Freshwhyte

Wondering what everyone's experiences were on this ? With my flight back to Glasgow departing in a few days, I've found that while most of my family and friends have been very positive and supportive - others have been the complete opposite.

My mum has by far been the worst, she came to Canada (the first time) before I was born and subsequently went back twice (once with me) before she decided she wanted nothing to do with the UK again - due to multiple family tragedies.

Ever since its become obvious to her that I'm going, accepting a job offer signing a lease and packing my stuff - she has become very hostile about everything. At one point telling me I'm dismantling her life and being selfish for settling in the UK. She also fears that something bad is going to happen to me because of my uncanny resemblance to her late brother who was killed in a car crash.

Both my brother and sister understand where I'm coming from (my brother even frequently travels to ROI for work and she seems to have no issue with this)

The friends I'm not so concerned about, the relationships have somewhat eroded over time but how my mum feels is obviously a big worry. I have no intentions of changing my plans but I do feel somewhat guilty that I might be tormenting he.r

On that note I must continue to pack, appreciate any thoughts/experiences on the topic !

moneypenny20

She's putting a guilt trip on you, ignore it. She moved overseas, presumably her parents were upset about it and now you're doing the same, that's life. Your life is now going to be lived in the UK. She brought you up to have a mind of your own, you're exercising that and she needs to deal with it. She sounds a bit of a drama queen - everything is about her. I had a mother like that, I just had to remind myself that it was nothing about her and everything about me and what I needed. She got over it, I'm sure yours will too. Good luck with the new life and job.

Caroline in Arizona

Here are some quotes from a notebook that I keep. Best wishes to you.

“I will not let anyone reduce the best of me.”

“I am not here to win anyone’s approval. I don’t need to convince anyone of my reasons, my direction.”

“I will not let anyone’s behavior change who I am.”

“Emotional warfare - they play on your guilt.”

“Speak the truth - even if your voice shakes.”

durham_lad

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Freshwhyte

Cheers for the replies, she has actually said before "I did the same thing to my mum so I guess it's karma". Which I suppose is a kind of backhanded way of acknowledging that she is overreacting.

I'm definitely looking forward to the new start, I didn't think I'd be able to pull it off in such a short amount of time - and have a job to walk into when I land. But having such negativity directed towards me it did put a brief damper on things.

Caroline in Arizona

Freshwhyte - wishing you a safe flight and a joyful arrival in Scotland.

prospect

Good luck with it all. I certainly faced hostility from my father, once we announced we were moving but that was more to do with age and the fact that we are leaving at a point in his life, when he assumed he would have at least one of his children around to support him (he is widowed). My brother who has been o/s for many years now doesn't get the same guilt trip from him, which I find hard. I still feel very upset about it all -- our move is causing him a lot of grief and while a lot of friends said he just needs to move on, I also found a bit harsh. Issues around this all made our departure much more draining and emotional ... and lingered for a few weeks. Now it's more of a reality and everyone is working to make it work as well as possible. P.S Announcing we were leaving was interesting - some people were great, others didn't say a word and others seemed jealous.

Freshwhyte

I've definitely felt jealousy from some of my friends, this isn't the best area to live in (very high unemployment, high cost of living, most of them are very negative and miserable about their futures) while others have been very encouraging and enthusiastic. I guess in situations like this you realize who your true friends are.

I'm the type that likes to say a proper goodbye to people in my life, take them for meals or go for a pint. Many agreed, but as time goes on it was quite a shock how many couldn't find the time and cancelled last minute. Just makes me more eager to have that fresh start.

scot47

Many people refuse to contemplate the very idea that there might be a life beyond the horizon. Leave them and move on to whatever the other life holds.

When in doubt, follow the advice given in a Country song !

Freshwhyte

I kept getting told "the grass is always greener on the other side"

except in Scotland it LITERALLY is

scot47

The grass is green ? Yes.That is because it rains every day

scrubbedexpat056

I've always thought that at least some people see your wanting to change your life as an implied criticism and rejection of their way of life and that this is what angers them.

spouse of scouse

That's a really good insight

Freshwhyte, whatever your mum's reasons are for reacting like this to your move, just remember that they're her emotions and she is the only one responsible for managing those emotions.

If we lived our lives according to what everyone else thought of our choices, we'd be constantly pulled hundreds of different ways and would be unable to make any decisions at all for ourselves.

Benson55

Do what is best for you as in the end they will all be dead and you have to live with the consequences of the decisions you make now for the rest of your life.

spouse of scouse