Over 40's Moving Back and Catching Up
May 5th 2013, 6:22 am
#7336
BE Forum Addict
Joined: Sep 2009
Posts: 1,197
Re: Over 40's Moving Back and Catching Up
Mary Kay I've now read your story--what a difficult situation and dilemma.
I think you've already had good advice from others here--plus practical info like island woman's explanation of benefits and Age Concern, etc.
The issue of leaving children and grandchildren is one that tears people in two (well, you've read the thread, you know about that) but in your case it really seems as if your choices are limited...
I think trotty's advice about the pros and cons list is excellent.
Ditto what she says about not waiting, if you are going to make the move.
And about checking into health care in the areas you consider in
uk.
Tina
I think you've already had good advice from others here--plus practical info like island woman's explanation of benefits and Age Concern, etc.
The issue of leaving children and grandchildren is one that tears people in two (well, you've read the thread, you know about that) but in your case it really seems as if your choices are limited...
I think trotty's advice about the pros and cons list is excellent.
Ditto what she says about not waiting, if you are going to make the move.
And about checking into health care in the areas you consider in
uk.
Tina
May 5th 2013, 7:26 am
#7337
BE Forum Addict
Joined: Feb 2010
Posts: 2,606
Re: Over 40's Moving Back and Catching Up
Hello Mary Kay and Welcome...
I'm truly glad that you have read this thread from the very beginning, its the only way to appreciate the struggles people have been through, its an education in itself...
I've read your posts and can see you are in Very Difficult Situation, I cant tell you what to do, but I do think your lifestyle has made quite a large decline, From what you have said I can only see that continuing, so now is the time to move if you are going to do it... I hope you can figure something out soon...
I know most of us are concerned with ED's and Anna's situation, we'd love to know how they are doing...
Take Care, Fish n Chips
I'm truly glad that you have read this thread from the very beginning, its the only way to appreciate the struggles people have been through, its an education in itself...
I've read your posts and can see you are in Very Difficult Situation, I cant tell you what to do, but I do think your lifestyle has made quite a large decline, From what you have said I can only see that continuing, so now is the time to move if you are going to do it... I hope you can figure something out soon...
I know most of us are concerned with ED's and Anna's situation, we'd love to know how they are doing...
Take Care, Fish n Chips
May 5th 2013, 1:24 pm
#7338
BE Forum Addict
Joined: Aug 2009
Location: Back home now in my home town in England U.K. after 36 years in U.S. now retired and loving it,
Posts: 3,208
Re: Over 40's Moving Back and Catching Up
May 5th 2013, 2:38 pm
#7339
BE Enthusiast
Joined: Apr 2013
Posts: 316
Re: Over 40's Moving Back and Catching Up
Boarding school from 3 and a half? Nigeria?
May 5th 2013, 2:44 pm
#7340
BE Enthusiast
Joined: Oct 2006
Posts: 603
Re: Over 40's Moving Back and Catching Up
Islandwoman120, thank you for the update. So glad you have a cat and that you are in a better area. You have had a difficult time the last few years I hope you will feel more and more at home and find friends, its always so hard in a new place. Wonderful photos!
Mary Kay, Lovely to "meet" you and I am so sorry that you find yourself in such a difficult situation. I can only imagine how stressful it all is. I need to carefully re-read you posts but from a first reading it sounds like returning to the UK would be your best option.
I would do as someone suggested and draw up a list of the pros and cons of staying and the pros and cons of moving to the UK. It just helps to have it clearly laid out. I think you have to be very honest with your adult children, show them your list, explain about your healthcare situation, show them in very specific number terms the way the incoming doesn't keep up with the outgoing. Let them see how a return to the UK would immediately put you back into a free and good health care system.
They are most likely going to be resistant to you going (understandably) but if the pros and cons point in the direction of the UK I'm sure they will see that for themselves.
At this point what is the communication like between you and them? Will all of this come as a shock to them? Often times when things are overwhelming we are aware of the situation but sort of ignore it until things come to a head so that may be where they are at. I'm guessing that they don't really have a good handle on what your financial situation is or how hard you have found it living where you currently are.
I would really emphasis that you are feeling at the end of your rope and so you need them to try to understand how you are feeling and how you are trying to figure out your options. Explain that if you moved to the UK it in no way reflects on your love for them but that you are trying to be practical and that a move like this needs to be done while you are still well enough to do it.
One question I have is do you think you would be considering the move even if you finances were better? I mean I know you liked it where you were living by yourself but this move closer to your children has not worked well for you so would you be looking to move anyway?
Could you/would you move in with one of your children? Would that be your preferred choice over moving to the UK or do you miss the UK at all? I know its been a long time since you were there.
Sorry I'm not sure I'm being a lot of help and its so much for you to try to figure out. Sending hugs!
Mary Kay, Lovely to "meet" you and I am so sorry that you find yourself in such a difficult situation. I can only imagine how stressful it all is. I need to carefully re-read you posts but from a first reading it sounds like returning to the UK would be your best option.
I would do as someone suggested and draw up a list of the pros and cons of staying and the pros and cons of moving to the UK. It just helps to have it clearly laid out. I think you have to be very honest with your adult children, show them your list, explain about your healthcare situation, show them in very specific number terms the way the incoming doesn't keep up with the outgoing. Let them see how a return to the UK would immediately put you back into a free and good health care system.
They are most likely going to be resistant to you going (understandably) but if the pros and cons point in the direction of the UK I'm sure they will see that for themselves.
At this point what is the communication like between you and them? Will all of this come as a shock to them? Often times when things are overwhelming we are aware of the situation but sort of ignore it until things come to a head so that may be where they are at. I'm guessing that they don't really have a good handle on what your financial situation is or how hard you have found it living where you currently are.
I would really emphasis that you are feeling at the end of your rope and so you need them to try to understand how you are feeling and how you are trying to figure out your options. Explain that if you moved to the UK it in no way reflects on your love for them but that you are trying to be practical and that a move like this needs to be done while you are still well enough to do it.
One question I have is do you think you would be considering the move even if you finances were better? I mean I know you liked it where you were living by yourself but this move closer to your children has not worked well for you so would you be looking to move anyway?
Could you/would you move in with one of your children? Would that be your preferred choice over moving to the UK or do you miss the UK at all? I know its been a long time since you were there.
Sorry I'm not sure I'm being a lot of help and its so much for you to try to figure out. Sending hugs!
May 5th 2013, 9:57 pm
#7341
Just Joined
Joined: Apr 2013
Posts: 7
Re: Over 40's Moving Back and Catching Up
Thank you all for taking the time to reply.
Like some of you have said, I need to make list of the pros and cons - and I need to do this, before I talk to my children. I know already, that they are going to tell me it's the wrong decision ..... I can move in with them etc. etc. I don't want to do that . That's why, I need to sound like I know what I'm talking about.
I've always had a valid British Passport but have never worked in the U.K. therefore I do not qualify for a pension if I return (nor do I qualify for one here, as I am not a S.A. Citizen).
I've looked at all the U.K. Gov. websites and I'm confused with the benefits thing, so I'm just going to ask some questions:
1. What does £400 plus housing benefit mean ?
2. What is a Housing Association rent and support ?
3. When you talk about pension credits, would the 12 years my husband
contributed in Holland be of any value ?
4. I've been told that different areas have different benefits - is that right ?
5. I've also been told that the further North you go, the better the benefits,
so, would Scotland be better than England or Wales ?
6. My friend's ex husband returned to Liverpool some years ago, he was
allocated a small house at a reasonable rent, by the Council - is that still
possible ?
You are all lovely people here
Like some of you have said, I need to make list of the pros and cons - and I need to do this, before I talk to my children. I know already, that they are going to tell me it's the wrong decision ..... I can move in with them etc. etc. I don't want to do that . That's why, I need to sound like I know what I'm talking about.
I've always had a valid British Passport but have never worked in the U.K. therefore I do not qualify for a pension if I return (nor do I qualify for one here, as I am not a S.A. Citizen).
I've looked at all the U.K. Gov. websites and I'm confused with the benefits thing, so I'm just going to ask some questions:
1. What does £400 plus housing benefit mean ?
2. What is a Housing Association rent and support ?
3. When you talk about pension credits, would the 12 years my husband
contributed in Holland be of any value ?
4. I've been told that different areas have different benefits - is that right ?
5. I've also been told that the further North you go, the better the benefits,
so, would Scotland be better than England or Wales ?
6. My friend's ex husband returned to Liverpool some years ago, he was
allocated a small house at a reasonable rent, by the Council - is that still
possible ?
You are all lovely people here
May 5th 2013, 10:17 pm
#7342
Ping-ponger
Joined: Jul 2002
Location: Dreich Alba
Posts: 12,004
Re: Over 40's Moving Back and Catching Up
Thank you all for taking the time to reply.
Like some of you have said, I need to make list of the pros and cons - and I need to do this, before I talk to my children. I know already, that they are going to tell me it's the wrong decision ..... I can move in with them etc. etc. I don't want to do that . That's why, I need to sound like I know what I'm talking about.
I've always had a valid British Passport but have never worked in the U.K. therefore I do not qualify for a pension if I return (nor do I qualify for one here, as I am not a S.A. Citizen).
I've looked at all the U.K. Gov. websites and I'm confused with the benefits thing, so I'm just going to ask some questions:
1. What does £400 plus housing benefit mean ?
2. What is a Housing Association rent and support ?
3. When you talk about pension credits, would the 12 years my husband
contributed in Holland be of any value ?
4. I've been told that different areas have different benefits - is that right ?
5. I've also been told that the further North you go, the better the benefits,
so, would Scotland be better than England or Wales ?
6. My friend's ex husband returned to Liverpool some years ago, he was
allocated a small house at a reasonable rent, by the Council - is that still
possible ?
You are all lovely people here
Like some of you have said, I need to make list of the pros and cons - and I need to do this, before I talk to my children. I know already, that they are going to tell me it's the wrong decision ..... I can move in with them etc. etc. I don't want to do that . That's why, I need to sound like I know what I'm talking about.
I've always had a valid British Passport but have never worked in the U.K. therefore I do not qualify for a pension if I return (nor do I qualify for one here, as I am not a S.A. Citizen).
I've looked at all the U.K. Gov. websites and I'm confused with the benefits thing, so I'm just going to ask some questions:
1. What does £400 plus housing benefit mean ?
2. What is a Housing Association rent and support ?
3. When you talk about pension credits, would the 12 years my husband
contributed in Holland be of any value ?
4. I've been told that different areas have different benefits - is that right ?
5. I've also been told that the further North you go, the better the benefits,
so, would Scotland be better than England or Wales ?
6. My friend's ex husband returned to Liverpool some years ago, he was
allocated a small house at a reasonable rent, by the Council - is that still
possible ?
You are all lovely people here
May 6th 2013, 5:57 am
#7343
Concierge
Joined: May 2006
Location: ex ex-pat, in Taunton
Posts: 27,192
Re: Over 40's Moving Back and Catching Up
Thank you all for taking the time to reply.
Like some of you have said, I need to make list of the pros and cons - and I need to do this, before I talk to my children. I know already, that they are going to tell me it's the wrong decision ..... I can move in with them etc. etc. I don't want to do that . That's why, I need to sound like I know what I'm talking about.
I've always had a valid British Passport but have never worked in the U.K. therefore I do not qualify for a pension if I return (nor do I qualify for one here, as I am not a S.A. Citizen).
I've looked at all the U.K. Gov. websites and I'm confused with the benefits thing, so I'm just going to ask some questions:
1. What does £400 plus housing benefit mean ?
2. What is a Housing Association rent and support ?
3. When you talk about pension credits, would the 12 years my husband
contributed in Holland be of any value ?
4. I've been told that different areas have different benefits - is that right ?
5. I've also been told that the further North you go, the better the benefits,
so, would Scotland be better than England or Wales ?
6. My friend's ex husband returned to Liverpool some years ago, he was
allocated a small house at a reasonable rent, by the Council - is that still
possible ?
You are all lovely people here
Like some of you have said, I need to make list of the pros and cons - and I need to do this, before I talk to my children. I know already, that they are going to tell me it's the wrong decision ..... I can move in with them etc. etc. I don't want to do that . That's why, I need to sound like I know what I'm talking about.
I've always had a valid British Passport but have never worked in the U.K. therefore I do not qualify for a pension if I return (nor do I qualify for one here, as I am not a S.A. Citizen).
I've looked at all the U.K. Gov. websites and I'm confused with the benefits thing, so I'm just going to ask some questions:
1. What does £400 plus housing benefit mean ?
2. What is a Housing Association rent and support ?
3. When you talk about pension credits, would the 12 years my husband
contributed in Holland be of any value ?
4. I've been told that different areas have different benefits - is that right ?
5. I've also been told that the further North you go, the better the benefits,
so, would Scotland be better than England or Wales ?
6. My friend's ex husband returned to Liverpool some years ago, he was
allocated a small house at a reasonable rent, by the Council - is that still
possible ?
You are all lovely people here
Yes benefits are now different from each council, but there will not be a lot of variation.
Housing association houses and apartments are also means tested, and are allocated depending on need.
There is some council accomodation left, a lot is run now by the housing associations, but is also meaans tested, and often you need to show a tie to the area you apply to, most of the council houses were sold off many years ago when Maggie Thatcher decoded to give tnantss the opportunity to buy the houses they were living in at ridiculously low prices.
May 6th 2013, 5:58 am
#7344
BE Forum Addict
Joined: Jul 2010
Posts: 1,139
Re: Over 40's Moving Back and Catching Up
Thank you all for taking the time to reply.
Like some of you have said, I need to make list of the pros and cons - and I need to do this, before I talk to my children. I know already, that they are going to tell me it's the wrong decision ..... I can move in with them etc. etc. I don't want to do that . That's why, I need to sound like I know what I'm talking about.
I've always had a valid British Passport but have never worked in the U.K. therefore I do not qualify for a pension if I return (nor do I qualify for one here, as I am not a S.A. Citizen).
I've looked at all the U.K. Gov. websites and I'm confused with the benefits thing, so I'm just going to ask some questions:
1. What does £400 plus housing benefit mean ?
2. What is a Housing Association rent and support ?
3. When you talk about pension credits, would the 12 years my husband
contributed in Holland be of any value ?
4. I've been told that different areas have different benefits - is that right ?
5. I've also been told that the further North you go, the better the benefits,
so, would Scotland be better than England or Wales ?
6. My friend's ex husband returned to Liverpool some years ago, he was
allocated a small house at a reasonable rent, by the Council - is that still
possible ?
You are all lovely people here
Like some of you have said, I need to make list of the pros and cons - and I need to do this, before I talk to my children. I know already, that they are going to tell me it's the wrong decision ..... I can move in with them etc. etc. I don't want to do that . That's why, I need to sound like I know what I'm talking about.
I've always had a valid British Passport but have never worked in the U.K. therefore I do not qualify for a pension if I return (nor do I qualify for one here, as I am not a S.A. Citizen).
I've looked at all the U.K. Gov. websites and I'm confused with the benefits thing, so I'm just going to ask some questions:
1. What does £400 plus housing benefit mean ?
2. What is a Housing Association rent and support ?
3. When you talk about pension credits, would the 12 years my husband
contributed in Holland be of any value ?
4. I've been told that different areas have different benefits - is that right ?
5. I've also been told that the further North you go, the better the benefits,
so, would Scotland be better than England or Wales ?
6. My friend's ex husband returned to Liverpool some years ago, he was
allocated a small house at a reasonable rent, by the Council - is that still
possible ?
You are all lovely people here
https://www.gov.uk/browse/housing/co...ng-association
The support charges are based on the type of dwelling - if the residents need to be monitored for health reasons, there will be a charge for that - emergency pull cords linked to an emergency care line off site. There is also a charge for any paid personnel involved - e.g cleaner, site Manager.
In a council run housing situation for residents needing similar care, the charges tend to be lower. I can't write on those as I don't know the terms.
When I wrote £400 plus, it was because I don't remember the actual figure - it is a bit over £400. Housing benefits are getting out of hand - in London they are disproportionate to the rest of the country - private landlords are creaming in the money, so councils are capping the amount of benefit that can be given each week/month.
Pensions rights in Holland:
http://euracs.eu/summaries/summary-the-netherlands/
Lots of reading for you to do....
May 8th 2013, 11:25 am
#7345
BE Forum Addict
Joined: Aug 2009
Location: Back home now in my home town in England U.K. after 36 years in U.S. now retired and loving it,
Posts: 3,208
Re: Over 40's Moving Back and Catching Up
Mary Kay,
The changes in benefits that started in April 2013, is quite simple now, the amount of total benefits that can or will be paid from now on has been lowered,
Single people, £350 PER WEEK,
couples with or without children £500 PER WEEK,
Single mothers £500 PER WEEK
NOTE, its per week ----- not per month!!!!
So most people can claim a total of £2,000 per month tax free for life !!!!
Hence why so many people in U.K. make a decision to make there life style easy and not work period, they figure why bother when the government looks after them so well,
Of course there are people out there who deserve what they get, and have no choice,
But there are one hell of a lot of people out there who are not deserving, not just a few, but a lot.
The changes in benefits that started in April 2013, is quite simple now, the amount of total benefits that can or will be paid from now on has been lowered,
Single people, £350 PER WEEK,
couples with or without children £500 PER WEEK,
Single mothers £500 PER WEEK
NOTE, its per week ----- not per month!!!!
So most people can claim a total of £2,000 per month tax free for life !!!!
Hence why so many people in U.K. make a decision to make there life style easy and not work period, they figure why bother when the government looks after them so well,
Of course there are people out there who deserve what they get, and have no choice,
But there are one hell of a lot of people out there who are not deserving, not just a few, but a lot.
May 8th 2013, 2:43 pm
#7346
BE Enthusiast
Joined: Sep 2003
Location: Adelaide
Posts: 716
Re: Over 40's Moving Back and Catching Up
Is this really how much they get ???? 
May 8th 2013, 4:26 pm
#7347
Concierge
Joined: May 2006
Location: ex ex-pat, in Taunton
Posts: 27,192
Re: Over 40's Moving Back and Catching Up
Mary Kay,
The changes in benefits that started in April 2013, is quite simple now, the amount of total benefits that can or will be paid from now on has been lowered,
Single people, £350 PER WEEK,
couples with or without children £500 PER WEEK,
Single mothers £500 PER WEEK
NOTE, its per week ----- not per month!!!!
So most people can claim a total of £2,000 per month tax free for life !!!!
Hence why so many people in U.K. make a decision to make there life style easy and not work period, they figure why bother when the government looks after them so well,
Of course there are people out there who deserve what they get, and have no choice,
But there are one hell of a lot of people out there who are not deserving, not just a few, but a lot.
The changes in benefits that started in April 2013, is quite simple now, the amount of total benefits that can or will be paid from now on has been lowered,
Single people, £350 PER WEEK,
couples with or without children £500 PER WEEK,
Single mothers £500 PER WEEK
NOTE, its per week ----- not per month!!!!
So most people can claim a total of £2,000 per month tax free for life !!!!
Hence why so many people in U.K. make a decision to make there life style easy and not work period, they figure why bother when the government looks after them so well,
Of course there are people out there who deserve what they get, and have no choice,
But there are one hell of a lot of people out there who are not deserving, not just a few, but a lot.
May 8th 2013, 5:17 pm
#7348
Yorkshire Lass
Joined: Feb 2013
Location: West Yorkshire
Posts: 1,416
Re: Over 40's Moving Back and Catching Up
I guess it depends on the circumstances and I don't know how they'd qualify for that much. I am a single woman, no assets, no large amount of savings and yet I only qualify for £72 per week. But that's JSA ! I don't know if there are any pensions or other benefits that would bring in more. I know I can apply for housing benefits which would bump it up to £172 per week, but then you have to remember that £100 of that has to go towards rent!
May 8th 2013, 5:27 pm
#7349
BE Enthusiast
Joined: Dec 2006
Location: Now Devon
Posts: 951
Re: Over 40's Moving Back and Catching Up
I'm aged 75 and can't even get any help when I'm unwell. I pay £12 an hour for a cleaner.
May 8th 2013, 5:31 pm
#7350
Yorkshire Lass
Joined: Feb 2013
Location: West Yorkshire
Posts: 1,416
Re: Over 40's Moving Back and Catching Up
£12 an hour?? Wow...thats double the minimum wage! Hope they're doing an OUTSTANDING job???
