PoppetUK

Ok. So only time will tell I am sure.

We've been Western Australia for a little over 2 years. I am so pleased that we made the move and experienced it but I'm thinking I don't want to stay long term.

A few thoughts at the front of my mind right now:
cultural differences, school differences, missing the support of friends and family.

I am a bit teary today. I am not sure if it is the baby blues or the realisation that I don't want to be here and coming to terms with making another big decision. That feels overwhelming. Actually the thought of selling the house is what is overwhelming. Having 3 small children is hard enough! If we were in rental I know that I would find less stressed about making a decision.

I'm probably going to sit tight for a bit with this but just don't like the feeling. Just writing this is helping. Baby steps will be week by week getting the house in order. It will take however long it takes etc.

Thanks for listening.

DadAgain

Any chance of keeping the house, renting it out while you head home? It might make it easier knowing there's an 'out' if you get home and remember why you left!

I've done a bit of rough arithmetic and worked out that we could *just* manage to:
1) Extend our Australian mortgage a little to raise capital
2) Rent our place out (+ve geared)
3) Put money raised above as a deposit on UK home
4) Live in UK paying big mortgage...

But it'd all be dependent on me being able to find a job paying 'x' thousand a year. (and interest rates not increasing too much relative to rental incomes etc etc...)

It'd be a huge risk - but if it all came good we'd have a sweet investment property here in Brisbane whilst not being too much more out of pocket living in UK...

cricket1again

With 3 children, you have no control over the freedom to go out and earn a living or recoup any losses if you make a shortfall in returning to the UK so what you need is a little bit of planning.
Dadagain has some good thoughts so perhaps I could add to them.

You obviously aren't settled or happy. That's OK, Australia isn't for everyone so it's fine to validate your current feelings. They are real and they matter to you so you are not wrong to feel how you do.

But you do have to be practical so make a plan to return to the UK for the future. Wait till the housing market has stabilised in Australia, which it will very soon but not just yet. I think Oz has a bumpy ride for another few months on the back of what's happened in the UK.
Once things have picked up here, you could rent your house out as an investment, (there is a shortage of houses nationally), then go back to the UK in around 12 months or so. By this time, things should have stabilised on the job front and money markets should be stabilising too.

Because you have young children, if you are in a stable situation just now, try and stick it out a bit longer. Wait for the dust to settle then there;s no pressure on you financially. When you have mouths to feed, unfortunately your wings are clipped for a while so you need a lot of planning and a few safety nets in place first.

Not like me and my husband. Our kids are older so we can throw ourselves at anything and if we run out of money, we can always go and do a shift at Mc Donalds. Not so easy when you're compromised with young children.

Chin up, you'll be OK.

irish_eyes

Hey there, id say its baby blues..... If you are in a position to go home for a holiday i would do it, you will soon remember why you left. If you dont then its time for you to head back home. A holiday would be a lot less stressful than an actual move.

When your head is clear decision making will be easy for you. So take time with this.

Its very hard excepting the cultural differences and the whole way of life is so different. When you have kids its even harder cause your thinking of them and how they will adjust. Never base you decision on friends and family - They could up and leave tomorrow and you need to be in the best place for your family. Have you joined mother groups and toddler groups? Friends can turn into the family your choose for yourself! Best of luck whatever happens.

ukintexas

Hi there, I'm in US but starting the decision/madness/petrifying process of looking at a return to the UK. I started to feel homesick properly (having always a felt it at fleeting moments) in October of last year. So, I sat it out and did all the right things with regard to applying logic, pros and cons, waiting for it to pass etc but it didn't work.

As per your suggestion to the OP above, I then took a holiday home for a week - on my own, without hubby and kids, so that I could really get my thoughts together. It really didn't make it any better, or give me as much black and white information as I had hoped. I had such a lovely time that it made me yearn for there more, but I also appreciate it was a little bit of a false situation because I wasn't working, and everyone was so pleased to see me.

If there are Baby Blues involved, then they are very powerful, so some list making is probably in order.

Funky Monkey

You get it off your chest .

I feel just like you in that I don't feel I want to be here forever (also in WA). One of the hardest things is having someone to talk to. I find if you love the place then great because a lot of others do, but if you don't it can be hard.

People always have an opinion and if for example you say you miss family others will often say "so do I but you have to get on with it", well no you don't. We are all different and one thing is for sure one size does not fit all. I am feeling better after 10 months and it is still early days but in my heart I just don't think I will be here forever because I miss my family too much.

How does your oh feel about it all and are the kid's settled? It is a tough one because I feel it is a family issue more than a personal one, by that I mean as individuals we may want to go back but what about the rest of the family.
Have you generally been O.K in the 2 years with odd bouts of being homesick or has it been that "aching" in the heart type feeling, if its the latter after 2 years I think you know what you would like to do.

as someone said maybe going back will help but not always. A lot of people I have spoke to here in Perth have said a visit back was the best thing they did as they knew where they wanted to be after that either way.

Hope you feel better soon.

TraceyW

You know what? I read threads like this and my heart bleeds for you it really does, because I remember only too well those awful feelings of complete and utter torment

I spent years trying to settle, talking myself into settling, making out 'pro's and con's' lists, talking to people on here, arguing with my darling hubby 'til we were all reasoned out...none of it did a lot of good really if I'm honest. In the end I just had to go with what my gut instinct told me to do, and that was to go home. And I'm soooooooo glad I listened to that good old gut instinct I really am. For the first time in years I feel I am totally where I need to be. yes there are days when the sky is grey, the rain is falling, the leccy and gas bills have just come in or my Mother is driving me up the wall and I do have fleeting moments of 'What the bloody hell did I come back for?' but those moments are very short lived. I just have to look at the bigger picture: my kids have their grandparents back whom they adore and have re-built that solid relationship with, I am more at peace within myself (now that's saying something!), we live in a glorious area with moorlands, woods and countryside in abundance on our doorstep....oh, just so much to be thankful for, you get the drift!

Us women are very complex creatures (ask any bloke) but most of us know, deep down in our hearts, what makes us happy. We know what we need to make us feel complete somehow, call it whatever you will...gut instinct, intuition, I dunno...we just know don't we? I knew Perth would never be where I belonged, truely belonged. I always knew I'd somehow left half of my heart back home in the UK. That's where my roots were. That's where my family and everything that had made me me were. It's where I felt whole somehow. Perth could never compete really, not with ties that strong still holding me and pulling me back to the UK. I just couldn't continue living a half life in Perth, so I chose to come home and be complete again.

My advice to you homesick guys, for what it's worth, is to not put too much pressure on yourselves in trying to reach a decision: it will happen, somehow one day the fog will lift and it will all become quite clear as to what you have to do and you will get on with doing it. Whether that's staying and making a good life for yourselves, or whether it's returning home and re-creating a good life back here. And believe me, there is a good life to be had back here so don't listen to all the doom and gloom merchants who, for whatever reason, decided to upstick to live in Oz and take great pleasure in justifying their moving decision by constantly slagging off their homeland

Anyway, keep your peckers up and remember England is still here, it's not going anywhere, so you don't have to decide today the rest of your life!

take care xxx

quoll

Tracey, brilliant post!

Poppet, I think you are probably experiencing those hormonal baby swings which exacerbate any normal mood swinging and it is quite possible that you have PND - many women do and it would be wise to get it checked out because there are things that you can do about it.

OTOH what you may be experiencing is the lack of inhibition, the reduction in the control that you normally have over your emotions and the real feelings are bubbling to the surface at a time when you probably dont need them to because this is such a difficult time for you. Having a baby a world away from your natural support network is bloody hard work (proudly wearing the t-shirt for that one)

At the moment you have time on your side in order to make decisions about where you want to spend the rest of your life - and dont discount that, the decisions you make must take into account the fact that as time goes on your options become more restricted and if in your heart of hearts you arent 100% happy in Australia then please make decisions which will see you being the happiest you can be. Dont let yourself get lulled into the easy option and then find yourself facing a long old age in a place where you dont belong - that way true depression lies. As long as life is still an adventure and you have all your options open you should be just fine. Make active decisions along the way and look after yourself! If you are a list kind of girl then go ahead and make the pros and cons lists but, like Tracey said - listen to your gut, that's the best indicator you are going to get.
{{{hugs}}}

irish_eyes

Hiya, the reason I suggested this holiday was because I too was having the same feelings - but not due to a new baby - I went home (sold house and left jobs, schools etc) and regretted it almost immediately. My story is a very long one but the same kind of things that all you guys state (i'm addicted to this site by the way) If I have any advise tho it would be to go with your gut instincts as someone else just states. Very sound advise on this site. I'm sure one day we will all be happy - well heres hoping anyways!