Genie3

Hi all, I'm after some advice please. We have lived in NZ for just over 7 years now and with elderly unwell parents in the UK feel we have to return. My total worry is over my daughter who is doing her NCEA level 1 this year and is finally feeling proud of doing well at school and socially after a turbulent 3 years with me and her Dad separating. She is a great girl and no problems at all but I am so worried about how she may adapt to the UK system and succeed in it. Is there a chance she will be able to actually do her GCSE's or is she too late thru the course work etc to do anything??. She would just be finishing year 10 in July in the UK.
Thank you in advance, it all rests on her being able to have a future from her schooling, I don't want her thinking she will fail before she has a chance

Genie.

petrichor

I've copypasted my reply from another thread:

I doubt any school would place a student in the middle of a two-year GCSE programme. Catching up on a whole year's work would be next to impossible, and some subjects have coursework deadlines that would have been missed (though GCSEs are now moving back towards final year exams).

If you have any choice in the matter, it would be better to move before GCSEs or before A levels. Usually children have to be resident for 3 years before they will be counted as home students and eligible for student loans at university.

You might consider online IGCSEs. A friend's daughter has recently started an internet course where she's in a virtual classroom with other students from around the world, all studying for IGCSEs.

http://britishexpats.com/forum/showt...8#post11247728

Sally Redux

That's a lot of changes for her to deal with. Any chance of hanging on there for a bit?

NiHao

Genie3,

I'm sorry I don't have any personal experience to share with you, hopefully someone who has will post.

That said, I would email some of the schools in the UK that you are interested in and ask them what they might be able to do to ease the transition for your daughter and how they think it would be best to handle it.

Perhaps it might be possible for your daughter to be placed back a year? Not ideal for lots of reasons of course but the schools would be best positioned to advise.

Maybe she could catch up via Open University courses or home study/tuition?

If you were able to afford the fees you might find a private school for the first year much more accommodating? I think they often put children in for a few subjects a year early and then do the rest the next year so they aren't studying for 9+ exam subjects at the same time. In other words they might be able to be more flexible and perhaps she could just focus on a smaller number of GCSE's to make it more managable and then join a state school or college for 6th form.

Maybe it could be approached the other way and she could do home schooling, home study, Internet study to finish her NZ education whilst in the UK and then enter UK 6th form later?

I'm thinking that the teachers both in the UK and in NZ are going to be your best source of information and suggestion. I would ask as many different teachers/schools as you can because just as with anything else some will be more helpful than others, some will have experience of this some won't, some will be inclined to think outside the box and be flexible while some will be rigid. The more input you can get the better chance of you finding what might work.

My children are younger so its not as much of a worry as it is for you and your daughter but interestingly I have found that the schools that are near airforce/army bases in the UK are quite experienced in dealing with children starting mid year etc. so if you happen to have flexibility on where you relocate to you might want to check with some schools near military bases.

Spacecake799

Hi Genie,
When we moved back from NZ after 6 years we approached the school and asked if our son could go back a year. It is totally up to the school to allow that.
We wanted him to go back a year as the teaching is so different in the two countries. We definitely don't regret moving him back.
Good Luck

Genie3

Thanks for the replies. I did email the local college and the reply I got was unhelpful to the point of rude. I am kinda in a stuck situation with the whole going back, my parents have said they will pay but only if it's a permanent move, I have moments when I want that and then I have the guilts over my daughter. I have told them I don't want my children growing up there but they just don't understand and think I'm just being selfish and that my daughter needs to just get on with it back in the UK, my sister is putting huge pressure on me and it's all so hard right now. I know she won't go back a year as she is in contact with many friends still and that would make it even harder for her to be behind them. Would going back with her NCEA level 1 equate to anything in the UK if I waited until December?

JAJ

Your first responsibilities are to your own (dependent) children, and then yourself and your spouse (if any). These should come way ahead of your parents, sister, adult children etc.

Sally Redux

Hmm I don't like the sound of this. It sounds like parents are putting a lot of pressure on you. Is it for you to give them day-to-day care? Might be worth looking into other alternatives for them to receive care.
I agree.

NiHao

You sound very confused about what you want to do. Or more to the point you sound like you do not want to move but are being horribly pressured by your sister and parents.

It seems like you are being emotionally black mailed to return to look after your elderly parents? That is almost bound to end up in resentment and hurt for everyone and you will have disrupted your daughter's life along with your own. It sounds like it has all the potential for disaster.

If you don't want your daughter to grow up in the UK then moving her back when she is 15 does not sound like a good idea. How will she move back and when and to what? What is the plan for her to return to NZ and you not?

Of course she is only a few years away from being old enough to do what she wants so she may not want to move back to NZ but then again maybe she doesn't want to move to the UK now?

It sounds like your sister and your parents are incredibly selfish and self centered. Tell them to move over to NZ if they are so keen to be near you

Honestly, if the only reason you would be going back is to nurse your parents then I think you would be making a big mistake. You say they will pay for you to move if its permanent, honestly what kind of parents put that sort of pressure on an adult child and they show no concern for their grand daughter's well being. HUGE warning flags going up!

What does your daughter think about all this, at 15 its going to be incredibly miserable for you and her unless she actually really wants to go.

p.s
If you did decide to continue to pursue moving back then with regard to the college I really don't think you can email one college and then be defeated by whatever it is they replied. If you feel they were rude make a complaint. Were they rude or were they just not telling you what you want to hear? Either way that is only one college, you need to spread the net a lot wider than one college.

Spacecake799

Hi,
There would be no point waiting until your daughter had finished NCEA level 1 as that does not even register as being equal to GCSE.
Hope that helps

bourbon-biscuit

Put your daughter first. She has already been through emigration and parental separation. So, whatever that means, focus on meeting her needs above everyone else's. Best of luck.

Genie3

Some days it seems an easy decision and then others it isn't. The larger picture is that I am in a relationship that isn't very healthy and I am now unable to see any future in it despite my best efforts to hang in there. (6 in a 3bed house causes untold additional tension too) Many a time my daughter has said she wants to leave, but now she is adamant that leaving will screw her life up even more. I think my family see that because things aren't all rosey anymore it is the chance to get us to move back. I have days when I can see us happy eventually in our own place in the UK and life works and then days when I see misery because she is unhappy. The stress is building, I am out of work and have zero money coming in and zero funds to my name. I have no chance of being able to move elsewhere here and so I am feeling sometimes like I have no choice. I have had a very helpful message from another local college offering a plan to enable her to achieve good grades which was very positive to me at least, she refused to read it

Spacecake799

I just wanted to wish you luck again with what you decide. When we talked to our daughter about the UK she said she couldn't remember things, refused to talk about it etc. She didn't want to go and knew we would stay for her.
Fast forward 3 years we were still there our money was running out and we still wanted to leave and she still refused to discuss it.
Sadly we left her there, but first we spent the last of our savings on a holiday for her and her bf to the UK just to catch up with relatives etc.
She returned to NZ but thankfully for us it had the desired effect and she often talks about when they are going to move here.
Its so difficult when your children are that age but she will adapt and she will be fine. Once you've made the move.

brits1

Hi its awful when people pull at you from all directions, you feel like you just don't get a look in at your own life. If your both happy in NZ then stay that's the first thing, the next is to get out of a bad relationship, its not good for you (by the sounds of it) and that will have an effect on your daughter, don't stay just because you have not anywhere else to live at the moment, can you not find a small rental (if money is the problem) or stay with some friends to give you breathing space so you can think? My extended family are important to me but not in such a way that it would effect my own children, myself and my husband. Please take time to think what is best for you and your daughter, don't panic and make decisions that you might be forced into. All the best to you and take care

upandrunning

Hi
I have a 15 year old too and we have used the NZ Correspondance school, http://www.tekura.school.nz/ It is the State run school for kids that can't get into school or have parents that travel. At the age of 16 it is free until then you pay(however you can say you are travelling to Uk temporarily for a year and then it will be free) but your daughter could carry on with finishing her NCEA level 1 online from the Uk and once she has finished at end of year 11 she can go on to 6th form or college in UK.
We have used Te Kura when in the UK and getting kids into school was a PITA. We were there in 2010 for 7 months. I highly recommend it. Have a look at the website. Socially she might be a bit isolated in UK so she could maybe get a Saturday job to make friends? Swapping to GCSE will be really hard after NZ school as secondary school in UK gears up to the GCSE's, she will have areas in her learning that are missing in Science subjects and History and Geography. Maths and English will be ok though.
Good luck!