Re: Over 40's Moving Back and Catching Up
 

Listen to me Windsong please. I will be 70 January 20, 2014. Coming up very soon. We have just had maybe a week's grace on moving out (purchasers have recently become part of a limited partnership of some sort and so lenders need to get more info even though they prequalified for the loan. IRS needs more paperwork.
Other than the Hyatt extended stay........I don't have the courage/mental capacity to make the change. This is my safe place. I just sent 1/2 of my belongings to a consignment store. That did me in. Now my daughter wants me to move to NYC as the other side of her duplex in Queens has vacated for at least a year's transition. My kids are everything to me. What to do????
You Tube - 300 Soapberry Circle, Irving Texas. That's my stuff :-(
I am in good health but after 41 years here.....and two attempts at going home.....what to do??
You are younger, most likely smarter (though I have a degree from Queens) but mostly a stay at home mom until I got into the fog world. Lots of study for judging. You can do it......you have attitude and spunk xxxxxxx

Re: Over 40's Moving Back and Catching Up
 

Sorry into the world of dogs :)

Re: Over 40's Moving Back and Catching Up
 

Nothing here either, but lots on top of the mountains, they looked lovely with the sun shining off the snow over the weekend.
Oh I know what you mean about the go go go anxiety, ever now and then I still get that jerk in my stomach then I remember I'm in UK now and stop worrying so much.

Re: Over 40's Moving Back and Catching Up
 

I have been researching senior accommodation and the guide cost is about $3000 per month so I don't think most people will afford that. I was doing this for my 93 year old MIL.

There is something about these homes that bothers me. Even the newer homes feel and look depressing.

It is nice to be around people your own age but I prefer to be around people of various ages.

Cheers

Re: Over 40's Moving Back and Catching Up
 

Cheers, I was looking yesterday, too - but at Housing 21's homes. I agree about most of them looking depressing but there are some nice ones, too, that have much more character. Oddly, I found the nicer ones through a search on Google (Housing 21 + location). Housing 21 is a lot less expensive than $3000 a month, though. ;)

My problem is my pets. I have two small dogs and normally these places will only accept one. I can't leave one behind. I would die without them. :( :( :( Why ever they don't build senior housing for people with pets, I don't know.

Re: Over 40's Moving Back and Catching Up
 

It's a huge step to take alone. I know. If I had children here, I don't know what I would do. But I think even if I did, they would have their own lives and, although I would be part of it, the rest of me would feel very much alone because I wasn't living in a place that would make me happy - for myself.

I am sure your children don't want you to go but beware of any possible subtle manipulation that deters you from what you really want. If you decide to stay, make sure it is what you REALLY want - for the long term.

I know it's hard. (((((((((hugs)))))))))

Re: Over 40's Moving Back and Catching Up
 

I am so with you right now! Our plans were to leave in two years, but DD has an interview for an accelerated BS/MA nursing program that will take 3 years. If she gets in we are seriously considering staying the extra year. A transition year might not be a bad thing at all for you. You get to spend some time with your children, but you are also much closer to NI. Maybe you can take a couple of trips over to see your brother in that time, and to look around - before you make the final move. Could be a plan...

Re: Over 40's Moving Back and Catching Up
 

Yes, I agree with all this, too. Half way there, so to speak, but not far enough that you can't change your mind.

Re: Over 40's Moving Back and Catching Up
 

:goodpost: You are 61 years young, windsong! Don't give up!

Re: Over 40's Moving Back and Catching Up
 

You know Celtic everyone has to make their decision based not only on emotion but also on facts. However, for women, emotion is a big pull! Your major indecision and your fear may just well be alleviated should you take that one year transition. You will be able to think clearly and be close to family and see if it works out for you. Moving homes, losing furniture and possession and your house sale may just be just too much for you at this time to move back immediately. Take your little doggies, the furniture you love and treasure and try it out! You have nothing to lose except one year and you could join some clubs or make some friends there with connection to your home. Down South I doubt there is much "Celtic" or British roots but around New York and Boston there is a lot more (or so I think anyway) I can't remember if it was Windsong who said this, but when they found out they could not go back they were heartbroken, sounds like for you it may be the reverse!

Re: Over 40's Moving Back and Catching Up
 

Funny you should mention that, I am no-where near that age yet but was chatting to a friend who had to put her husband into care and it is a basic government one here, (the fancy ones around $5000) and it is also around $2500 and they will also take 85% of your income if you do not have the full fee. Now he has the pension, as she was a homemaker, and she is left with the house paid for, her small state pension but will not get any of the income she enjoyed before from his pension. She now has to think about selling her house, so her life has been completely disrupted by his slow illness and loss of her husband of 55 years being put into a home and now she may also be much poorer, and this is in Canada! That finally put the cap on it for me! I do believe that in the UK you have much better options as an OAP.

Re: Over 40's Moving Back and Catching Up
 

Yes, I was indeed heartbroken. I have had four false starts this year. I am still grieving them and the last few days it has overpowered me completely.

I remember when I was considering moving to Boston as a halfway measure to going back home. The economy in the midwest is dreadful and jobs are still scarce. In Boston, it's a lot better or so I was told. That move never happened but it wouldn't have been a bad idea.

For each of the four false starts this year, I experienced horrendous fear mixed with eager anticipation about going back. There was SO much to do to get ready to make the move. It overwhelmed me completely - but I was prepared to do it.

When I studied time management, I remember the question, "How do you eat an elephant? One bite at a time ;)

CelticSpirit, maybe moving to the east coast for a year could be considered individual "bites" on the way to eating the whole elephant. ;)

Re: Over 40's Moving Back and Catching Up
 

I agree.

The driving force for me - number one - is going back home. The second one is having those better options as an OAP. (This was part of the realization I am 61 that I talked about yesterday.)

Re: Over 40's Moving Back and Catching Up
 

Too much change at one time is not good. It sounds like you are not ready to go back across the Pond - even if it is "home". I am a great believer in fate. That duplex has come available right now. Why not give it a try? It's up to you and I wouldn't dream of telling anyone what to do, but if you are not ready to make the move back home, this might be an opportunity for you. It sounds like you are very close to your children - this might be just what you need for now........ It's certainly worth considering. All be best to you.

Re: Over 40's Moving Back and Catching Up
 

:rofl::rofl::rofl::rofl::rofl::rofl::rofl::rofl:

That's a good one!!

:rofl:

Hee.

Seriously, yes it can get very snowy up here in the winter and we'd rather not be cut off if we can help it. But worse than the snow is the ice. Black ice everywhere on the lanes.

Re: Over 40's Moving Back and Catching Up
 

windsong, my favorite quote is by George Eliot, who said 'it's never too late to be what you might have been.'

I let my 40s drift by in a haze of unhappiness, and didn't take action until I was almost 50. Now I am finally alive again and, even though I have my problems as everyone does, I wouldn't go back for the world.

DO NOT let things get in the way of what you want. If you really want to come home, you will overcome all those obstacles and just come. You are single and don't have to think about kids. JUST DO IT!

Or, decide that it's not really what you want and then make the most of life there. None of us knows how long we have left and my lost decade taught me that we have to make the most of every second we're given - even if sometimes that means doing the scary things.

Re: Over 40's Moving Back and Catching Up
 

I know you are right. The problem here is that I am once again unemployed. For the last three years I have made do with contract and temp office jobs. My last job was only a temp job and it ended two months ago. There are so few jobs and for the few well paid jobs that do exist, they either don't want to pay anything over $9 an hour or they want to hire new graduates. As time passes, I sink deeper and this is my fear. The fear is made worse by being completely alone here - no relatives at all.

The nonsense over the summer - you know all about that - threw me for a real loop. Call it delayed grief. That grief seems to be hitting at the same time as the depression about not working. My last temp job ended almost two months ago. For the last three years, all I have been able to find is meagerly paid contract and temp jobs. It's atrocious. And I have a good education, too! This shouldn't be happening. It's like being caught in a quicksand here.

I know exactly what you mean about the "haze". My haze has lasted 30 years so far. As for memorable times here, I can't even count them on one hand. I am glad your haze has passed and to know that you love life over there. I have seen your terrific art and I think you have forged a new career for yourself. It's wonderful.

In a way, I do have kids - my pets ;) While I don't think the cats will make it, at least one of them anyway, I still have two little dogs. It does complicate matters, especially if I end up in some sort of sheltered housing/over-55 community over there. One of the problems with the over-55 communities is that they usually only allow one pet. :( I don't know that I will live in an over-55 community, though, at least not until I retire. It all depends what sort of job I can find. As a former teacher, I should be able to find a job in private tutoring. I can also do graphic design and executive assistant work. I hope even at my age I can find a good job there.

If I could win the lottery, I'd be gone like a flash!!!!!!!! I simply need to be GONE from here! No way do I want to stay here!!!

Re: Over 40's Moving Back and Catching Up
 

Please forgive me if I'm missing something, but if you don't have a job there, what's keeping you?

I understand about the dogs, so that means you can't live in sheltered housing and will need to find a regular rental. There are lots of those that accept pets, even though many don't. You will find one if you try.

Your job prospects sound good in the UK - and from what you describe, they can't be any worse than they are there.

Is it just the cost of the flight and initial accommodation that's a problem? If so, can you borrow from the man you spoke about before and just pay him back over the following year as you get settled?

Is it depression that's making it hard to make a move? If so, I certainly understand that and really feel for you. In that case I suppose the doctor is the first port of call, but without insurance maybe that's not possible?

It just seems to me that the sooner you can leave, the sooner you'll have a chance of turning things around - especially in terms of medical care.

I am sorry if I am prying - don't answer anything that's too personal. I just want to try and help if I can.

PS: Thanks for the kind words abut my art. I do love doing it, but I'm a long way from being able to give up the day job. I suppose I am urging you to take action speaking from experience, because for years I have kept my love of art hidden from almost everyone. Coming out of the closet and letting people see my work, and getting rejected as much as accepted, has been terrifying and really quite hard at times. It's actually one of the most frightening things I've done. Partly you just want to turn and run away, but I realize I can't do that anymore. So what if it doesn't work out? At least I'll have tried!

Re: Over 40's Moving Back and Catching Up
 

Not looking forward to the black ice over there. I remember it well. However, it's a small price to pay to be back home. Even with the south of England being a bit warmer, I imagine even places like Devon and Cornwall get black ice in the winter, too. I don't think there's any way to escape it.

Re: Over 40's Moving Back and Catching Up
 

Yes, my prospects over there are a darned sight better than they are here but getting there - and getting settled - with my two dogs costs money. Without a steady, decent paying job here, it's not possible. As it is, trying to survive here is eating away at money.

In every way, I would be much better off over there. In every way.

Re: Over 40's Moving Back and Catching Up
 

:wave:

Is there anyone you know and trust in the US who would take care of your pets while you move over here and get sorted? If you could get yourself over here, get a job and a place to stay, you could save up to send for your pets. You never know what good things might happen once you are living a happier life.

I know being without our pets is unthinkable a lot of the time but maybe this would be a short term loss for a long term gain.

Re: Over 40's Moving Back and Catching Up
 

I really know no one I would entrust them to. I would worry terribly. And truthfully, I am not sure I could be without them. I just couldn't do that.

Re: Over 40's Moving Back and Catching Up
 

I think of what Rose went through when she first got back to the UK, what a nightmare but she did it!
The grass is greener.......
Can anyone imagine going back to the UK with no money and standing on a corner on a dark wet cold night. What a terrible thought! That doesn't appeal to me.
Then there is Rod...he was able to come home to his mommy:) He has income. He even has two children there I think.
Everyone's circumstance is different.
Now if things are really bad overseas and you can keep that in mind when things are bleak when you return maybe you can handle it.

Re: Over 40's Moving Back and Catching Up
 

I read your story and understand your friends predicament, People in the UK will tell you the Govt will take your home to pay for care, and Im sure they do, but the difference is in the fine details, you dont know what they are untill you are in that situation, the UK seems more caring and reasonable.

Here in the USA they will take it too, you've got to be on top of things or you can lose it easily, the powers that be in each state just follow the rules, you certainly need a lawyer to step in, a paperwork error can cost you the farm, its all time sensative stuff.

When my mother was put into care she was allowed $30 to her name, I dont mean $30 a month, I mean $30 in total forever, plus $1000 was put in an account towards her burial, that was it, we went down this gloomy path with my parents it was awful.

Nobody prepares you for this and nobody speaks about it, when you are faced with dismal circumstances you just have to deal with them.

Re: Over 40's Moving Back and Catching Up
 

Sorry to say Cheers, Yorkshire is well and truly in England.......

Re: Over 40's Moving Back and Catching Up
 

Dont they have their own airline now?:D

Re: Over 40's Moving Back and Catching Up
 

I know this question seems odd but it really is related to expats ;)

I have a genuine Tiffany lamp that is 15 yrs old. Any idea how I can find out how much it is worth? I have NO idea. If it helps it cost $800 15 years ago. It will be one less thing to ship if I eventually manage to leave here. It is not an "original" such as those from the late 1800s, of course.

Re: Over 40's Moving Back and Catching Up
 

Who? Scotland or The County of Yorkshire?

Re: Over 40's Moving Back and Catching Up
 

Someone may well come along with suggestions, but if not, you could try asking your question in the US section of the forum. There are people over there that can help with all sorts of info :)

http://britishexpats.com/forum/forumdisplay.php?f=96

Re: Over 40's Moving Back and Catching Up
 

I would take it to an antiques dealer or auction house for an oral evaluation. They don't charge for that. We have Heritage Auctions here in Dallas and on Wednesdays one may just walk in and get a free evaluation on almost anything of value.

Re: Over 40's Moving Back and Catching Up
 

Gorgeous.

Re: Over 40's Moving Back and Catching Up
 

I had a nice long chat with my half-sister in England today. She said that we (my two dogs and I) can stay with her until I get established. That's the biggest battle for me because she is the only relative I have left over there.

Finding work shouldn't be too difficult because I can turn my hand to a few different areas. In fact, she gave me some additional ideas I hadn't thought of.

Now I just have to find a job in the US in order to get there!

Re: Over 40's Moving Back and Catching Up
 

That is such positive news. :thumbsup:

Re: Over 40's Moving Back and Catching Up
 

Thank you, Mummy. It is a huge relief.

I have decided to take very little with me. Material things don't count in the scheme of things.

I am struggling to find a decent job here - with two business degrees / graphic designer / video editor / social media pro / top-notch promoter (music and art) / ex-college instructor! It's totally ridiculous. I would have more luck over there!

Somehow . . . we (my two dogs and I) are going home!

Re: Over 40's Moving Back and Catching Up
 

That's great news!

Re: Over 40's Moving Back and Catching Up
 

Thank you, CS. :)

Re: Over 40's Moving Back and Catching Up
 

Ohh, I found out today that my half-sister's daughter married the brother of someone in Fleetwood Mac. She is divorced now, but still . . . ;) Small world!

Re: Over 40's Moving Back and Catching Up
 

Windsong, if you have to find a job in USA in order to get back there, and you say you have more chance of finding work in UK, would you not be able to borrow some money from her or from some friends just for your airfare and the doggies fares and look for work in UK? Once you sell up a lot of your possessions you may find you can also raise the cash that way!

Re: Over 40's Moving Back and Catching Up
 

Great news, :starsmile:

Re: Over 40's Moving Back and Catching Up
 

So happy for you :-) you may yet beat me to the finale.
Moving to NYC is now out of the running due to cost.....$2500 for condo + utilities monthly. Sad but realistic. Closing still not assured but realtor is still hopeful prospective purchasers will get it sorted soon.