Go Back  British Expats > Living & Moving Abroad > Moving back or to the UK
Reload this Page >

Should I stay or go back? help!!!!

Should I stay or go back? help!!!!

Old Jan 25th 2008, 7:23 pm
  #1  
Just Joined
Thread Starter
 
Joined: Jan 2008
Posts: 11
confusedgirl has much to be proud ofconfusedgirl has much to be proud ofconfusedgirl has much to be proud ofconfusedgirl has much to be proud ofconfusedgirl has much to be proud ofconfusedgirl has much to be proud ofconfusedgirl has much to be proud ofconfusedgirl has much to be proud ofconfusedgirl has much to be proud ofconfusedgirl has much to be proud ofconfusedgirl has much to be proud of
Unhappy Should I stay or go back? help!!!!

Hi everyone
I'm 22 and moved to California from England (east midlands) last year. I came here disillusioned with life at home and hating England, but once I got here I missed England so bad! I've been in CA almost 8 months and I just don't fit in, I haven't made that many friends, and I spend half of my free time in British style pubs homesick and missing my English friends and pie and chips. I love California but I love it as a vacation destination, living here doesn't feel right. But I'm scared to just go back to the UK as I remember how I hated it before.
Do you think I should bite the bullet and go back, or stay here and see how it pans out?
Also, I was thinking of going back to go to school for a couple years to try it out. I have a green card though and I know travelling abroad can be tricky. I would maintain my residence here and would come back for 3-4 months at least each year, but does anyone have any more advice on the GC issue?
Thankyou for your help
confusedgirl is offline  
Old Jan 25th 2008, 7:44 pm
  #2  
Account Closed
 
Joined: Nov 2003
Posts: 3,533
TraceyW is an unknown quantity at this point
Default Re: Should I stay or go back? help!!!!

Sometimes you don't know how much something means to you until it's gone

There's no point in staying in CA if you're that unhappy. Look into going home but do not go back to the life you left. You can make a change and live life the way you want to live back there.

Good luck
TraceyW is offline  
Old Jan 25th 2008, 8:02 pm
  #3  
Popping in for a chat
 
Lionda's Avatar
 
Joined: Jun 2006
Location: Back home
Posts: 4,573
Lionda has a reputation beyond reputeLionda has a reputation beyond reputeLionda has a reputation beyond reputeLionda has a reputation beyond reputeLionda has a reputation beyond reputeLionda has a reputation beyond reputeLionda has a reputation beyond reputeLionda has a reputation beyond reputeLionda has a reputation beyond reputeLionda has a reputation beyond reputeLionda has a reputation beyond repute
Default Re: Should I stay or go back? help!!!!

You are still very young, if where you are and what you are doing doesn't feel right then change it. Move back home if the pull is that strong - you can always move on again if it doesn't come up to expectations. Try for a college course you may be able to get student accommodation - remember 'google is your friend'

Sorry can't advise on the GC issue but no doubt someone will come along who can.
Lionda is offline  
Old Jan 25th 2008, 11:25 pm
  #4  
Bugger Off!
 
Silly Sod's Avatar
 
Joined: Sep 2006
Location: Michigan
Posts: 2,858
Silly Sod has a reputation beyond reputeSilly Sod has a reputation beyond reputeSilly Sod has a reputation beyond reputeSilly Sod has a reputation beyond reputeSilly Sod has a reputation beyond reputeSilly Sod has a reputation beyond reputeSilly Sod has a reputation beyond reputeSilly Sod has a reputation beyond reputeSilly Sod has a reputation beyond reputeSilly Sod has a reputation beyond reputeSilly Sod has a reputation beyond repute
Default Re: Should I stay or go back? help!!!!

TracyW echoes my feeling about returning home to the UK from Michigan.
I have been here about a year and a half with my USC wife. There have been bad times and good, I have loved my time in America and hated parts of it too. I have been so very happy and miserable at different times for different reasons.

There are shitloads of brits in cali. Ask on here who is where. It might help. If not try to look at returning as the next big adventure. I know I am and can't wait to rediscover the UK that I had become so familiar with I had forgotten all about. TracyW is correct. Going home doesn't mean going back to your old life and it isn't any kid of failure on your part. You tried it and didn't like it. No big deal. At least you gave it a go, which is probably more than most of your friends and family can say.

Also remember that BE can keep you sane when you are feeling low. It can also drive you insane when feeling good ha ha. If you get bored try posting a thread about: race, the US health care system, guns or illegal hispanic immigration. It won't matter what your position is. The sparks will fly lol.

Good luck Keep us posted.
Silly Sod is offline  
Old Jan 26th 2008, 3:28 am
  #5  
Forum Regular
 
bramblebush's Avatar
 
Joined: Mar 2007
Location: UK-France-UK-France
Posts: 242
bramblebush is a splendid one to beholdbramblebush is a splendid one to beholdbramblebush is a splendid one to beholdbramblebush is a splendid one to beholdbramblebush is a splendid one to beholdbramblebush is a splendid one to beholdbramblebush is a splendid one to beholdbramblebush is a splendid one to beholdbramblebush is a splendid one to beholdbramblebush is a splendid one to beholdbramblebush is a splendid one to behold
Default Re: Should I stay or go back? help!!!!

If I was you I would go back, you are young and don't have anyone else to answer to, no children or husband.

I too hated England before I left and now I want to go back but I am frightened that I will hate it again, for me I have to think of my husband and children.

Go back but to a different life like TraceyW said, the world is your oyster

Stick around here you will find lots of support

Good luck
bramblebush is offline  
Old Jan 26th 2008, 3:43 am
  #6  
BE Enthusiast
 
Joined: Nov 2003
Posts: 604
babsi has a reputation beyond reputebabsi has a reputation beyond reputebabsi has a reputation beyond reputebabsi has a reputation beyond reputebabsi has a reputation beyond reputebabsi has a reputation beyond reputebabsi has a reputation beyond reputebabsi has a reputation beyond reputebabsi has a reputation beyond reputebabsi has a reputation beyond reputebabsi has a reputation beyond repute
Default Re: Should I stay or go back? help!!!!

You are lucky to have no ties, go back.
babsi is offline  
Old Jan 26th 2008, 3:43 am
  #7  
Thinking about it
 
BigDavyG's Avatar
 
Joined: Oct 2005
Location: Mid-West
Posts: 9,435
BigDavyG has a reputation beyond reputeBigDavyG has a reputation beyond reputeBigDavyG has a reputation beyond reputeBigDavyG has a reputation beyond reputeBigDavyG has a reputation beyond reputeBigDavyG has a reputation beyond reputeBigDavyG has a reputation beyond reputeBigDavyG has a reputation beyond reputeBigDavyG has a reputation beyond reputeBigDavyG has a reputation beyond reputeBigDavyG has a reputation beyond repute
Default Re: Should I stay or go back? help!!!!

Stick it out for a while maybe. I know that my first year or so here was pretty tough, but it has gotten better.
I still miss home a lot though, but do remember some of the reasons I left - house prices, job market, general disillusionment, etc.
Are you working ?? If not you might be finding it difficult to rebuild a network of "friends" and interests. If you are, maybe you are in the wrong job. A change of job here is one thing that really kickstarted my time.

Hang in there.
BigDavyG is offline  
Old Jan 26th 2008, 5:53 am
  #8  
Banned
 
Joined: Jan 2008
Location: No more bloody flies.
Posts: 1,084
Backhomeatlast has a reputation beyond reputeBackhomeatlast has a reputation beyond reputeBackhomeatlast has a reputation beyond reputeBackhomeatlast has a reputation beyond reputeBackhomeatlast has a reputation beyond reputeBackhomeatlast has a reputation beyond reputeBackhomeatlast has a reputation beyond reputeBackhomeatlast has a reputation beyond reputeBackhomeatlast has a reputation beyond reputeBackhomeatlast has a reputation beyond reputeBackhomeatlast has a reputation beyond repute
Default Re: Should I stay or go back? help!!!!

If you decide to come back why not try a different location, I love the south coast and with the summer just around the corner their will be plenty of jobs and loads of new people to meet, you are young and will love it.
Backhomeatlast is offline  
Old Jan 26th 2008, 7:00 am
  #9  
Lost in BE Cyberspace
 
Joined: Jan 2008
Posts: 41,518
Sally Redux has a reputation beyond reputeSally Redux has a reputation beyond reputeSally Redux has a reputation beyond reputeSally Redux has a reputation beyond reputeSally Redux has a reputation beyond reputeSally Redux has a reputation beyond reputeSally Redux has a reputation beyond reputeSally Redux has a reputation beyond reputeSally Redux has a reputation beyond reputeSally Redux has a reputation beyond reputeSally Redux has a reputation beyond repute
Default Re: Should I stay or go back? help!!!!

Tricky. I survive by socialising with British people, the locals are very different in how they perceive friendship. That is the biggest minus for me.
Sally Redux is offline  
Old Jan 26th 2008, 10:36 am
  #10  
JAJ
Retired
 
JAJ's Avatar
 
Joined: Apr 2004
Posts: 34,649
JAJ has a reputation beyond reputeJAJ has a reputation beyond reputeJAJ has a reputation beyond reputeJAJ has a reputation beyond reputeJAJ has a reputation beyond reputeJAJ has a reputation beyond reputeJAJ has a reputation beyond reputeJAJ has a reputation beyond reputeJAJ has a reputation beyond reputeJAJ has a reputation beyond reputeJAJ has a reputation beyond repute
Default Re: Should I stay or go back? help!!!!

Originally Posted by confusedgirl
Also, I was thinking of going back to go to school for a couple years to try it out. I have a green card though and I know travelling abroad can be tricky. I would maintain my residence here and would come back for 3-4 months at least each year, but does anyone have any more advice on the GC issue?
Thankyou for your help
If you lose your green card, and that's very easy once you no longer live in the United States, then it may be difficult or impossible to get it back.

Why not try a different part of California? Or another state?

After 8 months you may still be experiencing culture shock. Why did you want to leave Britain and where are most of your family located?
JAJ is offline  
Old Jan 28th 2008, 4:28 am
  #11  
BE Enthusiast
 
Joined: Jun 2007
Posts: 456
Dave_Was has a reputation beyond reputeDave_Was has a reputation beyond reputeDave_Was has a reputation beyond reputeDave_Was has a reputation beyond reputeDave_Was has a reputation beyond reputeDave_Was has a reputation beyond reputeDave_Was has a reputation beyond reputeDave_Was has a reputation beyond reputeDave_Was has a reputation beyond reputeDave_Was has a reputation beyond reputeDave_Was has a reputation beyond repute
Default Re: Should I stay or go back? help!!!!

I would honestly try and give it a little longer. However, try and get out and meet people away from the English pubs. This could be in terms of sports clubs, volunteering, etc. Somewhere there is an activity other than sitting down and talking about home.

I have know people that have made friends through cycling clubs, car clubs, evening classes, etc. Then those friends have opened up other avenues of socialising.

I'm in a similar position where I have a Green Card and am a bit homsick. Though after some investigation and some good information from Jaj, I have realised that maintaining a GC when outside of the US is difficult and once lost will be a long process to get another one. For these reasons, my wife and I have decided to give the US a real go and then take it from there. With this attitude, though we do get homesick sometimes, it's been a lot better.

Good luck.
Dave_Was is offline  
Old Jan 28th 2008, 5:55 am
  #12  
Forum Regular
 
Joined: Dec 2007
Location: London-Arizona-London...don't ask!
Posts: 122
mumof4 has much to be proud ofmumof4 has much to be proud ofmumof4 has much to be proud ofmumof4 has much to be proud ofmumof4 has much to be proud ofmumof4 has much to be proud ofmumof4 has much to be proud ofmumof4 has much to be proud ofmumof4 has much to be proud ofmumof4 has much to be proud ofmumof4 has much to be proud of
Default Re: Should I stay or go back? help!!!!

I would give it longer. You have no ties. so many of us on here are moving around coz of our spouses. I know it's taken me at least 2 years to feel at home in any place we'velived. Usually around then my Hubby wants to move! Then just as we move at the 3 year mark we say" what are we doing, it's great here"
Anyway, we're off again after just a year, but I think you have to give it a proper shot. We have personal issues that haven't worked out here. For me, as the UK half, I always wanted to live in the US, so I may feel seriously foreign, and some things drive me up the wall, but there's a lot of good things here, aside from the weather. But then again, no sun all winter was just soooo depressing. If you don't have ties where you are trying moving around. I know a lot of Americans even tell me that LA is not a pleasant place to live. I know Brits in smaller parts of Cali who are doing just great and would never go back!
Good luck whatever you decide
mumof4 is offline  
Old Jan 28th 2008, 9:52 am
  #13  
BE Enthusiast
 
denzil75's Avatar
 
Joined: Dec 2007
Location: Sheffield to AZ to Sheffield to NJ
Posts: 342
denzil75 is just really nicedenzil75 is just really nicedenzil75 is just really nicedenzil75 is just really nicedenzil75 is just really nicedenzil75 is just really nicedenzil75 is just really nicedenzil75 is just really nicedenzil75 is just really nicedenzil75 is just really nicedenzil75 is just really nice
Default Re: Should I stay or go back? help!!!!

I really feel for you, it's hard to move overseas especially on your own. Maybe try another state, we spent some time in Arizona where I was also very homesick and hated the fact that the flight back to the UK was so long (and indirect) and that it would put people off coming to visit. We are now over on the east coast where the flight time is 6 hours (and direct), making it so much easier to go back to the UK and for family and friends to come and visit. If you can maybe try and relocate to the east or somewhere a bit closer to the UK in terms of flying time, give that a go and if you still don't settle then go back to the UK. I'm sorry I have no advice on the GC situation.

Have you looked on Meetup.com for any expat groups or interest groups in your area, this is usually a good place for meeting new friends?

Good luck
denzil75 is offline  
Old Jan 29th 2008, 3:55 am
  #14  
BE Enthusiast
 
Joined: Jun 2007
Posts: 456
Dave_Was has a reputation beyond reputeDave_Was has a reputation beyond reputeDave_Was has a reputation beyond reputeDave_Was has a reputation beyond reputeDave_Was has a reputation beyond reputeDave_Was has a reputation beyond reputeDave_Was has a reputation beyond reputeDave_Was has a reputation beyond reputeDave_Was has a reputation beyond reputeDave_Was has a reputation beyond reputeDave_Was has a reputation beyond repute
Default Re: Should I stay or go back? help!!!!

Originally Posted by denzil75
-[SNIP]-
Maybe try another state, we spent some time in Arizona where I was also very homesick and hated the fact that the flight back to the UK was so long (and indirect) and that it would put people off coming to visit.
-[SNIP]-
Not that it matters now, but there a direct flight from Phoenix, Arizona to Heathrow. True it takes about 10 hours, but at least the airport is nice.
Dave_Was is offline  
Old Jan 29th 2008, 4:22 am
  #15  
BE Enthusiast
 
denzil75's Avatar
 
Joined: Dec 2007
Location: Sheffield to AZ to Sheffield to NJ
Posts: 342
denzil75 is just really nicedenzil75 is just really nicedenzil75 is just really nicedenzil75 is just really nicedenzil75 is just really nicedenzil75 is just really nicedenzil75 is just really nicedenzil75 is just really nicedenzil75 is just really nicedenzil75 is just really nicedenzil75 is just really nice
Default Re: Should I stay or go back? help!!!!

Originally Posted by Dave_Was
Not that it matters now, but there a direct flight from Phoenix, Arizona to Heathrow. True it takes about 10 hours, but at least the airport is nice.
LOL, yeah it was direct to Heathrow but then for us it meant having to get a shuttle flight to Manchester as we had family in that area and Yorkshire, or a long car ride. But at least the flight was with BA and not crappy Continental as we are stuck with now!
denzil75 is offline  

Contact Us - Manage Preferences - Archive - Advertising - Cookie Policy - Privacy Statement - Terms of Service - Your Privacy Choices -

Copyright © 2024 MH Sub I, LLC dba Internet Brands. All rights reserved. Use of this site indicates your consent to the Terms of Use.