Ready to give it all up.
 

I'm American, husband of 11 years is Scottish. Though I lived with him in Scotland for two years at the start of our relationship, we've been Stateside our entire marriage, and in that time he got US citizenship and we now have two young children. It hasn't always been easy because he left behind a large loving family and many childhood friends, but he has been committed to making it work here in the US.

But everything changed for me when my healthy dad died suddenly this year. Now we really have no family left in America (very tiny and spread out), and I realize more than ever how precious my husband's family in Scotland is to me. But we hardly ever see them because of the kids and expense of traveling. (We went three years without visiting last time.) I actually feel more at home in Scotland because it is so familiar to me, and his family is so loving, that it would almost be like we are moving home.

We just got back from our first visit to Scotland in three years, and it just felt natural to be there. Kids loved it too. While we were there we were dropping hints to some of his family members that we were thinking about doing this, and they seemed happily surprised and thrilled.

I'm willing to give up everything we have built for ourselves in the US in the last decade, including selling our beloved house and beautiful area we live in. Almost all my family here have died off in the past decade, and we moved to a new state, so nothing is familiar for me here anyway. I feel no deep connection to any of it. I'm ready for a new start after losing my dad.

We've considered moving back many times in the past, but I've never felt so strongly. I'm 90% certain I want to do this, and I'm the one driving it. (Husband is actually the one who is unsure, though he does like the idea.)

One of the things I'd dread the most would be breaking the news to my widowed mom that we are taking her only grandchildren thousands of miles away.

Sometimes I wonder if I've lost my mind with grief, or if I'm just waking up to what I truly want now because life is short.

Anyone move back mostly for family?

Re: Ready to give it all up.
 

Yes, we are moving back for family, even though we have 2 adult children still in the USA and love them both. They have visited us here and understand our very strong links with our siblings, their families, and our close friends of 30 to 40 years.

When we came over to the UK in May intending to begin splitting our time 50/50 between the USA and UK it only tooks us a few weeks before realizing that we really wanted to move back to the UK permanently.

Re: Ready to give it all up.
 

I'm struck by the contrast between your statement that since the sudden death of your father 'we have no family left in America', and

'One of the things I'd dread the most would be breaking the news to my widowed mom that we are taking her only grandchildren thousands of miles away.'

In what sense is your mother not family?

Re: Ready to give it all up.
 

I should have said "we have pretty much no family left". She is my family of course, but she's not especially involved. Especially in comparison.

Re: Ready to give it all up.
 

I am not judging, just wondering about your OP & comments with respect to leaving the US to move to the UK

A Mother is a always a Mother (heart & soul), I wish that I could have mine back.

How do feel about leaving your Mother behind in the US, are you 100% sure she will be OK without you & her "only" grandchildren?

Is your Mother healthy, self supporting, does she have a support group or other family members to look after her while you are in Scotland, or is it of zero importance to you?

Re: Ready to give it all up.
 

One of the main issues which goes a long way to enjoying a "new start" is being able to find work in order to maintain your lifestyle.

Have you looked at the job situation for either yourself or your husband (if either of you intend to or need to work) in that part of Scotland you are moving to.

Being with family and friends again quickly diminishes if one is struggling to make ends meet.

Re: Ready to give it all up.
 

My mom is healthy (and is self-sufficient, financially) and has multiple support networks since my dad's death, more people in her life than ever. She could easily afford to visit as much as she likes, and has the free time.

I have been a very devoted daughter, making a point of always living nearby. My sister, who has been less devoted (and whom I'm not very close to) now lives closer too, though she's single with no grandkids on the horizon.

Sandiegogirl, the reason we can consider this so easily is because my husband works for an international company and can (thankfully) work anywhere.

I appreciate the responses. So many things to think about.

Re: Ready to give it all up.
 

Until I got to that part I was wondering what you'd be giving up because it sounded more like everything to gain

Are you sure? ;)

Dreading breaking the news isn't really indicative of zero importance.

This is not dissimilar to my situation. As one of four sons with the other three married with families I was the one to do things for my mum. Saw her a couple of times a week; accompanied her on foreign trips; took annual leave, moved back in for a couple of weeks after she had her hip operation....

I met a Canadian, married, moved over and became stepfather as well as husband.

It just meant the other three (and their partners and grown up kids) now had to do their bit.

If everything else falls into place, your sister can be there for anything...not that it sounds as if she's particularly needed.

Re: Ready to give it all up.
 

I would argue that everyone's experience is different and a mother isn't always a 'mother'.


Maybe in your experience, but some like mine were violent and abusive. I'm not suggesting the OP's is like mine, but your post did read quite judgementally despite the opening statement.

Re: Ready to give it all up.
 

"A Mother is a always a Mother (heart & soul), I wish that I could have mine back."


Not in everyone's experiences, some are 'Mothers' in name only! As harsh as it sounds, I shed no tears at her funeral...

Re: Ready to give it all up.
 

Relocating overseas will always have winners and losers within family and friends unfortunately. Sometimes we have to put our immediate families happiness first, ie your spouse and kids. Wishing you all the best in your choice!

Re: Ready to give it all up.
 

Since the death of Heavy Industry Scotland has become a place where it is difficult to find work. What are your plans workwise ?

Re: Ready to give it all up.
 

Have you discussed this with your mother?
Would you be open to her joining you in Scotland?

I'm sure your kids enjoyed the attention of their Scottish relatives while on vacation but when you live there permanently I'd doubt that there would the same effort (busy lives, etc) and you'd be leaving one of their closest relatives (in terms of proximity at least.. I don't know about the relationship) behind.

Something to consider. The grass is always greener!