karlakoala

Ok this is obviously just bitterness talking now but "too far from the UK, boring, rubbish expensive food and awful education." almost says it all.

Seriously, you sound like you know exactly how I feel, glad to hear that you were brave enough to make the decision & that you don't regret it.

obewan

karlakoala I can sympathise, having been through much of what you're talking about as well. It's been a good few months of non stop discussing & trying to decide what to do.
If I'm honest, when we arrived here we immediately felt the dreaded sensation of 'what the hell have we done?' !! We put those feelings aside & got on with it, but things never seemed to reach any equilibrium. We didn't want to consider returning, but one day realised it wouldn't be hard to do, and now we've decided to go. And like someone said on a thread here some time ago (I lurked & got a lot of valuable information) - once the decision was made, we felt so much calmer & relieved in fact.
good luck with whatever happens!

obewan

this is so true!
I've always believed in living life to the fullest & doing whatever it is that makes you (individual or family) happy. If it's not working, then do what you need to do to make it work, either where you are or fix it so you can go home if that's what you need to do. There's no point in just existing.
It was the notion to try something new that led us here, but we now know it's not for us so we have learned & grown from the experience.

this is something that concerns me;as we also knew it wasnt right & we keep thinking that there is probably nothing (or at least very little) that could sway us to stay. so we don't want to stay on for the sake of giving it more time when we believe we already know how we feel.

janeyk

I am also in NZ and its no better fortunatley my ticket to leave is in 21 days time and it could not come soon enough,

we have been here 16 months and yes could wait to get IRRV but this move has cost us dearly and one we could ill afford if we wanted to again. Life is a long learning curve and I needed to try it experience it but I will be glad to go home.

I have not lived anywhere in my life in the uk for longer than 5 years so do not have any fixed roots on UK shores but the pull is so strong after digging my heals in to OH and DS for 6 months I finally understood why thye needed to return

Some people think we are brave, (hell If I have to work in tescos I will,) I am the main breadwinner being an accountant, we have no jobs, or home to return to, a few friends and aquaintances but we will return to Cornwall where we left, family will certainly not be top of our list and should we move away from the west country it will not be near any of them. Life is too short and I look at it you can always make up money by other opportunities you can not replace happiness and heartache.

good luck in your decision you need to decide whats best for you and your family first before all else!

Tracijbc

We agree and are leaving Adelaide to return to the UK this year after being here for 2 years. It sounds to me that you have made up your mind and I think a year is long enough to know whether you wish to stay longer. I, like you, felt anxious and sick (reflux) almost constantly as I wondered how I could live here. Once we talked things over and we agreed we could go back, that sickness lifted and I felt fine. Then we hatched our plan set some dates and are saving up money ready for 1st June when we leave here.

Feel free to PM if you fancy a chat/coffee/beer with some people who understand how you feel.

Matt and Traci

livinginreality

Just wanted to wish OP and others the best of luck with whatever you decide to do.Its a tough decision,and no gurantee's either.I made the move (spent 30 years in Sth Oz)back to the UK 10 years ago and never regretted it.Good luck to all of you and take care of yourselves xx

TraceyW

If you are feeling like this, and have been since your arrival in aAdelaide, your gut instinct is telling you what you need to do. Go home. Stop arguing with yourself, you know what you want to do deep down, just get on and do it! Otherwise you'll end up a complete emotional heap like I was! It took me 4.5 years to finish arguing with myself, listen to my gut instinct and get my arse back to the UK and I am soooooo glad we came home. It's not a bed of roses back here, but it's home and I don't wake up with that homesick gut ache every morning.

Good luck to you and yours x

Hey, Peanut, how the devil are you? So glad it's all worked out for you too back here. Isn't it just the best feeling to be home?

Just like you said, things aren't always plain sailing back here, we still hit rocky patches, but I would rather put up with whatever life throws at me here than there in Oz. We've been back just over a year too and it's the best decision we made, despite my OH seriously not wanting to come home he's very happy back here.

Hope everything continues to go well for you.

I like tea

Dear Karlakoal
My advise to you is to persuade your hubby return to the UK as soon as is possible. It will not get better. You may learn to cope and make a life for yourself in Oz but you will always wish you had returned.
I have lived in Oz for 34 years and pleaded with my then husband to return to the UK after 6 years and two children. He refused and I have lived a very unfulfilled and lonely life. I have tried on many ocassions to make friends and 'fit in' but to no avail ( dispite having lots of friends in the UK who I still keep in contact with). I have found Australians to be very superficial and have constantly been let down by so called friends. My workmates ( I teach), dispite being very nice, have no wish to socialise outside work and I never see my neighbours. I have tried churches, volunteer work, social clubs but have never made any real friends.
My marriage didn't survive so now I am on my own and although my children are the joy in my life I am very lonely and long for the British way of life.
You never know what is in the future and if you are like me need family and friends around for support which you will never have here.
I have a big discission to make now whether to return to the UK and leave my 3 children here or live out my life in a place I don't and never have felt any affinity to.
Britain has so much to offer and for someone who is nearing retirement has much more going for the over 60's
I wish you well.

Merseygirl

Hi to all in Adelaide who are struggling with feeling at home here. I too can really empathise with how you feel and I have been here for 14 years! Maybe we can all catch up for a chat and a coffee some time.....

livinginreality

Just like to say Hi and welcome(noticed it was your first post).Wow 34 years is a long time?I spent 30 in Australia!You also have a tough decision to make,but I think at the end of the day,you,yourself have to be happy.Your kids (as have mine)have made their own lives,and I think everyone deserves to be happy.You can pm me if you'd like to,I'm always up for a chat xxx

quoll

I wanted to say Hi! I know exactly where you are coming from. Coming up 31 years for me but you are so right when you say that there is far more in UK for those of us approaching retirement (I worked in schools too until the workplace became so toxic that I quit!). I still have my marriage (to an Aussie who wont move) but we both know that if anything were to happen to him I would be gone like a shot. I currently have one kid here with granddaughter and one in UK. Unfortunately, for those of us who have been here for decades the support we get from Aus is probably not going to be enough to survive on in UK and the UK pension is out of our grasp too.

I wish you all the very best and hope you can decide something which works for you because you have done your time here and you deserve better!

Dan the Plumber

Hi Karla,
Well we certainly are ping pong poms.....we're back in Perth now for the 3rd time and after being here for a year I am desperate to get back home.....This is somewhat ironic I guess as I was the one pushing the family to come back out here.....but now I think about it I really can't believe what we left behind..!
I would do anything to turn back the clock and still be living our old life in UK. I ran my own successful business there, kids were enjoying school and life and my wife had just finished her childcare qualifications. Now here the kids are once again doing fantastically well at school, my wife has settled (although her qualifications don't mean much here) and don't want to go back! I can't blame them but it's been almost all of the time here where I have felt completely miserable and near close to depression. I miss all the usual things like friends and family, but I have struggled big time to find plumbing work here - there is just so much red tape bullshit and narrow mindedness , especially related to plumbing and probably most trades, I have simply had enough!
And before anyone asks it isn't just the work that's getting me down....actually I'm more of a labourer here, working for my brother in law's firm. I don't really know what I'm saying....all I know is our marriage won'tsurvive too much longer under this kind of strain....we have been talking about going home again for the last 6 months...... We have just bought a house here too - and the dog is off to the vets to get his injections for rabies tomorrow...I just feel absolutely awful for havng to put my family through all this again....like I said if i could turn back the clock...
Sorry it's all me me me!!! As for yourself i agree with everyone else I think one year is enough to work out if you want to be here or not....My only words of advise would be to make sure it's what you REALLY REALLY want, because believe me to keep moving like I have just leaves you broke and with no roots whatsoever.......
Good luck with whatever you decide though
Dan

livinginreality

Hi Dan,its nice to read it from a guys point of view,thanks for sharing that with us!It must be a truly awful time for you,and very stressful as well.I guess what you need to ask yourself is,is a country worth ending your marriage for?I spent alot of time in Australia(emigrated as a child from the UK)then returned to the UK 10 years ago.I do really love it here but god I miss my family in Oz,so much it really hurts sometimes.I don't miss the country though!Sometimes I wish my parents had'nt emigrated at all,it would of made all our lives so much easier.Best of luck to you mate and again,nice to hear it coming from a guy for once!(by the way I'm a woman )Take care.

Dan the Plumber

no worries!!
Yeah I have noticed that most of the feeling homesick replies are from women... although there are probably just as many men too!! I read a fair bit about couples both wanting to go back as well as one partner more than another......its obviously so much easier if both feel the same way!
I'm in similar situation, my folks emigrated in 60's and I was actually born here in Oz....I went to UK when 6 and have memories of being really upset about leaving - had a couple of great mates even at that age.....
No - its definately not worth ending the marriage over this!! It seems kind of petty to be thinking like that in some way!! But - somewhere along the line somethings got to give....I want a life where I'm happy especially as its the only one I've got!!
I do feel torn though - I certainly don't hate Australia - it has some fantastic and beautiful features - just as the UK... I guess I've marginally spent more time in the UK and I guess I just feel more 'British'! Also I definately think age affects you - I'm 36 now and really feel like its time to settle down in one place for a fair while and really put down some roots....I've just realised that its not in Australia where I want to do this! I know this will upset my family and moving countries again is a total and expensive nightmare...but, I really believe we'll get through this and come out better for it in the end....
I truly hope so anyway!!!
Dan

livinginreality

Dan you sound like a nice guy to me.Atleast you're not bitter and twisted,and have a balanced view of both countries.Hope it all works out well for you and yes I totally understand how you feel.