N1cky

Good for you Kareena, good luck with it all, I'm sure you have made the right decision

cricket1again

Good luck Kareena, I'm sure it will all be fine. Don't become a slave to his needs though and don't let anyone let him think he's a victim or a problem. No one gets a problem unless they are told they have one are are one. We all grow up with issues no matter what. Just because someone 'nicked our teddy when we were 9' doesn't mean we can make excuses for our bad behaviour and get away with it. You sound like a good mum trying to do her best which in all honesty, is all you can do.

OrkneytoPortugal

Sounds a lot like my daughter, who is 14, who does go to school, but has made not a single friend in Portugal in nearly 2 years. It does your head and your heart in doesn't it? And you have to work hard not to be on a permanent guilt-trip, because like Cricket says, teenagers are very good at pushing the buttons.
Personally I feel caught between a rock and a hard place, because she says that she is desperate to go back and live in the UK, and there are very good reasons for getting her back into the UK education system. But is she too young at 14? Or in a year's time? She doesn't think so - and maybe we would only know in hindsight. Meantime I have to reconcile myself to being blamed by someone or other for whatever course I choose (did I mention my husband, her step-father, is totally opposed to her opting out of the Portuguese school system or going back to the UK?)
I suppose the question is - does a 14/15 year old know what is best for her??

Evee

Kareena - I have read this whole thread and can understand how confused you are about your elder son. I really feel for you - I have family who have been through a similar situation and I can totally understand how you are feeling. However, have you thought that Matty, having been abandoned by his father, will feel doubly abandoned if you send him back to UK?

If his teacher/principal is not prepared to refer him to the School Psych, have you considered sourcing help for him privately. As I understand it, you are on a 457 visa and will have had to take out private health insurance, this should cover most of the cost.

Good Luck - Evee

NikiL

Kareena, you've just hit the nail on the head I think with the issue with his biological father.

My stepson is the same age, and has massive abandonment issues with his mother - she basically (literally) dumped him when he was 5. He now has huge issues, and as he is now approaching puberty a lot of these issues are now causing him problems that don't manifest as obviously linked to the real problem. The onset of puberty does cause a lot of issues that have seemingly been buried to be raised and the cause is not necessarily immediately obvious.

Keep going down the referral to a psych, FWIW thats the route we're taking after some testing and evaluation between us and the school.

If you want to talk further please feel free to pm me - it sounds like we're facing a similar situation from what you've said. It's very easy to feel alone in these situations - you're not.