Over 40's Moving Back and Catching Up
Nov 24th 2012, 11:12 pm
#5296
Banned
Joined: Mar 2012
Posts: 397
Re: OVER 50's & 60's Chit-Chat & Daily Catch-Up Thread
Oh, I think I was looking at the wrong picture. Is there a picture of the house you owned? I read the article but don't see a link to the photo.
Nov 25th 2012, 6:52 am
#5297
Concierge
Joined: May 2006
Location: ex ex-pat, in Taunton
Posts: 27,211
Re: OVER 50's & 60's Chit-Chat & Daily Catch-Up Thread
No, no picture, the house was just 2 small farm workers cottages that hd been made into one house, only a 3 bedroom, one bathroom house, but the person who bought it from me renamrd it 'The Manor House' and started the Wiki article calling it one of the smallest manor houses in the UK. It wasn't a Manor at all, just him trying to make the place sound far more important than it was. I suppose it was all to do with the fact that he was a 'Sir'
Nov 26th 2012, 6:19 am
#5298
Banned
Joined: Sep 2010
Posts: 1,830
Re: OVER 50's & 60's Chit-Chat & Daily Catch-Up Thread
Rodney has been an inspirational figure for myself and several other former lurkers. It's people like him that(kept this forum alive)and have returned back to the UK and yet continued to post. It's very helpfull to a great many, soon to be returnees. It would be nice if more of the returnees did the same.Understandable why they don't life moves on and all that but those that do stay in touch are adding a huge contribution to people seeking advice. I allways wonder what ever happened to the poster that moved to Malta. She was so funny and what a interesting read of her adventures in Malta. Hope she is well.
Nov 27th 2012, 2:45 pm
#5299
BE Forum Addict
Joined: Aug 2009
Location: Back home now in my home town in England U.K. after 36 years in U.S. now retired and loving it,
Posts: 3,208
Re: OVER 50's & 60's Chit-Chat & Daily Catch-Up Thread
Rodney has been an inspirational figure for myself and several other former lurkers. It's people like him that(kept this forum alive)and have returned back to the UK and yet continued to post. It's very helpfull to a great many, soon to be returnees. It would be nice if more of the returnees did the same.Understandable why they don't life moves on and all that but those that do stay in touch are adding a huge contribution to people seeking advice. I allways wonder what ever happened to the poster that moved to Malta. She was so funny and what a interesting read of her adventures in Malta. Hope she is well.
How nice it is of you to say these kind words, thank you, the reason that I still post even after being home for 2 years, is because first I believe in some small way it may help some people somehow that still havent made it back home yet, and secondly it helps me too, being able to put my feelings into words that friends and lurkers alike on here will read, gives me a comfort knowing that I can just talk to people about things in general and for me to air my true feelings while I go through the transition period of being home after living in America for all my youth,
Those of us that return home, we all have our own personal reasons for making the big decision, and all our circumstances are so completely different from each other when we do return, and for some its an easy transition and for some its really hard,
I have pretty much painted a nice picture of my life in England most of the time, and I do love living here, and I love being able to get to know my Mum all over again, thats the best part really for me,
But ask me do I miss my old life in the U.S.? and I would answer yes sometimes I miss it a lot, for me it was my home for 36 years and it would be completely unreasonable and unnatural for anyone to not miss there home,
England to me is where I want to spend the remaining years I have left on this earth, and it used to be my home when I was a child and when I was young, but coming back is to me trying a new life, not trying to make a new life out of an old life if that makes any sense,
Im an American Citizen and Im proud to say that, strange really isn't it, but for now at least England is where I want to be, and probably Ill be here till I die, but who really knows? so everyone should always remember that nothing is forged in stone, nothing!!!! and no country is perfect, and no people here are better then there, just different thats all, I love Americans, and Im starting to love the English too
but remember this that for those of us who come home there is quite a lot of ajusting to do, especially if your like me who was and still is somewhat deeply buried in the american ways of doing things, and especially too if your used to just speaking your mind like I am, over here I have found that they tend to use a more diplomatic and polite way of getting there point over, we can very easily offend people here by saying the wrong thing, or in the wrong way, they can be a touchy lot, where is in America people rarely get offended over just everyday chit chat, here they can and they do, so one thing Ive found over here is I cant seem to just relax and be me!!! especially around family,I suppose the bottom line is as I see it ----- life is so darn short, when you get older a decade just seems to fly by, I watched a movie on TV the other day and it said it was made in 2002, that was a decade ago, it seems like it was just yesterday when I went to see it at the cinema,
When I think to myself that Im already a 67 year, old age pensioner with a free bus pass
who smokes and drinks moderately, how long could I expect, maybe live till Im 77, thats not a bad age for a man you know, but me thinks WOW hang on a minute thats only 10 more years, and thats if Im lucky, so I guess what Im trying to say is Hmmmmm life is indeed so short, and none of us, not one of us should be unhappy not for even a moment,If your unhappy living where you are then do everything in your power to make it happen and come home and maybe be happy,
But if your already happy where you are then why oh why would you want to change your life, and your life style, for anyone, dont fix it if its not broken,
If you need to get your fix on the UK every now and again, theres always British TV where these days can be accessed anywhere in the world from your computer,
Just saying!!!!
Rodney.
Dont Worry Be Happy
Nov 27th 2012, 3:02 pm
#5300
Ping-ponger
Joined: Jul 2002
Location: Dreich Alba
Posts: 12,006
Re: OVER 50's & 60's Chit-Chat & Daily Catch-Up Thread
ukwinds,
.....
Im an American Citizen and Im proud to say that, strange really isn't it, but for now at least England is where I want to be, and probably Ill be here till I die, but who really knows? so everyone should always remember that nothing is forged in stone, nothing!!!! and no country is perfect, and no people here are better then there, just different thats all, I love Americans, and Im starting to love the English too but remember this that for those of us who come home there is quite a lot of ajusting to do, especially if your like me who was and still is somewhat deeply buried in the american ways of doing things, and especially too if your used to just speaking your mind like I am, over here I have found that they tend to use a more diplomatic and polite way of getting there point over, we can very easily offend people here by saying the wrong thing, or in the wrong way, they can be a touchy lot, where is in America people rarely get offended over just everyday chit chat, here they can and they do, so one thing Ive found over here is I cant seem to just relax and be me!!! especially around family,
.....
.....
Im an American Citizen and Im proud to say that, strange really isn't it, but for now at least England is where I want to be, and probably Ill be here till I die, but who really knows? so everyone should always remember that nothing is forged in stone, nothing!!!! and no country is perfect, and no people here are better then there, just different thats all, I love Americans, and Im starting to love the English too
but remember this that for those of us who come home there is quite a lot of ajusting to do, especially if your like me who was and still is somewhat deeply buried in the american ways of doing things, and especially too if your used to just speaking your mind like I am, over here I have found that they tend to use a more diplomatic and polite way of getting there point over, we can very easily offend people here by saying the wrong thing, or in the wrong way, they can be a touchy lot, where is in America people rarely get offended over just everyday chit chat, here they can and they do, so one thing Ive found over here is I cant seem to just relax and be me!!! especially around family,.....
I was interested in your comment because I more often see the picture painted in the opposite direction - that you can have a "real" conversation with Brits (speaking your mind) whereas conversations in the US are generally more superficial and expressing opinions on subjects like politics and religion are taboo. This is often given by returnees as a motivator for leaving the US or disliking it.
Could you elaborate on your experiences? i'm interested to hear more about this alternative experience. I wouldn't say I have experienced similar challenges but do find it more difficult to engage in conversation with people here sometimes. Maybe it's to do with style (the perception of an "American" way of speaking)?
I know when I first came here UK students would often look at me like I had landed on some spaceship. I have found myself adapting my style of expression and encounter this less these days.
Nov 27th 2012, 3:43 pm
#5301
BE Forum Addict
Joined: Aug 2009
Location: Back home now in my home town in England U.K. after 36 years in U.S. now retired and loving it,
Posts: 3,208
Re: OVER 50's & 60's Chit-Chat & Daily Catch-Up Thread
Rodney, I found your comment on upsetting people by speaking your mind very interesting. Although I'm not a USC, I lived there for a long time and appreciate and miss many aspects of life in the US.
I was interested in your comment because I more often see the picture painted in the opposite direction - that you can have a "real" conversation with Brits (speaking your mind) whereas conversations in the US are generally more superficial and expressing opinions on subjects like politics and religion are taboo. This is often given by returnees as a motivator for leaving the US or disliking it.
Could you elaborate on your experiences? i'm interested to hear more about this alternative experience. I wouldn't say I have experienced similar challenges but do find it more difficult to engage in conversation with people here sometimes. Maybe it's to do with style (the perception of an "American" way of speaking)?
I know when I first came here UK students would often look at me like I had landed on some spaceship. I have found myself adapting my style of expression and encounter this less these days.
I was interested in your comment because I more often see the picture painted in the opposite direction - that you can have a "real" conversation with Brits (speaking your mind) whereas conversations in the US are generally more superficial and expressing opinions on subjects like politics and religion are taboo. This is often given by returnees as a motivator for leaving the US or disliking it.
Could you elaborate on your experiences? i'm interested to hear more about this alternative experience. I wouldn't say I have experienced similar challenges but do find it more difficult to engage in conversation with people here sometimes. Maybe it's to do with style (the perception of an "American" way of speaking)?
I know when I first came here UK students would often look at me like I had landed on some spaceship. I have found myself adapting my style of expression and encounter this less these days.
OK well let me try and give you some more in depth explanations on the way I see English V Americans, notice I say English, not British or Brits, probably Welsh, Scotish, and Irish people are a lot different then the English, in fact I think they are,
And also people from the mid and north part of England are light years from the southerners in the way they live,think and act and speak, I prefer the northerners myself,
I dont like to generalize either about the southern people, everyone is different,
But I have found since Ive been home that people are far less light hearted, less laughing, smiling, I see a lot less sense of humor in the young and old, to me people have become a lot more serious, uptight, stressed,
About America yes your still right about what you say what a lot of returnees say about the Religion and politics, dont go there!!!!
I really dont know really how to put what I feel into words on this subject,
its just a feeling that I have about being here, theres so much that I like about living in England but I dont feel at home yet and I dont feel that welcome yet, maybe its just me but before I became a U.S. citizen, for decades I was an Alien, well thats how I feel here,
Just saying,
maybe I will feel a lot differently in a couple of years ----- and maybe I wont,
Take care,
Rodney.
But I do love the English Ale though,
and the food is FAB!!!!
Nov 27th 2012, 4:27 pm
#5302
Ping-ponger
Joined: Jul 2002
Location: Dreich Alba
Posts: 12,006
Re: OVER 50's & 60's Chit-Chat & Daily Catch-Up Thread
Dunroving, hello Pal,
OK well let me try and give you some more in depth explanations on the way I see English V Americans, notice I say English, not British or Brits, probably Welsh, Scotish, and Irish people are a lot different then the English, in fact I think they are,
And also people from the mid and north part of England are light years from the southerners in the way they live,think and act and speak, I prefer the northerners myself,
I dont like to generalize either about the southern people, everyone is different,
But I have found since Ive been home that people are far less light hearted, less laughing, smiling, I see a lot less sense of humor in the young and old, to me people have become a lot more serious, uptight, stressed,
About America yes your still right about what you say what a lot of returnees say about the Religion and politics, dont go there!!!!
I really dont know really how to put what I feel into words on this subject,
its just a feeling that I have about being here, theres so much that I like about living in England but I dont feel at home yet and I dont feel that welcome yet, maybe its just me but before I became a U.S. citizen, for decades I was an Alien, well thats how I feel here,
Just saying,
maybe I will feel a lot differently in a couple of years ----- and maybe I wont,
Take care,
Rodney.
But I do love the English Ale though, and the food is FAB!!!!
OK well let me try and give you some more in depth explanations on the way I see English V Americans, notice I say English, not British or Brits, probably Welsh, Scotish, and Irish people are a lot different then the English, in fact I think they are,
And also people from the mid and north part of England are light years from the southerners in the way they live,think and act and speak, I prefer the northerners myself,
I dont like to generalize either about the southern people, everyone is different,
But I have found since Ive been home that people are far less light hearted, less laughing, smiling, I see a lot less sense of humor in the young and old, to me people have become a lot more serious, uptight, stressed,
About America yes your still right about what you say what a lot of returnees say about the Religion and politics, dont go there!!!!
I really dont know really how to put what I feel into words on this subject,
its just a feeling that I have about being here, theres so much that I like about living in England but I dont feel at home yet and I dont feel that welcome yet, maybe its just me but before I became a U.S. citizen, for decades I was an Alien, well thats how I feel here,
Just saying,
maybe I will feel a lot differently in a couple of years ----- and maybe I wont,
Take care,
Rodney.
But I do love the English Ale though,
and the food is FAB!!!! Yes, you hear that (southern England is different than the North and Wales/Scotland/NI), but we shouldn't generalize, eh?
I know what you mean about feeling like an alien. When I said that the students looked at me as if I just landed in a spaceship, I didn't think about the alien connection, but it fits.
I don't know what your neighbourhood is like, but some areas definitely show the strain of the current economic situation, or years spent on benefits. When I drove one set of US visitors through Possil in Glasgow (it's on my way to/from work), one of them exclaimed "God, everyone looks so ANGRY!!!"
She was right, everyone was walking around with a face like thunder. I think if I was on the dole, surrounded by people on heroin and other delightful members of UK society, I don't think I would be too open to small talk, either. All in all, the UK can be a great place to live but some places are downright scary. I'm lucky to live in a nicer area, but God, people around here are so difficult to permeate!! Many of them grew up here and so you are still a newcomer until you have been here at least 10 years. 
If my experience since March 2007 is anything to go by, I think you will gradually, imperceptibly settle in and small things in life will make you feel less like ET.
It's harder for some returnees just because of their nature or prior experiences, and for others life is easier, we are all different and I think most people on here appreciate the kinds of insights you give about the challenges that come with the rewards.By the way, I hope you are still keeping track of my post count - remember to give me a reminder when I get close to 8,888 so I can buy that lottery ticket!
Nov 27th 2012, 10:25 pm
#5303
BE Forum Addict
Joined: Aug 2009
Location: Back home now in my home town in England U.K. after 36 years in U.S. now retired and loving it,
Posts: 3,208
Re: OVER 50's & 60's Chit-Chat & Daily Catch-Up Thread
Hey Rodney:
Yes, you hear that (southern England is different than the North and Wales/Scotland/NI), but we shouldn't generalize, eh?
I know what you mean about feeling like an alien. When I said that the students looked at me as if I just landed in a spaceship, I didn't think about the alien connection, but it fits.
I don't know what your neighbourhood is like, but some areas definitely show the strain of the current economic situation, or years spent on benefits. When I drove one set of US visitors through Possil in Glasgow (it's on my way to/from work), one of them exclaimed "God, everyone looks so ANGRY!!!" She was right, everyone was walking around with a face like thunder. I think if I was on the dole, surrounded by people on heroin and other delightful members of UK society, I don't think I would be too open to small talk, either. All in all, the UK can be a great place to live but some places are downright scary. I'm lucky to live in a nicer area, but God, people around here are so difficult to permeate!! Many of them grew up here and so you are still a newcomer until you have been here at least 10 years.
If my experience since March 2007 is anything to go by, I think you will gradually, imperceptibly settle in and small things in life will make you feel less like ET. It's harder for some returnees just because of their nature or prior experiences, and for others life is easier, we are all different and I think most people on here appreciate the kinds of insights you give about the challenges that come with the rewards.
By the way, I hope you are still keeping track of my post count - remember to give me a reminder when I get close to 8,888 so I can buy that lottery ticket!
Yes, you hear that (southern England is different than the North and Wales/Scotland/NI), but we shouldn't generalize, eh?
I know what you mean about feeling like an alien. When I said that the students looked at me as if I just landed in a spaceship, I didn't think about the alien connection, but it fits.
I don't know what your neighbourhood is like, but some areas definitely show the strain of the current economic situation, or years spent on benefits. When I drove one set of US visitors through Possil in Glasgow (it's on my way to/from work), one of them exclaimed "God, everyone looks so ANGRY!!!"
She was right, everyone was walking around with a face like thunder. I think if I was on the dole, surrounded by people on heroin and other delightful members of UK society, I don't think I would be too open to small talk, either. All in all, the UK can be a great place to live but some places are downright scary. I'm lucky to live in a nicer area, but God, people around here are so difficult to permeate!! Many of them grew up here and so you are still a newcomer until you have been here at least 10 years. If my experience since March 2007 is anything to go by, I think you will gradually, imperceptibly settle in and small things in life will make you feel less like ET.
It's harder for some returnees just because of their nature or prior experiences, and for others life is easier, we are all different and I think most people on here appreciate the kinds of insights you give about the challenges that come with the rewards.By the way, I hope you are still keeping track of my post count - remember to give me a reminder when I get close to 8,888 so I can buy that lottery ticket!
I dont notice it so much now, or maybe I just got used to the sad faces all around me, and I do thankfully live in a nice neighborhood, but like most english cities there quite small compared to American ones and you dont have to go very far from where I live say 3 miles tops and you are in the melting pot
Im glad we missed 7,777 post because I dont think that would have been your lucky day to buy a lottery ticket, but when your 8,888 comes around THAT my friend will for sure be the luckiest day of your life ----- because as you know its the darn gone luckiest chinese number ----- and you my friend will have 4 of those babies
so you had better buy a ton of lottery tickets that day, and a couple of the euro £2 tickets too, and if I were you I would go to your nearest bookie shop and place a bet on a horse, and make it a long shot!!!! and make a bet on a football game, and stick a few bob in a fruit machine too ha ha ha Take care Sir,
Rodney.
Nov 28th 2012, 12:13 am
#5304
Banned
Joined: Sep 2010
Posts: 1,830
Re: OVER 50's & 60's Chit-Chat & Daily Catch-Up Thread
ukwinds,
How nice it is of you to say these kind words, thank you, the reason that I still post even after being home for 2 years, is because first I believe in some small way it may help some people somehow that still havent made it back home yet, and secondly it helps me too, being able to put my feelings into words that friends and lurkers alike on here will read, gives me a comfort knowing that I can just talk to people about things in general and for me to air my true feelings while I go through the transition period of being home after living in America for all my youth,
Those of us that return home, we all have our own personal reasons for making the big decision, and all our circumstances are so completely different from each other when we do return, and for some its an easy transition and for some its really hard,
I have pretty much painted a nice picture of my life in England most of the time, and I do love living here, and I love being able to get to know my Mum all over again, thats the best part really for me,
But ask me do I miss my old life in the U.S.? and I would answer yes sometimes I miss it a lot, for me it was my home for 36 years and it would be completely unreasonable and unnatural for anyone to not miss there home,
England to me is where I want to spend the remaining years I have left on this earth, and it used to be my home when I was a child and when I was young, but coming back is to me trying a new life, not trying to make a new life out of an old life if that makes any sense,
Im an American Citizen and Im proud to say that, strange really isn't it, but for now at least England is where I want to be, and probably Ill be here till I die, but who really knows? so everyone should always remember that nothing is forged in stone, nothing!!!! and no country is perfect, and no people here are better then there, just different thats all, I love Americans, and Im starting to love the English too but remember this that for those of us who come home there is quite a lot of ajusting to do, especially if your like me who was and still is somewhat deeply buried in the american ways of doing things, and especially too if your used to just speaking your mind like I am, over here I have found that they tend to use a more diplomatic and polite way of getting there point over, we can very easily offend people here by saying the wrong thing, or in the wrong way, they can be a touchy lot, where is in America people rarely get offended over just everyday chit chat, here they can and they do, so one thing Ive found over here is I cant seem to just relax and be me!!! especially around family,
I suppose the bottom line is as I see it ----- life is so darn short, when you get older a decade just seems to fly by, I watched a movie on TV the other day and it said it was made in 2002, that was a decade ago, it seems like it was just yesterday when I went to see it at the cinema,
When I think to myself that Im already a 67 year, old age pensioner with a free bus pass who smokes and drinks moderately, how long could I expect, maybe live till Im 77, thats not a bad age for a man you know, but me thinks WOW hang on a minute thats only 10 more years, and thats if Im lucky, so I guess what Im trying to say is Hmmmmm life is indeed so short, and none of us, not one of us should be unhappy not for even a moment,
If your unhappy living where you are then do everything in your power to make it happen and come home and maybe be happy,
But if your already happy where you are then why oh why would you want to change your life, and your life style, for anyone, dont fix it if its not broken,
If you need to get your fix on the UK every now and again, theres always British TV where these days can be accessed anywhere in the world from your computer,
Just saying!!!!
Rodney.
Dont Worry Be Happy
How nice it is of you to say these kind words, thank you, the reason that I still post even after being home for 2 years, is because first I believe in some small way it may help some people somehow that still havent made it back home yet, and secondly it helps me too, being able to put my feelings into words that friends and lurkers alike on here will read, gives me a comfort knowing that I can just talk to people about things in general and for me to air my true feelings while I go through the transition period of being home after living in America for all my youth,
Those of us that return home, we all have our own personal reasons for making the big decision, and all our circumstances are so completely different from each other when we do return, and for some its an easy transition and for some its really hard,
I have pretty much painted a nice picture of my life in England most of the time, and I do love living here, and I love being able to get to know my Mum all over again, thats the best part really for me,
But ask me do I miss my old life in the U.S.? and I would answer yes sometimes I miss it a lot, for me it was my home for 36 years and it would be completely unreasonable and unnatural for anyone to not miss there home,
England to me is where I want to spend the remaining years I have left on this earth, and it used to be my home when I was a child and when I was young, but coming back is to me trying a new life, not trying to make a new life out of an old life if that makes any sense,
Im an American Citizen and Im proud to say that, strange really isn't it, but for now at least England is where I want to be, and probably Ill be here till I die, but who really knows? so everyone should always remember that nothing is forged in stone, nothing!!!! and no country is perfect, and no people here are better then there, just different thats all, I love Americans, and Im starting to love the English too
but remember this that for those of us who come home there is quite a lot of ajusting to do, especially if your like me who was and still is somewhat deeply buried in the american ways of doing things, and especially too if your used to just speaking your mind like I am, over here I have found that they tend to use a more diplomatic and polite way of getting there point over, we can very easily offend people here by saying the wrong thing, or in the wrong way, they can be a touchy lot, where is in America people rarely get offended over just everyday chit chat, here they can and they do, so one thing Ive found over here is I cant seem to just relax and be me!!! especially around family,I suppose the bottom line is as I see it ----- life is so darn short, when you get older a decade just seems to fly by, I watched a movie on TV the other day and it said it was made in 2002, that was a decade ago, it seems like it was just yesterday when I went to see it at the cinema,
When I think to myself that Im already a 67 year, old age pensioner with a free bus pass
who smokes and drinks moderately, how long could I expect, maybe live till Im 77, thats not a bad age for a man you know, but me thinks WOW hang on a minute thats only 10 more years, and thats if Im lucky, so I guess what Im trying to say is Hmmmmm life is indeed so short, and none of us, not one of us should be unhappy not for even a moment,If your unhappy living where you are then do everything in your power to make it happen and come home and maybe be happy,
But if your already happy where you are then why oh why would you want to change your life, and your life style, for anyone, dont fix it if its not broken,
If you need to get your fix on the UK every now and again, theres always British TV where these days can be accessed anywhere in the world from your computer,
Just saying!!!!
Rodney.
Dont Worry Be Happy
I agree with you on how important it is to appreciate the things that matter. Happiness is the goal most of us is searching for and it has many forms. I could see myself owning and running a very small American style resturant in a coastal town in the UK. That is one dream that bring a smile to my face.I've seen one American doing that very thing in Brighton and doing so successfully. I have a slew of receipes from my mom that are so amazingly good.Everyone loved her food and I would love to bring that southern style food to the UK.Kinda like a dinner bar with drinks and good music. We will see.
Nov 28th 2012, 9:37 am
#5305
Finally Home!
Joined: Mar 2010
Location: Used to be New York, now North Yorkshire
Posts: 3,610
Re: OVER 50's & 60's Chit-Chat & Daily Catch-Up Thread
But ask me do I miss my old life in the U.S.? and I would answer yes sometimes I miss it a lot, for me it was my home for 36 years and it would be completely unreasonable and unnatural for anyone to not miss there home,
England to me is where I want to spend the remaining years I have left on this earth, and it used to be my home when I was a child and when I was young, but coming back is to me trying a new life, not trying to make a new life out of an old life if that makes any sense,
England to me is where I want to spend the remaining years I have left on this earth, and it used to be my home when I was a child and when I was young, but coming back is to me trying a new life, not trying to make a new life out of an old life if that makes any sense,
But your post makes me realize there's another element that people have to consider and that's how truly at home do you feel in your new country. For me, while I had a productive and, I suppose, successful life in America, it never really felt like my home. I never got into American holidays, never really understood the mentality behind American politics, and never found it easy to make connections with Americans that were anything other than superficial. I wasn't unhappy for most of that time - I'm pretty much a glass half-full person - but I wasn't embedded into the culture in the way I think you were.
When we got back here, I instantly felt at home and that's when it struck me just how much of a transplant I had been for all those years. Now I know exactly how to behave, what to say, how to react. I share the same interests and perspective as the people around me. I find it easy to strike up friendly conversations with strangers. I love that everyone around here is quick to laugh and joke (the opposite of your experience) and I get the humour and can join in easily and without feeling self-conscious. Even little things like being able to say I don't believe in God and not having people look at me like I have 3 heads.
For me England isn't just my past home, it's my home, plain and simple, and it just feels right to be here.
I think those who are planning on coming back need to examine their current lives and really be honest about how much they have fitted in where they are. Do you love July 4th and Thanksgiving? Do you have big family celebrations on those days? Have you built a network of friends and neighbors whose company you enjoy? Do you feel proud to say you're a citizen of America/Canada/Australia/whatever? Do you feel patriotic about your adopted country? If any of those things are true, it may be harder than you think to leave.
That doesn't mean it's the wrong decision - Rodney had great reasons for coming back - but it does mean you'll have to adjust a lot more than people like me who paint a rosy picture. That rosy picture is true for me, but it may not be true for you.
Last edited by sallysimmons; Nov 28th 2012 at 9:40 am.
Nov 28th 2012, 10:03 am
#5306
BE Forum Addict
Joined: Jan 2011
Location: A Proud Height, Northumberland UK
Posts: 1,163
Re: OVER 50's & 60's Chit-Chat & Daily Catch-Up Thread
This is very interesting Rodney. I've always thought that success fitting back in had to do with having friends and family waiting, along with the financial means to manage while finding a job etc.
But your post makes me realize there's another element that people have to consider and that's how truly at home do you feel in your new country. For me, while I had a productive and, I suppose, successful life in America, it never really felt like my home. I never got into American holidays, never really understood the mentality behind American politics, and never found it easy to make connections with Americans that were anything other than superficial. I wasn't unhappy for most of that time - I'm pretty much a glass half-full person - but I wasn't embedded into the culture in the way I think you were.
When we got back here, I instantly felt at home and that's when it struck me just how much of a transplant I had been for all those years. Now I know exactly how to behave, what to say, how to react. I share the same interests and perspective as the people around me. I find it easy to strike up friendly conversations with strangers. I love that everyone around here is quick to laugh and joke (the opposite of your experience) and I get the humour and can join in easily and without feeling self-conscious. Even little things like being able to say I don't believe in God and not having people look at me like I have 3 heads.
For me England isn't just my past home, it's my home, plain and simple, and it just feels right to be here.
I think those who are planning on coming back need to examine their current lives and really be honest about how much they have fitted in where they are. Do you love July 4th and Thanksgiving? Do you have big family celebrations on those days? Have you built a network of friends and neighbors whose company you enjoy? Do you feel proud to say you're a citizen of America/Canada/Australia/whatever? Do you feel patriotic about your adopted country? If any of those things are true, it may be harder than you think to leave.
That doesn't mean it's the wrong decision - Rodney had great reasons for coming back - but it does mean you'll have to adjust a lot more than people like me who paint a rosy picture. That rosy picture is true for me, but it may not be true for you.
But your post makes me realize there's another element that people have to consider and that's how truly at home do you feel in your new country. For me, while I had a productive and, I suppose, successful life in America, it never really felt like my home. I never got into American holidays, never really understood the mentality behind American politics, and never found it easy to make connections with Americans that were anything other than superficial. I wasn't unhappy for most of that time - I'm pretty much a glass half-full person - but I wasn't embedded into the culture in the way I think you were.
When we got back here, I instantly felt at home and that's when it struck me just how much of a transplant I had been for all those years. Now I know exactly how to behave, what to say, how to react. I share the same interests and perspective as the people around me. I find it easy to strike up friendly conversations with strangers. I love that everyone around here is quick to laugh and joke (the opposite of your experience) and I get the humour and can join in easily and without feeling self-conscious. Even little things like being able to say I don't believe in God and not having people look at me like I have 3 heads.
For me England isn't just my past home, it's my home, plain and simple, and it just feels right to be here.
I think those who are planning on coming back need to examine their current lives and really be honest about how much they have fitted in where they are. Do you love July 4th and Thanksgiving? Do you have big family celebrations on those days? Have you built a network of friends and neighbors whose company you enjoy? Do you feel proud to say you're a citizen of America/Canada/Australia/whatever? Do you feel patriotic about your adopted country? If any of those things are true, it may be harder than you think to leave.
That doesn't mean it's the wrong decision - Rodney had great reasons for coming back - but it does mean you'll have to adjust a lot more than people like me who paint a rosy picture. That rosy picture is true for me, but it may not be true for you.
Nov 28th 2012, 11:00 am
#5307
Just hanging around
Joined: May 2008
Location: Back in England
Posts: 1,447
Re: OVER 50's & 60's Chit-Chat & Daily Catch-Up Thread
I wonder if you're talking about understatement, Rodney? A lot of English speak is indirect, but fully understood.
"We've a bit of a problem here," means, "We're in deep shit."
"Not a bad piece of work," means, "You're brilliant, mate!"
I know I've confused North Americans sometimes with things like that.
Is that what you mean?
Bev
"We've a bit of a problem here," means, "We're in deep shit."
"Not a bad piece of work," means, "You're brilliant, mate!"
I know I've confused North Americans sometimes with things like that.
Is that what you mean?
Bev
Nov 28th 2012, 12:20 pm
#5308
BE Forum Addict
Joined: Sep 2009
Posts: 1,197
Re: OVER 50's & 60's Chit-Chat & Daily Catch-Up Thread
I think it's very honest of Rodney--and helpful to us on here--to admit that, while he has no regrets, and is thrilled to be with his Mum, it isn't all 100% easy.
I think Sallysimmons and curleytops both have some good points about ease of adjustment. How much do you feel at home in your adopted country?
Mine was the US. Re holidays, I've always liked Thanksgiving as it's family- (and food- !) oriented and not commercial, plus it is always good to give thanks for one's blessings; but I don't feel the visceral attachment that Americans who grew up with it understandably have. July 4th means nothing to me at all except an opportunity for gentle teasing along the lines of "Who wanted the colonies, anyway? We're better off without you lot." !!
I really settled into my little town in the USA and even got fascinated by the local history, flung myself into many activities,and to know many people. Made some good friends too. But all along, never really felt it was "home" in the deepest sense. Now when I go back to visit it does feel like a homecoming in a sort of way--lived there for over 20 years after all!!--but still not my true home.
Re citizenship, those who've been on this thread a long time will know that I've never become a citizen, although I know it's a good idea as my adult children are US citizens and still in the US, because I simply can't bring myself to say the oath. In the US oath (unlike the Canadian one Curley took) you vow to relinquish all allegiance to your original country. They don't enforce this--don't take away passport or anything--but it feels to me (I'm not judging anyone who has done it) I would be dishonest to swear to this, as I have no intention of relinquishing that allegiance; on the contrary,hope to spend more time in Britain than US in the future. (But my green card is still OK, so far, as I have a house in US still, make sure to go back twice a year, am still married to a US citizen etc. If it all becomes impossible, you may see me eat my words, as my adult children are there. I hope not.) Anyway, where Rodney feels proud to be a US citizen, I don't want to become one at all!
Bev is right, there's that famous British understatement, and lots of Americans are bewildered by it.
Like sally, I've found that it's easy to speak to strangers, there's a lovely banter that goes on in shop queues and with shopkeepers-- just a lot of little jokes and humour all the time that I missed in US.
I know that there are dreadful parts in UK, as mentioned by dunrovin and rodney, and realise I'm so fortunate that I don't have to live in one of them when I go back.
As (like Sally) a glass-half-full sort of person, I made the best of life in the USA and enjoyed a great deal about it, but the whole time I wasn't truly at home. Every time I went back to UK for a visit--and as I've said before, it's very helpful if you can do this, so you feel less alien when you go back to live there--I felt that was where I was meant to be...
Tina
I think Sallysimmons and curleytops both have some good points about ease of adjustment. How much do you feel at home in your adopted country?
Mine was the US. Re holidays, I've always liked Thanksgiving as it's family- (and food- !) oriented and not commercial, plus it is always good to give thanks for one's blessings; but I don't feel the visceral attachment that Americans who grew up with it understandably have. July 4th means nothing to me at all except an opportunity for gentle teasing along the lines of "Who wanted the colonies, anyway? We're better off without you lot." !!
I really settled into my little town in the USA and even got fascinated by the local history, flung myself into many activities,and to know many people. Made some good friends too. But all along, never really felt it was "home" in the deepest sense. Now when I go back to visit it does feel like a homecoming in a sort of way--lived there for over 20 years after all!!--but still not my true home.
Re citizenship, those who've been on this thread a long time will know that I've never become a citizen, although I know it's a good idea as my adult children are US citizens and still in the US, because I simply can't bring myself to say the oath. In the US oath (unlike the Canadian one Curley took) you vow to relinquish all allegiance to your original country. They don't enforce this--don't take away passport or anything--but it feels to me (I'm not judging anyone who has done it) I would be dishonest to swear to this, as I have no intention of relinquishing that allegiance; on the contrary,hope to spend more time in Britain than US in the future. (But my green card is still OK, so far, as I have a house in US still, make sure to go back twice a year, am still married to a US citizen etc. If it all becomes impossible, you may see me eat my words, as my adult children are there. I hope not.) Anyway, where Rodney feels proud to be a US citizen, I don't want to become one at all!
Bev is right, there's that famous British understatement, and lots of Americans are bewildered by it.
Like sally, I've found that it's easy to speak to strangers, there's a lovely banter that goes on in shop queues and with shopkeepers-- just a lot of little jokes and humour all the time that I missed in US.
I know that there are dreadful parts in UK, as mentioned by dunrovin and rodney, and realise I'm so fortunate that I don't have to live in one of them when I go back.
As (like Sally) a glass-half-full sort of person, I made the best of life in the USA and enjoyed a great deal about it, but the whole time I wasn't truly at home. Every time I went back to UK for a visit--and as I've said before, it's very helpful if you can do this, so you feel less alien when you go back to live there--I felt that was where I was meant to be...
Tina
Nov 29th 2012, 1:35 am
#5309
BE Forum Addict
Joined: Jun 2008
Posts: 1,610
Re: OVER 50's & 60's Chit-Chat & Daily Catch-Up Thread
Hello Everyone I am finally back nice to see you keeping things going Rodney you always were very special and like I said many time we need people like you who have returned to tell us how you really are doing.
I am fine its been a very hard year and I am back to square one again with regards to going home. I read what people said about being part of another country and taking up its celebrations and becoming part of that country. I look back and think that I was never truly steeped in the traditions of this country I celebrated the holidays because I had children and wanted them to feel a part of it. But to me Christmas Boxing Day and New Years Eve have always been my big celebrations.
I have really over the past year taken the time to think about my life and try and understand what it all meant. Most of it was spent taking care of my husband and children. Sad to say for 30 years in the US I dont have one good friend. I have no idea why that happened. I was in my middle thirties when we arrived and never seem to make that special friend. I still have my friends back in the UK they have dwindled over the years but I have those very few dear ones.
I am not sure what I will miss about my life here if I get the chance I will let you know next year.
I do know that from listening to some dear people who have been a part of this forum for many years those who made the easiest transition when going home were those who had family and more important money. Money seems to been the biggest stumbling block for many who have returned. I think for those thinking about going home make sure you have enough in the bank to be able to return to the country you came from especially if you have no one to fall back on in the UK. It can become very lonely sometimes worse than staying were you are. Like Rodney says think carefully about it.
Plus as I have learned with a very painful lesson dont keep putting it off if you are going to take the plunge do it dont wait. Plan well and then go for it. The older you get the harder it gets. When I was younger I didnt have to think about how far would it be to walk but as you get older your knee's give out or your hands are not able to carry bags, all small things but they mean alot.
My friend in the UK just broke her wrist and she said the hardest thing for her is not being able to drive and not being able to get on a bus she is stuck and dependent on others. She lives in a village but with no shops so she is thinking of moving to an area where she will at least have some shops close by and not have to catch a bus.
I am fine its been a very hard year and I am back to square one again with regards to going home. I read what people said about being part of another country and taking up its celebrations and becoming part of that country. I look back and think that I was never truly steeped in the traditions of this country I celebrated the holidays because I had children and wanted them to feel a part of it. But to me Christmas Boxing Day and New Years Eve have always been my big celebrations.
I have really over the past year taken the time to think about my life and try and understand what it all meant. Most of it was spent taking care of my husband and children. Sad to say for 30 years in the US I dont have one good friend. I have no idea why that happened. I was in my middle thirties when we arrived and never seem to make that special friend. I still have my friends back in the UK they have dwindled over the years but I have those very few dear ones.
I am not sure what I will miss about my life here if I get the chance I will let you know next year.
I do know that from listening to some dear people who have been a part of this forum for many years those who made the easiest transition when going home were those who had family and more important money. Money seems to been the biggest stumbling block for many who have returned. I think for those thinking about going home make sure you have enough in the bank to be able to return to the country you came from especially if you have no one to fall back on in the UK. It can become very lonely sometimes worse than staying were you are. Like Rodney says think carefully about it.
Plus as I have learned with a very painful lesson dont keep putting it off if you are going to take the plunge do it dont wait. Plan well and then go for it. The older you get the harder it gets. When I was younger I didnt have to think about how far would it be to walk but as you get older your knee's give out or your hands are not able to carry bags, all small things but they mean alot.
My friend in the UK just broke her wrist and she said the hardest thing for her is not being able to drive and not being able to get on a bus she is stuck and dependent on others. She lives in a village but with no shops so she is thinking of moving to an area where she will at least have some shops close by and not have to catch a bus.
Nov 29th 2012, 5:15 am
#5310
Banned
Joined: Sep 2010
Posts: 1,830
Re: OVER 50's & 60's Chit-Chat & Daily Catch-Up Thread
Rodney
To be honest when responding to your previous post I was a little leery about discussing whether or not you felt more at home in America than the UK. Didn't want to upset the apple cart and all that, especially not knowing how others might perceive it, me being an American on here posting.But since others have "gone there" , it's obvious that you were very successfull in fully assimilating into the American culture. Not everyone is able to do this as well as you have. Essentially, you are as American as anyone because it became a part of you and ingrained.British born and comfortable living in the UK no doubt, with all the many cultures and traditions,but I think in many ways because you did live so many years in America it suited you well. I've seen this to be true for several Americans that moved to France or Germany and over a number of years they assimilated and in time felt more at home there than back in America.
It's understandle really because you probably had some great times in the States.This might sound funny but have you ever tried to reach out to the American expat community in the area where you live? Might be something worth looking in to in order to strike up a new buddy or two.A neighbor of mine who is from Brighton tells me all the time that he enjoyed much of his time growing up in the Uk but he has been in the States for so long that he feels far more American than British.And he has told me that allthough he misses his parents, he would not feel at home in the UK any more. He loves his life here. Rodney, would you ever consider visiting the States for a holiday? Any in case you gave several people much to think about and that is allways a good thing.
I wonder how would I feel living in the UK after spending just about all my life in the States.There is a natural honeymoon period when everything is new and different but at some point the reality of "living" there begins and being in the right area or the idea city can make the difference between loving the place and maybe assimilating best or just liking the place but not quite feeling at home yet. I think some of this I must think about as my plans move forward.
To be honest when responding to your previous post I was a little leery about discussing whether or not you felt more at home in America than the UK. Didn't want to upset the apple cart and all that, especially not knowing how others might perceive it, me being an American on here posting.But since others have "gone there" , it's obvious that you were very successfull in fully assimilating into the American culture. Not everyone is able to do this as well as you have. Essentially, you are as American as anyone because it became a part of you and ingrained.British born and comfortable living in the UK no doubt, with all the many cultures and traditions,but I think in many ways because you did live so many years in America it suited you well. I've seen this to be true for several Americans that moved to France or Germany and over a number of years they assimilated and in time felt more at home there than back in America.
It's understandle really because you probably had some great times in the States.This might sound funny but have you ever tried to reach out to the American expat community in the area where you live? Might be something worth looking in to in order to strike up a new buddy or two.A neighbor of mine who is from Brighton tells me all the time that he enjoyed much of his time growing up in the Uk but he has been in the States for so long that he feels far more American than British.And he has told me that allthough he misses his parents, he would not feel at home in the UK any more. He loves his life here. Rodney, would you ever consider visiting the States for a holiday? Any in case you gave several people much to think about and that is allways a good thing.
I wonder how would I feel living in the UK after spending just about all my life in the States.There is a natural honeymoon period when everything is new and different but at some point the reality of "living" there begins and being in the right area or the idea city can make the difference between loving the place and maybe assimilating best or just liking the place but not quite feeling at home yet. I think some of this I must think about as my plans move forward.