Go Back  British Expats > Living & Moving Abroad > Moving back or to the UK
Reload this Page >

Over 40's Moving Back and Catching Up

Over 40's Moving Back and Catching Up

Old Nov 25th 2013, 9:53 pm
  #9091  
BE Forum Addict
 
Joined: May 2012
Location: South Bucks
Posts: 1,654
feelbritish has a reputation beyond reputefeelbritish has a reputation beyond reputefeelbritish has a reputation beyond reputefeelbritish has a reputation beyond reputefeelbritish has a reputation beyond reputefeelbritish has a reputation beyond reputefeelbritish has a reputation beyond reputefeelbritish has a reputation beyond reputefeelbritish has a reputation beyond reputefeelbritish has a reputation beyond reputefeelbritish has a reputation beyond repute
Default Re: Over 40's Moving Back and Catching Up

Originally Posted by cheers
I have been researching senior accommodation and the guide cost is about $3000 per month so I don't think most people will afford that. I was doing this for my 93 year old MIL.

There is something about these homes that bothers me. Even the newer homes feel and look depressing.

It is nice to be around people your own age but I prefer to be around people of various ages.

Cheers
Funny you should mention that, I am no-where near that age yet but was chatting to a friend who had to put her husband into care and it is a basic government one here, (the fancy ones around $5000) and it is also around $2500 and they will also take 85% of your income if you do not have the full fee. Now he has the pension, as she was a homemaker, and she is left with the house paid for, her small state pension but will not get any of the income she enjoyed before from his pension. She now has to think about selling her house, so her life has been completely disrupted by his slow illness and loss of her husband of 55 years being put into a home and now she may also be much poorer, and this is in Canada! That finally put the cap on it for me! I do believe that in the UK you have much better options as an OAP.
feelbritish is offline  
Old Nov 25th 2013, 9:57 pm
  #9092  
BE Forum Addict
 
Joined: Nov 2010
Posts: 4,100
windsong has a reputation beyond reputewindsong has a reputation beyond reputewindsong has a reputation beyond reputewindsong has a reputation beyond reputewindsong has a reputation beyond reputewindsong has a reputation beyond reputewindsong has a reputation beyond reputewindsong has a reputation beyond reputewindsong has a reputation beyond reputewindsong has a reputation beyond reputewindsong has a reputation beyond repute
Default Re: Over 40's Moving Back and Catching Up

Originally Posted by feelbritish
You know Celtic everyone has to make their decision based not only on emotion but also on facts. However, for women, emotion is a big pull! Your major indecision and your fear may just well be alleviated should you take that one year transition. You will be able to think clearly and be close to family and see if it works out for you. Moving homes, losing furniture and possession and your house sale may just be just too much for you at this time to move back immediately. Take your little doggies, the furniture you love and treasure and try it out! You have nothing to lose except one year and you could join some clubs or make some friends there with connection to your home. Down South I doubt there is much "Celtic" or British roots but around New York and Boston there is a lot more (or so I think anyway) I can't remember if it was Windsong who said this, but when they found out they could not go back they were heartbroken, sounds like for you it may be the reverse!
Yes, I was indeed heartbroken. I have had four false starts this year. I am still grieving them and the last few days it has overpowered me completely.

I remember when I was considering moving to Boston as a halfway measure to going back home. The economy in the midwest is dreadful and jobs are still scarce. In Boston, it's a lot better or so I was told. That move never happened but it wouldn't have been a bad idea.

For each of the four false starts this year, I experienced horrendous fear mixed with eager anticipation about going back. There was SO much to do to get ready to make the move. It overwhelmed me completely - but I was prepared to do it.

When I studied time management, I remember the question, "How do you eat an elephant? One bite at a time

CelticSpirit, maybe moving to the east coast for a year could be considered individual "bites" on the way to eating the whole elephant.
windsong is offline  
Old Nov 25th 2013, 10:00 pm
  #9093  
BE Forum Addict
 
Joined: Nov 2010
Posts: 4,100
windsong has a reputation beyond reputewindsong has a reputation beyond reputewindsong has a reputation beyond reputewindsong has a reputation beyond reputewindsong has a reputation beyond reputewindsong has a reputation beyond reputewindsong has a reputation beyond reputewindsong has a reputation beyond reputewindsong has a reputation beyond reputewindsong has a reputation beyond reputewindsong has a reputation beyond repute
Default Re: Over 40's Moving Back and Catching Up

Originally Posted by feelbritish
Funny you should mention that, I am no-where near that age yet but was chatting to a friend who had to put her husband into care and it is a basic government one here, (the fancy ones around $5000) and it is also around $2500 and they will also take 85% of your income if you do not have the full fee. Now he has the pension, as she was a homemaker, and she is left with the house paid for, her small state pension but will not get any of the income she enjoyed before from his pension. She now has to think about selling her house, so her life has been completely disrupted by his slow illness and loss of her husband of 55 years being put into a home and now she may also be much poorer, and this is in Canada! That finally put the cap on it for me! I do believe that in the UK you have much better options as an OAP.
I agree.

The driving force for me - number one - is going back home. The second one is having those better options as an OAP. (This was part of the realization I am 61 that I talked about yesterday.)
windsong is offline  
Old Nov 25th 2013, 10:20 pm
  #9094  
BE Forum Addict
 
Joined: Jul 2010
Location: North East Ohio, USA
Posts: 1,919
Derrygal has a reputation beyond reputeDerrygal has a reputation beyond reputeDerrygal has a reputation beyond reputeDerrygal has a reputation beyond reputeDerrygal has a reputation beyond reputeDerrygal has a reputation beyond reputeDerrygal has a reputation beyond reputeDerrygal has a reputation beyond reputeDerrygal has a reputation beyond reputeDerrygal has a reputation beyond reputeDerrygal has a reputation beyond repute
Default Re: Over 40's Moving Back and Catching Up

Originally Posted by Celticspirit
Listen to me Windsong please. I will be 70 January 20, 2014. Coming up very soon. We have just had maybe a week's grace on moving out (purchasers have recently become part of a limited partnership of some sort and so lenders need to get more info even though they prequalified for the loan. IRS needs more paperwork.
Other than the Hyatt extended stay........I don't have the courage/mental capacity to make the change. This is my safe place. I just sent 1/2 of my belongings to a consignment store. That did me in. Now my daughter wants me to move to NYC as the other side of her duplex in Queens has vacated for at least a year's transition. My kids are everything to me. What to do????You Tube - 300 Soapberry Circle, Irving Texas. That's my stuff :-(
I am in good health but after 41 years here.....and two attempts at going home.....what to do??
You are younger, most likely smarter (though I have a degree from Queens) but mostly a stay at home mom until I got into the fog world. Lots of study for judging. You can do it......you have attitude and spunk xxxxxxx
Too much change at one time is not good. It sounds like you are not ready to go back across the Pond - even if it is "home". I am a great believer in fate. That duplex has come available right now. Why not give it a try? It's up to you and I wouldn't dream of telling anyone what to do, but if you are not ready to make the move back home, this might be an opportunity for you. It sounds like you are very close to your children - this might be just what you need for now........ It's certainly worth considering. All be best to you.
Derrygal is offline  
Old Nov 26th 2013, 8:49 am
  #9095  
Finally Home!
 
sallysimmons's Avatar
 
Joined: Mar 2010
Location: Used to be New York, now North Yorkshire
Posts: 3,610
sallysimmons has a reputation beyond reputesallysimmons has a reputation beyond reputesallysimmons has a reputation beyond reputesallysimmons has a reputation beyond reputesallysimmons has a reputation beyond reputesallysimmons has a reputation beyond reputesallysimmons has a reputation beyond reputesallysimmons has a reputation beyond reputesallysimmons has a reputation beyond reputesallysimmons has a reputation beyond reputesallysimmons has a reputation beyond repute
Default Re: Over 40's Moving Back and Catching Up

Originally Posted by TheCreature
Snow tyres.. for Yorkshire?!
You should have moved to sunny Lancs instead.


That's a good one!!



Hee.

Seriously, yes it can get very snowy up here in the winter and we'd rather not be cut off if we can help it. But worse than the snow is the ice. Black ice everywhere on the lanes.
sallysimmons is offline  
Old Nov 26th 2013, 8:54 am
  #9096  
Finally Home!
 
sallysimmons's Avatar
 
Joined: Mar 2010
Location: Used to be New York, now North Yorkshire
Posts: 3,610
sallysimmons has a reputation beyond reputesallysimmons has a reputation beyond reputesallysimmons has a reputation beyond reputesallysimmons has a reputation beyond reputesallysimmons has a reputation beyond reputesallysimmons has a reputation beyond reputesallysimmons has a reputation beyond reputesallysimmons has a reputation beyond reputesallysimmons has a reputation beyond reputesallysimmons has a reputation beyond reputesallysimmons has a reputation beyond repute
Default Re: Over 40's Moving Back and Catching Up

windsong, my favorite quote is by George Eliot, who said 'it's never too late to be what you might have been.'

I let my 40s drift by in a haze of unhappiness, and didn't take action until I was almost 50. Now I am finally alive again and, even though I have my problems as everyone does, I wouldn't go back for the world.

DO NOT let things get in the way of what you want. If you really want to come home, you will overcome all those obstacles and just come. You are single and don't have to think about kids. JUST DO IT!

Or, decide that it's not really what you want and then make the most of life there. None of us knows how long we have left and my lost decade taught me that we have to make the most of every second we're given - even if sometimes that means doing the scary things.
sallysimmons is offline  
Old Nov 26th 2013, 11:06 am
  #9097  
BE Forum Addict
 
Joined: Nov 2010
Posts: 4,100
windsong has a reputation beyond reputewindsong has a reputation beyond reputewindsong has a reputation beyond reputewindsong has a reputation beyond reputewindsong has a reputation beyond reputewindsong has a reputation beyond reputewindsong has a reputation beyond reputewindsong has a reputation beyond reputewindsong has a reputation beyond reputewindsong has a reputation beyond reputewindsong has a reputation beyond repute
Default Re: Over 40's Moving Back and Catching Up

Originally Posted by sallysimmons
windsong, my favorite quote is by George Eliot, who said 'it's never too late to be what you might have been.'

I let my 40s drift by in a haze of unhappiness, and didn't take action until I was almost 50. Now I am finally alive again and, even though I have my problems as everyone does, I wouldn't go back for the world.

DO NOT let things get in the way of what you want. If you really want to come home, you will overcome all those obstacles and just come. You are single and don't have to think about kids. JUST DO IT!

Or, decide that it's not really what you want and then make the most of life there. None of us knows how long we have left and my lost decade taught me that we have to make the most of every second we're given - even if sometimes that means doing the scary things.
I know you are right. The problem here is that I am once again unemployed. For the last three years I have made do with contract and temp office jobs. My last job was only a temp job and it ended two months ago. There are so few jobs and for the few well paid jobs that do exist, they either don't want to pay anything over $9 an hour or they want to hire new graduates. As time passes, I sink deeper and this is my fear. The fear is made worse by being completely alone here - no relatives at all.

The nonsense over the summer - you know all about that - threw me for a real loop. Call it delayed grief. That grief seems to be hitting at the same time as the depression about not working. My last temp job ended almost two months ago. For the last three years, all I have been able to find is meagerly paid contract and temp jobs. It's atrocious. And I have a good education, too! This shouldn't be happening. It's like being caught in a quicksand here.

I know exactly what you mean about the "haze". My haze has lasted 30 years so far. As for memorable times here, I can't even count them on one hand. I am glad your haze has passed and to know that you love life over there. I have seen your terrific art and I think you have forged a new career for yourself. It's wonderful.

In a way, I do have kids - my pets While I don't think the cats will make it, at least one of them anyway, I still have two little dogs. It does complicate matters, especially if I end up in some sort of sheltered housing/over-55 community over there. One of the problems with the over-55 communities is that they usually only allow one pet. I don't know that I will live in an over-55 community, though, at least not until I retire. It all depends what sort of job I can find. As a former teacher, I should be able to find a job in private tutoring. I can also do graphic design and executive assistant work. I hope even at my age I can find a good job there.

If I could win the lottery, I'd be gone like a flash!!!!!!!! I simply need to be GONE from here! No way do I want to stay here!!!

Last edited by windsong; Nov 26th 2013 at 11:50 am.
windsong is offline  
Old Nov 26th 2013, 12:19 pm
  #9098  
Finally Home!
 
sallysimmons's Avatar
 
Joined: Mar 2010
Location: Used to be New York, now North Yorkshire
Posts: 3,610
sallysimmons has a reputation beyond reputesallysimmons has a reputation beyond reputesallysimmons has a reputation beyond reputesallysimmons has a reputation beyond reputesallysimmons has a reputation beyond reputesallysimmons has a reputation beyond reputesallysimmons has a reputation beyond reputesallysimmons has a reputation beyond reputesallysimmons has a reputation beyond reputesallysimmons has a reputation beyond reputesallysimmons has a reputation beyond repute
Default Re: Over 40's Moving Back and Catching Up

Please forgive me if I'm missing something, but if you don't have a job there, what's keeping you?

I understand about the dogs, so that means you can't live in sheltered housing and will need to find a regular rental. There are lots of those that accept pets, even though many don't. You will find one if you try.

Your job prospects sound good in the UK - and from what you describe, they can't be any worse than they are there.

Is it just the cost of the flight and initial accommodation that's a problem? If so, can you borrow from the man you spoke about before and just pay him back over the following year as you get settled?

Is it depression that's making it hard to make a move? If so, I certainly understand that and really feel for you. In that case I suppose the doctor is the first port of call, but without insurance maybe that's not possible?

It just seems to me that the sooner you can leave, the sooner you'll have a chance of turning things around - especially in terms of medical care.

I am sorry if I am prying - don't answer anything that's too personal. I just want to try and help if I can.

PS: Thanks for the kind words abut my art. I do love doing it, but I'm a long way from being able to give up the day job. I suppose I am urging you to take action speaking from experience, because for years I have kept my love of art hidden from almost everyone. Coming out of the closet and letting people see my work, and getting rejected as much as accepted, has been terrifying and really quite hard at times. It's actually one of the most frightening things I've done. Partly you just want to turn and run away, but I realize I can't do that anymore. So what if it doesn't work out? At least I'll have tried!

Last edited by sallysimmons; Nov 26th 2013 at 12:21 pm.
sallysimmons is offline  
Old Nov 26th 2013, 12:26 pm
  #9099  
BE Forum Addict
 
Joined: Nov 2010
Posts: 4,100
windsong has a reputation beyond reputewindsong has a reputation beyond reputewindsong has a reputation beyond reputewindsong has a reputation beyond reputewindsong has a reputation beyond reputewindsong has a reputation beyond reputewindsong has a reputation beyond reputewindsong has a reputation beyond reputewindsong has a reputation beyond reputewindsong has a reputation beyond reputewindsong has a reputation beyond repute
Default Re: Over 40's Moving Back and Catching Up

Originally Posted by sallysimmons


That's a good one!!



Hee.

Seriously, yes it can get very snowy up here in the winter and we'd rather not be cut off if we can help it. But worse than the snow is the ice. Black ice everywhere on the lanes.
Not looking forward to the black ice over there. I remember it well. However, it's a small price to pay to be back home. Even with the south of England being a bit warmer, I imagine even places like Devon and Cornwall get black ice in the winter, too. I don't think there's any way to escape it.
windsong is offline  
Old Nov 26th 2013, 12:40 pm
  #9100  
BE Forum Addict
 
Joined: Nov 2010
Posts: 4,100
windsong has a reputation beyond reputewindsong has a reputation beyond reputewindsong has a reputation beyond reputewindsong has a reputation beyond reputewindsong has a reputation beyond reputewindsong has a reputation beyond reputewindsong has a reputation beyond reputewindsong has a reputation beyond reputewindsong has a reputation beyond reputewindsong has a reputation beyond reputewindsong has a reputation beyond repute
Default Re: Over 40's Moving Back and Catching Up

Originally Posted by sallysimmons
Please forgive me if I'm missing something, but if you don't have a job there, what's keeping you?

I understand about the dogs, so that means you can't live in sheltered housing and will need to find a regular rental. There are lots of those that accept pets, even though many don't. You will find one if you try.

Your job prospects sound good in the UK - and from what you describe, they can't be any worse than they are there.

Is it just the cost of the flight and initial accommodation that's a problem? If so, can you borrow from the man you spoke about before and just pay him back over the following year as you get settled?

Is it depression that's making it hard to make a move? If so, I certainly understand that and really feel for you. In that case I suppose the doctor is the first port of call, but without insurance maybe that's not possible?

It just seems to me that the sooner you can leave, the sooner you'll have a chance of turning things around - especially in terms of medical care.

I am sorry if I am prying - don't answer anything that's too personal. I just want to try and help if I can.

PS: Thanks for the kind words abut my art. I do love doing it, but I'm a long way from being able to give up the day job. I suppose I am urging you to take action speaking from experience, because for years I have kept my love of art hidden from almost everyone. Coming out of the closet and letting people see my work, and getting rejected as much as accepted, has been terrifying and really quite hard at times. It's actually one of the most frightening things I've done. Partly you just want to turn and run away, but I realize I can't do that anymore. So what if it doesn't work out? At least I'll have tried!
Yes, my prospects over there are a darned sight better than they are here but getting there - and getting settled - with my two dogs costs money. Without a steady, decent paying job here, it's not possible. As it is, trying to survive here is eating away at money.

In every way, I would be much better off over there. In every way.
windsong is offline  
Old Nov 26th 2013, 12:53 pm
  #9101  
 
Cardienscarf's Avatar
 
Joined: Sep 2012
Location: Dancing round my handbag
Posts: 2,673
Cardienscarf has a reputation beyond reputeCardienscarf has a reputation beyond reputeCardienscarf has a reputation beyond reputeCardienscarf has a reputation beyond reputeCardienscarf has a reputation beyond reputeCardienscarf has a reputation beyond reputeCardienscarf has a reputation beyond reputeCardienscarf has a reputation beyond reputeCardienscarf has a reputation beyond reputeCardienscarf has a reputation beyond reputeCardienscarf has a reputation beyond repute
Default Re: Over 40's Moving Back and Catching Up

Originally Posted by windsong
Yes, my prospects over there are a darned sight better than they are here but getting there - and getting settled - with my two dogs costs money. Without a steady, decent paying job here, it's not possible. As it is, trying to survive here is eating away at money.

In every way, I would be much better off over there. In every way.


Is there anyone you know and trust in the US who would take care of your pets while you move over here and get sorted? If you could get yourself over here, get a job and a place to stay, you could save up to send for your pets. You never know what good things might happen once you are living a happier life.

I know being without our pets is unthinkable a lot of the time but maybe this would be a short term loss for a long term gain.
Cardienscarf is offline  
Old Nov 26th 2013, 12:56 pm
  #9102  
BE Forum Addict
 
Joined: Nov 2010
Posts: 4,100
windsong has a reputation beyond reputewindsong has a reputation beyond reputewindsong has a reputation beyond reputewindsong has a reputation beyond reputewindsong has a reputation beyond reputewindsong has a reputation beyond reputewindsong has a reputation beyond reputewindsong has a reputation beyond reputewindsong has a reputation beyond reputewindsong has a reputation beyond reputewindsong has a reputation beyond repute
Default Re: Over 40's Moving Back and Catching Up

Originally Posted by Cardienscarf


Is there anyone you know and trust in the US who would take care of your pets while you move over here and get sorted? If you could get yourself over here, get a job and a place to stay, you could save up to send for your pets. You never know what good things might happen once you are living a happier life.

I know being without our pets is unthinkable a lot of the time but maybe this would be a short term loss for a long term gain.
I really know no one I would entrust them to. I would worry terribly. And truthfully, I am not sure I could be without them. I just couldn't do that.

Last edited by windsong; Nov 26th 2013 at 1:17 pm.
windsong is offline  
Old Nov 26th 2013, 3:27 pm
  #9103  
BE Forum Addict
Thread Starter
 
Joined: Aug 2010
Location: US
Posts: 4,224
cheers has a reputation beyond reputecheers has a reputation beyond reputecheers has a reputation beyond reputecheers has a reputation beyond reputecheers has a reputation beyond reputecheers has a reputation beyond reputecheers has a reputation beyond reputecheers has a reputation beyond reputecheers has a reputation beyond reputecheers has a reputation beyond reputecheers has a reputation beyond repute
Default Re: Over 40's Moving Back and Catching Up

I think of what Rose went through when she first got back to the UK, what a nightmare but she did it!
The grass is greener.......
Can anyone imagine going back to the UK with no money and standing on a corner on a dark wet cold night. What a terrible thought! That doesn't appeal to me.
Then there is Rod...he was able to come home to his mommy He has income. He even has two children there I think.
Everyone's circumstance is different.
Now if things are really bad overseas and you can keep that in mind when things are bleak when you return maybe you can handle it.
cheers is offline  
Old Nov 26th 2013, 4:23 pm
  #9104  
BE Forum Addict
 
Joined: Feb 2010
Posts: 2,606
Fish n Chips 56 has a reputation beyond reputeFish n Chips 56 has a reputation beyond reputeFish n Chips 56 has a reputation beyond reputeFish n Chips 56 has a reputation beyond reputeFish n Chips 56 has a reputation beyond reputeFish n Chips 56 has a reputation beyond reputeFish n Chips 56 has a reputation beyond reputeFish n Chips 56 has a reputation beyond reputeFish n Chips 56 has a reputation beyond reputeFish n Chips 56 has a reputation beyond reputeFish n Chips 56 has a reputation beyond repute
Default Re: Over 40's Moving Back and Catching Up

Originally Posted by feelbritish
Funny you should mention that, I am no-where near that age yet but was chatting to a friend who had to put her husband into care and it is a basic government one here, (the fancy ones around $5000) and it is also around $2500 and they will also take 85% of your income if you do not have the full fee. Now he has the pension, as she was a homemaker, and she is left with the house paid for, her small state pension but will not get any of the income she enjoyed before from his pension. She now has to think about selling her house, so her life has been completely disrupted by his slow illness and loss of her husband of 55 years being put into a home and now she may also be much poorer, and this is in Canada! That finally put the cap on it for me! I do believe that in the UK you have much better options as an OAP.
I read your story and understand your friends predicament, People in the UK will tell you the Govt will take your home to pay for care, and Im sure they do, but the difference is in the fine details, you dont know what they are untill you are in that situation, the UK seems more caring and reasonable.

Here in the USA they will take it too, you've got to be on top of things or you can lose it easily, the powers that be in each state just follow the rules, you certainly need a lawyer to step in, a paperwork error can cost you the farm, its all time sensative stuff.

When my mother was put into care she was allowed $30 to her name, I dont mean $30 a month, I mean $30 in total forever, plus $1000 was put in an account towards her burial, that was it, we went down this gloomy path with my parents it was awful.

Nobody prepares you for this and nobody speaks about it, when you are faced with dismal circumstances you just have to deal with them.
Fish n Chips 56 is offline  
Old Nov 26th 2013, 7:07 pm
  #9105  
BE Forum Addict
 
dontheturner's Avatar
 
Joined: Jun 2009
Location: Phibun Mangsahan Ubon Province Thailand.
Posts: 1,073
dontheturner has much to be proud ofdontheturner has much to be proud ofdontheturner has much to be proud ofdontheturner has much to be proud ofdontheturner has much to be proud ofdontheturner has much to be proud ofdontheturner has much to be proud ofdontheturner has much to be proud ofdontheturner has much to be proud ofdontheturner has much to be proud ofdontheturner has much to be proud of
Default Re: Over 40's Moving Back and Catching Up

Originally Posted by cheers
You are messing with her now

I see that there is remote possibility that Yorkshire could become independent from the UK as Scotland is thinking of becoming.
Sorry to say Cheers, Yorkshire is well and truly in England.......
dontheturner is offline  

Contact Us - Archive - Advertising - Cookie Policy - Privacy Statement - Terms of Service -

Copyright © 2024 MH Sub I, LLC dba Internet Brands. All rights reserved. Use of this site indicates your consent to the Terms of Use.