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Over 40's Moving Back and Catching Up

Over 40's Moving Back and Catching Up

Old Jun 17th 2013, 12:27 pm
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Default Re: Over 40's Moving Back and Catching Up

Originally Posted by sallysimmons View Post
Hi Rodney, I know it's hard but try introducing yourself and starting some conversations because you might be surprised.

I say this because we have been amazed at the people who live up here where we are. Our village has 350 people and is a working farming village. So I assumed that all the neighbours would be farmers who had never left. Some are - but others turn out to be from all over the place. Just this morning I had a cup of tea with two neighbours up the lane. One is an abstract artist from Paris and her husband is something in international finance and is always going to Europe on business. Even though they seem very well-to-do (and their house is amazing!) they are really nice and friendly, and of course our having lived in New York is nothing special to them, so we don't feel like we're too different. We aso met a guy who lived in Hong Kong for many years, and recently we met a couple who had moved up from London to get some peace and quiet.

In other words - there are all kinds of people all around you, all with their own interesting life experiences - and once you realize that, you don't feel like such an outsider.
Hi Sally - nice to read your post. I relate to Rodney's situation now that I have moved to Dawlish - nice, quiet, staid, calm town, with a mixed population but lots of retirees - and no arts scene like I had in Frome. It suits my need for peace in my living space, but does not meet my need for friends. I am not old enough - 64 going on 40 - to settle, so I shall in due course look elsewhere. But this is a great 'base camp' to do that from. I have not made one friend here - I know a lot of people from my daily routine, but no one to visit or go out for a meal with. Most people are conservative, keep-to-themselves British. Will I move back to Somerset where my friends live? Maybe, but not yet, and not in the area I lived in as the problems are the same - drunks/litter/dog mess etc. I am on the waiting list for 2 retirement places in Bath - that will take about 5 years to happen because the list is long. And in the meantime I am being a tourist, visiting places I have not seen since my teenage years, using the train a lot with my Senior rail pass, and lots of bus trips. So if and when I relocate, I shall have 'seen it all'! One day at a time...
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Old Jun 17th 2013, 6:33 pm
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Default Re: Over 40's Moving Back and Catching Up

Originally Posted by cheers View Post
I'm finding everything better than expected.
The first day of driving I was hiting the curb a lot but I think I've got that sorted out now.
Why can't I live here?
I sat next to a young Scotsman on the flight over and he was from Glasgow and I couldn't understand what he was saying.
I Love this place. I'm in heaven.
Now to buy a home here
Cheers
I've heard people from the north of England I've thought were foreign!! We have a lot of foreign students in Torquay attending English language schools, plus Eastern Europeans working locally, so it is not amiss of me to believe poorly spoken Brits with strong accents could be from somewhere else
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Old Jun 17th 2013, 9:39 pm
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Default Re: Over 40's Moving Back and Catching Up

Originally Posted by islandwoman120 View Post
I know a lot of people from my daily routine, but no one to visit or go out for a meal with. Most people are conservative, keep-to-themselves British.
I understand this, but yet I don't find it to be the case.

Let me explain.

I am one of those 'keep-to-myself' Brits. I am shy and scared to impose myself on others. My husband is also quite reserved but less shy than me, so he's been introducing himself to people as we walk around the village. I am always a little bit uncomfortable when he does it (because my inner-Brit is saying 'don't intrude, don't be a pest, don't make a fuss') and yet every single time he's done it, it's ended well.

We were invited to dinner with some neighbours and we had a lovely time. We are now planning some group walks in the Dales with them and a BBQ one night. Then another neighbour up the lane invited us for drinks last night with some of her friends, and this morning we stopped in for a cup of tea. Now when we go in the pub, people say 'hi.' And as we walk round the village, people pull over to talk or wave as they pass.

In America, no one in our town talked to us. No one waved at us. None of our neighbours ever invited us for dinner. But I don't think that's America versus the Uk. I think that's because we didn't know how to behave in order to connect in a strange culture. I say that because so many Americans claim that it's easy to make friends in America, and hard to do it here, and yet I was lonely for over 15 years in America and for 6 in Canada.

In the end, maybe it comes down to whether or not you have the secret code that unlocks friendship in others. I didn't have it in America but I seem to have it here.

One other semi-unrelated thought --- in our village there is an annual safari supper, which is a way of introducing shy Brits to one another. We're going to attend this year. Maybe look out for this kind of event in your areas Rodney and island woman.

I think that because we're generally a people uncomfortable with imposing ourselves, we need some kind of formal structure to make it OK to meet strangers. But that formal structure gives us a way to make friends and then we're as much fun as the next country - maybe even more so
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Old Jun 18th 2013, 12:10 am
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Default Re: Over 40's Moving Back and Catching Up

I think making friends as you get older is really hard no matter which country you live in. When you are young you have a lot in common with your neighbours most have children around the same age many and you are involved in School issues. But as you get into your 60's its much harder. When we moved into this neighbourhood I took Gabby for walks and met nearly all the people, they introduced themselves and have been very pleasant but they are much younger than us. The few that are our age all have established friends.

My two friends in England both moved within the last few years and neither one has made friends with people around them. They say hello but thats about it. They both hold onto friends from years past and both have joined clubs one joined a choir and the other a gardening club. But neither one has established a close friendship with anyone but those they knew from either School or work and they are both in their 60's.

They both live in larger areas not villages, now my friend that moved back and into a small village has made many friends and they do plenty of those things you see on the TV, the Pub quizzes the get togethers for different events but it is a small are of maybe 100 people.
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Old Jun 18th 2013, 5:59 am
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Default Re: Over 40's Moving Back and Catching Up

I found that when I moved to Somerset, I got involved almost immediately with local art events and one environmental group and from the third week of being there I started to meet people. One lady took to me immediately because she had lived in NY for 20 years, and she and I are very close friends now, even from the distance. I got burned out living there, with the environmental group in particular (I co-ran the annual Green Fair) and also did the gardens where I lived - all 4.5 acres. And before someone writes to ask why I did that much work, I was told that I needed to do the gardens as I was paying a reduced rent where I lived - which turned out not to be true, but was too late for me to stop - I am a gardener and devoted to plants. So when I moved here I decided to take a back seat from local events, and that has caused a problem for me. I volunteered for 6 months at a drop in centre, but the only people I met were other lonely people, this time in their 80s. The local groups attract a much older membership, and I am not going to make bosom buddies that way. I am told that I need to travel to Exeter to meet my peers - that is too far to go on a daily basis. So it seems to be peaceful living v solitude.

I find that my speech is often misunderstood - I have tamed down the direct American approach after almost 3 years of being back, but the reverse British speech really gets to me now - such as 'I don't suppose....' when you really want to say that you need something. Beginning a sentence with a negative makes me want to be negative in reply. The constant harping on about the negative side of whatever is being discussed makes me want to scream sometimes - it seems that whenever a discussion is under way, someone has to interject a negative viewpoint.

And I am almost sure that I will get a negative viewpoint in reply to this posting.
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Old Jun 18th 2013, 10:31 am
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Default Re: Over 40's Moving Back and Catching Up

Originally Posted by sallysimmons View Post
I understand this, but yet I don't find it to be the case.

Let me explain.

I am one of those 'keep-to-myself' Brits. I am shy and scared to impose myself on others. My husband is also quite reserved but less shy than me, so he's been introducing himself to people as we walk around the village. I am always a little bit uncomfortable when he does it (because my inner-Brit is saying 'don't intrude, don't be a pest, don't make a fuss') and yet every single time he's done it, it's ended well.

We were invited to dinner with some neighbours and we had a lovely time. We are now planning some group walks in the Dales with them and a BBQ one night. Then another neighbour up the lane invited us for drinks last night with some of her friends, and this morning we stopped in for a cup of tea. Now when we go in the pub, people say 'hi.' And as we walk round the village, people pull over to talk or wave as they pass.

In America, no one in our town talked to us. No one waved at us. None of our neighbours ever invited us for dinner. But I don't think that's America versus the Uk. I think that's because we didn't know how to behave in order to connect in a strange culture. I say that because so many Americans claim that it's easy to make friends in America, and hard to do it here, and yet I was lonely for over 15 years in America and for 6 in Canada.

In the end, maybe it comes down to whether or not you have the secret code that unlocks friendship in others. I didn't have it in America but I seem to have it here.

One other semi-unrelated thought --- in our village there is an annual safari supper, which is a way of introducing shy Brits to one another. We're going to attend this year. Maybe look out for this kind of event in your areas Rodney and island woman.

I think that because we're generally a people uncomfortable with imposing ourselves, we need some kind of formal structure to make it OK to meet strangers. But that formal structure gives us a way to make friends and then we're as much fun as the next country - maybe even more so
Oh Sally with respect ------- the little village you live in I think you said had a population of 350 people, of course you or anyone would make friends easily in a close knit community like that,
I live in a City with a population of 213,000 people, Portsmouth, surely you can see how much harder it would be to make new friends in a much bigger place, people here just dont stop dead in the street and say Hi how are you? if they did you would look at them as kind of weird

Las Vegas where I lived for a long time the pop is over 2 million locals, not counting the tourists,
In America there are hundreds of small towns where the pop is in the hundreds or just a few thousand people,and in my work over the years I have met lots of people from these small towns in the U.S. and they were all so friendly and down to earth, I loved them all, and they were all so easy to talk to, a lot of them I thought had this child like trust for people which I thought was lovely, they live in a different world, a lot of these people had never left there little ole home town in all there life ------ and then there first trip was Las Vegas, WOW can you imagine how they felt in the city of lights,

So my point is ----- it really dont matter where in the world you live, if you live in a small town or village with a small population then obviously it would be much easier to meet people, ----- they practically come up and talk to you, so it would I think be quite hard (NOT) to make friends in a small community,
and as long as one doesn't get bored to death then thats fine!!!! each to his own I say
But the bigger the city one lives in the harder it is to make friends, you Sally said that in the U.S. you had very few friends, didn't you live for most of the time in New York City? well you cant get bigger then that really, or was it upstate New York you lived, cant remember
Take care my friend,
Rodney.
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Old Jun 18th 2013, 5:14 pm
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Default Re: Over 40's Moving Back and Catching Up

Originally Posted by islandwoman120 View Post
I found that when I moved to Somerset, I got involved almost immediately with local art events and one environmental group and from the third week of being there I started to meet people. One lady took to me immediately because she had lived in NY for 20 years, and she and I are very close friends now, even from the distance. I got burned out living there, with the environmental group in particular (I co-ran the annual Green Fair) and also did the gardens where I lived - all 4.5 acres. And before someone writes to ask why I did that much work, I was told that I needed to do the gardens as I was paying a reduced rent where I lived - which turned out not to be true, but was too late for me to stop - I am a gardener and devoted to plants. So when I moved here I decided to take a back seat from local events, and that has caused a problem for me. I volunteered for 6 months at a drop in centre, but the only people I met were other lonely people, this time in their 80s. The local groups attract a much older membership, and I am not going to make bosom buddies that way. I am told that I need to travel to Exeter to meet my peers - that is too far to go on a daily basis. So it seems to be peaceful living v solitude.

I find that my speech is often misunderstood - I have tamed down the direct American approach after almost 3 years of being back, but the reverse British speech really gets to me now - such as 'I don't suppose....' when you really want to say that you need something. Beginning a sentence with a negative makes me want to be negative in reply. The constant harping on about the negative side of whatever is being discussed makes me want to scream sometimes - it seems that whenever a discussion is under way, someone has to interject a negative viewpoint.

And I am almost sure that I will get a negative viewpoint in reply to this posting
.
Rosie.
You wont get a negative reply from me because I understand exactly what you mean, you explained it well,
I wonder why people are like that, it really is the difference between Americans and Brits, of course I'm generalising.
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Old Jun 18th 2013, 7:28 pm
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Default Re: Over 40's Moving Back and Catching Up

Originally Posted by Fish n Chips 56 View Post
Rosie.
You wont get a negative reply from me because I understand exactly what you mean, you explained it well,
I wonder why people are like that, it really is the difference between Americans and Brits, of course I'm generalising.
Thanks, Fish!
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Old Jun 18th 2013, 7:59 pm
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Default Re: Over 40's Moving Back and Catching Up

It is 9pm here in the UK.
I'm tired because we did too much driving and waiting for the train that goes upto the top of Snowdon.
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Old Jun 18th 2013, 8:06 pm
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Default Re: Over 40's Moving Back and Catching Up

Originally Posted by cheers View Post
It is 9pm here in the UK.
I'm tired because we did too much driving and waiting for the train that goes upto the top of Snowdon.
I'm Jealous.
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Old Jun 18th 2013, 8:38 pm
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Default Re: Over 40's Moving Back and Catching Up

I didn't write much because I got interrupted
I am fascinated by everything here especially the different kinds of cars that we don't get in the US.
Everyone is very helpful here.
I've had my favorite pastries so I have to cut back to get my sugar down. I had my second fish and chips today. Very good. 5.30 pounds seems standard price for them. I also had my almond tart, custard, blackcurrent and Neapolitan.
I've mentioned about minorities in the UK and where am now the are almost none existent. The Irish Ferries crew are all from the former Soviet block countries and they tell me they live on board the ferry and get to go home frequently.
I have been to Tesco frequently to get my phone connected and I spoke to a customer and she said she was from Korea.
All the people I see daily are about our age.
We are in a nice rural cottage and it has twobathrooms It has lots of hot water.
Tomorrow we are to a factory outlet store and then on to Chester.
I love it here!
Cheers

Sorry about the mistakes but they come from using my iPad
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Old Jun 18th 2013, 9:01 pm
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Default Re: Over 40's Moving Back and Catching Up

Cheers....You sound as if you are having a wonderful time. But when you mentioned Chester my heart missed a beat. My beautiful hometown. So many memories I hope you enjoy walking through the Rows and through the Precinct. Down by the river and Marks and Spencers......Did you pass through Hoole. Did you go to the Cathedral or the indoor Market.
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Old Jun 18th 2013, 9:08 pm
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Default Re: Over 40's Moving Back and Catching Up

Originally Posted by cheers View Post
I didn't write much because I got interrupted
I am fascinated by everything here especially the different kinds of cars that we don't get in the US.
Everyone is very helpful here.
I've had my favorite pastries so I have to cut back to get my sugar down. I had my second fish and chips today. Very good. 5.30 pounds seems standard price for them. I also had my almond tart, custard, blackcurrent and Neapolitan.
I've mentioned about minorities in the UK and where am now the are almost none existent. The Irish Ferries crew are all from the former Soviet block countries and they tell me they live on board the ferry and get to go home frequently.
I have been to Tesco frequently to get my phone connected and I spoke to a customer and she said she was from Korea.
All the people I see daily are about our age.
We are in a nice rural cottage and it has twobathrooms It has lots of hot water.
Tomorrow we are to a factory outlet store and then on to Chester.
I love it here!
Cheers

Sorry about the mistakes but they come from using my iPad
It sounds like you are having FUN, wait till you get to Chester, I've only been once, last year, its a fascinating place, I'm sure plenty of forum members will be envious...

I'm glad you are enjoying yourself, I told you the cars where cool didn't I, are you renting a car, if so spill the beans...

The food, don't get me started... Fish n Chips, Pie n chips, mushy peas, batter bits, sausage, and roast beef, its all good Huhhhh Ive hardly touched the surface, be sure to get some chocolate, Frys Chocolate Creams, Crunchies, Raspberry Ruffles and Thorntons are always on my list, there is a Thontons in Chester Enjoy...
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Old Jun 18th 2013, 9:33 pm
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Default Re: Over 40's Moving Back and Catching Up

Originally Posted by cheers View Post
I didn't write much because I got interrupted
I am fascinated by everything here especially the different kinds of cars that we don't get in the US.
Everyone is very helpful here.
I've had my favorite pastries so I have to cut back to get my sugar down. I had my second fish and chips today. Very good. 5.30 pounds seems standard price for them. I also had my almond tart, custard, blackcurrent and Neapolitan.
I've mentioned about minorities in the UK and where am now the are almost none existent. The Irish Ferries crew are all from the former Soviet block countries and they tell me they live on board the ferry and get to go home frequently.
I have been to Tesco frequently to get my phone connected and I spoke to a customer and she said she was from Korea.
All the people I see daily are about our age.
We are in a nice rural cottage and it has twobathrooms It has lots of hot water.
Tomorrow we are to a factory outlet store and then on to Chester.
I love it here!
Cheers

Sorry about the mistakes but they come from using my iPad
You seem to be having a good time cheers, Im so glad that you like it here
Chester is one of my favorite places, I must make my way up there one day again, last time I was there was 1960 so its probably changed just a little cheers I know you told us but I forgot ------ when was the last time you were in the UK?
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Old Jun 18th 2013, 9:36 pm
  #7725  
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Default Re: Over 40's Moving Back and Catching Up

I remember when my Mother was young she moved from Chester to Lancashire to live. She said it was like moving to another country. People did not speak to her she was an outsider she remained that way till she left nearly 15 years later. Partly her own fault but also because those around her felt she was different she didnt talk like them so language can be a barrier no matter where you come from. People did say hello to her and chat with her but never any big friends. When she moved back to Chester she fitted in fine. Back with her own family and friends.

When we lived in Portsmouth RI, we lived on an estate that was mainly transient Navy People. They were very friendly they had the knack of making friends. Those within the neighbourhood who were 'locals' were not that friendly. They said hello but that was it. They had no need to make more friends they already had plenty.

I think from what sallysimmons wrote many of those that she has made friends with are outsiders people who are not from the area. I think they are easier to get to know or rather you can get to know them much quicker than locals.
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