you get regulars meds for e.g. blood pressure, cholesterol as many senior folks do, how does your GP keep tabs on you when you're not around 6 months a year? You may well be in great health but that can change in a heartbeat, literally!

Re: Splitting time between two countries
 

That’s a good point and I will be interested in hearing how folks manage, including our daughter who plans a 5 month trip to Australia later this year. (I think she is taking HRT these days).

After retiring we were still living in Texas and traveling 5 to 7 months every year. I was on 1 med at the time and in the year leading up to retirement built up a 6 month supply that I could take with me. The med was delivered every 90 days and our son would collect and hold them for our return. We are now in the UK and I order my 3 meds through the NHS app as needed and I have built up a 1 month extra supply as we sometimes go away for a few weeks, but our very long trips away are a thing of the past.