Soooooooooooo lonley!!!!!
 

hi all. I've posted before saying unsure wot to do as happy here but feeling homesick. you were all really good - despite most of you wanting to go back to britain, i was adviced to wait and see if just homesickness and not rush back as we liked it here. What i am saying is, you didnt just jump on and tell me "move back to britain" ... you were really good and told me to sweat it out and see what happens, despite most of you being unhappy abroad.

so here I am again - still liking it here, maybe even loving it - the climate, the short drive to work, the happiness of the children - loads to be happy about - but some days the feeling of lonlieness is just crushing. have met some ok people - cannot replace friends back home but nice enough and could probably become good friends, but it just doesnt do it. nobidy ever phones us - we are always the ones to phone them to meet up. If we didnt do it then we would never see anyone. have teengae kids so they got phoned but not us. dont meen to sound sad, but always had plenty of offers back in scotland, although true we both grew up there. but here we just seem to be trying to fill the time when were off work.

but we do boht really like it here and dont much fancy going back to scotland. we lived in the norht of scotland and the weather was grim plus house prices through the roof - lots of english moving up with loadsamoney (no offence - jsut trying for a better life like we all are) so not happy there either although surrounded by good friends.

so to summarise;
like/maybe love it here
happy children
good lifestlye
easy commute
BUT...........lonlieness that is palpable and no real friends to share good times with...............what do we do??????????????

Re: Soooooooooooo lonley!!!!!
 

Do you think it is an entitlement to be perfectly happy in all respects?

Re: Soooooooooooo lonley!!!!!
 

Gosh Old Lob - of course we're entitled to be perfectly happy in all respects.

I have yet to emigrate (to Oz) but can fully empathise with SL.

Both of my sisters emigrated many years ago and while one of the is completely settled the other isn't - she still longs for "HOME", and friends who have changed and moved on, and foodstuffs that they can't get over there, and sights and smells............ I could go on but we all know they kind of thing.

I am emigrating at 43, have a good, well enough paid job (that I neither love nor loath) but am hoping to find a better life (less stress) with more quality time for my family.

But the lack of TRUE friends is the one thing that's really worrying me - not just new people that you've met - who may eventually become true friends, but who just aren't in the short/medium term.

It sounds like SL is doing everything she/he can do to make new friends and settle in.

I can't really offer any advice as I'm not in your shoes at the moment - I do know from my sister that it took a long time before she settled in and I don't know how long you've been there - but she was there 18 months before she really felt like she would be able to settle.

However what I can do is to send you loads of positive thoughts - and one thing I do know is that you get back what you give - so KEEP giving, KEEP trying and BELIEVE that it will work out - with all your heart - and do you know what ........ I think it will.

Re: Soooooooooooo lonley!!!!!
 

I'm in EXACTLY the same boat as you, so I do know how you feel. Although maybe a slight difference in the fact that I would move back to the UK as I loved it there too.

I'm not sure there is a real answer for anyone in this position. What I do is try and be as optimistic as possible. Reading some of the threads on here where people are soooo desperately unhappy for one reason or another, I feel lucky that all I really have to deal with is not having alot of friends yet. (not that I am demeaning lonliness.. it has hit me hard at times!)
For me anyway the homesickness has subsided somewhat (although I have just come back from UK visit!).. Its more dealing with not having interaction with my mates.. I have met an english girl locally and she is really nice and we get coffee and go shopping.. but that really has only been in the last month. Before that I had given up hope of ever meeting anyone. Those that I did meet just weren't my cup of tea.. and i'm not being picky or anything.. Californians in general just..well.. their californians!! :blink:

I think the kids being happy does play a huge part in our own happiness... but like you seeing my kids having a great social life is a reminder of the saddo I am :o

Most weekends OH and I take ourselves off to explore and see whats about and that does help.. I'm not great at joining groups etc.. and I don't work yet but I have come to understand that it really is in my hands if I wanna put myself 'out there'..

Don't be disullisioned yet.. we never know what or who is around the corner.. and theres loads of us going through this same stage of the journey.. and we're always here for a listening ear.. infact I seem to be here farrrr too much.. maybe thats why i have no social life :p

Sending (((HUGS))) :wub:

Re: Soooooooooooo lonley!!!!!
 

not quite sure what you are getting at? i dont think anything is an "entitlement" as you put it? Maybe you are suggesting that if one is happy is some respects, then that person should accept other areas of their life that are not so happy?? Or maybe you are suggesting that none of us are entitled to feel truely happy?? In either case, is it a crime to feel unhappy?? Is it a bad thing to want to be happy "in all respects"? Am I wrong for feeling sad and lonely and longing to fit in? If so, then guilty m'lud, string me up now for the crime of imagining I could be "perfectly happy" once I had emigrated.

Re: Soooooooooooo lonley!!!!!
 

:confused:

Re: Soooooooooooo lonley!!!!!
 

thanks melbourne and sambapink for the words of encouragement and support. not looking to be too touchy-feely but it does help to hear of others in the same boat and not to feel you are the only one and a weirdo for feeling this way.

Re: Soooooooooooo lonley!!!!!
 

Hi caledonia,

Sorry to hear you are feeling lonely.

It take a long time to find deep friendships.

From my experience, I moved to London in 1999 it took me a good 2 years before I had some great friends.

I have now moved to Canada and it has taken me 1 year and 11 months to establish really good friendships.

It will get better as time moves on.

Re: Soooooooooooo lonley!!!!!
 

I know exactly how you feel. We've been here 22 years - now longing to go home. We have teen kids too so know what it's like when the phone calls are always for them. We've tried so hard, have done countless parties, dinners, BBQ's and we all sit around and have a nice time but then won't hear from anyone till we invite them again. I long for chats on the phone...can only get that from my Pommy friends.

Planning to go back but we're at the wrong end of the 40's and are worried about work and the fact that the kids' schools here are brilliant and they love living in OZ (they're Aussies, but have visited the UK a few times). Also worried that we're living in the past and we'd have as much trouble with friendships back in the UK now.

What to do.....? I think Caledonia, you need to come to Sydney and we can be Pommy buddies!

Re: Soooooooooooo lonley!!!!!
 

That's a very good question.

Re: Soooooooooooo lonley!!!!!
 

That loneliness and sense of isolation is quite normal I think Caledonia - doesnt make it easier to deal with though, unfortunately.

Like Ezzie, I have been here a long time and even now I dont have "friends" here - not those long standing friendships made in my early 20s which have stood the test of time so much that when I go home we lapse into the conversation as if there had never been years between sound bites.

I think there are a couple of reasons - one is that it is harder to make those firm friendships in later life because you dont share the same history and because others of the same age already have those firm friendships established. Secondly I dont think (and generalizing hugely here so please forgive me) that Aussies are as friendly - they tend to be very insular and more mobile so any friendship is very transient.

If you want a good read - not about loneliness per se but about happiness and how you can help yourself to be happy, see if you can get hold of a book called "The Happiness Trap" by Russ Harris - it is an excellent read and you may get some tips for how you can work on the way you feel about things.

If you can work or do volunteer work or belong to a group of some kind then that certainly helps you get out to be with other people. I worked for many years and never considered any of my workmates as "friends". Now I have retired there are one or two that I have moved into the "friend" category but as for the rest - out of sight is out of mind on both sides I think!

As far as I am concerned, no amount of blue sky, sand and seaside is going to make up for the fact that I dont "belong" amongst the people here.

Re: Soooooooooooo lonley!!!!!
 

OK Quoll, next time I'm down in Canberra...I'll be popping in for a cuppa with you! You supply the Hobnobs, I'll bring the tissues!

Re: Soooooooooooo lonley!!!!!
 

Sorry your feeling down.

It does take time to make friends, and i have been lucky to make a few good friends here, and one year on i keep at it, although its wearing at times and i feel like saying 'sod it' i cant be bothered any more!!

Although i have made some lovely friends here, ehhhhhh i still feel us scots have a 'strange' sense of humour and would love to meet other scots with this:D I think of the laughs i used to have at work in scotland and feel like crying here, god i miss those mental people!

As for house prices in the north, yes i agree they are through the roof, but in my hometown of killie, they have dropped in price, so if you consider going back, perhaps you could consider another part of scotland.

Re: Soooooooooooo lonley!!!!!
 

Not just the Scots Margaret....try having a Brummy sense of humour and surviving here! I have learnt to 'contain' myself and relish meeting other Brits with similar sense of the absurd - it's like releasing the shackles. It's only when I'm with fellow Brits that I can have a good belly laugh....although I have to admit, I've come across some who seemed to have had their funny bones removed as part of the migration process lately. So is it that humour is so cultural that Aussies are funny - but just to each other, or do Brits really have a better sense of humour. I watch Spicks and Specks to remind myself that they do.

Re: Soooooooooooo lonley!!!!!
 

OK Ezzie, you are on!!!! Can even do proper coffee too if you like!

You have hit the nail on the head here for me too - I remember saying to my Dh when I got back last time from a month in UK - "I really laughed there, I dont laugh here!!!!!" However, sit me in front of The Vicar of Dibley or Family Matters or any of those other wonderful UK sit coms and I dont STOP laughing (DH thinks I am nuts but gee it feels good!). I think we have a much more refined sense of humour - I had a 5 minute look at S & S once and didnt so much as even raise a titter!