British Expats

British Expats (https://britishexpats.com/forum/)
-   Moving back or to the UK (https://britishexpats.com/forum/moving-back-uk-61/)
-   -   Over 40's Moving Back and Catching Up (https://britishexpats.com/forum/moving-back-uk-61/over-40s-moving-back-catching-up-701116/)

Perth Apr 4th 2013 12:20 am

Re: Over 40's Moving Back and Catching Up
 

Originally Posted by Montfan72 (Post 10639183)
Well, my middle child will be 13:ohmy:My oldest, 18 and youngest 9. My two oldest are very American and are giving me some backtalk about moving back, 'you're ruining our lives,' etc. I get it, of course, but it takes a strong person to ride that wave. I keep telling myself that they're extremely privileged to have this opportunity.

Only, here it seems its some sort of parenting virtue to raise your kids in the same town and house and they were born in. That's what 'stable' families do. Parents that uproot their kids from 'good' schools to move to Europe are seen as a bit suspect.

Good god, I would have thought moving to Europe would be somewhat cachet. I know my DD loves to banter it about that she is a dual citizen :lol:

WhoFan63 Apr 4th 2013 12:32 am

Re: Over 40's Moving Back and Catching Up
 

Originally Posted by perthhomeschool (Post 10639180)
From your lips to god's ears (or whatever the saying is, lol)

:amen: :)

Fish n Chips 56 Apr 4th 2013 1:43 am

Re: Over 40's Moving Back and Catching Up
 

Originally Posted by perthhomeschool (Post 10638923)
Fish, this is heartbreaking :( Do you ever think that maybe leaving home in the first place was a mistake?
I came here in 1981, and other than 1 year back in 1988-89, I have not been back. Next year, when we go for our recon trip will be the first time I'll have set foot there in 24 years. I know much will be unrecognisable but I am OK with that. It will all be new for the OH and I will see it through new eyes with him.

I feel as if I am just emerging from a cult - one that brainwashed me into thinking that the US is the greatest nation on earth, and if you are not happy here it's because there is something wrong with you.

I am here to reclaim my sanity and to say that there is nothing whatsoever wrong with me that the rain of the UK won't wash away.

I do wish you every bit of luck possible. You will make it home one day. Just keep believing - and saving!

Hello Perth.

Oh yes no doubt about it leaving was the first mistake, but I wasn't at an age where I could support myself, I was 19 and serving an apprenticeship, earning very little, it was come here with the family or stay with my Grandmother, I didnt want to break up the family so I came and gave it a try.

Ive been back most years, and thats also why I havent seen much of America, We go back to see My wifes family and inlaws on my side of the family, its always good.

Neither of my sisters have been back since 94 and they desperately want to go, something always seems to foul it up, usually the work situation, they want to see Aunties before they pass away, I fear they will leave it too long then regret it.

England has changed alot in some ways and still it remains the same in other ways, its a strange thing, I may not like everything about the UK but still I love the place, it just feels right.

Mummy in the foothills Apr 4th 2013 2:39 am

Re: Over 40's Moving Back and Catching Up
 

Originally Posted by Fish n Chips 56 (Post 10639302)
Hello Perth.

Oh yes no doubt about it leaving was the first mistake, but I wasn't at an age where I could support myself, I was 19 and serving an apprenticeship, earning very little, it was come here with the family or stay with my Grandmother, I didnt want to break up the family so I came and gave it a try.

Ive been back most years, and thats also why I havent seen much of America, We go back to see My wifes family and inlaws on my side of the family, its always good.

Neither of my sisters have been back since 94 and they desperately want to go, something always seems to foul it up, usually the work situation, they want to see Aunties before they pass away, I fear they will leave it too long then regret it.

England has changed alot in some ways and still it remains the same in other ways, its a strange thing, I may not like everything about the UK but still I love the place, it just feels right.

Aren't you waiting on the sale of the house?
Things seem to be picking up around here for house sales, so I'm told. What about your area?

Fish n Chips 56 Apr 4th 2013 8:16 am

Re: Over 40's Moving Back and Catching Up
 

Originally Posted by Mummy in the foothills (Post 10639338)
Aren't you waiting on the sale of the house?
Things seem to be picking up around here for house sales, so I'm told. What about your area?

Hi Mummy.

There arent so many For Sale signs up, many have sold or people must have given up, I have two repo's within a few hundred feet of me, one has just been flipped and is up for sale, I looked on the Net and see there are still plenty of homes For Sale in my town, I know in some parts of the country realtors are looking for homes to sell but thats not the situation here.

My parents home sold last May after 30 months on the market, we actually had it sold three times, the first two buyers had problems, nothing I could control, one even came with bank approval and then his loan was denied.

Eventually things went through, the house was in first class shape and only had a few minor issues which I sorted out, we took a beating on the price as a large amount of homes being sold here at that time were bank repo's, when comparisons came in that's what set the price, I had to sell my parents house at repo prices, a lower price than the buyer had agreed to pay, it was that or let the buyer go.

I never did put my home up for sale, its value dropped to the price I paid for it ten years ago, my original plans were to go back with more money from both homes, plus my savings, so I will just have to wait it out and save again, I have no other options, I cant go back with just a bit of money as that would go too fast then Id be stuck, I need money to start a business and buy a home, until I have that money Im stuck here.

feelbritish Apr 4th 2013 7:17 pm

Re: Over 40's Moving Back and Catching Up
 

Originally Posted by WhoFan63 (Post 10638628)
Well you know we're all there for you :) :thumbsup: I'm just curious though...is hubby going to go with you to the UK, or is he just miffed because you talk a lot about the UK?? LOL Don't worry I'm in a similar boat...my housemates all run a mile the minute I mention the UK, so I've just got to the stage where I keep quiet and enjoy the feeling of going home all the myself. LOL :thumbsup:

Oh yes, I could not go without him!!! No, just miffed I talk about it all the time! UK is where we still have a home and where his kids are and grandchildren, my family is in Cape Town and we have no family here in Canada. At 56 I feel the need to be involved more with family. I feel we are just too far away now and as we retire I want to be closer to them all. He does not really care, or should I say as long as I am around, his meal is on the table, he can fish and he is looked after he could go anywhere, but he is nervous about going back to UK as he says what if I will want to move again? (which does worry me in that am I not romancing England too much?) I feel that the UK is a compromise and also the "best of choices for us" as we have all our investments and pensions there and I am only 12 hours flight away from my family! Anything can happen in two years but he is also getting tired of the politics here and the Harper government and it just keeps getting more expensive! We have no real friends either so I miss my UK friends and South African ones. I am rambling on again! :o

Perth Apr 4th 2013 7:55 pm

Re: Over 40's Moving Back and Catching Up
 

Originally Posted by feelbritish (Post 10640742)
Oh yes, I could not go without him!!! No, just miffed I talk about it all the time! UK is where we still have a home and where his kids are and grandchildren, my family is in Cape Town and we have no family here in Canada. At 56 I feel the need to be involved more with family. I feel we are just too far away now and as we retire I want to be closer to them all. He does not really care, or should I say as long as I am around, his meal is on the table, he can fish and he is looked after he could go anywhere, but he is nervous about going back to UK as he says what if I will want to move again? (which does worry me in that am I not romancing England too much?) I feel that the UK is a compromise and also the "best of choices for us" as we have all our investments and pensions there and I am only 12 hours flight away from my family! Anything can happen in two years but he is also getting tired of the politics here and the Harper government and it just keeps getting more expensive! We have no real friends either so I miss my UK friends and South African ones. I am rambling on again! :o

No,no, don't worry, we all ramble! Rambling is how we share :) Sounds as if there is not much to keep you in Canada. Does he want to stay there for any particular reason or does he just not want to go back to the UK?

feelbritish Apr 4th 2013 8:00 pm

Re: Over 40's Moving Back and Catching Up
 

Originally Posted by Fish n Chips 56 (Post 10638670)
Hi Feelbritish.

I had to watch what I said in the house at one time as I would drive my wife crazy, Ive calmed down alot, but now I know she really wants to go back too, that makes alot of difference, I can discuss it and not feel like Im being pushy.

Good Luck to you too, It sounds like your Hubby isnt totally onboard with the idea but many arent, some people just live for today, some of us know you have to plan for the future.

Hi Fish, thanks, hubby is a very cautious and conservative person and I think is worried that I will change my mind. Unfortunately I am a person who verbalizes a lot and when I think of something I blurt it out! I think I have over the years had some strange schemes to him! I watch a tv program and see a nice place and then blurt out that maybe we should go there! That is just me and if something is going to be serious then I do give it a lot of thought. He thinks he is planning more for our future by being frugal, getting all our affairs in order and working until he is 65 and then deciding what to do. He reckons that anything can happen and if you plan too long in advance you get disappointed and he has had enough of that most of his life. He jokingly says that North Korea may just nuke us all and then where will we all be? As I am writing this I know that he is just being patient, more patient than me. I have only been married for 12 years. Before that I was a single person for many years who only had to think of myself and if I wanted to move or change jobs or even move countries, well I just up and left! He does love England, he misses it more than I think he says judging by what he complains about here but I think he is just too scared to plan in case he cannot accomplish what he really wants! Hope I am making sense here :)

feelbritish Apr 4th 2013 8:05 pm

Re: Over 40's Moving Back and Catching Up
 

Originally Posted by perthhomeschool (Post 10640799)
No,no, don't worry, we all ramble! Rambling is how we share :) Sounds as if there is not much to keep you in Canada. Does he want to stay there for any particular reason or does he just not want to go back to the UK?

Actually there is not much to keep us here, except it does have a special beauty and we are Canadians. He is just very nervous about going back to the UK and by not chatting to me or looking at what house prices are all about or what is going on there, he has not got a clue and keeps thinking about his pre-marriage days to me in South East Essex! When we were over last May and loved it by staying in the Suffolk/Essex (border area) countryside we both said how we enjoyed England. He is worried about the large population of people, traffic, jobs, chavs, crime etc and says that his kids will not really be bothered to have anything to do with us. The novelty will wear off sooner or later! I have tried to show him the other side of England and we will have some money and although will not be wealthy, we will be comfortable if we go back! Oh yes, he is a fishing nut and you can imagine how wonderful the fishing is over here!!!

Mummy in the foothills Apr 4th 2013 8:34 pm

Re: Over 40's Moving Back and Catching Up
 

Originally Posted by Fish n Chips 56 (Post 10639661)
Hi Mummy.

There arent so many For Sale signs up, many have sold or people must have given up, I have two repo's within a few hundred feet of me, one has just been flipped and is up for sale, I looked on the Net and see there are still plenty of homes For Sale in my town, I know in some parts of the country realtors are looking for homes to sell but thats not the situation here.

My parents home sold last May after 30 months on the market, we actually had it sold three times, the first two buyers had problems, nothing I could control, one even came with bank approval and then his loan was denied.

Eventually things went through, the house was in first class shape and only had a few minor issues which I sorted out, we took a beating on the price as a large amount of homes being sold here at that time were bank repo's, when comparisons came in that's what set the price, I had to sell my parents house at repo prices, a lower price than the buyer had agreed to pay, it was that or let the buyer go.

I never did put my home up for sale, its value dropped to the price I paid for it ten years ago, my original plans were to go back with more money from both homes, plus my savings, so I will just have to wait it out and save again, I have no other options, I cant go back with just a bit of money as that would go too fast then Id be stuck, I need money to start a business and buy a home, until I have that money Im stuck here.

I hadn't realized that your parents home sold at last. :fingerscrossed: that prices in your area start to go up again, so you can finally get moving.
I have no clue what ours will be up for sale for, they are still a few repos around, ones with problems or not in a good spot, too steep driveways etc. But there are hardly any regular sales about either.

Perth Apr 4th 2013 8:59 pm

Re: Over 40's Moving Back and Catching Up
 

Originally Posted by feelbritish (Post 10640815)
Actually there is not much to keep us here, except it does have a special beauty and we are Canadians. He is just very nervous about going back to the UK and by not chatting to me or looking at what house prices are all about or what is going on there, he has not got a clue and keeps thinking about his pre-marriage days to me in South East Essex! When we were over last May and loved it by staying in the Suffolk/Essex (border area) countryside we both said how we enjoyed England. He is worried about the large population of people, traffic, jobs, chavs, crime etc and says that his kids will not really be bothered to have anything to do with us. The novelty will wear off sooner or later! I have tried to show him the other side of England and we will have some money and although will not be wealthy, we will be comfortable if we go back! Oh yes, he is a fishing nut and you can imagine how wonderful the fishing is over here!!!

I would keep pushing the fishing thing. May just be the "hook" (sorry just had to :rolleyes:) you need to convince him.

feelbritish Apr 4th 2013 11:44 pm

Re: Over 40's Moving Back and Catching Up
 

Originally Posted by Fish n Chips 56 (Post 10639661)
Hi Mummy.

There arent so many For Sale signs up, many have sold or people must have given up, I have two repo's within a few hundred feet of me, one has just been flipped and is up for sale, I looked on the Net and see there are still plenty of homes For Sale in my town, I know in some parts of the country realtors are looking for homes to sell but thats not the situation here.

My parents home sold last May after 30 months on the market, we actually had it sold three times, the first two buyers had problems, nothing I could control, one even came with bank approval and then his loan was denied.

Eventually things went through, the house was in first class shape and only had a few minor issues which I sorted out, we took a beating on the price as a large amount of homes being sold here at that time were bank repo's, when comparisons came in that's what set the price, I had to sell my parents house at repo prices, a lower price than the buyer had agreed to pay, it was that or let the buyer go.

I never did put my home up for sale, its value dropped to the price I paid for it ten years ago, my original plans were to go back with more money from both homes, plus my savings, so I will just have to wait it out and save again, I have no other options, I cant go back with just a bit of money as that would go too fast then Id be stuck, I need money to start a business and buy a home, until I have that money Im stuck here.

Fish I so feel for you and for your situation but sometimes we just have to be patient. Your time will also come. Listen to me saying that, she who has no patience! Going back with money to be able to buy a house and perhaps start a business is the way to go! I think if we never kept our house over there which is mortgage free we would not be able to return confidently and would struggle financially.

House sales even here are not moving, we have 2 oceanfront homes across from us which started out over million dollars and have been reduced dramatically and another 3 houses/condos on our street for sale. It is a good thing we are only looking in 2 years time to sell because now is definitely not the time. We are spending this year carrying on upgrading the house as and when we get spare cash including making my "English Style" garden low maintenance.

The other point you mentioned in your post was buying items that you cannot take with you! Well we are both now thinking twice before we buy something. I know that is frustrating hubby as he loves to buy "boys toys" especially when they come on special. We are even not buying unnecessary clothes and have already started selling items we would not need or take back with us, our skis and gear will probably go next fall. We have not been able to ski for years but still hang on to them!

Celticspirit Apr 5th 2013 12:25 am

Re: Over 40's Moving Back and Catching Up
 

Originally Posted by perthhomeschool (Post 10640912)
I would keep pushing the fishing thing. May just be the "hook" (sorry just had to :rolleyes:) you need to convince him.

Fishing in Britain is hard to beat particularly if one is a fly fisherman. I really just know about Northern Ireland. My dad was an expert and made his own flys. We still have one property with a river. Poachers for salmon are very common. I love fishing when I go "home".

Celticspirit Apr 5th 2013 12:41 am

Re: Over 40's Moving Back and Catching Up
 

Originally Posted by feelbritish (Post 10641152)
Fish I so feel for you and for your situation but sometimes we just have to be patient. Your time will also come. Listen to me saying that, she who has no patience! Going back with money to be able to buy a house and perhaps start a business is the way to go! I think if we never kept our house over there which is mortgage free we would not be able to return confidently and would struggle financially.

House sales even here are not moving, we have 2 oceanfront homes across from us which started out over million dollars and have been reduced dramatically and another 3 houses/condos on our street for sale. It is a good thing we are only looking in 2 years time to sell because now is definitely not the time. We are spending this year carrying on upgrading the house as and when we get spare cash including making my "English Style" garden low maintenance.

The other point you mentioned in your post was buying items that you cannot take with you! Well we are both now thinking twice before we buy something. I know that is frustrating hubby as he loves to buy "boys toys" especially when they come on special. We are even not buying unnecessary clothes and have already started selling items we would not need or take back with us, our skis and gear will probably go next fall. We have not been able to ski for years but still hang on to them!

All of this is so true. I have tried to be so sparing with my spending. Unfortunately my ex husband (since Jan 7th) says he is completely broke) so I am using my dwindling savings to pay the bills. He isa working lawyer, but having office expenses of +- $100,00 per year he is in debt to his eyeballs at almost 75 years old. Their entire family lives in debt. I cannot get away fast enough. Our house is listed but not yet advertised as nowadays the realtor needs to bring the "staging" expert before advertising on U Tube and Zillow. It has all become very sophisticated since I was a real estate agent. My daughter is getting married in Manhattan in six weeks and wants me to come live in Queens. My life is crazy....

kampaicharger Apr 5th 2013 2:47 am

Re: Over 40's Moving Back and Catching Up
 
45 years for me and about to go back for the first time...

Can a still get a feed of fish and chips 'n glas a Tizer while I'm waitin' for sixpence?:fingerscrossed::fingerscrossed:


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