People back at home
Oct 10th 2007, 1:49 am
#46
BE Enthusiast
Joined: Jul 2007
Location: Still in Cyprus, for now!
Posts: 395
Re: People back at home
I think what I'll say to the people rubbing their hands, is that at least we tried it, at least we'll never say, "if only.....". Think that's the best way to handle them.
Sorry that you may be going back on your own. At least you'll have friends and family this time, plenty of support is what you need and it sounds that you'll get it from your friend and daughter. Your very lucky
Sorry that you may be going back on your own. At least you'll have friends and family this time, plenty of support is what you need and it sounds that you'll get it from your friend and daughter. Your very lucky
Oct 10th 2007, 11:03 am
#47
Account Closed
Joined: Sep 2007
Posts: 723
Re: People back at home
Hi all,
Its funny but everyone is saying exactly the same thing, and until you speak to someone else, you think your on your own.
Basically, when you leave Blight, there are two sets of people. Those who think its a great idea, wish you luck, and come and visit and have a great time. Then there's the others, those who think your completely mad, tell you that you'll be back within the year, visit but judge everything you have got/done since you moved.
When you return, there's the two sets of people again.....firstly the ones that think your mad to come back and don't understand how hard it is to live outside of the UK (doesn't matter what country it is, Cyprus is just as hard or maybe even harder that Oz or America - only my opinion of course), then there's the others shouting "I told you so" from the top of the town hall!!
Only your very good friends will welcome you back with open arms, you feel comfortable with these guys. Then there's the other friends who can't wait to tell you what a mistake is was for you to move away in the first place and will judge everything that you do.
I have both types of friends. One can't wait for me to come home so we can be close again. The other can't wait to see what a mess we make. He's so materialistic, he can't understand that we will be moving back to a 3 bed semi and a second hand car, when we left a 4 bed detached and two new cars.
I know which I'll be socializing with!!
Has anyone had the same reaction from friends? Has anyone lost once good friends because of it? I'm quite nervous about been judged that we "failed" and had to come home
Its funny but everyone is saying exactly the same thing, and until you speak to someone else, you think your on your own.
Basically, when you leave Blight, there are two sets of people. Those who think its a great idea, wish you luck, and come and visit and have a great time. Then there's the others, those who think your completely mad, tell you that you'll be back within the year, visit but judge everything you have got/done since you moved.
When you return, there's the two sets of people again.....firstly the ones that think your mad to come back and don't understand how hard it is to live outside of the UK (doesn't matter what country it is, Cyprus is just as hard or maybe even harder that Oz or America - only my opinion of course), then there's the others shouting "I told you so" from the top of the town hall!!
Only your very good friends will welcome you back with open arms, you feel comfortable with these guys. Then there's the other friends who can't wait to tell you what a mistake is was for you to move away in the first place and will judge everything that you do.
I have both types of friends. One can't wait for me to come home so we can be close again. The other can't wait to see what a mess we make. He's so materialistic, he can't understand that we will be moving back to a 3 bed semi and a second hand car, when we left a 4 bed detached and two new cars.
I know which I'll be socializing with!!
Has anyone had the same reaction from friends? Has anyone lost once good friends because of it? I'm quite nervous about been judged that we "failed" and had to come home
I think I must be really lucky because every one of my friends can't wait to welcome me back. That goes for my hubby's mates too. We have been inundated with offers of accommodation and help should we return to the UK and they are just sad that it hasn't worked out for us.
If anything I've been judged more by 'friends' in Oz than at home. One ozzie friend who I've known for 30 years doesn't speak to me anymore because I dared to tell her what I thought about some of the worst aspects of living here although when she lived in the UK for over 10 years it was fine for her to slate aspects of the UK.
Funnily enough I agreed with her comments about the UK but as far as she is concerned Oz is wonderful with no crime, social issues, the sun always shines (she lives in Vic so not sure where that one comes from) blah blah and I need certifying to even think about going back to the UK.She is the only person who has really upset me because I feel a huge loss that 30 years of friendship has just gone.
Oct 10th 2007, 11:27 am
#48
Forum Regular
Joined: Mar 2007
Location: Life is like a box of chocolates......you never know what you're gonna get!! (Fforest Gump!)
Posts: 231
Re: People back at home
HH - why do consider that you have failed. You haven't. You tried living abroad but prefer the UK. It certainly doesn't make you a failure. People who judge others on what they have/haven't got/done aren't worth knowing. You'll be 'yesterday's news' after a couple of days anyway.
I think I must be really lucky because every one of my friends can't wait to welcome me back. That goes for my hubby's mates too. We have been inundated with offers of accommodation and help should we return to the UK and they are just sad that it hasn't worked out for us.
If anything I've been judged more by 'friends' in Oz than at home. One ozzie friend who I've known for 30 years doesn't speak to me anymore because I dared to tell her what I thought about some of the worst aspects of living here although when she lived in the UK for over 10 years it was fine for her to slate aspects of the UK. Funnily enough I agreed with her comments about the UK but as far as she is concerned Oz is wonderful with no crime, social issues, the sun always shines (she lives in Vic so not sure where that one comes from) blah blah and I need certifying to even think about going back to the UK.
She is the only person who has really upset me because I feel a huge loss that 30 years of friendship has just gone.
I think I must be really lucky because every one of my friends can't wait to welcome me back. That goes for my hubby's mates too. We have been inundated with offers of accommodation and help should we return to the UK and they are just sad that it hasn't worked out for us.
If anything I've been judged more by 'friends' in Oz than at home. One ozzie friend who I've known for 30 years doesn't speak to me anymore because I dared to tell her what I thought about some of the worst aspects of living here although when she lived in the UK for over 10 years it was fine for her to slate aspects of the UK.
Funnily enough I agreed with her comments about the UK but as far as she is concerned Oz is wonderful with no crime, social issues, the sun always shines (she lives in Vic so not sure where that one comes from) blah blah and I need certifying to even think about going back to the UK.She is the only person who has really upset me because I feel a huge loss that 30 years of friendship has just gone.
I have a friend in Melbourne who migrated 3 years ago....we kept in touch regularly and even visited last year, but I haven't heard from her since we arrived here 7 weeks ago!! I don't think she thought we would come but is upset that we have cos we can see that it isn't the "bed of roses" that she constantly told us it was!
Chin up girl, you are doing what is right for you and your family, your friend will eventually see that.....
Pam x x
Oct 10th 2007, 12:20 pm
#49
Just Joined
Joined: Jul 2007
Posts: 21
Re: People back at home
[QUOTE=Oaks;5399599]
In the land of plenty, no one works
Everyone ownes their house outright
They have three cars, a four wheel drive and a soft top sports car
People spend their days 'largeing it up" on the beach, drinking beer wine
They spend the evening having barbies looking at the sunset
No one has any worries
There is no crime
No one argues
Food and beer is cheap, going out is cheap, the weather is sunny sunny sunny
The beaches are fab, sea like a mill pond
People have boats and go fishing
Its all sun, sea, beach,beer,wine, food and coffee - all the good things in life eh? Been in Oz for two and a half years now, but it doesnt seem to match up with the land of plenty - can anyone tell me where it is? I want some of that!!
Unless you have lived in Auz, you have nothing else to compare the UK to. Let em get on with it thats what I say - I know better lolo
- Why is it that everyone in the UK thinks that australia is this fantastic land of plenty.
In the land of plenty, no one works
Everyone ownes their house outright
They have three cars, a four wheel drive and a soft top sports car
People spend their days 'largeing it up" on the beach, drinking beer wine
They spend the evening having barbies looking at the sunset
No one has any worries
There is no crime
No one argues
Food and beer is cheap, going out is cheap, the weather is sunny sunny sunny
The beaches are fab, sea like a mill pond
People have boats and go fishing
Its all sun, sea, beach,beer,wine, food and coffee - all the good things in life eh? Been in Oz for two and a half years now, but it doesnt seem to match up with the land of plenty - can anyone tell me where it is? I want some of that!!
Unless you have lived in Auz, you have nothing else to compare the UK to. Let em get on with it thats what I say - I know better lolo
Oct 10th 2007, 1:05 pm
#50
This space for rent
Joined: Dec 2006
Location: Reno, Nevada
Posts: 129
Re: People back at home
People back home say the same thing to me, the usual: you must be mad, there's sod all in this country etc etc. It doesn't really bother me though. I am so glad to have spent time here because it has given me a whole new perspective on the UK. My friends back home just imagine movie type panoramas of the NY skyline, or girls in bikinis on Californian beaches.
Of course everyday life is never like a movie no matter where you land up. My wife soon realised that Salford in Gtr Manchester was no Mary Poppins movie as soon as she spotted her frist drunken woman throwing up in the bushes on a wednesday afternoon lol.
Of course everyday life is never like a movie no matter where you land up. My wife soon realised that Salford in Gtr Manchester was no Mary Poppins movie as soon as she spotted her frist drunken woman throwing up in the bushes on a wednesday afternoon lol.
But it is hard to bea the view of a sunset over the Trafford Centre from my flat in a tower block in Eccles. ....Oh gawd the rose tinted specs are coming back now.
Oct 10th 2007, 1:48 pm
#51
BE Forum Addict
Joined: May 2007
Location: England
Posts: 4,235
Re: People back at home
So glad I found this site today
After living in Spain for nearly 6 yrs we decide to return to the UK. For the sake mainly of our son who didn't have a life here. He returned 3 months ago and has settled well into college. My hubby and me had to wait for the dogs to be ready, 8 months. Now 3 wks before our flight back, he's getting cold feet, and says he'll 'have to see how it goes'!! and if it doesn't work out he'll want to come back here to live (apparently minus us)
After living in Spain for nearly 6 yrs we decide to return to the UK. For the sake mainly of our son who didn't have a life here. He returned 3 months ago and has settled well into college. My hubby and me had to wait for the dogs to be ready, 8 months. Now 3 wks before our flight back, he's getting cold feet, and says he'll 'have to see how it goes'!! and if it doesn't work out he'll want to come back here to live (apparently minus us)
Don't worry about your hubbie, he may just be having last min. nerves, when he gets into the swing of things it will be fine...and if he does go back to spain well that would be his loss and not yours.....just give him time..some mend do suffer from nerves and you will just have to be the strong one for now. I live in Aus...(hopefully returning home in March) and we have had the same thing happen here....and so glad that this site is available ..it has kept me sane...
Good luck with your move and all will be fine once you get back into a routine...Christmas is always a great time to go back.....
Jackie in Perth when we just want to be home were we belong.
Oct 10th 2007, 5:29 pm
#52
BE Enthusiast
Joined: Jul 2007
Location: Still in Cyprus, for now!
Posts: 395
Re: People back at home
HH - why do consider that you have failed. You haven't. You tried living abroad but prefer the UK. It certainly doesn't make you a failure. People who judge others on what they have/haven't got/done aren't worth knowing. You'll be 'yesterday's news' after a couple of days anyway.
I think I must be really lucky because every one of my friends can't wait to welcome me back. That goes for my hubby's mates too. We have been inundated with offers of accommodation and help should we return to the UK and they are just sad that it hasn't worked out for us.
If anything I've been judged more by 'friends' in Oz than at home. One ozzie friend who I've known for 30 years doesn't speak to me anymore because I dared to tell her what I thought about some of the worst aspects of living here although when she lived in the UK for over 10 years it was fine for her to slate aspects of the UK. Funnily enough I agreed with her comments about the UK but as far as she is concerned Oz is wonderful with no crime, social issues, the sun always shines (she lives in Vic so not sure where that one comes from) blah blah and I need certifying to even think about going back to the UK.
She is the only person who has really upset me because I feel a huge loss that 30 years of friendship has just gone.
I think I must be really lucky because every one of my friends can't wait to welcome me back. That goes for my hubby's mates too. We have been inundated with offers of accommodation and help should we return to the UK and they are just sad that it hasn't worked out for us.
If anything I've been judged more by 'friends' in Oz than at home. One ozzie friend who I've known for 30 years doesn't speak to me anymore because I dared to tell her what I thought about some of the worst aspects of living here although when she lived in the UK for over 10 years it was fine for her to slate aspects of the UK.
Funnily enough I agreed with her comments about the UK but as far as she is concerned Oz is wonderful with no crime, social issues, the sun always shines (she lives in Vic so not sure where that one comes from) blah blah and I need certifying to even think about going back to the UK.She is the only person who has really upset me because I feel a huge loss that 30 years of friendship has just gone.
Thx Cyrstal, I suppose we should move on from friends like that, who needs them.
Sorry that you've lost a good friend. It funny that she's allowed to slag off the UK but your not allowed to do it to Oz. Maybe, once your back you can make contact again and try and sort things out from a distance. Agree to disagree!
Oct 10th 2007, 6:48 pm
#53
Joined: Jul 2007
Posts: 330
Re: People back at home
It's almost a universal rule that the people who have never lived in Oz believe it is Godzone. After all, it has beaches, beer, beaches, bigots, beaches and boredom by the bucketloads. Did I mention the beaches?
Some people seem to think that Oz has all of the best bits of the UK, but with better weather. You'll find these people down the low end of the IQ scale.
In Oz they work* some of the longest hours in the western world.
And they still can't produce a half-decent rugby union team.
After we returned to England, I was surprised at the number of people who had lived in Oz for a short time (6-12 months). And to a man - and woman - they said the same thing "Nice enough place to visit, but I couldn't live there."
We'd then round-off the discussion by spending the next hour getting stuck into Oz and the narrow-minded Aussies.
*In Oz, "work means "to turn up" at a location, while expending minimal effort to extract maximum $$$.
Some people seem to think that Oz has all of the best bits of the UK, but with better weather. You'll find these people down the low end of the IQ scale.
In Oz they work* some of the longest hours in the western world.
And they still can't produce a half-decent rugby union team.
After we returned to England, I was surprised at the number of people who had lived in Oz for a short time (6-12 months). And to a man - and woman - they said the same thing "Nice enough place to visit, but I couldn't live there."
We'd then round-off the discussion by spending the next hour getting stuck into Oz and the narrow-minded Aussies.
*In Oz, "work means "to turn up" at a location, while expending minimal effort to extract maximum $$$.
Oct 10th 2007, 6:58 pm
#54
BE Enthusiast
Joined: Jul 2007
Location: Still in Cyprus, for now!
Posts: 395
Re: People back at home
Oct 10th 2007, 7:03 pm
#55
Joined: Jul 2007
Posts: 330
Re: People back at home
plus we have the language barrier to deal with.
I do know what you mean though. I think the attitude with most 'never been anywhere Brits' is 'oh anywhere must be better than here'
Oct 10th 2007, 7:23 pm
#56
BE Enthusiast
Joined: Jul 2007
Location: Still in Cyprus, for now!
Posts: 395
Re: People back at home
People in the UK are very quick to slag off the NHS, the government, crime etc. If people compared what I had in the UK to what I have here, they would have the same thoughts as me.
Don't get me wrong, I'm enjoying the experience of being here, but know its not long term. It has changed me and the way I think about things, hopefully for the better!
Oct 11th 2007, 2:28 am
#57
Just Joined
Joined: Oct 2007
Location: Raleigh, NC
Posts: 10
Re: People back at home
I've had the same thing with my family, we are planning to come home from the states after just 6 months here. It just hasn't worked out and there is too much we miss from home.
My family kept giving the Daily Mail mantra of 'last one to leave, turn the lights out' 'everyone is leaving, why are you coming back' 'you can live mortgage free' 'the houses are so huge' bla bla bla on and on. They even went so far as to make sure not to tell us they missed us and wanted us home.
Nobody knows how they feel until they have done this, I think it's pretty brave to admit it's not working and have the courage to go home.
Good luck with your move back.
My family kept giving the Daily Mail mantra of 'last one to leave, turn the lights out' 'everyone is leaving, why are you coming back' 'you can live mortgage free' 'the houses are so huge' bla bla bla on and on. They even went so far as to make sure not to tell us they missed us and wanted us home.
Nobody knows how they feel until they have done this, I think it's pretty brave to admit it's not working and have the courage to go home.
Good luck with your move back.
Oct 11th 2007, 9:52 am
#58
Joined: Jul 2007
Posts: 330
Re: People back at home
My family kept giving the Daily Mail mantra of 'last one to leave, turn the lights out' 'everyone is leaving, why are you coming back' 'you can live mortgage free' 'the houses are so huge' bla bla bla on and on. They even went so far as to make sure not to tell us they missed us and wanted us home.
So it was like 'OK when I tell you how much I miss the UK you don't believe me, but when my wife (who they met for the first time in 05) tells you once or twice, you suddenly 'get it'.
I guess she must have an honest face
Oct 11th 2007, 12:49 pm
#59
BE Forum Addict
Joined: May 2007
Location: England
Posts: 4,235
Re: People back at home
Ahh yes the costa del Salford. I love the place....but I was born there and I am only too aware of its shortcomings.
But it is hard to bea the view of a sunset over the Trafford Centre from my flat in a tower block in Eccles. ....Oh gawd the rose tinted specs are coming back now.
But it is hard to bea the view of a sunset over the Trafford Centre from my flat in a tower block in Eccles. ....Oh gawd the rose tinted specs are coming back now.
Why don't you visit the Expat site which encourages others to move overseas....now you would have star billing on that and all the attention you would want.!!!!
Jackie who lives in the real world without rose coloured specs and appreciates where she comes from and where she would love to return.....home is where your heart is!!!!
Oct 11th 2007, 1:09 pm
#60
BE Forum Addict
Joined: May 2007
Location: England
Posts: 4,235
Re: People back at home
My parents were like this for years (well not the 'we don't miss you' bit, but all the other mantras). They've been here lots as well. It wasn't until my wife and I went on holiday in 05, and then again in 06, that they really understood how I feel.
So it was like 'OK when I tell you how much I miss the UK you don't believe me, but when my wife (who they met for the first time in 05) tells you once or twice, you suddenly 'get it'.
I guess she must have an honest face
So it was like 'OK when I tell you how much I miss the UK you don't believe me, but when my wife (who they met for the first time in 05) tells you once or twice, you suddenly 'get it'.
I guess she must have an honest face
Jackie
