Should I move back? My nagging doubt
Aug 21st 2019, 4:39 pm
#16
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Joined: Aug 2019
Posts: 19
Re: Should I move back? My nagging doubt
I agree with the thinking too much part. Have you actively tried looking for a partner n Germany? It's not as easy to just meet someone in the Uk either, took me years ti find the right one. I think at least start taking some small action steps, that way you'll feel like you're more in control.
I would avoid going back to London. I have the same thoughts as you but there must be somewhere you could move back to that isn't as expensive or stressful, like Bristol or a place that is close to London? You probably need to live somewhere near to a support network of friends of family.
Are there any opportunities at all where you are to get involved in the community? Any other English people? I just think you should try every avenue there first before you decide.
I would avoid going back to London. I have the same thoughts as you but there must be somewhere you could move back to that isn't as expensive or stressful, like Bristol or a place that is close to London? You probably need to live somewhere near to a support network of friends of family.
Are there any opportunities at all where you are to get involved in the community? Any other English people? I just think you should try every avenue there first before you decide.
Aug 21st 2019, 4:40 pm
#17
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Re: Should I move back? My nagging doubt
Sounds like you have a lot going for you in Germany for now, and the being stuck feeling is mainly related to your worry about the future.
While you're earning decent money, have you thought about buying a property in the UK using the deposit you've saved for a place in Germany? Depending on the size of your deposit, and if you choose your property carefully, you could cover/almost cover the mortgage repayments through rental income. Having a property in the UK may alleviate the feeling that you're drifting and not making any plans for the future.
I don't know how easy it is to get a UK mortgage as an expat living in Germany, but it's something you could research. Choosing a location/s that would work for you while you were still working as well as after you retired, would be quite enjoyable I think!
Just an idea to get you thinking in a different direction, it may not be something you want to/can do, but I find that once I open my mind to different possibilities others follow. Best of luck to you.
While you're earning decent money, have you thought about buying a property in the UK using the deposit you've saved for a place in Germany? Depending on the size of your deposit, and if you choose your property carefully, you could cover/almost cover the mortgage repayments through rental income. Having a property in the UK may alleviate the feeling that you're drifting and not making any plans for the future.
I don't know how easy it is to get a UK mortgage as an expat living in Germany, but it's something you could research. Choosing a location/s that would work for you while you were still working as well as after you retired, would be quite enjoyable I think!
Just an idea to get you thinking in a different direction, it may not be something you want to/can do, but I find that once I open my mind to different possibilities others follow. Best of luck to you.
Aug 22nd 2019, 1:00 pm
#18
Lowering the tone
Joined: Mar 2007
Location: Here and there
Posts: 7,340
Re: Should I move back? My nagging doubt
My tuppence-worth...
It seems to me that what you're experiencing is just a "nearly 40" wobble. You seem to be doing alright for yourself - decent job, decent accommodations, decent friends, decent lifestyle and standard of living, which also sounds like it's just about to improve. This is very good indeed; plenty of other people your age would give their right arms to be in such a fortunate position.
What you don't have is a partner, and perhaps you're also getting just a little bored. Well, the good news is that geography alone isn't the answer to either of those problems. Just give yourself a shake, get out there and make it happen, or at least try a different way of making it happen.
Nothing wrong with going back to the UK, but the reasons you've set out for considering it are pretty rubbish to be honest - no offence intended. Go back to the UK if you WANT to go back, but don't go back just because you can't think of anything better to do.
For what it's worth, if I were single, nearly 40 and living a decent lifestyle in Germany, would I go back to the UK? No.
Good luck!
It seems to me that what you're experiencing is just a "nearly 40" wobble. You seem to be doing alright for yourself - decent job, decent accommodations, decent friends, decent lifestyle and standard of living, which also sounds like it's just about to improve. This is very good indeed; plenty of other people your age would give their right arms to be in such a fortunate position.
What you don't have is a partner, and perhaps you're also getting just a little bored. Well, the good news is that geography alone isn't the answer to either of those problems. Just give yourself a shake, get out there and make it happen, or at least try a different way of making it happen.
Nothing wrong with going back to the UK, but the reasons you've set out for considering it are pretty rubbish to be honest - no offence intended. Go back to the UK if you WANT to go back, but don't go back just because you can't think of anything better to do.
For what it's worth, if I were single, nearly 40 and living a decent lifestyle in Germany, would I go back to the UK? No.
Good luck!
Aug 23rd 2019, 1:29 pm
#19
Forum Regular
Joined: Mar 2012
Location: Charleston, SC - Previously Edinburgh
Posts: 264
Re: Should I move back? My nagging doubt
Have you considered Edinburgh? Small, compact, beautiful and walkable. It is dreadfully expensive however! I moved there after my divorce and had the time of my life! In fact, I kind of regret moving back to the US at times. Once Edinburgh gets under your skin, it's hard not to think about it. There is so much to do. Admittedly, my group of friends were Expats, but they were from places like NZ, France, OZ, the US. We had the time of our lives
Best of luck to you. Remember, you only live once.
Best of luck to you. Remember, you only live once.
Aug 29th 2019, 8:49 pm
#20
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Joined: Sep 2009
Posts: 1,197
Re: Should I move back? My nagging doubt
Very interesting question and discussion. No-one has said much about something the OP repeats: "feeling like an outsider." Always being an outsider.
In my own experience, I have been surprised by how much, in the end, I minded being an outsider. When I was young, I left the UK to experience living in another country, which I loved—a European country that I chose specifically for its culture and language. Loved being there and didn't mind being an outsider, but I think that after several years I was starting to want to go home. But by then I'd met my US husband and so we went to US instead. There followed nearly three decades of being an outsider...then a few years in another, lovely, European country where I was, again, an outsider. And now I am back in UK and oh my gosh it is so good to feel that I am NOT an outsider any more, I have roots here, I belong. However much I loved the places I lived in, and became involved in life and community there, in the end feeling I was where I belonged mattered more than anything.
All of that is to say that I think if the OP at almost 40 is having those feelings now, they aren't likely to go away.
I agree with those who say if s/he had a partner in Germany, the feelings about being there would be much more positive...but for how long? In the end, the outsider feeling would remain...I htink it's important food for thought.
And I think Spouse of Scouse's suggestion to buy something in UK and rent it out is a brilliant idea. I don't know the current rules, so this may be out of date, but possibly, if a mortgage is required, it needs to be a buy-to-let mortgage for someone not resident in the UK?? This means you're obliged to rent the place out. But you can still do short-term 6-month rentals and use it yourself for holidays in between, and get a sense of living, even if briefly, back in the UK. (And if you move back permanently I think you're meant to tell the mortgage provider...but that may all be different now, we did this a long time ago).
In my own experience, I have been surprised by how much, in the end, I minded being an outsider. When I was young, I left the UK to experience living in another country, which I loved—a European country that I chose specifically for its culture and language. Loved being there and didn't mind being an outsider, but I think that after several years I was starting to want to go home. But by then I'd met my US husband and so we went to US instead. There followed nearly three decades of being an outsider...then a few years in another, lovely, European country where I was, again, an outsider. And now I am back in UK and oh my gosh it is so good to feel that I am NOT an outsider any more, I have roots here, I belong. However much I loved the places I lived in, and became involved in life and community there, in the end feeling I was where I belonged mattered more than anything.
All of that is to say that I think if the OP at almost 40 is having those feelings now, they aren't likely to go away.
I agree with those who say if s/he had a partner in Germany, the feelings about being there would be much more positive...but for how long? In the end, the outsider feeling would remain...I htink it's important food for thought.
And I think Spouse of Scouse's suggestion to buy something in UK and rent it out is a brilliant idea. I don't know the current rules, so this may be out of date, but possibly, if a mortgage is required, it needs to be a buy-to-let mortgage for someone not resident in the UK?? This means you're obliged to rent the place out. But you can still do short-term 6-month rentals and use it yourself for holidays in between, and get a sense of living, even if briefly, back in the UK. (And if you move back permanently I think you're meant to tell the mortgage provider...but that may all be different now, we did this a long time ago).
Last edited by between two worlds; Aug 29th 2019 at 8:51 pm. Reason: clarity
Aug 30th 2019, 3:36 am
#21
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Posts: 38,611
Re: Should I move back? My nagging doubt
Aug 31st 2019, 3:46 am
#22
Lost in BE Cyberspace
Joined: Nov 2013
Posts: 6,313
Re: Should I move back? My nagging doubt
YEP Its called the 'Third country syndrome ' All ex-pats suffer from it from time to time. You no longer belong in the country you left, and you don't belong in the country your in. Your in a third country called ex-pat land . Its why most congregate with other ex-pats in the country they are in. It's where they feel most comfortable . Mixing with the locals can be fun and interesting at first for many, but the differences can start to wear you down eventually( even if you speak ..roughly.. the same language ) We are after all tribal by nature, even in our own countries. The OP hasn't found a 'root' to keep him in Germany. Thats usually a girlfriend, wife,kids that most have by his age. If everything else is working ,then go seek a mate is my advice.. Get on the ex-pat dating service, join an International club...Good luck in any event
