ladylisa

Julius asked the question. Ours are merely opinions as is yours. I would hope she makes a decision irrespective of anyone here and is based on her family's needs

scrawni

When we moved to Australia we left behind our 17 year old daughter. She came out and validated her visa, stayed for 6 weeks and then went back home to the uk to live with her grandparents.

Now, at times we all found the seperation very very hard. She had problems with college that she didn't tell us about and I often had calls early morning with her sounding very miserable. Yet, she didn't want to live in Oz (one more year at college left and a boyfriend) with us. Our son missed his sister terribly.

Before leaving, we talked and talked about her staying behind and we felt it was the best thing for us all. Now we have been back in the uk for about 6 weeks and we all feel that it was wrong to have split the family up the way we did. Don't underestimate the strength of feeling you will have when you leave him behind.

I don't think there is any right or wrong answer here. I'm sure you son will be ok at his grandparent and maybe he just want to feel 'settled' after all the moving around. However, if you do decide to go back then letting him finish his education would be the way to go I think.

It has taught us a valuable lesson where family is concerned. Good luck with what you decide but I feel you should make a decision and stick to it for all your sakes

Mandy

julius smith

hi, iaink, matey! thanks to you and also everyone else who has posted so far! we were running out of ideas, so thats the reason why i thought we may as well put it to the vote, too. sorry, iaink, if i'm driving you lot nuts, but imagine how we feel!! we are in absolute limboland at the mo, going back n forth from one idea to another--quite funny really, in a very not-so-funny situation, if you see what i mean! one of the problems my kid had was that he was mistakenly placed in a top level class for his year in canada, due to the mistaken belief over there that education standards are far superior in the uk than canada. so that resulted in my kid being taught university level theory, when in essence he had only left year 9 of secondary school in the uk!! of, course, he felt he was a thicko, as 90% of what the teacher was saying just went above his head! i tried to get him moved to a lower, normal standard class, but apparently he felt that would be like being put with below-normal kids!! so obviously, when we came back to the uk, he fitted straight in as normal--no pressure, no nothing, easy-peasy life! just to show you, altho he will be in GCSE from september this year, in the time we have been back here, thats around 12 weeks, i have only seen him doing homework around 5 or 6 times!! and the rest of the school kids say that is normal here......! the other thing is, he is a quiet lad, and not very social, so he probably had trouble making friends in canada, as he never went around to his mate's houses nor did anyone come round to meet him. then there is the spectre of first doing a batchelors degree for 3 yrs, then being taken on at medical school for another 5 years, making a total of 8 yrs, whereas here in the uk he says he can do his A levels and get straight into med school and be out qualified in 5 yrs (plus 1 yr for the A levels of course). phew! basically, thats all it boils down to! as for listening to the kids, iaink, well, i dont know--how would you feel if we forced him to accompany us, then he just completely went wild over there, out of control, as revenge for forcing him? we would have lost control of a dear son! as i say, nothing is writ in stone yet--we are still postulating (sounds like a dirt word, heehee!), and the more replies we get plus the more votes we get on the poll, will sort of help ua to amke our judgements, remembering of course to keep whats important to our family intact!

stepnek

I don't think that's very likely, is it? Isn't he doing what we all do from time to time? Just kicking a few ideas around and trying to make sense of it all. Life is never black and white.

iaink

Has he considered the relative pay and working conditions for junior doctors on both sides of the pond. Junior Doctors in the UK work looooooong hours for relatively low pay, so its possible that student debts might be paid off faster in Canada? Dont really know, but something else to consider. Also I'm pretty sure its easier for Canadian doctors to practice in the US without retraining than for UK ones...something else perhaps to consider for the future.

Good Luck mate, I dont envy you. Do whats best for you and let the rest take care of itself.

Englishmum

You will probably find that if your son does a medical course in the UK - he will have no tuition fees. The NHS pays them directly to the university.

My daughter has however, taken out the loans to pay for her transportation, food and clothes etc. from the "Student Loans Company", but we pay for her accommodation fees.

If your son looks at the college prospectuses and looks at the individual course information pages there is normally a statement about the NHS covering the tuition fees.

Here are some links:

http://www.nhscareers.nhs.uk/home.html

http://www.nhscareers.nhs.uk/nhs-kno...data/5344.html

http://www.slc.co.uk/index.html

On the other hand, options may be limited with a UK qualification for your son to work overseas (although I do know that they are recognised from certain British universities to practise in Singapore....not sure about Down Under but I understand probably not in Canada). My Scottish friend who moved to Boston, MA when her husband was posted there is a qualified dentist, but to work in the US meant that she would have had to go on a requalification course...at a cost of US $100,000 :scared:

They decided to move back to Scotland....she works part time in a dental practice and loves it there...

Becs

I think you should let your son stay. I did entirely too much moving around (attended 9 schools in all), and it has taken its toll on me. I think the best option would be for you all the remain in the UK, as a family, and for you and your wife to ship out once the kids have finished school.

Best of luck.

-Becs

iaink

Did you try writing everything you like / dislike about the UK and Canada on a piece of paper, and then deciding how many of the dislikes you can erradicate by choosing carefuly where to live in either place? Add it all up and fugure out which is the better choice right now

My recollection from previous posts was that you were unhappy with the way schooling was going in canada (not suprising if he was in the wrong class and the bus thing was not happening). Obviously with hindsite that can be fixed. Mississagua is a soulless place, but that can be fixed by living almost anywhere else. Chavs etc seem to be in the UK to stay, although I guess if you chose carefully you can minimise the impact. What else sucked about canada? I guess it comes down to "five why" theory. You're a QE, you should be able to do some root cause analysis, APQP for emmigration decisions!

flashman

How about three columns.


Column 1 is a list of your family's requirements

Column 2 is UK score in meeting each of those requirements

Column 3 is Canada's score

Tiaribbon

I think you will find that Julius does not do what anyone on here wants him to do. LOL!! We all tried to tell him that it was just culture shock and for him to hang around in Canada until it subsided and then make a decision.......Julius decided to return to England regardless.

Julius, I voted for you to go back to Canada with your wife and your child who wants to return. Leave your son with his grandparents - they will look after him - and who knows, after he has been with them for a while he may ask to move back over to Canada to be with you!!!!

I can sort of understand why he may not want to go back right now, wasn't it because of him that you all returned to UK anyway??? He was the miserable one and from what I gleaned, this rubbed off on the rest of your family.

Jeez it really isn't the end of the world for him to stay with his grandparents - better than boarding school and it's not like you are just dumping him with anyone! These people are his flesh and blood.

This one time Julius - do what YOU want to do!!! Your children will leave you high and dry in a couple of years time......it is time for you and your wife to live YOUR life.

woodsey

Whatever you do, you must do it all together, you're a family and should stay that way.
My daughter has been having a terrible time in the states and we almost crumbled and let her go back to live with grandparents but we are persevering, its not easy or pretty sometimes but thats family life for ya!
Grandparents have done their bit, they raised you and shouldn't have to raise your kids, they may be eager now but teenage boys, as you know, can be tough, what would you do if it doesn't work out with him there and you are thousands of miles away? Will you come back or will you just be delaying the agony for him by making him move out to be with you at a later date?
I have family who lived in Saudi & UAE for years, they moved back very reluctantly because they want their three kids to go to Uni in England, they hate it but are willing to make that sacrifice for their kids, I on the other hand am making my daughter stay here, knowing she is unhappy. Which is worse? I don't know, someone has to be unhappy unfortunately, but at least they are and we are together, they are doing what they think is best, I'm doing what I think is best, you must too. Good luck with whatever you decide.

Eskimo

Jules, we posted a similar thread on here about our teenage nightmare a few months back. What you get is a great feeling that you are not alone in dealing with this issue (in fact compared to some of the posts I believe we have a little angel !) what you wont get is an answer. If we had gone with the majority our kid would be in the UK now.

I think the crux of your issue is I dont think you're sure were you want to be and you have shown that indecisiveness to your kids. We know as a couple we want to be in the USA and although its sometimes tough we have never backed down to our daughter. She has been told straight this is where we are staying and I honestly think given more time she will get used to it. She just needs to make a bit more effort with the friends shes made and stop dreaming of chav life in the UK !

I really disagree with other posters on here - you cant just leave your kid you have to be solid as a family either in the Canada or , if you really think he wont go back or will cause you trouble, the UK - sorry be tough but I think you lost all bargining power when you came back !

Best of luck either way

SANDRAPAUL

Yes I recall reading all those threads.

But I even then commented that it is a husband and wife thing. Children do leave home.....I hope!

But now is the time to be strong. If I displayed all of my worries openly my children would not be confident. They look to a parent to be a rock and make all the right decisions and stick to them. If a parent waivers you would expect a child to and they then get nervous. We are the rocks that children sail away from but know they can always come back and find safe haven with. I have made many mistakes and whilst our children know about them they realise that whatever happens I will try and put a roof over them and feed them. Much more I cannot promise - but we will keep trying.

I am open about my thoughts about the move and why I believe it could work. But we have made no promises except to support them.

To return to Canada and not be sure to all around could cause yet more pain. Convince your children why it is a good thing in the long run by writing down the facts as you see them. Let them read these on their own and give them time to ponder. I would expect you to know the list as surely this is waht you based your original move on.

P

Eskimo

great post - Karma sent

julius smith

great stuff! thanks everyone! keep your views rolling in--we are examining every single comment and stacking it up against what we think as a family. please carry on at least till the end of the poll--i will then let you know how much you have all helped us and what we are going to do!!