kittykittykat

Hi all
I just got back to Britain after 5 years or so abroad (various countries). It was my decision to come back and I'm glad I did. When I left I didn't ever think I'd come back but I surprised myself by missing England.
I was just wondering if anyone had any advice on meeting people/making new friends? I've only managed to keep in touch with one friend here (5 years is a long time, after all) and I'm starting to feel a bit isolated and well, bored. I'm friendly enough, and chat to everyone I meet (well, not everyone, I mean, I don't just wander up and down the high street haranging people), but I'm finding it really hard to move beyond the 'nice weather, isn't it?'/chatting at a busstop kind of social interaction. Does anyone have any advice? I guess most friendships are job-related, but I don't have one of those yet (hopefully one is on the horizon, but chickens and hatched and not counting and all that). Does this group meet at all? If not, is anyone interested in a group meet? Or is anyone just interested in sharing their experiences over a pint? I'm around Kent. London works too.
Kittykat

Heading home

Welcome to BE, kittykittykat.

If you have any particular interests or hobbies, for example music, cooking, hiking, etc., it would be worth searching the Internet to see if there are any groups in your area for people that share your interests. Alternatively, maybe you could do some volunteer work. This is a great way to meet people. From your name, I would guess you like cats so maybe you could volunteer at your local cat rescue?

We're in California, at the moment, so I'm afraid meeting up for a pint isn't an option for me but I'll have one here in your honour

Englishmum

At this time of year all the evening classes are starting up and a place to meet new people.....you might want to take a class eg. learn a new language, a new computer skill, digital photography, Thai/French/Chinese cookery, gardening, decorating & design tips, literature, sewing etc. or just take a keep-fit class, aerobics, jazz dancing etc. etc.

Perhaps join a book club if you like reading?

Your local library or/and town hall should have the list of classes being held at your local school or community centre or college.

Ha ha.....be glad you're not in the US or one suggestion which Americans always have to newcomers would be to join a church!

eurotramp

I have exactly the same problem....shame that you live in Kent...I'm in Middlesex/Pinner exactly on the other side of London...

ladylisa

My suggestions are exactly the same, mainly join evening class, always very social places and join an interest/hobby club. I'm returning soon and I'm looking forward to doing some evening classes, I always did them before but never had the heart here.

Volunteering is also a great idea or getting involved in organisations. Good luck. Oh one other thought I had was I remember in the newspaper they have a classified section and people used to advertise for friends for nights out etc. Why not have a look.

Pomster

a few of our mates (in London) belong to a social organisation called SPICE- they arrange different events and you pick out the ones you want to go to.

Seems a good way of meeting like minded people and having a good time. I'm sure there are similar social organisations around and I know this one has frachises dotted around UK.

Good luck!

BigDavyG

No advice, but hope your move works out well.
Stick at it and I'm sure something will turn up

banjo

welcome to BE....we're not near Kent, so a pint isn't an option for us either - but hang in there things will improve. How long is 'just got back' ? We've been back 4mths and only just met someone new that we like. How old are you? We have made contact with a number of old friends, but either they or we have changed and so we're also feeling pretty isolated. We're thiry-somethings and it seems a kind of difficult age to make new friendships as most people already have established ones and caught up with careers and/or family.

But, like others have said....find something you're interested in, join a club or class and see what happens.
Best of.....

monicastace

Hi there,

I know exactly what you mean kittycat...I have been back in the UK for 1 year after 10 years in The Netherlands and have foudn it very difficult to 'click' with new people. When you're an expat everyone's in the same boat and tend to be receptive to meeting new people, but back here in the UK I find people are more closed and already have their friends etc...

Myself and a couple of ( ex-expat) friends have toyed with the idea of setting up an 'ex-expats' social group for people like us.

What does everyoen think of that idea?

I'm based in Newbury, Berkshire so if's there's anyone round that area who does fancy meeting up - I'm up for it.

honeymommy

Ah. I know this feeling also after 7+ years away in the USA.

Being back in the UK we had lost touch with most friends and as banjo said the friends we had kept in touch with seemed different or we were, so it didn't last long. Guess we had just grown apart.

Work helped. I made some nice work friends, but unfortunately they do not socialise outside of work.

The kids have loads of friends. years ago I made friends with the kids friends parents as we had things in common. Being older now that doesn't seem to be the case. They either have thier own little click and/or are at work full time.

One thing I do know.. It took me 3 years in the USA to find a few very nice friends. We got along well and went out together regularly.

So it's now 2 1/2 yrs back in the UK. I have 2 very close friends, and lots of aquaintances. I still feel a bit lonely at times, but fill it with my own interests.

I do believe it is part and parcel of moving counties. Different cultures.... Take time to adjust and 'fit in'. BUT... we do get there.

OzSheila

Here in Oz ex-expats are called "repats". In Melbourne there is a social group which has been specifically set up for repats. Do a google search and see if there is a similar thing in the UK. You need to meet people who have had similar experiences as you because if it is like here and you mention "oh I've been in that ampitheatre in Jordan where that guy was shot last week" they just look at you weird!

HTH

kittykittykat

Hi everyone
Thank you very much for all your suggestions. My main problem I suppose in the friends thing, is I'm not going to be based in Kent long, so joining most Kent-based clubs wouldn't really be worth it. I'm not really big on 'activities' just interested in social events like going to the pub/dinner, I've never been really into sports, or walking, the theatre, politics or anything like that (most clubs are based around activities). My interests are just the usual, music, movies, video games, reading etc. But not really into any of that (except maybe video games - and any clubs are likely to be filled with 13 year olds! Eek!) enough to want to discuss it at length.
The cat rescue volunteering was a sound idea - I'll see if there's one near here, but again, they're likely to not want to spend the time training me if I'm moving once I get a job. And once I get a job I'm likely not going to have time.
I suppose mainly everything seems to be moving at a much slower pace than I want - I found out I have got one job I applied for, but it's been delayed by a month, so unless I can get something else I applied for/apply for, I'm in limbo for a while work and accommodation wise. It's just so frustrating. Already I've started to apply for jobs overseas again. It's only been three weeks, perhaps four. I was really happy with my decision to come back here, but maybe the time isn't right or something.
It's true - overseas, people seemed to be just happy to make friends who speak the same language, and then were tons of social events and networking things.
Thanks as well for the 'spice' tip, they have some events coming up over the next week or so in London that I might be able to make it down for. I think the social group is a good idea - the one in Melbourne looks really good - but I've searched quite extensively and can't find anything on google for uk repats. If anyone is interested in a meet in London/Kent, let me know.
Thank you everyone again
Kittykat

TrishP

And what's wrong with that?

banjo

my thoughts too....

Englishmum

......because in many American communities the *only* social activity (in the absence of pubs and social clubs) is based around going to church. Great if you're into 'pot luck' suppers but they're really aimed at families and not particularly well-travelled singletons.

To the O/P:

Also check out the UK site of http://www.craigslist.org (there are sections for various cities in the UK).

Actually the London section is here:

http://london.craigslist.org/

(There is a 'personals' section for just platonic friendships) but also listings for volunteer work, events etc.)

Perhaps try the same if you buy the London edition of 'Time Out' magazine.