Something to make you chuckle on your way home
Jul 20th 2004, 8:58 pm
#1
BE Forum Addict
Thread Starter
Joined: Jan 2004
Location: Far away from canned Oz
Posts: 1,833
Something to make you chuckle on your way home
Jeremy Clarkson - the politically-incorrect journalist/Top Gear presenter - doesn't like Oz. He likes NZ, but not its big neighbour.
I found this article, from Jan 2002, which should bring a smile to your face - a few reminders why you and Oz weren't meant to be. It's slightly cruel, but, oh so amusing and very insightful
...
Be careful of the Lucky Country, it has teeth. Surely, after 20 days of trial by fire, the Australians must now realise that God never really intended this enormous tinderbox to be used for human habitation.
Plainly it was created as a giant dustbin, a place far from civilisation where all His failed experiments could be left to their own terrifying devices. "Oh no," said God on the fourth day, "I've gone and made a spider which can kill a man just by looking at him. I need somewhere to put it."
So on the fifth day He created Australia.
This then became home for all the horrid snakes and the bitey crocodiles and the baby-eating dingoes. And to make sure that man stayed away, He made the land itself completely infertile and filled the sea around its shores with deadly sharks and killer jellyfish. He even built an enormous barrier reef.
Frankly, He did everything possible to ensure that humans never went there, short of putting up a sign saying "Trespassers will be eaten".
Nobody knows what drew the Aborigines but we do know that the first white man to sail this way was the world's most useless explorer, a Dutchman called Abel Tasman. In a three-year voyage he found Fiji, New Zealand and Tasmania, but in one of the most inept pieces of navigation ever he completely missed the big bit in the middle. That was discovered by Captain James Cook who stepped off his ship, sniffed the air and declared, "Yes. This would make a fantastic prison."
He was right, of course. For millions of years Australia had harboured all the world's dangerous animals so why not use it as a waste disposal unit for dangerous people? And even when the transportation of convicts stopped, it was still a good place for people who couldn't get on anywhere else.
Think about it. Nobody ever went to live in Australia because of the success they'd made of things at home. "I have thousands of friends, endless party invitations, a wonderful, happy family, a great job and even better prospects. So I'm off." All Australians are descended from Billy No Mates.
You'd expect them to have some sympathy with the refugees from central Asia. But no. They've turned their former prison into a fortress and the doors are now firmly closed. Australians stand on their porches with flames licking at their back door, telling us that life over there is peachy. "It's always warm enough for a barbecue," they say. Never mind that the most recent barbie was so enormous and so hot that it had to be extinguished by a fleet of helicopters.
They're even using the wildlife as a scare campaign, telling the world what we already know: that the 10 most deadly snakes found anywhere in the world are all Australian. They run PR campaigns throughout Asia, showing pictures of boats used by refugees marooned on beaches with big fat crocodiles lolling nearby.
However, the reception from the indigenous wildlife is as nothing compared to the reception you'll get from the locals. It's bad enough for a British person who's only there on holiday. Every time you walk into a pub, you get the same reaction. "Backs to the wall everyone. There's a Pom in the bar," followed by: "Hide your wallet under the soap. He won't find it there."
Not desperately imaginative but then what do you expect from a people who named a blue spotted ray that lives in lagoons "the blue spotted lagoon ray", or a range of mountains with snow on them "the Snowy Mountains".
And that's before we get to "the Great Barrier Reef".
Anyway, if we have a hard time, imagine what it's like for Abdul. In a recent poll, 96% of Australians said they wanted the refugees out, dead, buried, eaten, anything. Last summer an advertisement appeared in one of the newspapers there asking people with a military background to join vigilante-style patrols.
Refugees who get caught by the proper authorities are sent to a fantastically remote detention centre near Woomera, where the British did their atomic tests in the 1950s. They can get out easily but it's an 18-day walk to the nearest telephone box and that's doubly hard when you've grown two heads.
So what sort of volume are we talking about here? Well, last year the number of people who arrived in Australia illegally from the usual refugee hot spots was 4,500. That works out at one for every 666 square miles. You could put the downtrodden masses from all over the world in the Northern Territories and not even know they were there.
Australia says that it took in thousands of Vietnamese and Cambodian boat people in the 1970s and 1980s, along with most of Britain's displaced trade union leaders who were no longer welcome at No 10 for tea and buns. It won't now fulfil the legal and moral obligations of other nations.
Well, Europe has a falling birthrate and can take a few refugees. The Americans are dropping food parcels on their heads. Africa is hopeless and Asia is the problem, which leaves either Antarctica, which seems a bit antisocial, or the very place that was specifically designed to be home for misfits: Australia.
I found this article, from Jan 2002, which should bring a smile to your face - a few reminders why you and Oz weren't meant to be. It's slightly cruel, but, oh so amusing and very insightful
...Be careful of the Lucky Country, it has teeth. Surely, after 20 days of trial by fire, the Australians must now realise that God never really intended this enormous tinderbox to be used for human habitation.
Plainly it was created as a giant dustbin, a place far from civilisation where all His failed experiments could be left to their own terrifying devices. "Oh no," said God on the fourth day, "I've gone and made a spider which can kill a man just by looking at him. I need somewhere to put it."
So on the fifth day He created Australia.
This then became home for all the horrid snakes and the bitey crocodiles and the baby-eating dingoes. And to make sure that man stayed away, He made the land itself completely infertile and filled the sea around its shores with deadly sharks and killer jellyfish. He even built an enormous barrier reef.
Frankly, He did everything possible to ensure that humans never went there, short of putting up a sign saying "Trespassers will be eaten".
Nobody knows what drew the Aborigines but we do know that the first white man to sail this way was the world's most useless explorer, a Dutchman called Abel Tasman. In a three-year voyage he found Fiji, New Zealand and Tasmania, but in one of the most inept pieces of navigation ever he completely missed the big bit in the middle. That was discovered by Captain James Cook who stepped off his ship, sniffed the air and declared, "Yes. This would make a fantastic prison."
He was right, of course. For millions of years Australia had harboured all the world's dangerous animals so why not use it as a waste disposal unit for dangerous people? And even when the transportation of convicts stopped, it was still a good place for people who couldn't get on anywhere else.
Think about it. Nobody ever went to live in Australia because of the success they'd made of things at home. "I have thousands of friends, endless party invitations, a wonderful, happy family, a great job and even better prospects. So I'm off." All Australians are descended from Billy No Mates.
You'd expect them to have some sympathy with the refugees from central Asia. But no. They've turned their former prison into a fortress and the doors are now firmly closed. Australians stand on their porches with flames licking at their back door, telling us that life over there is peachy. "It's always warm enough for a barbecue," they say. Never mind that the most recent barbie was so enormous and so hot that it had to be extinguished by a fleet of helicopters.
They're even using the wildlife as a scare campaign, telling the world what we already know: that the 10 most deadly snakes found anywhere in the world are all Australian. They run PR campaigns throughout Asia, showing pictures of boats used by refugees marooned on beaches with big fat crocodiles lolling nearby.
However, the reception from the indigenous wildlife is as nothing compared to the reception you'll get from the locals. It's bad enough for a British person who's only there on holiday. Every time you walk into a pub, you get the same reaction. "Backs to the wall everyone. There's a Pom in the bar," followed by: "Hide your wallet under the soap. He won't find it there."
Not desperately imaginative but then what do you expect from a people who named a blue spotted ray that lives in lagoons "the blue spotted lagoon ray", or a range of mountains with snow on them "the Snowy Mountains".
And that's before we get to "the Great Barrier Reef".
Anyway, if we have a hard time, imagine what it's like for Abdul. In a recent poll, 96% of Australians said they wanted the refugees out, dead, buried, eaten, anything. Last summer an advertisement appeared in one of the newspapers there asking people with a military background to join vigilante-style patrols.
Refugees who get caught by the proper authorities are sent to a fantastically remote detention centre near Woomera, where the British did their atomic tests in the 1950s. They can get out easily but it's an 18-day walk to the nearest telephone box and that's doubly hard when you've grown two heads.
So what sort of volume are we talking about here? Well, last year the number of people who arrived in Australia illegally from the usual refugee hot spots was 4,500. That works out at one for every 666 square miles. You could put the downtrodden masses from all over the world in the Northern Territories and not even know they were there.
Australia says that it took in thousands of Vietnamese and Cambodian boat people in the 1970s and 1980s, along with most of Britain's displaced trade union leaders who were no longer welcome at No 10 for tea and buns. It won't now fulfil the legal and moral obligations of other nations.
Well, Europe has a falling birthrate and can take a few refugees. The Americans are dropping food parcels on their heads. Africa is hopeless and Asia is the problem, which leaves either Antarctica, which seems a bit antisocial, or the very place that was specifically designed to be home for misfits: Australia.
Jul 20th 2004, 9:11 pm
#2
Joined: Aug 2003
Posts: 11,149
I would have thought the one who never made it out of the eighties would love it here. Damn we won't have one of Britain's biggest nobs on these shores.
Jul 20th 2004, 9:16 pm
#3
Guest
Posts: n/a
TRUE, TRUE, I still love it here though!! Shame Cheryl finds it to hard to be away from friends & fam!!
Good post Mike
Mick
Good post Mike
Mick
Jul 20th 2004, 10:16 pm
#4
Guest
Posts: n/a
LOL
When i was in Oz I picked up a copy of "the daily telegraph". When I glanced at the "letters" page, there were 3 angry rants against a Brit who had upset their national pride. The authors were bemoaning a whingin pom, stuck in colonial times etc. When I saw they were referring to a certain J Clarkson and his work entitled "Australians you have one hell of a country" I pissed myself. That is definetely the article in question, as the angry Waynes and Jacintas were talking about infertile land, poisonous spiders and dumping convicts!
The thing is, if the Aussies had any humour, they would have realised the dry, tounge in cheekness that Clarkson characterizes.
Still a nation raised on Yankee style sit com humour or Footy show type bull, will never understand the Brit style mocking that Clarkson displays.
I have tried in vain to find the article, but with no luck until now!
All Aussies decended from Billy no mates (like Welsh boy Billy) perhaps!!
Cheers Mike, that has made my day.
When i was in Oz I picked up a copy of "the daily telegraph". When I glanced at the "letters" page, there were 3 angry rants against a Brit who had upset their national pride. The authors were bemoaning a whingin pom, stuck in colonial times etc. When I saw they were referring to a certain J Clarkson and his work entitled "Australians you have one hell of a country" I pissed myself. That is definetely the article in question, as the angry Waynes and Jacintas were talking about infertile land, poisonous spiders and dumping convicts!
The thing is, if the Aussies had any humour, they would have realised the dry, tounge in cheekness that Clarkson characterizes.
Still a nation raised on Yankee style sit com humour or Footy show type bull, will never understand the Brit style mocking that Clarkson displays.
I have tried in vain to find the article, but with no luck until now!
All Aussies decended from Billy no mates (like Welsh boy Billy) perhaps!!
Cheers Mike, that has made my day.
Jul 20th 2004, 10:55 pm
#5
Live the moment
Joined: Dec 2003
Location: In between nappies and feeds
Posts: 2,026
Originally posted by mick n cheryl
TRUE, TRUE, I still love it here though!! Shame Cheryl finds it to hard to be away from friends & fam!!
Good post Mike
Mick
TRUE, TRUE, I still love it here though!! Shame Cheryl finds it to hard to be away from friends & fam!!
Good post Mike
Mick
Hi Mick I was wondering about how you guys were doing..still going back??
Jul 20th 2004, 11:07 pm
#6
Forum Regular
Joined: Oct 2003
Location: Malaga
Posts: 126
Re: Something to make you chuckle on your way home
Originally posted by MikeStanton
Jeremy Clarkson - the politically-incorrect journalist/Top Gear presenter - doesn't like Oz. He likes NZ, but not its big neighbour.
I found this article, from Jan 2002, which should bring a smile to your face - a few reminders why you and Oz weren't meant to be. It's slightly cruel, but, oh so amusing and very insightful ...
Be careful of the Lucky Country, it has teeth. Surely, after 20 days of trial by fire, the Australians must now realise that God never really intended this enormous tinderbox to be used for human habitation.
Plainly it was created as a giant dustbin, a place far from civilisation where all His failed experiments could be left to their own terrifying devices. "Oh no," said God on the fourth day, "I've gone and made a spider which can kill a man just by looking at him. I need somewhere to put it."
So on the fifth day He created Australia.
This then became home for all the horrid snakes and the bitey crocodiles and the baby-eating dingoes. And to make sure that man stayed away, He made the land itself completely infertile and filled the sea around its shores with deadly sharks and killer jellyfish. He even built an enormous barrier reef.
Frankly, He did everything possible to ensure that humans never went there, short of putting up a sign saying "Trespassers will be eaten".
Nobody knows what drew the Aborigines but we do know that the first white man to sail this way was the world's most useless explorer, a Dutchman called Abel Tasman. In a three-year voyage he found Fiji, New Zealand and Tasmania, but in one of the most inept pieces of navigation ever he completely missed the big bit in the middle. That was discovered by Captain James Cook who stepped off his ship, sniffed the air and declared, "Yes. This would make a fantastic prison."
He was right, of course. For millions of years Australia had harboured all the world's dangerous animals so why not use it as a waste disposal unit for dangerous people? And even when the transportation of convicts stopped, it was still a good place for people who couldn't get on anywhere else.
Think about it. Nobody ever went to live in Australia because of the success they'd made of things at home. "I have thousands of friends, endless party invitations, a wonderful, happy family, a great job and even better prospects. So I'm off." All Australians are descended from Billy No Mates.
You'd expect them to have some sympathy with the refugees from central Asia. But no. They've turned their former prison into a fortress and the doors are now firmly closed. Australians stand on their porches with flames licking at their back door, telling us that life over there is peachy. "It's always warm enough for a barbecue," they say. Never mind that the most recent barbie was so enormous and so hot that it had to be extinguished by a fleet of helicopters.
They're even using the wildlife as a scare campaign, telling the world what we already know: that the 10 most deadly snakes found anywhere in the world are all Australian. They run PR campaigns throughout Asia, showing pictures of boats used by refugees marooned on beaches with big fat crocodiles lolling nearby.
However, the reception from the indigenous wildlife is as nothing compared to the reception you'll get from the locals. It's bad enough for a British person who's only there on holiday. Every time you walk into a pub, you get the same reaction. "Backs to the wall everyone. There's a Pom in the bar," followed by: "Hide your wallet under the soap. He won't find it there."
Not desperately imaginative but then what do you expect from a people who named a blue spotted ray that lives in lagoons "the blue spotted lagoon ray", or a range of mountains with snow on them "the Snowy Mountains".
And that's before we get to "the Great Barrier Reef".
Anyway, if we have a hard time, imagine what it's like for Abdul. In a recent poll, 96% of Australians said they wanted the refugees out, dead, buried, eaten, anything. Last summer an advertisement appeared in one of the newspapers there asking people with a military background to join vigilante-style patrols.
Refugees who get caught by the proper authorities are sent to a fantastically remote detention centre near Woomera, where the British did their atomic tests in the 1950s. They can get out easily but it's an 18-day walk to the nearest telephone box and that's doubly hard when you've grown two heads.
So what sort of volume are we talking about here? Well, last year the number of people who arrived in Australia illegally from the usual refugee hot spots was 4,500. That works out at one for every 666 square miles. You could put the downtrodden masses from all over the world in the Northern Territories and not even know they were there.
Australia says that it took in thousands of Vietnamese and Cambodian boat people in the 1970s and 1980s, along with most of Britain's displaced trade union leaders who were no longer welcome at No 10 for tea and buns. It won't now fulfil the legal and moral obligations of other nations.
Well, Europe has a falling birthrate and can take a few refugees. The Americans are dropping food parcels on their heads. Africa is hopeless and Asia is the problem, which leaves either Antarctica, which seems a bit antisocial, or the very place that was specifically designed to be home for misfits: Australia.
Jeremy Clarkson - the politically-incorrect journalist/Top Gear presenter - doesn't like Oz. He likes NZ, but not its big neighbour.
I found this article, from Jan 2002, which should bring a smile to your face - a few reminders why you and Oz weren't meant to be. It's slightly cruel, but, oh so amusing and very insightful
...Be careful of the Lucky Country, it has teeth. Surely, after 20 days of trial by fire, the Australians must now realise that God never really intended this enormous tinderbox to be used for human habitation.
Plainly it was created as a giant dustbin, a place far from civilisation where all His failed experiments could be left to their own terrifying devices. "Oh no," said God on the fourth day, "I've gone and made a spider which can kill a man just by looking at him. I need somewhere to put it."
So on the fifth day He created Australia.
This then became home for all the horrid snakes and the bitey crocodiles and the baby-eating dingoes. And to make sure that man stayed away, He made the land itself completely infertile and filled the sea around its shores with deadly sharks and killer jellyfish. He even built an enormous barrier reef.
Frankly, He did everything possible to ensure that humans never went there, short of putting up a sign saying "Trespassers will be eaten".
Nobody knows what drew the Aborigines but we do know that the first white man to sail this way was the world's most useless explorer, a Dutchman called Abel Tasman. In a three-year voyage he found Fiji, New Zealand and Tasmania, but in one of the most inept pieces of navigation ever he completely missed the big bit in the middle. That was discovered by Captain James Cook who stepped off his ship, sniffed the air and declared, "Yes. This would make a fantastic prison."
He was right, of course. For millions of years Australia had harboured all the world's dangerous animals so why not use it as a waste disposal unit for dangerous people? And even when the transportation of convicts stopped, it was still a good place for people who couldn't get on anywhere else.
Think about it. Nobody ever went to live in Australia because of the success they'd made of things at home. "I have thousands of friends, endless party invitations, a wonderful, happy family, a great job and even better prospects. So I'm off." All Australians are descended from Billy No Mates.
You'd expect them to have some sympathy with the refugees from central Asia. But no. They've turned their former prison into a fortress and the doors are now firmly closed. Australians stand on their porches with flames licking at their back door, telling us that life over there is peachy. "It's always warm enough for a barbecue," they say. Never mind that the most recent barbie was so enormous and so hot that it had to be extinguished by a fleet of helicopters.
They're even using the wildlife as a scare campaign, telling the world what we already know: that the 10 most deadly snakes found anywhere in the world are all Australian. They run PR campaigns throughout Asia, showing pictures of boats used by refugees marooned on beaches with big fat crocodiles lolling nearby.
However, the reception from the indigenous wildlife is as nothing compared to the reception you'll get from the locals. It's bad enough for a British person who's only there on holiday. Every time you walk into a pub, you get the same reaction. "Backs to the wall everyone. There's a Pom in the bar," followed by: "Hide your wallet under the soap. He won't find it there."
Not desperately imaginative but then what do you expect from a people who named a blue spotted ray that lives in lagoons "the blue spotted lagoon ray", or a range of mountains with snow on them "the Snowy Mountains".
And that's before we get to "the Great Barrier Reef".
Anyway, if we have a hard time, imagine what it's like for Abdul. In a recent poll, 96% of Australians said they wanted the refugees out, dead, buried, eaten, anything. Last summer an advertisement appeared in one of the newspapers there asking people with a military background to join vigilante-style patrols.
Refugees who get caught by the proper authorities are sent to a fantastically remote detention centre near Woomera, where the British did their atomic tests in the 1950s. They can get out easily but it's an 18-day walk to the nearest telephone box and that's doubly hard when you've grown two heads.
So what sort of volume are we talking about here? Well, last year the number of people who arrived in Australia illegally from the usual refugee hot spots was 4,500. That works out at one for every 666 square miles. You could put the downtrodden masses from all over the world in the Northern Territories and not even know they were there.
Australia says that it took in thousands of Vietnamese and Cambodian boat people in the 1970s and 1980s, along with most of Britain's displaced trade union leaders who were no longer welcome at No 10 for tea and buns. It won't now fulfil the legal and moral obligations of other nations.
Well, Europe has a falling birthrate and can take a few refugees. The Americans are dropping food parcels on their heads. Africa is hopeless and Asia is the problem, which leaves either Antarctica, which seems a bit antisocial, or the very place that was specifically designed to be home for misfits: Australia.
You must have been one of the misfits then and a bit sssllllllloooooooooooooooooow that it took you 12 years to pack your bags and leave. Had a lot of clothes did you?
Jul 20th 2004, 11:15 pm
#7
Guest
Posts: n/a
Originally posted by Pants
Hi Mick I was wondering about how you guys were doing..still going back??
Hi Mick I was wondering about how you guys were doing..still going back??
Yep flights booked sept 7th, Shipping costs to much for sending gear back, so just in process of getting all our things up for sale!! we will be going back with just cases.
How are your plans progressing??
Mick
Jul 20th 2004, 11:17 pm
#8
Banned
Joined: Mar 2003
Posts: 4,432
Nice to see we no longer need to bother ourselves with the propaganda to keep out the merely human.
We have a special this week for :
Bring purpose and meaning to your life - visit our forum:
I Can't Bladdy Stand Australians
We have a special this week for :
Bring purpose and meaning to your life - visit our forum:
I Can't Bladdy Stand Australians
Jul 20th 2004, 11:49 pm
#9
mañana is my busiest day
Joined: Mar 2004
Location: Cabo San Lucas, Mexico
Posts: 2,636
That was brilliant. LOL...
Jul 21st 2004, 2:23 am
#10
Guest
Posts: n/a
Re: Something to make you chuckle on your way home
Originally posted by MikeStanton
> Jeremy Clarkson - the
politically-incorrect journalist/Top Gear presenter - doesn't like Oz.
He likes NZ, but not its big neighbour.
>
> I found this article, from
Jan 2002, which should bring a smile to your face - a few reminders why
you and Oz weren't meant to be. It's slightly cruel, but, oh so amusing
and very insightful :) ...
>
>
> Be careful of the Lucky
Country, it has teeth. Surely, after 20 days of trial by fire, the
Australians must now realise that God never really intended this
enormous tinderbox to be used for human habitation.
>
> Plainly it was
created as a giant dustbin, a place far from civilisation where all
His failed experiments could be left to their own terrifying devices.
"Oh no," said God on the fourth day, "I've gone and made a spider which
can kill a man just by looking at him. I need somewhere to put it."
> So on the fifth day He created Australia.
>
> This then became home
for all the horrid snakes and the bitey crocodiles and the baby-eating
dingoes. And to make sure that man stayed away, He made the land itself
completely infertile and filled the sea around its shores with deadly
sharks and killer jellyfish. He even built an enormous barrier reef.
> Frankly, He did everything possible to ensure that humans never went
there, short of putting up a sign saying "Trespassers will be eaten".
> Nobody knows what drew the Aborigines but we do know that the first
white man to sail this way was the world's most useless explorer, a
Dutchman called Abel Tasman. In a three-year voyage he found Fiji, New
Zealand and Tasmania, but in one of the most inept pieces of navigation
ever he completely missed the big bit in the middle. That was
discovered by Captain James Cook who stepped off his ship, sniffed the
air and declared, "Yes. This would make a fantastic prison."
>
> He
was right, of course. For millions of years Australia had harboured all
the world's dangerous animals so why not use it as a waste disposal
unit for dangerous people? And even when the transportation of convicts
stopped, it was still a good place for people who couldn't get on
anywhere else.
>
> Think about it. Nobody ever went to live in
Australia because of the success they'd made of things at home. "I have
thousands of friends, endless party invitations, a wonderful, happy
family, a great job and even better prospects. So I'm off." All
Australians are descended from Billy No Mates.
>
> You'd expect them
to have some sympathy with the refugees from central Asia. But no.
They've turned their former prison into a fortress and the doors are
now firmly closed. Australians stand on their porches with flames
licking at their back door, telling us that life over there is peachy.
"It's always warm enough for a barbecue," they say. Never mind that
the most recent barbie was so enormous and so hot that it had to be
extinguished by a fleet of helicopters.
>
> They're even using the
wildlife as a scare campaign, telling the world what we already know:
that the 10 most deadly snakes found anywhere in the world are all
Australian. They run PR campaigns throughout Asia, showing pictures of
boats used by refugees marooned on beaches with big fat crocodiles
lolling nearby.
>
> However, the reception from the indigenous
wildlife is as nothing compared to the reception you'll get from the
locals. It's bad enough for a British person who's only there on
holiday. Every time you walk into a pub, you get the same reaction.
"Backs to the wall everyone. There's a Pom in the bar," followed by:
"Hide your wallet under the soap. He won't find it there."
>
> Not
desperately imaginative but then what do you expect from a people who
named a blue spotted ray that lives in lagoons "the blue spotted lagoon
ray", or a range of mountains with snow on them "the Snowy Mountains".
>
> And that's before we get to "the Great Barrier Reef".
>
Anyway, if we have a hard time, imagine what it's like for Abdul. In a
recent poll, 96% of Australians said they wanted the refugees out,
dead, buried, eaten, anything. Last summer an advertisement appeared
in one of the newspapers there asking people with a military
background to join vigilante-style patrols.
>
> Refugees who get
caught by the proper authorities are sent to a fantastically remote
detention centre near Woomera, where the British did their atomic
tests in the 1950s. They can get out easily but it's an 18-day walk to
the nearest telephone box and that's doubly hard when you've grown two
heads.
>
> So what sort of volume are we talking about here? Well,
last year the number of people who arrived in Australia illegally from
the usual refugee hot spots was 4,500. That works out at one for every
666 square miles. You could put the downtrodden masses from all over
the world in the Northern Territories and not even know they were
there.
>
> Australia says that it took in thousands of Vietnamese
and Cambodian boat people in the 1970s and 1980s, along with most of
Britain's displaced trade union leaders who were no longer welcome at
No 10 for tea and buns. It won't now fulfil the legal and moral
obligations of other nations.
>
> Well, Europe has a falling birthrate
and can take a few refugees. The Americans are dropping food parcels
on their heads. Africa is hopeless and Asia is the problem, which
leaves either Antarctica, which seems a bit antisocial, or the very
place that was specifically designed to be home for misfits:
Australia.
Parts of Australia are tinderboxes in summer;
just like the USA, southern Europe any many other places in the world
that have bushfires, The only reason there are no bushfires in the Uk
is because unlike Australia, you have destroyed most of your forests
and because it rains every day it would be impossible for a fire to
take hold. As for venomous creatures l did,nt know there was a spider
that could kill you by looking at you, can you identify and name this
spider for me, no one has been killed by a spider in OZ
since 1980 and
3 people are killed a year by snakes compared to
4 people a year killed
by bee stings in the UK, Therefore you are more likely to be killed by
a bee sting in the UK then a venomous creture in OZ.
--
Posted via http://britishexpats.com
> Jeremy Clarkson - the
politically-incorrect journalist/Top Gear presenter - doesn't like Oz.
He likes NZ, but not its big neighbour.
>
> I found this article, from
Jan 2002, which should bring a smile to your face - a few reminders why
you and Oz weren't meant to be. It's slightly cruel, but, oh so amusing
and very insightful :) ...
>
>
> Be careful of the Lucky
Country, it has teeth. Surely, after 20 days of trial by fire, the
Australians must now realise that God never really intended this
enormous tinderbox to be used for human habitation.
>
> Plainly it was
created as a giant dustbin, a place far from civilisation where all
His failed experiments could be left to their own terrifying devices.
"Oh no," said God on the fourth day, "I've gone and made a spider which
can kill a man just by looking at him. I need somewhere to put it."
> So on the fifth day He created Australia.
>
> This then became home
for all the horrid snakes and the bitey crocodiles and the baby-eating
dingoes. And to make sure that man stayed away, He made the land itself
completely infertile and filled the sea around its shores with deadly
sharks and killer jellyfish. He even built an enormous barrier reef.
> Frankly, He did everything possible to ensure that humans never went
there, short of putting up a sign saying "Trespassers will be eaten".
> Nobody knows what drew the Aborigines but we do know that the first
white man to sail this way was the world's most useless explorer, a
Dutchman called Abel Tasman. In a three-year voyage he found Fiji, New
Zealand and Tasmania, but in one of the most inept pieces of navigation
ever he completely missed the big bit in the middle. That was
discovered by Captain James Cook who stepped off his ship, sniffed the
air and declared, "Yes. This would make a fantastic prison."
>
> He
was right, of course. For millions of years Australia had harboured all
the world's dangerous animals so why not use it as a waste disposal
unit for dangerous people? And even when the transportation of convicts
stopped, it was still a good place for people who couldn't get on
anywhere else.
>
> Think about it. Nobody ever went to live in
Australia because of the success they'd made of things at home. "I have
thousands of friends, endless party invitations, a wonderful, happy
family, a great job and even better prospects. So I'm off." All
Australians are descended from Billy No Mates.
>
> You'd expect them
to have some sympathy with the refugees from central Asia. But no.
They've turned their former prison into a fortress and the doors are
now firmly closed. Australians stand on their porches with flames
licking at their back door, telling us that life over there is peachy.
"It's always warm enough for a barbecue," they say. Never mind that
the most recent barbie was so enormous and so hot that it had to be
extinguished by a fleet of helicopters.
>
> They're even using the
wildlife as a scare campaign, telling the world what we already know:
that the 10 most deadly snakes found anywhere in the world are all
Australian. They run PR campaigns throughout Asia, showing pictures of
boats used by refugees marooned on beaches with big fat crocodiles
lolling nearby.
>
> However, the reception from the indigenous
wildlife is as nothing compared to the reception you'll get from the
locals. It's bad enough for a British person who's only there on
holiday. Every time you walk into a pub, you get the same reaction.
"Backs to the wall everyone. There's a Pom in the bar," followed by:
"Hide your wallet under the soap. He won't find it there."
>
> Not
desperately imaginative but then what do you expect from a people who
named a blue spotted ray that lives in lagoons "the blue spotted lagoon
ray", or a range of mountains with snow on them "the Snowy Mountains".
>
> And that's before we get to "the Great Barrier Reef".
>
Anyway, if we have a hard time, imagine what it's like for Abdul. In a
recent poll, 96% of Australians said they wanted the refugees out,
dead, buried, eaten, anything. Last summer an advertisement appeared
in one of the newspapers there asking people with a military
background to join vigilante-style patrols.
>
> Refugees who get
caught by the proper authorities are sent to a fantastically remote
detention centre near Woomera, where the British did their atomic
tests in the 1950s. They can get out easily but it's an 18-day walk to
the nearest telephone box and that's doubly hard when you've grown two
heads.
>
> So what sort of volume are we talking about here? Well,
last year the number of people who arrived in Australia illegally from
the usual refugee hot spots was 4,500. That works out at one for every
666 square miles. You could put the downtrodden masses from all over
the world in the Northern Territories and not even know they were
there.
>
> Australia says that it took in thousands of Vietnamese
and Cambodian boat people in the 1970s and 1980s, along with most of
Britain's displaced trade union leaders who were no longer welcome at
No 10 for tea and buns. It won't now fulfil the legal and moral
obligations of other nations.
>
> Well, Europe has a falling birthrate
and can take a few refugees. The Americans are dropping food parcels
on their heads. Africa is hopeless and Asia is the problem, which
leaves either Antarctica, which seems a bit antisocial, or the very
place that was specifically designed to be home for misfits:
Australia.
Parts of Australia are tinderboxes in summer;
just like the USA, southern Europe any many other places in the world
that have bushfires, The only reason there are no bushfires in the Uk
is because unlike Australia, you have destroyed most of your forests
and because it rains every day it would be impossible for a fire to
take hold. As for venomous creatures l did,nt know there was a spider
that could kill you by looking at you, can you identify and name this
spider for me, no one has been killed by a spider in OZ
since 1980 and
3 people are killed a year by snakes compared to
4 people a year killed
by bee stings in the UK, Therefore you are more likely to be killed by
a bee sting in the UK then a venomous creture in OZ.
--
Posted via http://britishexpats.com
Jul 21st 2004, 2:23 am
#11
Guest
Posts: n/a
Re: Something to make you chuckle on your way home
Originally posted by MikeStanton
> Jeremy Clarkson - the
politically-incorrect journalist/Top Gear presenter - doesn't like Oz.
He likes NZ, but not its big neighbour.
>
> I found this article, from
Jan 2002, which should bring a smile to your face - a few reminders why
you and Oz weren't meant to be. It's slightly cruel, but, oh so amusing
and very insightful :) ...
>
>
> Be careful of the Lucky
Country, it has teeth. Surely, after 20 days of trial by fire, the
Australians must now realise that God never really intended this
enormous tinderbox to be used for human habitation.
>
> Plainly it was
created as a giant dustbin, a place far from civilisation where all
His failed experiments could be left to their own terrifying devices.
"Oh no," said God on the fourth day, "I've gone and made a spider which
can kill a man just by looking at him. I need somewhere to put it."
> So on the fifth day He created Australia.
>
> This then became home
for all the horrid snakes and the bitey crocodiles and the baby-eating
dingoes. And to make sure that man stayed away, He made the land itself
completely infertile and filled the sea around its shores with deadly
sharks and killer jellyfish. He even built an enormous barrier reef.
> Frankly, He did everything possible to ensure that humans never went
there, short of putting up a sign saying "Trespassers will be eaten".
> Nobody knows what drew the Aborigines but we do know that the first
white man to sail this way was the world's most useless explorer, a
Dutchman called Abel Tasman. In a three-year voyage he found Fiji, New
Zealand and Tasmania, but in one of the most inept pieces of navigation
ever he completely missed the big bit in the middle. That was
discovered by Captain James Cook who stepped off his ship, sniffed the
air and declared, "Yes. This would make a fantastic prison."
>
> He
was right, of course. For millions of years Australia had harboured all
the world's dangerous animals so why not use it as a waste disposal
unit for dangerous people? And even when the transportation of convicts
stopped, it was still a good place for people who couldn't get on
anywhere else.
>
> Think about it. Nobody ever went to live in
Australia because of the success they'd made of things at home. "I have
thousands of friends, endless party invitations, a wonderful, happy
family, a great job and even better prospects. So I'm off." All
Australians are descended from Billy No Mates.
>
> You'd expect them
to have some sympathy with the refugees from central Asia. But no.
They've turned their former prison into a fortress and the doors are
now firmly closed. Australians stand on their porches with flames
licking at their back door, telling us that life over there is peachy.
"It's always warm enough for a barbecue," they say. Never mind that
the most recent barbie was so enormous and so hot that it had to be
extinguished by a fleet of helicopters.
>
> They're even using the
wildlife as a scare campaign, telling the world what we already know:
that the 10 most deadly snakes found anywhere in the world are all
Australian. They run PR campaigns throughout Asia, showing pictures of
boats used by refugees marooned on beaches with big fat crocodiles
lolling nearby.
>
> However, the reception from the indigenous
wildlife is as nothing compared to the reception you'll get from the
locals. It's bad enough for a British person who's only there on
holiday. Every time you walk into a pub, you get the same reaction.
"Backs to the wall everyone. There's a Pom in the bar," followed by:
"Hide your wallet under the soap. He won't find it there."
>
> Not
desperately imaginative but then what do you expect from a people who
named a blue spotted ray that lives in lagoons "the blue spotted lagoon
ray", or a range of mountains with snow on them "the Snowy Mountains".
>
> And that's before we get to "the Great Barrier Reef".
>
Anyway, if we have a hard time, imagine what it's like for Abdul. In a
recent poll, 96% of Australians said they wanted the refugees out,
dead, buried, eaten, anything. Last summer an advertisement appeared
in one of the newspapers there asking people with a military
background to join vigilante-style patrols.
>
> Refugees who get
caught by the proper authorities are sent to a fantastically remote
detention centre near Woomera, where the British did their atomic
tests in the 1950s. They can get out easily but it's an 18-day walk to
the nearest telephone box and that's doubly hard when you've grown two
heads.
>
> So what sort of volume are we talking about here? Well,
last year the number of people who arrived in Australia illegally from
the usual refugee hot spots was 4,500. That works out at one for every
666 square miles. You could put the downtrodden masses from all over
the world in the Northern Territories and not even know they were
there.
>
> Australia says that it took in thousands of Vietnamese
and Cambodian boat people in the 1970s and 1980s, along with most of
Britain's displaced trade union leaders who were no longer welcome at
No 10 for tea and buns. It won't now fulfil the legal and moral
obligations of other nations.
>
> Well, Europe has a falling birthrate
and can take a few refugees. The Americans are dropping food parcels
on their heads. Africa is hopeless and Asia is the problem, which
leaves either Antarctica, which seems a bit antisocial, or the very
place that was specifically designed to be home for misfits:
Australia.
Parts of Australia are tinderboxes in summer;
just like the USA, southern Europe any many other places in the world
that have bushfires, The only reason there are no bushfires in the Uk
is because unlike Australia, you have destroyed most of your forests
and because it rains every day it would be impossible for a fire to
take hold. As for venomous creatures l did,nt know there was a spider
that could kill you by looking at you, can you identify and name this
spider for me, no one has been killed by a spider in OZ
since 1980 and
3 people are killed a year by snakes compared to
4 people a year killed
by bee stings in the UK, Therefore you are more likely to be killed by
a bee sting in the UK then a venomous creture in OZ.
--
Posted via http://britishexpats.com
> Jeremy Clarkson - the
politically-incorrect journalist/Top Gear presenter - doesn't like Oz.
He likes NZ, but not its big neighbour.
>
> I found this article, from
Jan 2002, which should bring a smile to your face - a few reminders why
you and Oz weren't meant to be. It's slightly cruel, but, oh so amusing
and very insightful :) ...
>
>
> Be careful of the Lucky
Country, it has teeth. Surely, after 20 days of trial by fire, the
Australians must now realise that God never really intended this
enormous tinderbox to be used for human habitation.
>
> Plainly it was
created as a giant dustbin, a place far from civilisation where all
His failed experiments could be left to their own terrifying devices.
"Oh no," said God on the fourth day, "I've gone and made a spider which
can kill a man just by looking at him. I need somewhere to put it."
> So on the fifth day He created Australia.
>
> This then became home
for all the horrid snakes and the bitey crocodiles and the baby-eating
dingoes. And to make sure that man stayed away, He made the land itself
completely infertile and filled the sea around its shores with deadly
sharks and killer jellyfish. He even built an enormous barrier reef.
> Frankly, He did everything possible to ensure that humans never went
there, short of putting up a sign saying "Trespassers will be eaten".
> Nobody knows what drew the Aborigines but we do know that the first
white man to sail this way was the world's most useless explorer, a
Dutchman called Abel Tasman. In a three-year voyage he found Fiji, New
Zealand and Tasmania, but in one of the most inept pieces of navigation
ever he completely missed the big bit in the middle. That was
discovered by Captain James Cook who stepped off his ship, sniffed the
air and declared, "Yes. This would make a fantastic prison."
>
> He
was right, of course. For millions of years Australia had harboured all
the world's dangerous animals so why not use it as a waste disposal
unit for dangerous people? And even when the transportation of convicts
stopped, it was still a good place for people who couldn't get on
anywhere else.
>
> Think about it. Nobody ever went to live in
Australia because of the success they'd made of things at home. "I have
thousands of friends, endless party invitations, a wonderful, happy
family, a great job and even better prospects. So I'm off." All
Australians are descended from Billy No Mates.
>
> You'd expect them
to have some sympathy with the refugees from central Asia. But no.
They've turned their former prison into a fortress and the doors are
now firmly closed. Australians stand on their porches with flames
licking at their back door, telling us that life over there is peachy.
"It's always warm enough for a barbecue," they say. Never mind that
the most recent barbie was so enormous and so hot that it had to be
extinguished by a fleet of helicopters.
>
> They're even using the
wildlife as a scare campaign, telling the world what we already know:
that the 10 most deadly snakes found anywhere in the world are all
Australian. They run PR campaigns throughout Asia, showing pictures of
boats used by refugees marooned on beaches with big fat crocodiles
lolling nearby.
>
> However, the reception from the indigenous
wildlife is as nothing compared to the reception you'll get from the
locals. It's bad enough for a British person who's only there on
holiday. Every time you walk into a pub, you get the same reaction.
"Backs to the wall everyone. There's a Pom in the bar," followed by:
"Hide your wallet under the soap. He won't find it there."
>
> Not
desperately imaginative but then what do you expect from a people who
named a blue spotted ray that lives in lagoons "the blue spotted lagoon
ray", or a range of mountains with snow on them "the Snowy Mountains".
>
> And that's before we get to "the Great Barrier Reef".
>
Anyway, if we have a hard time, imagine what it's like for Abdul. In a
recent poll, 96% of Australians said they wanted the refugees out,
dead, buried, eaten, anything. Last summer an advertisement appeared
in one of the newspapers there asking people with a military
background to join vigilante-style patrols.
>
> Refugees who get
caught by the proper authorities are sent to a fantastically remote
detention centre near Woomera, where the British did their atomic
tests in the 1950s. They can get out easily but it's an 18-day walk to
the nearest telephone box and that's doubly hard when you've grown two
heads.
>
> So what sort of volume are we talking about here? Well,
last year the number of people who arrived in Australia illegally from
the usual refugee hot spots was 4,500. That works out at one for every
666 square miles. You could put the downtrodden masses from all over
the world in the Northern Territories and not even know they were
there.
>
> Australia says that it took in thousands of Vietnamese
and Cambodian boat people in the 1970s and 1980s, along with most of
Britain's displaced trade union leaders who were no longer welcome at
No 10 for tea and buns. It won't now fulfil the legal and moral
obligations of other nations.
>
> Well, Europe has a falling birthrate
and can take a few refugees. The Americans are dropping food parcels
on their heads. Africa is hopeless and Asia is the problem, which
leaves either Antarctica, which seems a bit antisocial, or the very
place that was specifically designed to be home for misfits:
Australia.
Parts of Australia are tinderboxes in summer;
just like the USA, southern Europe any many other places in the world
that have bushfires, The only reason there are no bushfires in the Uk
is because unlike Australia, you have destroyed most of your forests
and because it rains every day it would be impossible for a fire to
take hold. As for venomous creatures l did,nt know there was a spider
that could kill you by looking at you, can you identify and name this
spider for me, no one has been killed by a spider in OZ
since 1980 and
3 people are killed a year by snakes compared to
4 people a year killed
by bee stings in the UK, Therefore you are more likely to be killed by
a bee sting in the UK then a venomous creture in OZ.
--
Posted via http://britishexpats.com
Jul 21st 2004, 2:23 am
#12
Guest
Posts: n/a
Re: Something to make you chuckle on your way home
Originally posted by MikeStanton
Jeremy Clarkson - the politically-incorrect journalist/Top Gear presenter - doesn't like Oz. He likes NZ, but not its big neighbour.
I found this article, from Jan 2002, which should bring a smile to your face - a few reminders why you and Oz weren't meant to be. It's slightly cruel, but, oh so amusing and very insightful ...
Be careful of the Lucky Country, it has teeth. Surely, after 20 days of trial by fire, the Australians must now realise that God never really intended this enormous tinderbox to be used for human habitation.
Plainly it was created as a giant dustbin, a place far from civilisation where all His failed experiments could be left to their own terrifying devices. "Oh no," said God on the fourth day, "I've gone and made a spider which can kill a man just by looking at him. I need somewhere to put it."
So on the fifth day He created Australia.
This then became home for all the horrid snakes and the bitey crocodiles and the baby-eating dingoes. And to make sure that man stayed away, He made the land itself completely infertile and filled the sea around its shores with deadly sharks and killer jellyfish. He even built an enormous barrier reef.
Frankly, He did everything possible to ensure that humans never went there, short of putting up a sign saying "Trespassers will be eaten".
Nobody knows what drew the Aborigines but we do know that the first white man to sail this way was the world's most useless explorer, a Dutchman called Abel Tasman. In a three-year voyage he found Fiji, New Zealand and Tasmania, but in one of the most inept pieces of navigation ever he completely missed the big bit in the middle. That was discovered by Captain James Cook who stepped off his ship, sniffed the air and declared, "Yes. This would make a fantastic prison."
He was right, of course. For millions of years Australia had harboured all the world's dangerous animals so why not use it as a waste disposal unit for dangerous people? And even when the transportation of convicts stopped, it was still a good place for people who couldn't get on anywhere else.
Think about it. Nobody ever went to live in Australia because of the success they'd made of things at home. "I have thousands of friends, endless party invitations, a wonderful, happy family, a great job and even better prospects. So I'm off." All Australians are descended from Billy No Mates.
You'd expect them to have some sympathy with the refugees from central Asia. But no. They've turned their former prison into a fortress and the doors are now firmly closed. Australians stand on their porches with flames licking at their back door, telling us that life over there is peachy. "It's always warm enough for a barbecue," they say. Never mind that the most recent barbie was so enormous and so hot that it had to be extinguished by a fleet of helicopters.
They're even using the wildlife as a scare campaign, telling the world what we already know: that the 10 most deadly snakes found anywhere in the world are all Australian. They run PR campaigns throughout Asia, showing pictures of boats used by refugees marooned on beaches with big fat crocodiles lolling nearby.
However, the reception from the indigenous wildlife is as nothing compared to the reception you'll get from the locals. It's bad enough for a British person who's only there on holiday. Every time you walk into a pub, you get the same reaction. "Backs to the wall everyone. There's a Pom in the bar," followed by: "Hide your wallet under the soap. He won't find it there."
Not desperately imaginative but then what do you expect from a people who named a blue spotted ray that lives in lagoons "the blue spotted lagoon ray", or a range of mountains with snow on them "the Snowy Mountains".
And that's before we get to "the Great Barrier Reef".
Anyway, if we have a hard time, imagine what it's like for Abdul. In a recent poll, 96% of Australians said they wanted the refugees out, dead, buried, eaten, anything. Last summer an advertisement appeared in one of the newspapers there asking people with a military background to join vigilante-style patrols.
Refugees who get caught by the proper authorities are sent to a fantastically remote detention centre near Woomera, where the British did their atomic tests in the 1950s. They can get out easily but it's an 18-day walk to the nearest telephone box and that's doubly hard when you've grown two heads.
So what sort of volume are we talking about here? Well, last year the number of people who arrived in Australia illegally from the usual refugee hot spots was 4,500. That works out at one for every 666 square miles. You could put the downtrodden masses from all over the world in the Northern Territories and not even know they were there.
Australia says that it took in thousands of Vietnamese and Cambodian boat people in the 1970s and 1980s, along with most of Britain's displaced trade union leaders who were no longer welcome at No 10 for tea and buns. It won't now fulfil the legal and moral obligations of other nations.
Well, Europe has a falling birthrate and can take a few refugees. The Americans are dropping food parcels on their heads. Africa is hopeless and Asia is the problem, which leaves either Antarctica, which seems a bit antisocial, or the very place that was specifically designed to be home for misfits: Australia.
Jeremy Clarkson - the politically-incorrect journalist/Top Gear presenter - doesn't like Oz. He likes NZ, but not its big neighbour.
I found this article, from Jan 2002, which should bring a smile to your face - a few reminders why you and Oz weren't meant to be. It's slightly cruel, but, oh so amusing and very insightful
...Be careful of the Lucky Country, it has teeth. Surely, after 20 days of trial by fire, the Australians must now realise that God never really intended this enormous tinderbox to be used for human habitation.
Plainly it was created as a giant dustbin, a place far from civilisation where all His failed experiments could be left to their own terrifying devices. "Oh no," said God on the fourth day, "I've gone and made a spider which can kill a man just by looking at him. I need somewhere to put it."
So on the fifth day He created Australia.
This then became home for all the horrid snakes and the bitey crocodiles and the baby-eating dingoes. And to make sure that man stayed away, He made the land itself completely infertile and filled the sea around its shores with deadly sharks and killer jellyfish. He even built an enormous barrier reef.
Frankly, He did everything possible to ensure that humans never went there, short of putting up a sign saying "Trespassers will be eaten".
Nobody knows what drew the Aborigines but we do know that the first white man to sail this way was the world's most useless explorer, a Dutchman called Abel Tasman. In a three-year voyage he found Fiji, New Zealand and Tasmania, but in one of the most inept pieces of navigation ever he completely missed the big bit in the middle. That was discovered by Captain James Cook who stepped off his ship, sniffed the air and declared, "Yes. This would make a fantastic prison."
He was right, of course. For millions of years Australia had harboured all the world's dangerous animals so why not use it as a waste disposal unit for dangerous people? And even when the transportation of convicts stopped, it was still a good place for people who couldn't get on anywhere else.
Think about it. Nobody ever went to live in Australia because of the success they'd made of things at home. "I have thousands of friends, endless party invitations, a wonderful, happy family, a great job and even better prospects. So I'm off." All Australians are descended from Billy No Mates.
You'd expect them to have some sympathy with the refugees from central Asia. But no. They've turned their former prison into a fortress and the doors are now firmly closed. Australians stand on their porches with flames licking at their back door, telling us that life over there is peachy. "It's always warm enough for a barbecue," they say. Never mind that the most recent barbie was so enormous and so hot that it had to be extinguished by a fleet of helicopters.
They're even using the wildlife as a scare campaign, telling the world what we already know: that the 10 most deadly snakes found anywhere in the world are all Australian. They run PR campaigns throughout Asia, showing pictures of boats used by refugees marooned on beaches with big fat crocodiles lolling nearby.
However, the reception from the indigenous wildlife is as nothing compared to the reception you'll get from the locals. It's bad enough for a British person who's only there on holiday. Every time you walk into a pub, you get the same reaction. "Backs to the wall everyone. There's a Pom in the bar," followed by: "Hide your wallet under the soap. He won't find it there."
Not desperately imaginative but then what do you expect from a people who named a blue spotted ray that lives in lagoons "the blue spotted lagoon ray", or a range of mountains with snow on them "the Snowy Mountains".
And that's before we get to "the Great Barrier Reef".
Anyway, if we have a hard time, imagine what it's like for Abdul. In a recent poll, 96% of Australians said they wanted the refugees out, dead, buried, eaten, anything. Last summer an advertisement appeared in one of the newspapers there asking people with a military background to join vigilante-style patrols.
Refugees who get caught by the proper authorities are sent to a fantastically remote detention centre near Woomera, where the British did their atomic tests in the 1950s. They can get out easily but it's an 18-day walk to the nearest telephone box and that's doubly hard when you've grown two heads.
So what sort of volume are we talking about here? Well, last year the number of people who arrived in Australia illegally from the usual refugee hot spots was 4,500. That works out at one for every 666 square miles. You could put the downtrodden masses from all over the world in the Northern Territories and not even know they were there.
Australia says that it took in thousands of Vietnamese and Cambodian boat people in the 1970s and 1980s, along with most of Britain's displaced trade union leaders who were no longer welcome at No 10 for tea and buns. It won't now fulfil the legal and moral obligations of other nations.
Well, Europe has a falling birthrate and can take a few refugees. The Americans are dropping food parcels on their heads. Africa is hopeless and Asia is the problem, which leaves either Antarctica, which seems a bit antisocial, or the very place that was specifically designed to be home for misfits: Australia.
and because it rains every day it would be impossible for a fire to take hold. As for venomous creatures l did,nt know there was a spider that could kill you by looking at you, can you identify and name this spider for me, no one has been killed by a spider in OZ
since 1980 and 3 people are killed a year by snakes compared to
4 people a year killed by bee stings in the UK, Therefore you are more likely to be killed by a bee sting in the UK then a venomous creture in OZ. Our immigration policy is a sensible one unlike yours
which lets everyone into your country including thousands of people who are not real refuguees. If you have been reading the newspapers the British government is considering adopting our immigration policy of detaining refugees in a third country an sees
it as a perfect model for stopping illegal immigration.
Great Britain, well lets just call it Britain because no sane person could describe it as being great anymore since it has lost its empire,is an overcrowded, polluted crime ridden, tiny little island you need a magnifling glass to see on the world map, that is loosing
its currency political independance and nation identity to a united Europe. You have spent the last 200 years in wars against France and Germany but in 50 years from now you will be ruled by them. In 50 years from now Australia will be an Independant
republic with a booming economy due to demand for our massive natural resources of Gold, coal , Iron ore, Oil , none of which your country has.
Last edited by wombat42; Jul 21st 2004 at 2:37 am.
Jul 21st 2004, 2:44 am
#13
mañana is my busiest day
Joined: Mar 2004
Location: Cabo San Lucas, Mexico
Posts: 2,636
Re: Something to make you chuckle on your way home
Originally posted by wombat42
Parts of Australia are tinderboxes in summer; just like the USA, southern Europe any many other places in the world that have bushfires, The only reason there are no bushfires in the Uk is because unlike Australia, you have destroyed most of your forests
and because it rains every day it would be impossible for a fire to take hold. As for venomous creatures l did,nt know there was a spider that could kill you by looking at you, can you identify and name this spider for me, no one has been killed by a spider in OZ
since 1980 and 3 people are killed a year by snakes compared to
4 people a year killed by bee stings in the UK, Therefore you are more likely to be killed by a bee sting in the UK then a venomous creture in OZ. Our immigration policy is a sensible one unlike yours
which lets everyone into your country including thousands of people who are not real refuguees. If you have been reading the newspapers the British government is considering adopting our immigration policy of detaining refugees in a third country an sees
it as a perfect model for stopping illegal immigration.
Great Britain, well lets just call it Britain because no sane person could describe it as being great anymore since it has lost its empire,is an overcrowded, polluted crime ridden, tiny little island you need a magnifling glass to see on the world map, that is loosing
its currency political independance and nation identity to a united Europe. You have spent the last 200 years in wars against France and Germany but in 50 years from now you will be ruled by them. In 50 years from now Australia will be an Independant
republic with a booming economy due to demand for our massive natural resources of Gold, coal , Iron ore, Oil , none of which your country has.
Parts of Australia are tinderboxes in summer; just like the USA, southern Europe any many other places in the world that have bushfires, The only reason there are no bushfires in the Uk is because unlike Australia, you have destroyed most of your forests
and because it rains every day it would be impossible for a fire to take hold. As for venomous creatures l did,nt know there was a spider that could kill you by looking at you, can you identify and name this spider for me, no one has been killed by a spider in OZ
since 1980 and 3 people are killed a year by snakes compared to
4 people a year killed by bee stings in the UK, Therefore you are more likely to be killed by a bee sting in the UK then a venomous creture in OZ. Our immigration policy is a sensible one unlike yours
which lets everyone into your country including thousands of people who are not real refuguees. If you have been reading the newspapers the British government is considering adopting our immigration policy of detaining refugees in a third country an sees
it as a perfect model for stopping illegal immigration.
Great Britain, well lets just call it Britain because no sane person could describe it as being great anymore since it has lost its empire,is an overcrowded, polluted crime ridden, tiny little island you need a magnifling glass to see on the world map, that is loosing
its currency political independance and nation identity to a united Europe. You have spent the last 200 years in wars against France and Germany but in 50 years from now you will be ruled by them. In 50 years from now Australia will be an Independant
republic with a booming economy due to demand for our massive natural resources of Gold, coal , Iron ore, Oil , none of which your country has.
By the way, there is a spider in Australia that can kill you with just one look, but I forgot its name.... sorry, just teasing.
Last edited by oceanMDX; Jul 21st 2004 at 2:59 am.
Jul 21st 2004, 3:13 am
#14
Guest
Posts: n/a
Re: Something to make you chuckle on your way home
Originally posted by wombat42
Parts of Australia are tinderboxes in summer; just like the USA, southern Europe any many other places in the world that have bushfires, The only reason there are no bushfires in the Uk is because unlike Australia, you have destroyed most of your forests
and because it rains every day it would be impossible for a fire to take hold. As for venomous creatures l did,nt know there was a spider that could kill you by looking at you, can you identify and name this spider for me, no one has been killed by a spider in OZ
since 1980 and 3 people are killed a year by snakes compared to
4 people a year killed by bee stings in the UK, Therefore you are more likely to be killed by a bee sting in the UK then a venomous creture in OZ. Our immigration policy is a sensible one unlike yours
which lets everyone into your country including thousands of people who are not real refuguees. If you have been reading the newspapers the British government is considering adopting our immigration policy of detaining refugees in a third country an sees
it as a perfect model for stopping illegal immigration.
Great Britain, well lets just call it Britain because no sane person could describe it as being great anymore since it has lost its empire,is an overcrowded, polluted crime ridden, tiny little island you need a magnifling glass to see on the world map, that is loosing
its currency political independance and nation identity to a united Europe. You have spent the last 200 years in wars against France and Germany but in 50 years from now you will be ruled by them. In 50 years from now Australia will be an Independant
republic with a booming economy due to demand for our massive natural resources of Gold, coal , Iron ore, Oil , none of which your country has.
Parts of Australia are tinderboxes in summer; just like the USA, southern Europe any many other places in the world that have bushfires, The only reason there are no bushfires in the Uk is because unlike Australia, you have destroyed most of your forests
and because it rains every day it would be impossible for a fire to take hold. As for venomous creatures l did,nt know there was a spider that could kill you by looking at you, can you identify and name this spider for me, no one has been killed by a spider in OZ
since 1980 and 3 people are killed a year by snakes compared to
4 people a year killed by bee stings in the UK, Therefore you are more likely to be killed by a bee sting in the UK then a venomous creture in OZ. Our immigration policy is a sensible one unlike yours
which lets everyone into your country including thousands of people who are not real refuguees. If you have been reading the newspapers the British government is considering adopting our immigration policy of detaining refugees in a third country an sees
it as a perfect model for stopping illegal immigration.
Great Britain, well lets just call it Britain because no sane person could describe it as being great anymore since it has lost its empire,is an overcrowded, polluted crime ridden, tiny little island you need a magnifling glass to see on the world map, that is loosing
its currency political independance and nation identity to a united Europe. You have spent the last 200 years in wars against France and Germany but in 50 years from now you will be ruled by them. In 50 years from now Australia will be an Independant
republic with a booming economy due to demand for our massive natural resources of Gold, coal , Iron ore, Oil , none of which your country has.
WOMBAT.... CHILL OUT!!!!!
Whats your problem, read the thread name "Something to make you chuckle on your way home", and get a sense of humour transplant!!!.
Mick
Jul 21st 2004, 3:55 am
#15
BE Forum Addict
Thread Starter
Joined: Jan 2004
Location: Far away from canned Oz
Posts: 1,833
Re: Something to make you chuckle on your way home
Originally posted by wombat42
Parts of Australia are tinderboxes in summer; just like the USA, southern Europe any many other places in the world that have bushfires, The only reason there are no bushfires in the Uk is because unlike Australia, you have destroyed most of your forests
and because it rains every day it would be impossible for a fire to take hold. As for venomous creatures l did,nt know there was a spider that could kill you by looking at you, can you identify and name this spider for me, no one has been killed by a spider in OZ
since 1980 and 3 people are killed a year by snakes compared to
4 people a year killed by bee stings in the UK, Therefore you are more likely to be killed by a bee sting in the UK then a venomous creture in OZ. Our immigration policy is a sensible one unlike yours
which lets everyone into your country including thousands of people who are not real refuguees. If you have been reading the newspapers the British government is considering adopting our immigration policy of detaining refugees in a third country an sees
it as a perfect model for stopping illegal immigration.
Great Britain, well lets just call it Britain because no sane person could describe it as being great anymore since it has lost its empire,is an overcrowded, polluted crime ridden, tiny little island you need a magnifling glass to see on the world map, that is loosing
its currency political independance and nation identity to a united Europe. You have spent the last 200 years in wars against France and Germany but in 50 years from now you will be ruled by them. In 50 years from now Australia will be an Independant
republic with a booming economy due to demand for our massive natural resources of Gold, coal , Iron ore, Oil , none of which your country has.
Parts of Australia are tinderboxes in summer; just like the USA, southern Europe any many other places in the world that have bushfires, The only reason there are no bushfires in the Uk is because unlike Australia, you have destroyed most of your forests
and because it rains every day it would be impossible for a fire to take hold. As for venomous creatures l did,nt know there was a spider that could kill you by looking at you, can you identify and name this spider for me, no one has been killed by a spider in OZ
since 1980 and 3 people are killed a year by snakes compared to
4 people a year killed by bee stings in the UK, Therefore you are more likely to be killed by a bee sting in the UK then a venomous creture in OZ. Our immigration policy is a sensible one unlike yours
which lets everyone into your country including thousands of people who are not real refuguees. If you have been reading the newspapers the British government is considering adopting our immigration policy of detaining refugees in a third country an sees
it as a perfect model for stopping illegal immigration.
Great Britain, well lets just call it Britain because no sane person could describe it as being great anymore since it has lost its empire,is an overcrowded, polluted crime ridden, tiny little island you need a magnifling glass to see on the world map, that is loosing
its currency political independance and nation identity to a united Europe. You have spent the last 200 years in wars against France and Germany but in 50 years from now you will be ruled by them. In 50 years from now Australia will be an Independant
republic with a booming economy due to demand for our massive natural resources of Gold, coal , Iron ore, Oil , none of which your country has.
Last edited by MikeStanton; Jul 21st 2004 at 4:01 am.