Sad news.
 

My father passed away today after an illness which we though he had defeated but which came back with avengance 10 weeks ago. 8 years ago he was diagnosed with a melanoma on his left shoulder. He had it removed and after biopsy he was told they had got it all. He went back on a regular basis for checkups - the last this past January - being told each time he was in the clear. Then just 10 weeks ago he started to have headaches and after 4 days he became violently sick as well so my Mom and I called 999. Originally they thought he had had a stroke but on further investigation they found the melanoma had returned and had invaded his liver, lung and most seriously his brain - and it was a nodule there that had burst causing the stroke like symptoms. They did some radiotherapy on the brain and were waiting to see if that brought down the swelling to see if he could then have some further treatment for melanoma that had just been approved. He was released home at that point and was working hard to gain his independence - the bleed had caused partial blindness and thus caused him to be shaky on his feet. Then 2 weeks ago his legs gave out and he was violently sick again - with severe headaches. Back we went to hospital and this time we found out the melanoma was now in the spine and another nodule had burst in the brain. At this point they did try some radiotherapy to the spine but he became too ill to continue. We brought him home last Friday as he had wanted to be brought home and he passed away today - but he was at home and 3 of his 4 kids were here - my older brother had reluctantly gone ahead with his holiday at my Mom's insistence.

This came out of left field and has left both myself and my family reeling - especially my mother who has been with him since she was 15 and they just celebrated 50 years of marriage. I had just completed the purchase of a house and my Dad was going to help me decorate. I have yet to move to the house as it needed some minor work but I have not faced doing that. And now the though of leaving my Mother alone is tearing me apart.

The reason I post here is because I only returned to the UK in April after 22 years in the US one reason was to spend more time with my family and parents whilst they were still active and up until 10 weeks ago my father was active - just with regular aliments of a 73 year old man. But life just kicked us all in the stomach. I regret not returning home in 2008 just after I was laid off instead of re-training in the US to gain qualifications that are not proving very useful here in the UK - at least I would have had 3 more years with Dad - but that is easy to say now.

What I am really trying to say is that sometimes life just doesn't care what sort of plans we make - it will do what it likes regardless.

Sorry if this doesn't make sense but I just felt the need to post.

Regards

Lorac

Re: Sad news.
 

So sorry to read this. Don't beat yourself up about not coming back sooner - like you say we don't know what's going to happen. Xx

Re: Sad news.
 

So sorry to hear about your loss :(

Re: Sad news.
 

Oh dear I'm so sorry to hear about your Dad.
Don't beat yourself up over not moving sooner. You moved, and you were there for him and now you are there for your Mum. (((hugs)))

Re: Sad news.
 

It makes absolutely , crystal clear, perfect sense to me & thank you for thinking to share with us all at this very sad time. Your post is a reminder to all of us that we cannot know what the future actually holds as we, none of us, have a crystal ball.

There is never enough time is there. Your Dad is gone too soon but you were there for your Dad , so in the right place , with the right people , at the right time. Your family is still in shock and devastation. I know it sounds glib but time will help and you and Mum will find a way forward. Don't bother to think about things like the new house now. You'll come back to that in your own time and finish what's needed for your Dad. In the meantime, you be kind to yourself.

Very sorry for your loss.

Re: Sad news.
 

So sorry to hear about your Dad. Just cherish the time you had with him, no regrets, life is too short for should'ves and would'ves.

Re: Sad news.
 

Ditto.


Hugs to the OP and family xx

Re: Sad news.
 

My sincere condolences at your time of loss. You have been very brave to post this when its just happened.

You are there now for your Mum and she will need you as you will need to be with her.

Big Hugs {{{{{{hugs}}}}}}}

Re: Sad news.
 

I'm so sorry to hear your news...but it's good that you were there at the end with your family. I have to say that is my worst nightmare. I've been here 20 years, moving back at the first opportunity in four years time. My Dad is a cancer survivor also. I've missed him so much while living here and I'm looking forward to spending time with my whole family again.:fingerscrossed:

Re: Sad news.
 

Lorac, my condolences, you were there with your dad when he needed you, it sounds as if he was happy to have you back and that you brought pleasure to him. Thanks for sharing with us.

Re: Sad news.
 

I'm so sorry to hear your news. I'm just about to move back to the UK to be closer to my 92 year-old mother before it's too late. I'm sure I'll be glad for whatever time we get together, as I'm sure you are too. Thinking of you.

Re: Sad news.
 

Lorac..So very sorry to hear your news but you were with your Dad when he passed on and you have been with him and your Mum through some tough times and you will be near you Mum from now on. May you find peace and comfort over the next few weeks and with Gods help get through this awful time.

Re: Sad news.
 

Lorac, big {{{{{ HUGS }}}}}

You were there when it mattered to your dad, and are there now for your mum.

Don't beat yourself up for staying away too long you are there now and that's all that matters. Take care.

Re: Sad news.
 

So very sorry to hear about your dad. Although it's easy for me to say but please don't be too hard on yourself because at least you were there when it counted. Losing a parent is awful enough without you making yourself feel guilty about it :(

I'll keep you and your family in my prayers

Re: Sad news.
 

Sincere condolences Lorac. Thinking of you and yours. xxx